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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Another Crying Post

A good friend of mine just decided to Cry It Out with her child last night. I know this because she posted it on Facebook. I don't really understand why people post that stuff on their Facebook profiles...maybe to get support or to support others I would assume. What basically starts happening is a mommy war right on her wall. Pro - CIO vs. Against.
This is one of the BIGGEST issues that splits parents down the middle, so I was surprised that she actually did post it, as she is a business owner as well, and mom's are incredibly fickle. I never post that I don't vaccinate, co-sleep, or whatever, because I don't think my clients need to know...and if they want to know they can ask me to my face.
The thing with Crying It Out is that everyone has a different opinion on what Crying It Out actually entails...some would say *any* type of uncomforted crying, other would say *any* type of crying period, another would define it as crying for 10 - 15 min intervals, some say leaving a child for 12 hrs in their crib and not going in..for anything.
I am more of the latter. I understand why parents use crying it out. I truly do. I completely sympathize with moms feeling so helpless and sleep deprived that they hope that anything will work. And it does work. Science supports it. Of course psychologists refer to it as the extinction method, or learned helplessness, but those words are not really as marketable.
It really comes down to a child's temperament and personality, and my issue is with the "experts" that think that one size fits all and even if your child pukes not to go in, and they will learn in 3 days! (or asphyxiate on their own vomit and die...but that isnt in the talk either).
I think a mom that is sleep deprived should try anything that she can to get some sleep, but she MUST listen to her instincts. If she feels sick, or sad or whatever, STOP. If she thinks in the bottom of her gut that maybe, just maybe this may be hurting her baby...STOP. If she feels okay letting her child cry for 10 mins and then the child falls asleep and she goes in to check on them and all is be it. What she does in her house does not affect me or the relationship that I have with my children, and honestly I would probably be jealous that she got more sleep than me the night before.
The bottom line is that we have lost our ability to just listen to ourselves and our children. We have instincts for a reason, we need to listen to them.


Kelly said...

I always thought CIO was sleep-training. Anyone with more than 1 kid is going to have to let their children cry a bit now and then, you just can't be in multiple places at once, and I think that's ok (it may help teach an older child patience anyway). But CIO is when you force a child on to your schedule, with sleeping mostly, possibly with other things too. To me it's like, deliberately cutting off that intuition, connection and need to respond for the sake of an 'idea'. All kids cry, and sometimes they will have to cry because you can't fix the problem right now, if at all. But that's different, I think. That's just something that happens, and you can still be connected through it. But CIO is something you do deliberately to break your child.

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