Back From Ontario

And we absolutley loved it. I a however still on Ont time so to me it is 1:44am. I am so tired.
I just wanted to give an update,
Keenan is walking all over the place. Still like a wobbly sailor but so cute and so mobile. He can disapear really quick, one moment he is here the next gone.
Most memorible thing that happened in Ontario.
We went on a 2hr boat ride to a place called Parry Sound and had lunch. Getting there was great, no real waves, smooth ride all the way there.
The way back, however, is a total different story.
Bounce, bounce, bow-bounce, bounce. The waves we hard and frequent. Keenan had missed his nap and the violent bouncing of the boat scared him. So what did he do (remeber he couldn't nurse because of the lifejacket)
He slept. The whole way.
I have no idea how a kid who does not nap anywhere but in his bed could sleep while bouncing like that. No rythm, irratic, hard bouncing. And he sleeps the whole way.
Unbelievable.
I am happy to be home though. Ahhh.

Going on Vaycay!!

As most of you know I am on my way to sunny old Ontario for the remainder of the summer. So no, you can't get a hold of me.
A whole 20days without the internet, how will I ever survive? As you can see it is now 11pm and my flight is in 6hours and I am not sleeping yet. Why? Because I am addicted to the net and I need to be in constant contact with everyone. No really, Im just tieing up loose ends.
An email here a counter there.
I am going to miss my hubby like crazy. And it's no fun that I will be with his whole family without him for 10days. I can't wait until we can be at the cottage together.
This will be the first and only time I ever go without him again.
Too stressfull.
So don't email me, and comments won't be posted. It's like I will have stepped into a black abyss.
But the jet boat will be fun!!
Vroom, vroom!!

The 100th Post!!

http://ikea.shoplocal.com/ikea/default.aspx?action=browsepageflash
&pretailerid=-98652&siteid=713&promotioncode=IKEA-060723&page
number=1&storeid=2499966

I was so excited to see the family bed normalized in Ikea's new catelogue. Go to the link above and click on page 205. How cool is that? Although I do realize that these children are older than toddlers and infants, the fact is that they are sleeping *with* their parents. What else eould you expect from a european company?

We are so backwards here in North America.

Speaking of which, no idea what to say about these, below

http://www.pregnancystore.com/zaky.htm

At first my gut reaction was "EWW" "GROSS" and "The next level of detachment parenting, maybe some of my friends could use these."
And then I saw that they are marketed for preemies. I am all up for anything helping little preemies along. But what about Kangaroo care? (When the parent/baby has skin to skin contact) The website says when baby's are unable to be touched. When would they be unable to be touched?
I think that if Keenan was in the NICU and was fading fast and they said that if I rouched him he may die, and he may die anyway, I think I would tell them to "go where the sun don't shine" and hold my baby boy.
I may be wrong, but I think that real touch is the most important thing for healing.

Check out the link and form your own opinion. If they are for babies who can't be touched, why can a peice of cloth still touch them? Isn't that "touching"?

Breastfeeding

I am starting to notice the stares. The "everyone is watching you feeling." Now that Keenan is over a year, the general consensus is that I should wean him. That he is too old to nurse, that it's just disgusting. I get it from a lot of people, close to my heart and those who are not.
The funny thing is that children are not weaned from the breast in 3rd world countries until they are closer to their 5th birthdays. Gross you may say. But normal to them. Most children do wean themselves from the breast earlier than that, around two, when they are too busy to come to mama for a snuggle and a nurse.
I was like that once; I naively believed that baby's are the only ones who should nurse, and that once they reached a certain age, walking, talking, and actively going for the breast, that it was in fact too long for them to be nursing in the first place.
And then, my views changed. I had a son. He is part of me and nursing is bonding for us. I had so many issues with nursing in the beginning. Hours of spilt tears and why can't I's, it looks so easy's, and I'm a failure's. But I persevered. I gave him supplements, I pumped, I took medications and herbal remedies that caused fevers, I did everything that it took in order to nurse with my son.
His latch was wrong. I didn't know, lack of understanding and education is what led me down that road. I had childbirth classes and my mother had breastfed every one of her children, but I thought, "How hard can it be?" and ignored everything I was being taught.
My nipples bled, nursing felt worse than labour. They told me, a little pain is normal. I just thought I was a wuss. When I finally found out it was a bad latch Keenan was 6 weeks old and my supply was in jeopardy. So we did everything possible to try and fix it and continue with nursing.
By 6 months he was on solids, and nursing slowed down. With all the pressure lifted, I gained a healthy supply. And I have a boy who loves to nurse. Not for nourishment per se, but for comfort and for compassion and for love.
I don't write this to say to the bottle feeders of the world that what they are doing is wrong, or that they aren’t as bonded, or don't love their children as much as I do mine. On the contrary, I have been there. I have given him formula, I cried so hard, afraid that he would never nurse again, and the overwhelming sense of failure. The people around me kept saying that it was no big deal, that he would thrive and that we would bond in other ways. And that is all true, but all I wanted was to nurse.
Now, because I have overcome all my nursing struggles and we have a healthy and happy nursing relationship, I feel angry when people pressure me to wean or to feel as if I am doing something wrong.
Don't look at me if it grosses you out. Don't look at me if you think he is too old. Don't look at me if you think I should cover myself up. But, most of all; Keep your comments to yourself.
I have worked too hard and too long to have someone make my son feel as though what he is doing is wrong.
He loves his mama, and his mama loves him and this is how we communicate our love for one another. It is how we check in at the beginning and end of the day. It is how we relax before a nap and after a bath.
It is a sacrifice and a gift that I give to my son everyday. Because I am his mom.

Check out the link below to see other mama's participating in this gift.
http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/photos/breastfeeding/index.html?

The Cat is Out of the Bag...

My cousin is pregnant! Her sister told my brother so that means that it doesn't have to be a secret anymore! I am so excited. When she told me I went on and on about midwives and why they are so much better than doctors, breastfeeding info, birthing info and on and on. I must have kept her on the phone for over an hour!
My family doesn't want me to jump the gun, they want me to relax and leave her alone. Which I am honestly trying to do. It's just that I am so excited. I also feel so passionately about birth and babies. And of course I think my way is the best way. Not that I would try and force her to be an attachment parent, I would just let her know that there are alternatives out there.
So much information. I just wish that someone had let me know about all this when Keenan was little, not that I didn't have a lot of info, but I would have like to have a Tummy Tub and a good sling. (I do still love the bjorn)
I wish I had read parenting books and gone to a couple Le Leche Leugue meeting before I had Keenan so I could have been more confident when I had my Breastfeeding issues and I could have fixed them sooner head on.
It is because of all my experiances that I want my cousin to be prepared and it takes more than 9mos to do it. That is why I talked her ear off and why I will continue to harass her all throughout her pregnancy.

A Product for Every Stage

http://www.walkingwings.com/
I was browsing the net as I do when I am procrastinating and I came upon the above site. These are a walking aid for your child. Instead of holding thier little hands and walking with them, you strap this contraption on and hold the "reins". Now, I don't want to say that this is a horrible invention, because I have not used it, but I will say, Are we that lazy as a society that we no longer stoop down to our child level to help them learn to walk? What is so hard about holding thier hands?
This is yet another peice of equipment that seperates us from our children.
I like to hold my sons hands while he teeters this way and that. It's fun, it's bonding time. I just think that more and more parents can't be bothered with holding on to thier children, car seats used as carring devices, strollers (the stroller is nesissary sometimes), bumbo seats, bouncy chairs, excersaucers, jolly jumpers, etc. etc.
Now I am not saying that you can't own any of these things to be a good parent, because I own quite a few of them, I am just saying use them in moderation and for goodness sakes "pick your child up once in a while!!"

Too Funny

My Hubby wants to get his motorcycle liscence. Which is fine, if it didn't cost $400. We just are not in the finacial wherewithall to blow money like that on a hobby he would only do for 3 months of the year. Or here in Calgary, maybe 2.
He said that he wanted to get his liscence with his partner at work and this guy Paul. I said no. He whined. I said no some more. Then I asked him if Paul and his partner had any kids to support, no. Did they have a wife to support, partner no, Paul yes. I then went on to tell my hubby that he partner and Paul probably are in a complete other income bracket than us and that they can afford to buy lessons and motorcycles and that one day soon we may be able to as well.
He agreeed that his partner and Paul were in different income brackets and yes they did have extra money lying around.
It then occured to me to ask who was this guy Paul he was talking about going with. He replied my partners brother-in-law.
I laughed so hard. This so called brother in law is Paul Brandt!!!
http://www.paulbrandt.com/
A top selling, multi platinum country recording artist, with like 3 houses! He is friends with Shania Twain for gosh sake! Different income bracket indeed.
So funny.

