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Saturday, October 23, 2010

Embracing ADHD

When my oldest son started Kindy earlier this year he was "flagged" for his intensity. The teacher (who I love) asked me if I wanted to pursue testing and coding. In this province if your child is diagnosed with a learning disability or condition such as ADD or ADHD then the school gets more money to use to help facilitate his learning.
I don't really want to code him as this would follow him around forever, and I also have no desire to medicate him.
I am trying so hard to just accept him as he is. He is a bright, extremely bright, well spoken, imaginative, sensitive, empathetic, curious, excited, active little boy. While some of his behaviours bother me, such as the growling and the intensity..I am trying to see them not as problems, but as personality.
I read this book "Raising the Spirited Chid" and it said, to get a child to stop a behviour such as intensity would be like asking him to stop breathing. It's pretty impossible. It's how he is hard wired.
So instead it is working on myself.
Right now I am finding it more difficult because my husband is away so often and the littlest one demands SO much of my attention. (read that - he can never be put down without screaming like his hands and feet have been cut right off!)
I know that all of this is just a phase in life and that I have to be more flexible and more understanding. I try very hard not to fly off the handle when the behaviours are manifesting. I take deep breaths and look at my children as they are - children.
Not little robots that I can control but people who are just learning and expressing themselves.
Tonight I had a "conversation" with my eldest son after the little boys went to bed.
It amazes me just how intelligent he is and how he holds things deep inside. The little things that bother him (like the baby crying) it makes me proud that he is the way he is.
The label of ADHD is really just a list of characteristics that I am happy that my son has. (and I also think a symptom of the society that they live in).
So I will embrace it, and welcome it, and live with it, and learn from it.
And love him more each day.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The Mommy Wars - a rant.

I have been in the parenting game for 5 years. I have many friends that are Stay at Home moms, Work at Home moms, Work out of Home moms - both full time, part time and some time.. Moms that are single parents, Moms that are sometimes single parents, and widow Moms. I know moms with one kid, two kids, three kids, 4 kids, 5 kids, 6 to 9 kids. Step moms, IVF moms, adopted moms.
I know moms that are in poly amorous relationships, moms that swing and moms that only have sex to get pregnant.
I know Gay moms, Straight moms, Bi moms and moms that havent decided. I know moms of just boys, of just girls or of both.
I know moms that homeschool. I know moms that just use public school, or private school or unschool.
The thing is that I know ALOT of moms and I feel that each and everyone of them is doing the best possible job that they can do with the resources that are given to them. We ALL love our kids so why do we continue to judge what each one of us does?
For me I feel that this mom vs. mom war tends to lessen as our children get older, but is then brought back into the limelight when a "new mommy" enters the club.
So what is the solution?
Perhaps by telling her that everything changes and the stuff that you think is so important at THIS stage won't matter in 5 years and to listen with an open heart to EVERYONES struggles and SOLUTIONS and that you will learn from it and change. And change. And change.
Being a mom is hard work.
Pat your self on the back.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Halloween Planning

Here are just a couple ideas that I am playing around with for halloween!

Gory Hand - Presentation is everything.
This is both a yummy treat and a great decoration to scare your friends. Use a clean rubber glove. Make a strong cherry or other red jello by using 3/4 of the recommended amount of water. Hang the glove over the sink by using clothes pins attached to thin strips of wood. When the jello has cooled pour into glove and place in the deep freeze. Be careful not to have the hand pressing against anything or it will ruin the shape. When the jello is frozen cut the glove off using small scissors. Keep your masterpiece in the fridge until ready to display.

alternate Gory Hand tip:
Take a clean rubber glove and fill it with water, tie it and put it in the deep freeze. Keep it in there until your party. When you're ready take it out of the glove and put it in the punchbowl instead of ice!

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