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Monday, June 29, 2009


I was talking to a couple good friends about the previous post. I have gone through many different thoughts on how to deal with it. I guess it comes down to three.
1. Get over it. (which I am inclined to do.) Just ignore the drama and get on with my life.
2. Blast it all over, (which I am not interested in doing), this just makes her feel like she has power because she has made me mad.
3. Call her on it. (hmmm.) This may actually be an idea. Actually ask her what the problem is, so that we can move on.
That might be a good wouldnt be a bad thing to get over it. :)
But then, this shows her that I actually care and I really dont.

So back to square one.

Doesnt it seem like we are really back in highschool?

Saturday, June 27, 2009

True Friends.

I have been struggling with this post. I have been enraged, outraged, and overtly pissed off for the last couple days and have been trying to formulate what type of blog post I wanted to write. While still wanting to keep people anonymous, and keeping a level head.
I am not the type of person who goes off the handle on a regular basis, even though I am still quite young, and have had older people tell me that I am en-passioned. However, there are a couple things that make my blood boil, and cause me to rise in action.
Truth, Justice, Compassion, the Greater Good, Honesty.
If you live your life according to these values we will get along, no problem. I know that sometimes moms can have off days, and hey I have them too, so I always try to see all sides of a story and figure out all angles, and also give the person the benefit of the doubt....even to my detriment as my mom would point out.
So where am I going with this.....
Let's just say that I have a group of friends, ones that I know well, and others that I dont know as well...and there is a certain person within this group that has decided upon herself not to like me at all. Now, in a professional capacity, I can work with this woman. In a personal one, not so much....but then do we have to like every single person we meet, and for that matter, just because we share the fact that we parent the same way, are both women, and both had children come out of our bodies, does not best friends make....I digress...
So anyway, we dont see eye-to-eye, bottom line. And I dont really think the whole world or a group of friends for that matter should be brought in to it. Dragged through the drama....(which, coincedentally seems to follow me like a black cloud recently.)
Bottom line is that she is making these friends choose between me and her. Like we are in high school or something! And I am getting pressure to yield and make amends...for what exactly?
It's not that my friends are being dragged through this, when I never wanted them to in the first place, its not that I actually care that she dislikes me so much that she can not stand to be on the same world wide web as me, let alone at a social function...however, she can talk to me at a professional level....what pisses me off the most is that she has called my friendships in to question.
Not following..... lets go back to here. This is the single most defining moment for me as a woman. To realize that even though we age, we grow babies, we raise children in a caring matter, that some women never grow up and high school lasts why is this particular post have any relevance to this one?
Back then, I stood up for my friend. I put my whole heart, soul, reputaion on the line for her because I felt that she was being treated unjustly.
I told others, and strained friendships that I had made, because I stood up for her.
Now the same thing is happening to me. And I am honestly afraid that these women, these moms that I trust to be honest with me, and truthful, will bend to the will of one, and I will be shunned, and that will show me that no - one really has my back, and that I am some sort of anomoly that will continually put herself on the line for other people with no reciprocation at all.
It's not like I would actually ask these women to do this for me, as I think even in asking brings me down to the level of a high schooler. Also, there is enough drama happening that, really, what would be the point? And it would just fracture more relationships for no reason.....
But, it makes me sad, and melancolic, to think....who, who really, has my back?

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Sleep...or Lack Thereof

I seem to be in a sort of time warp when it comes to sleep and my children. Here I am at 11:02pm and my children are finally asleep.
Usually this wouldn't bother me, but lately it is. A lot.
The thing is that I really really need to study. I have a couple classes that are winding down in the next month and I really have to spend some time to finish them, and if my kids are not sleeping until 11pm then when am I supposed to do this work?
What ends up happening is that as soon as they are both sleeping I spend an hour "de-stressing" from the day....either cleaning a little, eating, going on the computer etc. Maybe doing some actual work...and then I start studying and then I go to bed at 1 or 2am. This would be okay if I wasn't woken up at 7am.
I feel like a zombie. I dont feel like I am actually doing well in my classes if I cant do any work at a reasonable hour.
I could just shut the door at 7pm and listen to them scream, but I dont because I have made this commitment to myself and to them that I will be there for them when they need me, especially in the arena of sleep, but boy is it tempting.
I have so much stuff to do in the evening and can never do it.
I guess what I really have to do is bite the bullet and wake up earlier and then wake them up earlier, and perhaps skip the nap until they are on a good schedule.
I would love it if they could both be asleep by 8pm.
Then maybe I could get to sleep myself at a decent hour.