Boring Children?!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?
in_article_id=397672&in_page_id=1879&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=FEMAIL&ct=5

The above article just pissed me off.
One excerpt :
"Many of my friends — fortysomething, university-educated
professionals who swore that they would be normal parents — make it a
policy now that 'our kids go where we go'. They drag their
three-year-olds to dinner parties where the youngsters end up in front
of a video all night. (I have seen children having tantrums in front
of guests, and rather than send the children to their rooms, the
parents send their guests home.)"

I HATE women who have to have a checklist in thier lives. First
Graduate Highschool, check. College, check. Husband, Check. Career,
Check. House, Check. Children, well I can wait on that. And then when
they get the urge to "check" that off they are well into thier late
30's mid 40's and don't want to sacrifice anything for thier children.
I am NOT saying that if you are an older mom you automatically fall
into this category. I am just saying that most of the nonAP's moms I
have met are like this.

Second excerpt:
"And yet many women have spent years studying and then working so that
we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood. I
consider spending up to 30 hours a week sitting behind the wheel of a
4x4, dropping children off at play centres or school, to be a
less-than-satisfactory reward for all those years of sweat."

I take SUCH offense to this. All I wanted to do with my life was to
have children and to stay at home with them. I don't think that any
other job is as imporant than that. I find having children for me is a
calling. And yes, I can get bored, but you can get bored doing
anything. But I don't take that boredom out on Keenan. And I sure as
H-E-double hockey stick don't think that saying at home is menial.
Someone should take this poor kids away from her. Selfish you-know-what.

I agree that life needs to be balanced and that you have to do what
works for you and your family. But I also dont think that children are
accessories and to be ignored until the parents feel the need to
engage them. She justifies her actions by saying how independant and
creative her kids are, and that is fine, anything to make her feel
better, BUT when these kids are older and are messed up with thier
personal relationships and psychological well being, they have no one
to thank for that except thier mother. And when they put her in a home
to Rot, she won't beable to say"why dont my kids ever visit or take
care of me?" Because being with you is BORING and menial mom!"

The Lake

We went to the lake today with a friend who happens to live half a block away. It was fun, although I did get sunburned. I really need to buy some better sunscreen and a good hat. I just haven't been able to get around to doing that yet.
There were quite a few moms there and maybe 16 kids? Keenan had a blast although he wasn't so sure of what to do with the water. It kind of frightened him when it came up on the rocks. He liked to play in the sand and got it everywhere. Kind of gives me an idea of what I am in for in the future.
My sunshade is awsome! So glad that I bought it, I didn't really get to use it very much as I was constantly chasing after Keenan. Just wait until he walks!
On another note, my grandpa is home, no complications as of yet. So we will keep our fingers crossed. He should be fine.

Grandpa

My grandfather is in the hospital right now, he just got his kidney removed. A couple weeks ago he went in, in a lot of pain, and they found a lump on his kidney. I haven't really been telling alot of people because I don't really like to think that my grandparents are getting older. But they are. I am really lucky as the are still around and I am in my mid 20's. A couple of months ago (Nov) Chris' grandmother died after having a subderal hematoma (stroke), it just showed us that she was the first but definately not the last.
I am going in to the hospital tomorrow. I hate going, so unfriendly and sterile. But I have to go and show my grandfather that I love him and that I am there to support him and my grandmother. I just don't want to go. At all.
But I will.

Temper Temper

I have to admit it. I lost my cool with Keenan today.
It was one of those days when I am overtired (and my mind is on other
things ie)my grandpa in the hospital) and Keenan is more active than
usual, so today I am redirecting, then redirecting, then redirecting.
He broke a couple of things today, a corningware bowl and ramikin, and
I was calm and didnt make a fuss, just redirected him again. He is
over exploritory and trying to walk so he kept falling down and
hurting himself, I would pick him up soothe him and place him down again.
By 9pm, I was alittle tired of running after him all day, (and I am
not complaining, it is normal for a 14month old to explore) then we
started to nurse down...and the biting started. I think it was because
he was so overstimulated from the day. I took him off said no biting
in a serious calm voice and he laughed, repeated 2 times. Then I said
"ouch! that hurts mommy" repeated 3 times, then I pushed his head into
the breast while he was biting...this only made him bite harder. Then
I lost my cool. I took him of the breast, said "NO biting! No more
boobie" and placed him firmly on the ground. He was so shocked that he
started crying. (of course, I have never talked to him like that
before, and the fact that he was placed on the floor away from me).
I immidiately felt bad and tried to comfort him and apologize, and
that took a good 10mins (shows how much i hurt his feelings).
Then he nursed down and went to sleep.
I have never felt so bad, this innocent little boy crying because his mommy lost her temper.

Passing Judgement

I went to playgroup today, and I have to say that I didn't feel as welcomed as I had previously. I think today was one of those days when the more extreme "AP-ers" we there. The ones who don't even own a stroller and see the world as intrinsicly bad and need to be sheltered from anything considered "normal".
Don't get me wrong, I love attachment parenting, I just think that sometimes people grab onto a label and then everyone who doesn't exactly fit that label is not "in the group." I find it funny because alot of people say that they are AP and then when thier kids are older it all goes out the window, so maybe they shouldn't pass judgement so so qickly.
Where does this come from? Today I was explaining to a couple moms that Keenan had gone to the dentist, and that she had suggested to put his head inbetween my knees (When I am sitting) and have his legs over my thighs when I am brushing his teeth. So I can get a better view. And then I casually said "and when they get older you can sit on thier arms." And one of the women was shocked, she said "I would NEVER sit on my child" and I felt so put in my place and that now I wasn't as AP as her. Ridiculous! I didn't mean to sit on your child, but let me ask you, when this womans daughter doesnt want to brush her teeth or when she doesnt want medicine and she is throwing a fit and using her flailing arms to stop her mom from comming near her, what is the mom gonna do. You can bet she will sit on her arms.
Attachment parenting is child led parenting, but it is still parenting. And as a parent we have to do what is best for that child, and sometimes it means sitting on thier arms.

Passions, Days and General Hospital

My best friend really peeved me off the other day. We met up with her the other day and she was belly-aching about how hard she has to work, and how her company expects too much from her. Which is true, they do.
She then told Chris and I that "I would love to be a housewife like Alisha so I could stay at home all day and watch soaps."
I immidately said "You have no idea."
I understand that yes, while my son is having a nap, I do get sometime to myself. But I don't sit around all day and watch TV or eat BonBons. I clean, I do homework, I cook, and most of all I entertain a 14month old.
I am not mad at this friend for thinking this, she is the youngest in her family and she has no kids so she really doesn't have any idea. It just irritated me because she said it and Chris thought that it was funny that my bestfriend agrees with him (some of the time).
I think that I was mostly annoyed because she is a woman and I would expect her to have my back, as I would have hers.
We are just really different when it comes to parenting styles. The only good thing I can say is that I have a long memory! So when she calls me sleep deprived at 11am and asks me a parenting question I can say to her, "Why are you even having this problem, arn't you just watching your soaps all day?? Taking care of kids is EASY!"

Non-AP

I went to the McKenzie Towne playgroup today which is an offshoot of the AP group that I belong to. We had quite a good showing. 6 moms and 10 kids. It was in the Village of Prestwick where there is this big water fountain.
Another mom, who wasn't in the group came over and started talking to us. Which was great because it is always nice to network. We kept talking to eachother about AP and how great it is, and our personal experiences, and the new mom finally asked "What is AP?" We answered, cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing etc, and I said "following your child's cues." She then replied that she had breastfed her daughter for a really long time, and we asked how long, and she replied 1.5yrs. (Keenan is 1.3yrs). She also said that her daughter had self weaned and that she really didn't want to nurse anymore.
Right after she told us this (justifying why she wasnt extended breastfeeding) I started to nurse Keenan. Her 2 year old daughter came up to her and started asking for a nurse, she got so demanding that the mom felt uncomfortable and had to leave. So much for self weaning.
I just find it funny how non-AP parents feel like they have to make excuses for the way they parent. Like I care how you parent your child. It's you that has to deal with it.

Guilt is a mom's right!

Last week I posted about how great Keenan was when being looked after by another caregiver all day. I was so proud of myself and my parenting.
NOW, today is day 9 of Keenan being watched by my mom all day from 6am-6pm. And he is not adjusting well (an understatement). Keenan is usually a very "well behaved", "sensitive", "empathetic", "easygoing", "happy" little boy. These last couple of days however, he has been "angry", "agressive", having meltdowns and biting me (not while nursing).

