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Sunday, July 25, 2010

How Old Are You?!?

It's really none of your business is it? This question keeps coming up again and again, and it is really starting to tick me right off. I have noticed that it is more frequently asked since I have had the 3rd boy child.
Not that it didn't happen before, but it's happening more and more and more.
I took my kids to the doctor and while trying to wrestle my 2 year old into submission while my 5 year old sat on the bed and my 3 month old cried in the sling, the doctor asked, "Can I ask you how old you are?" I was taken aback...was my loss of control at that moment related to *my* age, or more the age of my squirmy two year old? (I would put my money on the 2 year old!)
Or the random woman on the street who demanded to know if in fact all 3 boys were mine, how old they were, and how old I was... Who comes up to someone and demands to know their age? What gave her the idea that it was okay to come up to me and ask me that?
I honestly do not understand why people feel that it is appropriate to come up to me and ask me how old I am...some how insinuating that perhaps I am too young to have one child, let alone 3. My husband says that I should take it as a compliment, but I don't. It really ticks me off.
Just because someone decides to start with the career and not the family as I have chosen does not make them *more* qualified to have children, or more able to pass judgement.
If a 45 year old woman was walking around with 2 or 3 small kids, would random strangers and doctors ask *her* how old she was?
I decided to have my kids young because honestly, I feel like I can handle them better when I am young. I wanted to have more than a few kids and I wanted them close together. I wanted to be done having babies by 30. I wanted to be able to stay home and not worry about the career that I was leaving or hoping was staying on hold for me.
Because my mom had her kids young.
Because my grandma had her kids young.
Because I *wanted* to.
Thats right. Not only am I young (which is B.S because I was 8 years older than my mom when she had me, when I started) I planned them. Each and every one.
So stop asking me, because I am going to start asking it right back. Why? Why does it matter to people?
Age is just a number...and in 20 years from now when my kids are all in college, (or whatever they want to do) I will only be in my late 40's and free from diapers, and kid drama...and then the table will turn, and I wont be judged anymore.

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Someone must be listening.

I wrote my last post talking about the discrimination against boys and one of my fav Bloggers did the same here.

Here is my response to that blog post.

I am glad to see this post Annie, as I have been feeling this backlash for over 5 years. I am the mother of only boys, 3 of them to be exact…5yrs, 2yrs and an infant. I am really starting to resent people when I am out in public and get insensitive comments directed at me and my boys. (Are you going for a girl? Did you want a girl? Hopefully one of your sons will be gay…and so on. Do people not think that perhaps I am happy with my boys?!)
I want to preface by saying that I was in woman’s studies in university and considered myself to be a feminist…now, I am just getting tired of the reverse discrimination against my kids and feel resentful towards the woman that try so hard to make everything “equal”.
I really feel that my little boys get discriminated against because they are not girls, or should I say that they do not act like girls…you said it yourself “how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?” Who says that the are not already? Who says that the way a “girl” acts is the proper way to act? She may act like a girl stereotypically does, quiet, shy, listens, sits, etc…but that doesn’t mean that WE as Women/ Mothers need to enforce these codes of behaviour on our boys. I followed the link above provided by a commenter and it explained how to stop the gender gap…I want to ask all of you, WHY? Why do we have to act the same? Why can’t we embrace our femininity and let the boys embrace their masculinity? Why do we try and make our sons more empathetic, or sensitive or whatever emotion you wish to “create”? What gives us the right as WOMEN to try and TELL a man or in this case our son how he “should” act?
Is my brain wired the same way as his, science would tell me no. So why would he want to think like me, or is he even capable?
I think in our society we are trying to feminize boys and we don’t respect them enough to know that they will be who they are biologically.
Why is it that it is okay that a girl have Girl Scouts that are just for girls, but the boys are expected to share? Why can’t they learn just boy things?
I could go on forever on this topic, as I have started already, but I urge any woman with sons to read “The Wonder of Boys” by Michael Gurian. It explains that what boys really need is a tribe of their own, a place where they can just be “a guy” and they need a MALE mentor, and HE will show them the proper way to “act” like a “man”.