Sunday, June 14, 2009

The Discipline Post

A mom on my parenting board put out a simple call for some advice on how to discipline her 3 year old daughter, from the flurry of responses you would think that a "time-out" was the WORST thing that you could EVER do to a what about a spanking???
I am beginning to feel like one can never win at the mommy wars game. For one, it starts with conception, ageism, and fertility, then birth experience, then nursing then sleep, now discipline....when will it ever end.
Honestly, I dont give a rats ass how you parent as long as YOU feel in your GUT that you are informed, empowered and are doing the right thing for YOUR family. I will gladly help you find resources, but in the end, to time out, or not to time out is not going to affect me....until that is my son brings your daughter home who has never been told no in her poor sons! ;P

I did however want to share a couple of ideas about discipline and maybe "attachment parenting" in general.

So, as an "attachment parent" we want our children to be as attached, as emotionally cognizant, as well rounded, sensitive and the like. To understand to respect all peoples regardless of colour, creed, or race. How exactly can we do that if there are no limits on our children?
I am not saying that we should expect our kids to be little soldiers. I will be the first to tell you that I enjoy it sometimes when my son questions the norm, or says no. That shows me that he is gaining independence, confidence and understanding of the world around him. Our world has boundaries and it is up to us to show our children where those lines lay.
I do not advocate allowing the child to have the upper hand. You are the parent. The buck stops with you. Bottom line. Kids dont want friends. I am not even 30 yet and I have plenty friends whos parents were permissive....can we say no motivation and sex and drug addictions??? Maybe this is because they never learned about control?

Our children are not robots, they are autonomous creatures that learn a million things everyday. I for one think we are doing them a HUGE disservice if we "talk our feelings to death". In my house it is NOT okay to hit the dog or the baby. I honestly could care less why. I really could. My older son is immediately removed. Kicking, screaming, punching. I tried to ask him why he hits his brother, or the dog...."because I like to." Stalemate. So I moved to "it is unacceptable to hit your brother or the dog unprovoked, if you do so, you will sit alone, on this stair. We show love in this house, and if you dont want to you can play by yourself in your room." Children need to know how to deal (defense mechanisms) when they do not get what they want (stress). We have to help them figure out how to deal with it.

I will not be beside my son everytime something doesnt go his way. He has to know how to deal with that himself, so I am setting him up to be an emotional cripple that will have an anxiety disorder because he can not leave the house for fear of someone saying, no.

We only know our children, and how our children cope with a particular situation. I would never ever tell a mother of teenagers that what she is doing could scar her, am I in that situation? How do I know that? Because I read it in a book....better yet a book by a man who was never home with his kids because he was busy promoting his book? How does he know?
So, when others with children who are NO where near my child's age, ability, or environment give their two cents I can respect it, I can listen, but I will not take it to heart, because I will listen to some one who has a child in a similar situation, or has gone through it before.....

I can't make my children do anything, as I have said before, but I can show them what is acceptable and what isnt...and as a parent that is the best I can do. I am only human, I make mistakes, one size does not fit all......

and lastly, if your child is a perfect little angel and does nothing to displease you.. (and I am talking over 3 years old), your day is coming....and it's not the way your parent...that could be a part of it, but it's called NATURE vs. NURTURE and nature usually wins. ;) (you could just be one of the lucky ones with an easy to please tempermented child....I know I am not!)
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