What happened to my little boy? Is this just because there has been so much change? Is this his way of expessing his anger of not having me around? I only had to work/school for this one week and then I am back at home full time. Is it too late? How do I get my boy back? I
feel so guilty.
The only positive outcome of this experience is that Chris has seen the emotional change in Keenan and is concerned and not happy, and he has sauid that he liked it better when I was at home taking care of him, so now he doesnt want me to work full time out of the home. :)
A little victory on my part, but not worth the emotional upheaval for Keenan.

PS. Am I reading this right(acting out because of me not being
there)? or is this "normal" for a 14month to act this way??

Shantala

I have started taking the Shantala massage instuctor trainer course. I really enjoy it. It helps me to learn how touch can really be benificial for a baby's development, but I already knew that from school...this just re-iterates that fact.
It has been a rough week for Keenan though. Since Chris is at school my mom is watching Keenan everyday, because this is also the week that I said that I would cover for my old boss (pre Keenan). So I am either at work or school, everyday for 2 weeks. It's okay because my mom parents like I do and I trust her completely with my boy.
He does however have a nasty cough, but the doctor said that it is just viral. I think it is because I am not able to nurse as frequently as we would like as I am not there to nurse him. We still nurse when I get home and twice before bed, he did stop sleeping through the night to start getting his daily fill of nursies. Which is tiring when you are busy all day and just want to veg. But I am not complaining because I love that Keenan still nurses and I will not refuse him. Don't offer don't refuse.
My Shantala course is done this Sat so I will be studying for the final on the 23rd. It never ends with me, something is always on the go.

Happy Parenting

I just wanted to let you all know how pleased I am with myself this week.
Sometimes I question my parenting, while AP looks so good on paper and
the parenting books say that it is the best and your child will be
this that and this; Keenan is only one so it is hard to see that far
into the future. The things I question myself about are extended
breastfeeding, cosleeping and not vaxing > which is neither here nor
there. But these are also the things that people question me and tell
me thier own opinions and judge me harshly for.
Now for the reason for this post. As some of you know, I have been
pressured (for lack of a better word) to bring some income into my
household, so I decided to offer my services to my old boss if
she needed any reief work. She did so I agreed to go in for 1week and
a half full time.
I was afraid and worried about the effects on Keenan. Would he stop
nursing? Would he be mad at me? Would he de-attach from me?
My mom is the one who is watching him all week and she is very pro-AP
so I was satisfied with that.
The day that I was most worried about was Wed 5th. I worked all day,
so Keenan was with my mom and we had Phantom tickets that night, so my
friend (also pro-AP) watched him. He was asleep when we dropped him
off at my moms and asleep when we brought him home, we only
reconnected for a long nurse for 30mins and we had to leave for the show.
I was so worried, that he would be a nightmare for my friend, as his
world was flipped upside down and he hadn't really seen his parents
all day, so we rushed home right after the play.
As I walked in the door, I listened for screaming, and heard none.
Keenan was fast asleep. My friend said that he laughed himself to sleep.
That is why AP works. That is why I cosleep and nurse to sleep.
Because it helps to create a little boy who will laugh himself to
sleep because he is confident and independant and knows that mommy and
daddy love him and would never leave him or neglect him in any way. He
is securely attached.
Like I said before, I sometimes question if I am doing it right, and
on wednesday night I got my answer.

Crazy Week

This was definatly a crazy week! I had my final exam for a psychology course that I was taking and so I allowed my inlaws and my husband to walk in my shoes for a couple days. It was hard to let go but I think it all worked out great. I had tonnes of studying accomplished and keenan get bonding time with people other than me. This gets him ready for the week from hell when I have to go back to work for a week so that we dont starve! (jk)

But really it will be good to get paid for doing something, even if that something is as menial as answering phones and listening to old people complain about the gov't.

On another note, we bought an air conditioner...best purchase ever. But now when we have people over they will have to hang out in our bedroom.

A Fathers Nightmare

Too funny. And relevant to boot!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today? "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

What Goes Around...

Hopefully comes around!
I went to a talk on vaccinations last night and stupidly left my wallet in the car. (Chris took said car to school). I wanted to buy him a nice dinner and a card and such but only had enough money for a movie and a card. So I went to Blockbuster and they charged me 1.88 late charge so I was short money for the card. I went to the dollar store and asked this nice old lady to give me a dollar, I explianed to her that I had no cash and that it would be really helpful. Did she help me out? NO! She bitched me out for begging. It was only a dollar! I wasnt asking for a kidney! She made me feel so bad that I profusly apologized and left that part of the store. Then a mom who had overheard me asked if I needed more than a dollar and gave me a loonie. I was so moved that I started crying, telling her that it meant so much.
What I don't understand is how the old hag was so nasty. Do I look like a bum? I was in McKenzie Towne dollar store with my one year old, Yea that's right scamming old people out of 4 quarters!!!

An Experienced Perspective

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is "Beware of Baby Trainers", another is "Belief in Your Baby's Cries - Read and Respond to Your Baby's Cues". These are the two tenets that I should have trusted and listened to during the first month(s) of Keenan's life.
"Beware of Baby Trainers" means that alot of people will try and tell you the "best" way to take care of your baby. While everyone understands how overwhelmed a new mother can be, they sometimes don't understand the detrimental effects all of thier comments make on the new relationship between mother and infant. As a new mom it is sometimes hard to assert yourself and tell your close friends or family members to step off and let you parent the way that you see fit. If I could go back that is the one thing I would do, let everyone know that I was happy with my desicions and that if they wanted to parent a child that they should go and have thier own.
"Belief in Your Baby's Cries" means that only you know what your baby is trying to tell you when they have no other way to communicate other than crying. Keenan was a sucky baby. He liked to be held and I loved to hold him. If anything I wish that I had held and breastfed him more than I actually did. We live in a society where we are told to put the baby on a schedule of 3 hour feeding intervals and if they cry in between then they are manipulating you, this is so wrong. Some baby's like Keenan love to nurse. Not just for nutrition but for bonding and comfort.
So as I look back, of course it was "normal". It was normal for Keenan. He needed (and still does) to be close to me. If that means nursing on demand, co-sleeping and babywearing until he is secure enough to stop, then that is what I will do.
The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. If you feel that your baby is crying alot and you think that it is food related, get support. I did end up having nursing issues and it was because of the Le Leche Leauge and this online support group that our nursing issues were resolved. Talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling and that you need support from him and not advice. And lastly, when I posted this one of the responses was that of course it is normal for a one month old baby to cry all the time, because he is only one month old.

Older and Dumber?

I am super stupid. I went out for a girls night for my birthday last night and drank way too much! I now have a hangover on my 25th birthday. So much for older and wiser. What do I do now? How can I get rid of it? Stupid. I am a mom for gods sake. So irresponsible. I am so mad at myself. Stupid.

New Phone Service

After calling Lindsay and waking Neko up for the 10th time, I started
wishing for a phone service that would remedy this problem.
Picture it, your just about to put your baby/child down for a nap, you
go to the phone and dial *88(or something like that). When someone
calls you they get a message that says "I am sorry but the person you
are calling is unavailable at the moment, please call back later; if
this is an emergency please dial 1 and you will be connected." And
then if they really need to get a hold of you they still can, but most
people will just call back. Plus if you just pressed the number on one
phone it would work for all phones so you dont have to worry about
turning ringers down or off on all your different phones.
Of course this is just a pipe dream.
I would probably forget to turn it on and then off, when the babe woke
up!!!

Surviving Motherhood on TLC - Thumbs Down

I don't know why I am suprised. I just watch a couple episodes of the
new TLC show called surving motherhood. The premise is good, 5 moms
sit down and talk about the issues they are facing with thier
children. Each day a new mom and her story are featured and an expert
pipes in about what she can do to fix the situation. Of course she
gets advice from the other mothers as well.
Both of the episodes that I watched had mothers on there that I like
to say had children as an accessory and now the child is not "fitting
in" to what type of lifestyle the mother wants and that is the big
"problem" that is featured in the show.
Show one > Terrible Twos.
Baby girl is trying to learn independance and autonomy, and mother is
distressed because she isn't listening to her. The advice she got/ and
decided to use (from another mother) just pinch her under her jacket
so she knows you mean business.
Show two > Separation Anxiety
7 month old baby girl likes to be held. Mom wants some alone time and
wants to know how to put her down. This one had okay advice, although,
my advice would be to hold her or put her in a wrap for a little while
and maybe she would feel more secure and not want to be held all the
time. (JMO)
Mainstream televison is not AP friendly. Still I have no idea why I
was suprised.