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Reverse Discrimination

I run in many activist circles. I have friends that fight for the rights of animals, for the right to breastfeed wherever and whenever (including a swimming pool), for the right to allow women the choice to keep their child or to abort, for the right of the newborn male to keep his foreskin...but above all else these friends fight for the rights of women. It's safe to say that the majority of my friends are feminists. I get it, I am right there with them, I think women should have the same opportunities as men. I think that women should get to choose what is right and okay for their bodies and themselves. I think women should be valued for their intellect rather than their T and A. I took many a women's studies course in why is it now that I have sons that I feel like I may be on an island all by myself?
The thing is that I notice that there is a lot of reverse discrimination when it comes to boys. Girls can pretty much play both gender roles with not much of a comment, but boys on the other hand are encouraged to be gender neutral to a point, but once they pass that point people get uncomfortable. A boy can have long hair, until he is school-aged and even then he will be called a girl many many times before he reaches that age. He can wear pink, but will get commented on for it. He can play with dolls etc, but he must also suck it up when he is upset, brush it off when he is hurt and pretend that he is fine when he gets insulted.
There was a recent post about what to say if a girl is wearing a bikini top, as if it some how makes her listen to "the man"...but what if a boy wore a bikini top....not so comfortable now is it?
And then there is the stuff that makes me personally irritated with society. We can have all of these classes and clubs that are co-ed. But, we cant have just boys clubs because women fought so hard to get acceptance into them...but on the other hand we have "women only" clubs that boys can not attend. (the biggest one being Boy Scouts Vs. Girl Scouts). When I brought this up to a couple friends about wanting my boys to have their own club, it was like I had spat in the face of feminism...when really I just wanted my boys to be able to do boy stuff....
Because really we ARE different. I feel like we are oppressing little boys for the sake of our feminism.

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Breastfeeding and Divorce

This is a response to this horrible post.

Disclaimer : This is my blog so these are my opinions, just putting it out there.

I get so tired of women blaming children for their lack luster lives. I get it, we all have those days when we just want everyone to go away so that we can do some sort of activity that is just for us. But to blame children for the fall out of a marriage is just cowardly in my opinion, and furthermore to blame breastfeeding is just incredulous.

The thing is unless you were raped you had some say in whether you were going to get pregnant. And guess what, you knew fully well that this wasnt some 5 year gig. Parenting is for life! Get over yourselves. If you didnt want strechmarks, your "fun bags" to sag, the C-section scar or for your va-jay-jay to be disfigured then you should have kept your legs closed. (or gotten you or your partner fixed.) It is you people that make the No Kids people so crazy. Fuel to the fire.

Let me tell you something that may shock you...Breasts are for feeding. *gasp* I could honestly care less if you want to do it under a blanket, in a bathroom or out there for the world to see. Babies tummies are made for breastmilk. Instead of formula we should have milk banks!! It is insane that women feel burdened by society or judged that they are guilted into breastfeeding....they are for feeding!! Why on earth does milk squirt out of them if not for a child to get some comfort and sustenance? (and formula feeding moms dont start harping on me...if you couldnt nurse it was because you were abandoned by society, and were not given the right tools to nurse. I KNOW I have been there!) And if you don't want to nurse, DONT. Why the heck would a baby want you to resent him everytime you have to feed him? But OWN it and say, it's because *I* didnt want to...and then get on with your life. Stop trying to persuade others to follow suit.

But to say that Breastfeeding is Creepy, or to say that it destroyed a marriage is a piece of crap. Breastfeeding is NORMAL. Whats creepy is that a man would be placed in front of his children. That HIS needs are more important than that of a helpless newborn.

Let me tell you something ladies...there is this thing called a Gigi. Get one for him. He can use his hands and a tissue. And another thing, if a man thinks that his needs should be placed before his baby's maybe, just maybe this man isnt worth the ring? Just a thought....

There are all these articles going around about how children, and breastfeeding are oppressing women and that we can have it all. I am just gonna say it. We CAN'T. Or as a wise wise woman said to me, "We *can* have it all, just not all at once." What causes divorce rates in this country is the thought that we shouldnt have to compromise. Guess what? You do. You can not have your cake and eat it too.

We ALL make decisions that forever change the course of our lives. There are some of us that say, yes. I made that decision and so now I am paying for it, but it isnt the child's's yours. So grow up.

No regrets your life with no regrets.
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