Roseola and Balloons

So we went to the doctor and it turns out that Keenan had Roseola. Think of it as baby measels. The good news is that it looks worse than it really is. He has a rash all over his little body. Looks gross. But it is clearing up now so I can finally breathe easier. I was so relieved when the doctor said that you can't immunize against it. (because Keenan hasnt been immunized yet) I am planning on immunizations just not for a while, like when he is two. They say that is when the immunozations have the least amount of an effect on the immune system and the brain. (Negitive effects) I have quite a few friends whose kids arnt immunized. I dont really want to immunize, but I am so scared that he will catch something nasty and have the doctor tell me it's my fault or preventable. But I am afaid that something will happen to him if I do, at the same time. These are such big decisions because they will affect him his whole life. I wish I could go into the future and ask him what he wants.

New word, Bah-oons, sooo cute. He is so smart, and no i am not the least bit biased. He got a whole bunch of ballooons for his birthday party. And so many toys. I was hoping he would get clothes so i bought him toys too. Now we could open up a small toy store. But I am really grateful that people came. I love hosting partys. I crave social interaction. I get so bored sometimes just with Keenan. Dont get me wrong I love staying at home with him, sometimes I just wish someone would talk to me. I go to the park hoping some other mom will be there too, and that almost never happens. Hopefully in the summer. I wish I had a car!

Poor Sick Baby

My poor baby is sick. He has had a temperature of 38 - 40.3 degrees since Friday night. I have been medicating him with tylenol every 4 hrs, as instructed by my husband. He is so tired today, he has slept the whole day away. It was really hard to take care of him all by myself as Chris was working the whole weekend. I wish that he wasn't because he knows more about sick kids than I do with all his training. I trust his judgement more than mine. But we survived and that is the good part.

Happy Birthday Keenan!!!

My little baby turned one yesterday! I can't believe that he is growing up so fast! We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was fun, Keenan enjoyed it. We had cake (brownie) and Keenan had pasta bugs. He got some of his presents, books and stuffies and a truck to ride on. He seemed to enjoy them, but he does like the packaging better! I have beein feeling nostalgic for his little baby manurisms but feeling so happy that he is becomming a independant child.

The biggest lesson that I learned after having Keenan is to trust my gut instinct because it is almost always right!! I also learned to be more patient and to take things as they come one step at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff!

We are having everyone over for a birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) so Chris and I have been frantically cleaning and organizing. Our house is really starting to feel like home!

Internet Addictive?

Keenan just fell asleep. He hadn't had a nap all day. We went shopping so I was sure that he would fall asleep once I got him in the car. Nope. Just now he chooses to fall asleep. I am not mad that he is sleeping, it is just that I hopw that he is down for the night. I hope this isnt a nap and then he wakes up in an hour and wants to stay up til some ungodly hour. As he is sleeping I could be doing so much, cleaning the downstairs, doing the dishes, doing laundry, folding his clothes that are at the moment in his crib. I have a party on Saturday with 26 people comming. I have a lot to do! I could also be reading the last chapter of my textbook as my class is done june 30. But what am I doing instead? Writing in my Blog. And who reads this anyway??? Why do I feel compelled to write here? Addicted I tell you!!!

3 Days to Go!!

Keenan's birthday is in 3 days and I am so excited. I have so much to do and so much to buy!!! Better not spend too much money!

Teeth and Words

Keenan said his first word. Ready for it?? B-O-O-K!!!! Chris says that it doesnt count because he points to everything and says Book! According to my psychological research (school) babies have one word or an outlook on the world, a schema and then organize everything into that schema until they learn to differentiate. So he is right on track. Of course, because he is my son and perfect. (I am a mom I am allowed to say these things). It is so obvious that he would say the word Book as I am constantly reading to him. The only other word I would have expected is Boobie. But thankgoodness it was Book.

Another developmental milestone happened yesterday, his top right tooth popped out. I knew it was coming as he has been a little crabby as of late. So now right on time for the pictures at his first birthday he will have 3 little teeth smiling at us!!

One Week and the Zoo

I can't believe it is only one week until my baby boy is no longer a baby and becomes one year old! I have so much to plan for his birthday. Where to get the cake, where to get the platters, how much food to have, what drinks to serve and the most important one, WHAT am I going to buy Keenan??? I want to get him something special and memorable, but mom and other people say that he won't remember so I should save the memorable stuff for when he is older. Well I still have a couple days to decide. I will probably end up getting the cake from Lakeview because they do dairy free. And my MIL said she would purchase the decorations. And I will probably buy the platters from Costco.

On another note, I am meeting a mutual friend today for an outing at the zoo, but have no idea what she looks like!!! I am sure that I have met her before but I am not absoultly positive, so I hope that she recognizes me. The best part about this friend is that she is going to be a SAHM as well and she lives in the SW! How great is that. Now if I could only have access to a vehicle at all times! I will just have to keep working on Chris about that one!

BBQ and Huckleberry's Kids

Went to a friends BBQ yesterday and it was so much fun! Chris couldn't come as he was working, again, but it was fun anyway. Met new people which is always fun, and the beats part is that they were all my age. My girlfriend was so nice as she picked Keenan and I up just so we could go. We rosted hotdogs and marshmellows. I love marshmellows. I would like Chris and her husband to get along, but maybe they wont as is probably the case because if you really like someone, then your partner usually wont like thier partner. But here is to hoping. Keenan and I walked superfar today. Like a 2hr walk. We walked to this place called Huckleberry's Kids its a consingnment shop where outfits cost as cheap as one dollar. I told Chris that we should be shopping therte to save money, but I really like the look of new clothes. Hopefully we get a bunch for Keenan on his birthday. I just read an article about a mother who lost her son, 12 days after he was born. It makes me feel like all my drivel is pointless and I really am at a loss to say anything substantial. So I will just stop now for today. Here is the link to the article. http://www.literarymama.com/creativenonfiction/memoir/archives/000179.html

The Woes of Finances

Life is a struggle. With a new house and a newish baby things can get a little expensive. Especially when you don't bring in an income. I wish that they > the gov't would pay for stay at home moms. We are doing the community a tremendous service, shaping the minds of little citizens. I read somewhere that if a SAHM got paid for what she did, she would have an annual salary of 130K. Send some of that my way. It sucks that all the financial burden is on my husband. It sucks even more that he is working alot to support us. It sucks the most that most of that work takes him away for days on end. But I am at a complete loss for what I can do to help. I honestly don't think that we could afford to give Keenan the level of childcare that he deserves. I will not just put him in some cheap ass daycare and let them extingish the light out of my sons eyes and let him lose his trust and happiness. I am not saying that all day care is bad, and yes I am awrae that it is a nessisary evil, but I do know a couple people personally that I would NEVER leave Keenan with, and they both have Early Childhood Certificates. Also all the horror stories on the news about kids being forgotten or disiplined too harshly.

I just feel that it is my job to raise up my kid. I didnt have him so someone else would do it for me. And I am lucky that I am in the position that my husband agrees with me that I should stay home, it's just that I wish I could take some of the stress and the burden off of him. I try and think of get rich quick schemes and other ways to make money. Take online surveys make $1000's a week, but you have to pay $50 up front. Scam? I dont know. Selling tupperware, or other "party" moneymakers. But would that work? Who would take Keenan? I could work part time if Chris was availble to take care of Keenan, otherwise I would be working to pay for his daycare, or babysitter, or nanny.

I really feel at a loss. The people I talk to keep telling me to bring kids in, start a dayhome. That way I get paid for taking care of other peoples kids. It seems smart in the short term, but it would mean many a life change for Keenan and I. No more sleeping in, no alone time, and being responsible for other kids. We would need a schedule, thatis for sure. The only problem I see with this solution is, when am I going to finish my degree? Am I doomed not to finish it at all? I wanted to go back to school next fall, maybe have my mom look after Keenan for a couple hrs on Tues and Thurs. But then there is no down time.

I have no idea what to do. I just feel all this unspoken pressure to get a job to start contributing financially. It just sucks.

It's a Small Small World

I was walking home a couple days ago and saw as car slow down and park next to me. The driver didn't get out, he just unrolled the passenger window and let the car idling. So I looked in and it was this guy Gerorge from Highschool. I haven't seen him for about 5 yrs. I asked him how it was going and he let me know that things were great and that he was living in my neighbourhood. How crazy is that. Then a few days later as I was walking past the same place a guy came running out of one of the condos into a truck, and lo and behold, it was Jay an ex (if you would even call him that as the relationship was like what a week long :) ) and he was leaving his house. I said Hey but he didnt stop to chat as he was in a hurry. But I told my hubby that 2 people from my group of highschool friends live less than 5 blocks away from us. And then yesterday as I was walking home from Sobeys Chris stopped to get a coffee, and who should I run into? Another friend from highschool. She (Cathy) came out to see the baby and told me that she was having coffee, with another friend from H.S. Lindsey. So now I had seen 4 people in less than a week. The cool/funny thing that Cathy told me was that she was still in contact with Jay and he and his highschool sweetheart Joie are expecting thier first in June. That is so crazy! You know why? Because they are my age!!! Finally someone my age having a baby in McKenzie Towne. I am not sure if they would like to hook up with me though, because highschool was so long ago, and jay, joie and i were not like bestfriends at the end of it. But you never know, a familar face at the playgroups at the community center or at the LLL meeting. If I talk to Cathy again, which I should as I have her on my MSN contacts, I will ask her to tell Joie about the LLL meetings because they are so valuble.

It's funny how things like that happen all at once. The best part was seeing Cathy because we were such good friends and she is always so sincere. She saw me when I was pregnant and I was hoping that she would get to see the baby because she seemed so excited for me.

I know that Highschool was years ago, but sometimes it's nice to see what people are up to, what they have accomplished in life.

I just can't believe what a small world it is. Crazyness.

Pancakes and Playgroup

As I am housesitting today it just so happened that I had to get my lazy butt out of bed at the ungodly hour of 8am to take my sister to school. The worst part is that Keenan had to be woken up and now he will be grumpy all day. But, what can you do? Just need to suck it up. But now that we are awake in the morning Keenan needs sustinance. So pancakes it is. Of course the master pancake maker is at work so my brother and I are attempting. Not so bad a result. A little burned but that is how all the food I cook turns out.
"Stop setting a timer and walking away!"
I am a little bummed as I have access to a car and nowhere to go. My playgroup looks like it is officially over as the babes are all one next month. Well in less than 20days. We had a picnic last friday because it was a holiday and everyone showed up. We should have all said goodbye, because that is the way it looks to be. That sucks! I would really like some mommy company today as it is supposed to be 20degrees and I would love to go for a walk. Well maybe someone will call me or something.
But, I know that Keenans nap will get in the way today. So we will just have to see how it goes.

Eleven Months and The Zoo

I can't believe that my little bambino just turned eleven months old. I have officially sent out the invites for the birthday party. And if you didnt get one it is because I dont have enough space for everyone on my contact list. Or I have already talked to you and you can't come because you are working, either way sorry that everyone cant come! I have not decided on a theme and I am still not sure if I am going to bake the cake or not. But at least the invites are out. People will come. We are planning to have a big to do with the playgroup. A group birthday if you will, because all the babies will be turning one at around the same time. Maybe we will do a secret santa type thing. Or not as they will get quite a bit of stuff from thier respective families. We went to the zoo yesterday for the first time as a family. It was alot of fun and the right day to do it. We must have been thinking the same thing that all other parents in the city were thinking as the zoo was soooo packed. But it was still fun. Got to see the baby hippo and the gorrilas and two baby bear cubs. Keenan looked around and saw some of the animal from his vantage point in the stroller but I think that he just thought that we were going on a really long walk. I have not decided if I am going to break down and buy a annual pass..$45 each (adult) as that is a lot of money up front, but it pays for itself in 3 visits. Maybe after he turns a year old. We shall see.

The Park

We love the park! Keenan loves to swing whenever he can! He actually gets upset if I take him out of the swing before he is ready! It is so funny. And the park is only like 10 steps away from our front door. This is a great house.

Mornings and Playgroups

Today Sucks! Keenan woke me up at 7:30 this morning and would not go back to sleep. I dont thin that I fell asleep until after midnight last night, and now he is having a nap and I am wide awake, but grumpy and tired. He will probably have 2 naps today if I know him.

I was hoping to have the playgroup over today for tea and brownies but everyone cancelled on me! Not sure if it because they all are starting to work again, or that McKenzie Towne is just too far away. I am just bummed because I was looking forward to it as this week was a litlle lame. The worst part is that Chris has the day off but because I thought that I would be with my playgroup I told him to go and hang out with his dad, so now I am home alone. (with Keenan of course).

I know that playgroup is going to end. They all have to go back to work, and I cant spend all of my gas money driving to the other side of the city just for a walk. It's too expensive and we really don't have the budget for it. But I do like the time with other moms and babys. Its fun to see the babies interact and socialize with the other moms.

There is a new playgroup starting on Tuesdays with the AP parents in Deerrun. Not really keen on Deerrun (too much stuff from Highschool) but if I have to go I will. It's just with my old playgroup all the babies were the same age, and with this one they are all over the board. What can you do?

I will go and check this new one out on Tues, I just hate that initial meeting!

Andrew Lloyd Webber, My Hero

My in laws bought me tickets to Cats and The Phantom. Chris and I left Keenan for 7 whole hours while we went to dinner and then to Cats. Dinner was good, dinner is always good when I don't have to pay for it or cook it. And Cats was, well, Cats. I am so suprised that someone could come up with a whole play about Cats that lasts 2 whole hours! Songs and lyrics just about different cats. Sometimes I found myself falling asleep. But I am not sure if that is because the show was boring at points or because Chris got me up early because of the time change the night before.

The funnest part about our date with the in laws was the dressing up. I havent dressed up in almost 10 months. Dressed up means wearing a regular bra and not a nursing bra. I was so excited because I bought this special bra from Victorias Secret when I went to the States, and I finally got to wear it. But it worked a little too well because I thought that I havent changed at all since having Keenan and I found out the hard way that yes, I am a breastfeeding mother. While we were on the way to my moms my boobs were practically popping out of my dress, in a not so flattering way. So I borrowed a bigger dress at my moms (thank god we are close to the same size) and we went to the show. I was much more comfortable. I know, Too much information.

I was so suprised that Keenan did so well without me for the whole 7 hours. He did get fussy at the end but that is because it was WAY past his bedtime.

I am really greatfull to my inlaws for buying these tickets as we would never be able to afford them ourselves. Of course I would have begged my own parents if I didnt get them from the inlaws, but my parents arnt so much in to musicals. my mom maybe. I hope that one day we will be able to take Keenan and his siblings to plays and musicals, you know make them cultured. but not snobby. But, only time will tell.

I think we will have to learn how to budget first.

Extentions and Birthdays

Well I finally applied for my extention in my psych class. I was procrastinating applying for one because I was sure that I could finish it in the alloted time. And I am still sure that I could. It's the final exam that I am worried about. It is 65% of my final grade and all short answer. I am not really good at short answer and so far all the tests for this class have been open book. So I am really not prepared to write a exam in such a short time. I think I will finish this class by May.

Speaking of May, there is a certain special boy celebrating his first birthday on May 11th, and we are going to have one big party for him. I am not sure if I am going to order or bake a cake and I really have to get the house ready. Like finish unpacking already! I can't believe that Keenan is going to be one! It's so crazy! I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that our lives would be changed so much in just one year. We dont really need many toys for Keenan, well we dont really need anything for him.

Thats the problem with parties. People will think that I am only inviting them for the booty that they bring. But in actuality I dont care about getting gifts, I would rather not infact. Alot of friends bought us Christmas gifts this year when we were not in the financial situation to reciprocate. And it just makes me feel like a bad friend. So we really arnt wanting any house warming gifts or presents for mr.K and if people really want to then they could give us cash for Keenans RESP. Because tuition is supposed to be like $75,000 for a degree in 20yrs. AHHHHH

Meeting People and Dogs (rant)

We went out for dinner yesterday to Chris' friends house. And boy was it a nice house! The wife is a hygenist and she is the breadwinner (only one income) and that house was $450,000 and they are our age, with two kids! I have to say that I was a little jelous when I first walked in. But I also have to say that I am very contented in the lifestyle that I lead. And I enjoy being at home with my son. Her two kids couldn't say that mom was most focused on them because she was at work all the time providing for the family. And hey, it is whatever works for your family. I am sure Chris would like to be a stay at home dad as well. The thing is that I would have never gotten pregnant if I knew that I was unable to stay home. It just wouldnt have happened.

Chris is certainly getting on my case more and more. He really wants a dog or fish. What he really wants is to spend money on something that I will end up having to take care of. And no, I dont clean the litter of my cats because honestly, I forget it even exists, I am way too busy looking after Keenan to care about stinky cat litter. Here is the reasons I dont want a dog:

1) they smell. They have the worst breath ever and are always breathing on you.

2)they lick kids faces. Soooo gross. I cant stand this, I think any animal licking you is gross.

3)the whole walking thing. I can just see it now. we have our 2nd kid who has finally fallen asleep and I have to wake her/him up and get them all dressed in winters finest to take the dog out for a pee in minus 30 because we dont have a backyard and I am the only one home because Chris is on shift at Nakoda.

4)loss of Freedom. I have already lost most of my freedom from having Keenan, I dont need to lose more and not be able to spend the weekend at my moms when chris is out of town because I have to take the dog out for a walk...3 times a day.

5)barking. Irritation. oh the baby is asleep and someone just walked past our house? No keep barking kids dont need naps.

I think thats all. Chris says that I am selfish and that I always ruin his fun. So annoying.

Why would I take something on that would just make have to do more work? We alreasy have 2 cats, which can be really annoying at times and sometimes I wish that I had never gotten them. Not saying that I am not attached jus tsaying that the amount of work, feeding vacumming up tonnes of hair, can get tiresome and I really dont need it, especially if I am choosing to have 3 to 4 kids.

Getting off my soapbox now.

New Moms

I met a mom to be today, she was the hygenist cleaning my teeth, and we got to talking about parenting and different schools of thought. I told her that she should read Birthing From Within and that she should read at least the first couple chapters of the Baby Book by Dr.Sears before she has her baby. I told her that I am of the attachment parenting kind and I told her what types of things I do that places me into that category. Sometimes I feel like I should just keep my ideas to myself because I am afraid that I will sound preachy. Like I am an AP parent and you aren't. I feel like the way I parent is the RIGHT educated way, but then, I am sure that all parents feel like they are parenting the right way, even when they do Cry It Out. So what right do I have in placing my views on anyone else? And how do I let people know that there is another way of parenting out there without comming across as a know it all?

Sorry and Stars and Strollers

Okay maybe I went a little overboard on my last post. And maybe I was fuled by a disagreement with my husband that we had earlier in the day. And no I shouldn't be airing out all my dirty laundry on a blog in my MSNspace, but that is what they are for right? So I apologize to all of you who had to read my rant.

So if a blog is not to rant about your personal life, relationships etc. what are they there for? Pointless quips and qualms? Chris started a "real" blog because he found one by one of his really good friends from highschool. I went to her site and saw that she has a child about 2yrs old named Nathan, and she is pregnant again. So that is good to see that people my age are having children and it's not just me and my friend L taking on the world.

I went with this friend to Stars and Strollers the other day (for those of you w/out kids > Stars and Strollers is a baby friendly showing time for movies at Cineplex and Famous Players. You get to bring your baby with you). I have never seen so many babies in one room! It was rather odd. Every seat had a baby around 2 - 5mos old. The funny thing is that they wernt really fussy, it was a really good experiance.

Sometimes, just between me and you, I feel like I would like to have aspects of my old life back. Just for a fleeting moment. Like an uninterupted bath or massage. Or a night out with the girls to Outlaws until 3 in the morning. But I have to come back to reality and remember tha tI chose to be an AP parent and you just have to sacrifice for the emotional and psychological well being of your child.

As Chris would say, Suck it up princess.

Playgroup

This is an email that I sent out to my playgroup this afternoon. I think it speaks for itself.

Hi Guys!

I just wanted to clarify something that I said today. I said that I was looking for a replacement group for when all you beautiful working mama’s go back to work. I did not actually mean “replacement” as I could never replace all the friendships that I have made with this group. It means so much to me that we are all able to come together as a community on Fridays and share with such comfortable ease our trails and tribulations as parents. I am just mourning the fact that things will change very soon, as the older babies are all turning one in a matter of months and mat leaves are expiring. So I am sorry if I lead you to believe that you are easily replaced. This has been a great year, and has worked wonders for my well being.

Much Love

Alisha

At My Moms

So, when Chris goes to work for his 48hrs I usually don't like to stay home alone so I get my parents to come and pick me up and I spend 2 days at their house. It's good for the both of us because we can see eachother and catch up for the week. This time it sucks though because my parents have gone to a curling thingy for my dad's company and they are gone all day. so I am alone at thier house instead, which is kinda ridiculous. Plus, there is no "easy" food to make because my mom makes everything from scratch. So I am hungry and I have no idea what to make for lunch or dinner. I was supposed to meet up with Alex and Bree today for coffee and totally forgot because I was more interested in what my mom was doing. Not that I could have gone anyway because I have no child care for my boy. Irritating.

Back From Texas

So I am back, finally. Have been back for a couple days, but was trying to get back in the groove. Keenan was sick on the flight there and back (with a temp.) but he seems fine now. He just isnt eating soild foods, but that should remedy itself sooner than later. Really enjoyed San Antonio, if it wasnt the states I would move there. They have this beautiful canal system, just like Venice, where you walk around downtown next to the river. You can also take a boat taxi ride to anywhere on the river (the mall, resturants etc.) We wanted to do more sightseeing than we did but the weather was not cooperating. It was about -10, I know, alot warmer than here, so I am not complaining. We saw the Alamo, and some museums an old mill and a mexican market. When we came back we were delayed 8hrs because of the fog in Dallas, but we did get first class because of it. So in all it was a good trip.

Going To Texas

So my dad suprised me and bought me a ticket to go to Texas on vacation with them. I am a little aprehensive as I have never been to the states and this will be my first time flying with an infant. I am not sure if I should bring his car seat or not. I am excited though and it should prove to be alot of fun. The flight is the only thing I am worried about.

I am not sure what I am going to do with Keenan for 4 hrs and no in flight movie. I guess I should bring alot of stuff for him to do. I wish that he would just sleep and maybe I could read.

They say that public breastfeeding is not a big thing in Texas so my parents say that I have to cover uo. Are they THAT conservative? The good thing is that Keenan rarely breastfeeds during the day so it probably wont be that big of an issue.

Well, I shall keep you posted on what happens there, boy will I ever miss my email! I am totally addicted to it!

Crying it out

I went to playgroup today and listened to all the mom's talk about how great the Cry it out method is. For those of you who arn't parents...it's when you put your baby to sleep in the crib and let them cry until they fall asleep while you wait outside the door, gut wrenching until they stop. I personally don't agree with it. Especially under 6 months of age. In psychological terms it's called extinction, ignoring a behavior until it disapears. Chris says that I can't judge other moms, and he is right, just because they do something I don't agree with doesn't make them bad parents. It's just so frustrating that this procedure actually works. I do the No Cry Sleep Solution where I am shaping the behvior that I want to change, gradually so Keenan doesn't cry. It's working for us, and I bet those other mothers must think that I am a softy. Which I am.

It's so funny how in everything you are either one extreme or the other. Cry it out or No cry (at all). Co-sleep or Crib. Attachment parent or not. And that is another thing, if asked all parents would say that they are fostering attachment with thier child, even if they don't follow "all the B's" of attachment parenting. I am afraid to tell people that I am an attachment parent because I am scared that they will think that I am saying that they arn't. For those of you interested in attachment parenting, google Dr. Sears.

Heritage O's

Keenan is growing up so fast!! I wish that it would fly by like it is. He is such a big boy, eating cheerios...well not cheerios, Heritage O's which are organic. He has been eating more solids and less breastmilk, which makes me sad because I love nursing. It's that special time just for me and him. But, he has to grow up and I will always be there, just watching it happen.

Finding New Friends

We are just getting settled in our new house in MT and looking for other mom's with babies around Keenan's age. There is this website that is set up for finding people but it seems like no one uses it so I may post something in the grocery store. Not that I really need another playgroup but it would be noce not having to leave the community. Ah the subburbs.

So I started a corespondence course with Athabasca University and it was all good. I finished three quizzes on paper that I had to finish in hour long incriments while Keenan was sleeping. Then when I called the prof to give him the anwser he says no one does them on paper anymore, that it is all done online! Then why would they hand out the paper in the first place? Grrr. The worst part is that paper works well for me because you can stop and start up at any time. With online you have to get online and do the quiz, hoping that Keenan wont wake up or you are screwed. Oh well, just another thing I have to get used to

Psyc 378

I have finally started my class from Athabasca and do the homework whenever Keenan is sleeping. He has slept in the crib for an half an hour which was a big accomplishment but I am not ready for him to leave the family bed just yet. I love to have him snuggle me close.

New House

We have moved into our new house and had a lovely first Christmas in it! The unpacking is proving to be a bit of a challenge with Keenan needing to be held all the time.I dont know how he is ever going to learn how to crawl or walk if he just screams and crys whenever he is put down. Is a little overwhelming, knowing that this is our house and that we are responisble for it. The exciting part is that this is where we are going to raise our family.

Sweet Potatoes

Sad news. Keenan's great granny Jean passed away last Thursday, a week tomorrow, so we have had family staying with us during the mourning. It was great to have Chris' cousins (Jill and Chandra) around as they loved(left today) to play with Keenan and we had adventures(like going to Banff). Just sad circumstances. Keenan has been a little bunged up so I am starting something other than rice cereal for him to keep things moving. We had sweet potatoes for the first time today.

Juice

It's been a busy time that is for sure! We have our possesion date, late December, so we will be living with Chris' parents a little while longer. Which is okay, I am just so anxious to get in my own place.Keenan eats cereal everyday now, and when he turns 6mos I will be introducing sweet potatoes. He had juice for the first time on the first and he wouldnt settle for bed, not sure if it was related or not, we have tired the juice again today so we shall see how it goes. He hasnt been a good sleeper these last few days so I am a walking zombie, but thats okay, still wouldnt trade for anything in the world.

Swimming Lessons

Started swimming today! Keenan loves it! He was splashingg in the water and getting really excited! If I could let go he would probably swim all around the pool. The concept that they are trying to teach is to get the ears in the water so when they are older it wont be a problem. Keenan already let me put his ears in the water so he is already ahead! Its daddy's turn next Monday, I wil let you know how that works out.

Lindsay

Still waiting for our house to finish. Not doing much just spending time with the boy. We go to yoga every friday and playgroup right after. Then starting Nov 7 we will be doing swimming every monday morning, We went for coffee with Lindsay who we met at LLL and that was fun, will be going to another meeting on the first monday of next month.

Swimming

Keenan is developing great. He reaches out to grab things, plays with his feet, rolls over and eats rice cereal. He is becomming a big boy! I can't believe that he is going to be 5months old on Tuesday! No longer a little baby! We have established a routine and he sticks to it pretty well. Up at 1030am nap at 1130-1200 another big nap from 2-4pm then nap at 7-730pm and then bed at 10pm.
We went swimming for the first time yesterday and Keenan loved it so much that I have putt him in lessons! He was laughing and kicking! We had so much fun.

Teething

The last few days have been long. I have been pretty tired and not able to do what I have wanted...Finish replying to all my emails. Keenan is teething for sure. He is so drooly and goobery and constantly has something in his mouth. I feel sorry for him but there is nothing that I can do. He is starting to like to play by himself so I will begin to have a little more time. My corespondence course came in the mail so I will have to start that..we shall see how it goes.

4 Months

I can't believe that Keenan is already 4 months old! He has grown so much just in the last month! He is holding his head up when I put him on his tummy and he likes to sit fully not slanted down at all. We just got an excersauser from a friend on our online parenting group for free! He's not big enough yet but he will be soon!
Mommy feels a little displaced right now as mommy is living at granny Barbs and Grandma Ruths on a rotating schedule. It's good because it gives me time with my own family and Chris' family some time without me.

Poor Baby

I think Keenan had his first bug. He was really not having a good time being ill. Chris is always away so we don't get to see him often, which sucks. It kinda makes me irritated that I have the baby day in and day out, but I guess that is what being a mom is!

Bad Day

Keenan isn't feeling so well today. He has a real sour stomach , so he has been spitting up a whole lot more. He is really cranky as well. I gave him gripe water for the first time today. I am at my moms because chris is out of town again. :(

Breastfeeding Clinic BAD

I am so unbelievably mad! The breastfeeding clinic called and told me that they needed my appointment so they are discharging us! And this is right after a week from hell, giving him formula that I now know he doesn't need. Why couldn't they have told me this before????? I am so steamed!

Lonely

I have been so down and lonely the last couple of days because no one is around. Chris is working and my mom and barb are on vacation so I have had no contact with people. My grandparents did come out last week so that was a blessing.
With my breastfeeding issue I have been taking it hard, and everyone says that i have to do what is best for keenan... i know that, it just really sucks and makes me have to redefine what kind of mom i want to be.

Internet Woes

Still no internet, so I have to use my parents instead! Keenan has only gained a pound this last month so the doctors want me to suppliment more with formula, which is okay with me but I dont know how Keenan will react.(gastrointestianlly) Granny Barb comes home nect week so we are excited and waiting to see how she reacts when she sees how big Keenan has gotten. My parents are going on vacation so my mom is getting as much of him as she can!
I am going to go to the next lll meeting in McKensie towne so i am excited about that. Our house is quickly being made which is great...thats all for now!

House

I have not been able to update this site in a while because we have moved to the inlaws as we are waiting for our new house to be built! Keenan is growing so fast! He is already just about 3mos old. Today we are going for his 3mos check up. And No I havent immunized him yet, I feel it is too early and he is still too little but ppl will just have to live with that as I am his mom. We have had lots of visitors and everyone keeps saying how alert he is. He is growing loads of hair and his eyes are still blue. But they should start to change any day now! Well have to keep it short as I am on my way out the door!

Body Size

Well, as you can tell I have been unable to get to my computer to write anything. Keenan's feeding issues are still there as he only gained an ounce last week. But I think it was all the stress..we just bought a house! I will write more on that later.
Keenan doesnt sleep well during the day and we are busy packing to get out of here in 10 days. Hopefully.
I am not sure if this feeding issue is even an issue as Keenan is a small baby and I have always been on the small side. I was 80 pounds in grade 5. And my BMI was 19 (should have been 24) before I was pregnant. I am going to have to start asking more questions as it is becoming increasingly more interventionist. I just feel like if he is growing and gaining weight, what is the issue?

Startling

God damn the startle reflex. I can never put Keenan down for longer than 10mins before he startles and wakes up. When doesn't he have this reflex??? When he is sleeping on me!(which i love, dont get me wrong)
We went to the Breastfeeding clinic again today, Keenan was a no go... too tired. So we have to go again on Thursday. He has gained 6.5oz in 15 days thats good right??!How am I supposed to know? Hopefully I wont have to keep going after Thursday

Ben

Chris' friend Ben is moving to England so we had a wonderful dinner party at Morgans house. They pay the same in morgage as we do for rent, so now we are looking to see if we can afford a home. That would be great. A backyard for Keenan to play in. He is sleeping right now so I need to use this short time to do something other than type.

6 weeks

Keenan turned 6weeks old yesterday! I can't believe how much he has grown. We went to the Breastfeeding clinic and they said that Keenan weighed 8lbs 4 1/2oz which is only a half an ounce increase since his last visit a week ago...which I find interesting because we are supplimenting with formula and I am taking that drug to increase my supply. It also feels like I am increasing and when he ate yesterday the doctor told me that he had eaten 2 1/2oz so he isnt starving. I hate how I cant see what he eats but I really want to breastfeed so I am not going to let this stop me.

Naming and Other Things

Wow, what a week! Keenan is certainly a handful. I am never able to do anything but take care of him. We had his naming ceremony on Saturday and it was wonderful! (The weather wasn't )Granny's house was on the verge of flooding! But it didnt, thank goodness. Nadene the reverend did such a lovely ceremony, even with the glitches such as the weather and the forgetting of candles. We have a lovely certificate as well. I dont have much time to write. I am having breastfeeding difficulties so I have to pump and use a drug called motilium so that my supply increases and Keenan gets the food he so desperately needs! Gotta Go!

24 years and counting

Yesterday was my birthday, its funny because it really didn't feel like it, it felt like Keenan's 1month (which it was). Christopher bought me the most thoughtful gift. It's a royal doulton family peice...it made me cry! We went over to my parents house and had lamb. Keenan was such a fuss pot yesterday, it's really starting to be taxing as he crys all the time. (except when latched on). Needless to say, I am pretty tired today. Chris is on his second day of SCUBA so I am home alone, again, and will be for the next two days...thats why it is so taxing.
Still wouldnt trade for anything in the world.

Breastfeeding

It's so hard to keep this site up to date as I feel like I never put Keenan down! As it is right now he is nursing while I type. I have been having issues with my breastfeeding...one of them is always clogged so it hurts alot. I am going to a lactation consultant to see if we can nip this problem in the bud. I need to figure it out because I plan on Breastfeeding until Keenan is at least 12months old.
Another issue I have is my lack of Breastfeeding tops, you wouldn't believe how difficult it is to breastfeed in regular clothes. (that arn't frumpy). I did however get a catelouge so maybe i will get some clothes for my birthday!

Smile

Keenan smiled at me today! I know it wasn't just gas because his eyes smiled as well...and he was imitating me! It was so cool to have him actually start to interact with us! He has his good days and then his bad, it actually seems like it goes bad then good, then bad then good. He has a real issue with passing gas. I feel so bad for him because I can't do anything. And I have been trying to watch my diet so he doesnt get gassy foods in the breast milk...doesnt seem to be helping. Chris went to work this weekend so it was really wierd not to have him here with us, but I will survive! My birthday is comming up so that will be wierd, as people want to go out but I can't. And no partying for me...anywho baby is crying so I have to go and attend.

3 weeks

So, Keenan is 3 weeks old today. He has been a little bit of a handfull as we don't get to sleep until 2am. He is so mad at night so it takes us a little while to get him settled. He has to nurse for at least 30mins before he will start to sleep. Chris has taken to sleeping on the floor as whenever he moves Keenan wakes up.
We had Patrick(our photographer) come over to take Keenan's baby pictures but Keenan did not want to cooperate. So we had to postpone.
I got my invitations for the Naming Ceremony so I am planning on sending them out this week, so I need to get on that. Also, I have to start planning it. We are not planning to have anything big just family so it should be fun.

So Tired

I can't believe how tired I am. I have just about hit my wall. Keenan is so fussy after he eats so nursing is an hour long endevor. It's quite frustrating, and Chris can't really help because he doesn't have the equipment. I did however get an hour long nap today, so that was good. Keenan is not a bad baby by any means, we are just so sleep deprived that it's taking alot out of us. But, they say that it should get better at the 6 week mark, so only 3 more to go.
I am feeling like I am comming down with something, but I am not sure if that is just the lack of sleep or if I am getting a cold. Let's hope I am not getting sick as that would really suck

2 Ounces

We had our two week post-natal appointment today, and Keenan has gained 2ounces! That makes him 7lbs and 6oz. I thought he would be a little bigger than that as he eats constantly!! He is eating now every 3hrs during the day and 4hrs at night, so I am getting a little more sleep. I am pissed off today though as the midwives have informed us that we have to pay GST on thier services rendered. It's not like $2800 was enough for them, now they want another $200!! We can't afford that! Not with Chris on paternity leave. Stupid Government. Everyother province except Sask. pays for midwifery care, now we have to pay more money? What is this?!? Two teired health care already? It's ridiculous! Chris doesnt want to pay because he says that we signed a contract that said we had to be paid up by 36weeks and we were, so they dont have a leg to stand on...but I dont want them to be mad(what if i need them again...for my next birth???) So irritating. I think I am more irritated because I haven't been sleeping well....with the baby and all.

Visiting Day

Today is the visiting day. I am excited that people get to meet Keenan, but I am also so tired. This one hour of sleep stints are starting to get me down. Thank god I have Chris to help me out or else I think I would go mental. Keenan is not a bad baby, far from it, but he is a very sucky baby. He would stay attached to my boob all day if he had his way. I am constantly feeding him. At first I thought maybe it was me, that I didn't have enough milk or that he just wasnt getting enough nutrients.... but his output is above average so he is getting everything he needs, he just wants to suck. The hard part is that I can't tell between wanting to suck and hunger, so I end up sitting all day feeding. So it gets a little tiring, not to mention a little sore.
As I am typing this Keenan is swaddled and in a sling around my midsection because he freaks if I put him down, so typing and regular stuff just got that much more difficult.

One Week

One Week. I can't believe that he has only been here that long. It seems like he has always been here. We are pretty much feeding every hour right now as he is going through a growth spurt. I am lucky that I can go into REM sleep as soon as I fall asleep! Chris seems to be feeling it more than me. But, I cant be on the computer all the time anymore so my journal entrys wont be so frequent... but i will try!

Bed Rest

Wow! 3 days of bed rest really takes it out of you! Not to mention having to continually get up and feed the crying baby. But it is so worth it as most of you well know! We have been getting cards and congratulatory emails everyday. Everyone can't wait to meet our little guy. It's really hard to believe that we are actually parents and that Keenan is absolutly dependant on us!
I am so happy and proud to have Chris as my husband as he is the most caring and helpful father that I have ever heard of. Just yesterday night (or morning as it was 4am) Chris took Keenan upstairs after his feeding for 4 hours so that I could have some rest. Also, he has been waiting on me hand and foot! I am so lucky! I have no idea how those single mothers do it. My girlfriend Tricia had to do this all by herself and I admire her even more!!!

BIRTH STORY - written by DH

Keenan was born May 11, 2005, at 9:53pm. He weighed 7lbs 4ozs, and was 20 inches long! It was quite an exciting birth, as we never made it to the hospital! Here's how it happened. Yesterday morning, Alisha woke up with steady, stronger contractions, which were about 6 to 10 minutes apart. They weren't that painful, but stronger then before. We went on a long walk during the afternoon, and nothing seemed to change, so we were a little bummed that it might not be today. She had been having small regular contractions for about the last 3 days, so it didn't seem like it was progressing all that fast. After we ate some dinner (Caribbean Chicken, which Alisha now says might not have been the smartest thing to eat!), and Alisha decided to go and have a bath, as that worked to get the labor moving for her mother. While in the bath, I asked her if she was still having any contractions, and she said that she was, but it was hard to tell because she couldn't really feel them. At this point we started to joke about how this labor thing isn't all that painful, and Alisha said this was easy to handle. Not 2 seconds after she said that, her stomach had a massive rumble; it looked like the baby just kicked and punched in all directions, then there was a loud "pop". I said "Wow, that was some kick!" and she said "That wasn't the baby!" She had just finished saying that when her contractions kicked in full force, like nothing she had felt before! Here is where the pain coping we learned came in!! She had to stay hunched over on the bathroom floor while we called the midwives to let them know we think that the water broke. Maura (one of our midwives, Theresa and Toby came right after) said she was on her way, but not to get too excited, because we could still have lots of time to get fully dilated. However, when Maura arrived about 30 minutes later, Alisha had already began pushing, and when checked was fully dilated. We managed to get her from her birth-ball (thanks Joanna!) onto the couch, and within about 40 minutes he was out and in our arms! Didn't even have time to make it to the hospital! He was perfect! No complications, and as of today, he is doing really well. We will keep you updated, but we ask that no one stops by until at least Sunday (and please call first!!!) as Alisha needs her rest! Best wishes to our fellow class mates, and we wish you all a wonderful birth as well!

Time Yet??

All yesterday I was having mild contractions about 10 mins apart. We kept hoping that they would take off and get stronger. I can totally understand why women say that they were in labour for an ungodly amount of time. I could say that I have been in labour for over 48hrs. But, I really haven't because I don't consider first stage labour to be labour. Today I woke up with some doozys, so now I am averaging 6 mins. So it is getting closer and they are getting stronger...so...I have no idea! It's up to the baby. We just have to suck it up and wait for him.

GRRRR

IRRITATING!!! Nothing is happening yet and Chris and I are a little annoyed because if he isn't here soon Chris has wasted a vacation day that we would want him to use once the baby is born. It's so irritating because we told everyone that it was time and it was a false alarm. I only have 9hrs until the 36hr window I was given is up. I don't understand why I have to keep going through false labour, I have never been so irritated. I just want to get on with it and have it over and done with. The waiting is driving me crazy, not to mention mental because we don't really want to go out in case my water breaks in a store or something...wouldn't that be embarrasing.
So next time we decide to do this I am not going to tell anyone until he is actually in my arms because now we have to deal with people calling to get updates and we have no news for them. GRRRRR!!!!!
So really, don't call us we will call you.

Yuck

So yesterday we hit the 39 week mark that was given to us by the doctors and midwives. BUT, May 10 is what my due date was supposed to be according to my last period. And guess what?!!? I had my bloody show come away this morning so the baby should be here(God willing) in the next 24 to 36 hours.
My feelings?? Scared, excited, nervous, wondering if I can handle the pain etc... But, at the same time elated that he is actually comming.
I will let everyone know what happens!

Waiting...

We had our midwife appointment today and everything is still a go! We are just waiting on the little man to decide that he wants to come out. Now both of my midwives think that I won't go into the 20's of May so the longest they think is May 18. But, hopefully it's sooner. We have everything that we "need" for this baby! I got my diapers delivered today (We have a diaper service), I have been waiting for them, for like forever!
We will continue going in walks and trying the raspberry tea among other things to induce this baby. I don't want to wear myself out though, so I don't think that running up and down stairs is such a good idea.
Maura asked me today if I am ready and I think that I just about am. I don't think that I will get anymore "ready" so it might as well just happen.

38 Weeks

Well, we are now at 38 weeks. How crazy is that?! He is completely head down and dropped into my pelivs and Toby(midwife) thinks that it may even be this week! She said that maybe they wouldn't see me for my next appointment. It's funny though because I am so used to being pregnant that I feel normal. And having the baby outside my body would be the wierd thing.
Some interesting news...I tested positive for GBS (strep B) which is a bacteria in 4 - 20% of healthy women and is only an issue during birth because you can pass the bacteria to the baby while he is being born. So my dream of an unmedicated birth is no longer as now I have to have antibiotics pumped into me during labour. (I don't HAVE to but it's all a game of Statistics and I am not a big gambler). I am not sure if this affects the cord blood banking, probably :(
The only thing that I am worried about is how are the antibiotics going to affect him and his little immune system??
It's so annoying! Why can't things just be normal and uncomplicated for Christopher and I sometime in our lives??
Okay, stop ranting!! I have been getting irregular contractions regularly...:) So my uterus is gearing up for the birth. It's really just a waiting game. Hopefully he waits for Chris to come back from work...so lets say "Wait til the Weekends baby!!!"