Ads 468x60px

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Listening ...or not.

I am on a journey at the moment. Since I am taking a break from School, and from Volunteering I have a little more time for myself as of late. I am working on relationships, with my family, my friends and even my dog!
At the moment my biggest parenting issue is that my older child (4) doesnt listen to me. He can hear me, he just chooses not to follow instruction.
I have to say that it is the most incredibly frustrating thing that he does. I understand that I dont want him to everything that people ask him to do, as questioning a persons motives is always nice when being asked a favour...but I am asking him to stay in a bathroom stall while my pants are down around my ankles and the other child is being wrestled away from the Tampon Disposal....yuck! But no, instead of heeding his mothers warnings and requests and threats, this 4 year old disappears under the door, and races to the entrance of the building so that he can then press the handicap button. SOOOO frustrating, not to mention unsafe.
I have asked for many many different opinions, and have tried pretty much all of them, save spanking....I honestly dont think that one would work either. (not that it is even an option for me), I am just at my wits end and felt I had to rant about least that way I feel like I am actually doing something.!

Friday, November 20, 2009

A Question of Parenting Style.

My last post I concentrated on "attachment parenting" and the disservice that "experts" can do to new mothers by making them think that some how this will lead to angel children. Today I am going to talk about the 3 types of parenting that are in Barbara Coloroso's book "Kids are Worth It."
The first thing that I should point is that there has to actually be a classification of 3 types of parents. we all basically fit into one of 3 molds...I dont think so. There are as many types of parents as there are kids so to try and place us all into a category again undermines our very abiltiy to parent and makes us question those instincts that we have towards our offspring.
Anyway, I digress. Let's start.
This parent is a bear. Doesn't really listen to their child, uses corporal punishment, is punitive etc. Not someone you want to aspire to be. :)
The listener, The *I* statements, the reasoning...basically the run of the mill parent. The one that we *should* all be.
The jelly-fish. Lets their kid get away with anything, and honestly, at least for me..the hardest parents to deal with. No discipline at all.
Now where is "AP" on this know what? It could be all three. Shocking!!!
But really, sometimes we have to put our foot down, esp. when safety is a concern and at other times we can be totally permissive when we want to keep our cool and know that this battle wont matter in the long run.
Whatever the case, it just doesnt matter what the label says you are. You are you, and you know your child and you want to do the best you can do as a parent. No "expert" telling you what you "should" do is going to help you, if anything it will just make you feel more judged or more guilty for something that you may have done in the past.
Parenting is hard. Its the hardest job that anyone will ever have, bottom line. If you teach your kids respect, respect for them, you, and life what else really matters?

Thursday, November 19, 2009


For a long while I have been a part of an Attachment Parenting group. I have posted about it often. Maybe too often...
As I get older, or more experienced in my parenting I have come to realize that it isnt an US vs. THEM type of universe when parenting.
I admit it, I could not stand to hear about parents sleep training their kids and yes, I judged them harshly...too harshly. I somehow had to make myself *better* than these parents...and I mean, wasn't AP'ing so much harder? Didnt that make you the more committed parent? Parenting through the night as well as the day....
Anyway, I have really come to realize in the last little while that these other parents have much more to offer me than I had once thought. For one, they dont make me feel guilty for not spending every waking moment with my child, for feeding him a hot dog, or for losing my cool once in a while. Of course I am not saying that every AP mom makes me feel that way too...I am just saying that certain "baby experts" lead you to believe that if you breastfeed until they self wean, co-sleep until they decide to leave the family bed, and feed them all organic that you will have the perfect little children. And if not, you failed.
I am here to call Bullshit. First off there is this little thing called Nurture vs. Nature. No amount of AP'ing is going to make a HUGE difference on your child, especially if you are responsive to your child, but understand that BALANCE is key. You can be respectful to your child and foster a healthy relationship without following all those "baby b's " or referring to your self as an "attachment parent".
While I am at it, the whole concept of the "attachment parent" leads us to failure...who is someone who isnt? an "detachment parent"? What does that say? What kind of message is that?
We need to be respected for all of our parenting choices and to be able to say, "hey I do that different, and its okay". I really think that we would have more of a village if that sort of thing happened more often, and we didnt play into these "experts" ideas of how it is to parent.
I will be the first to say that I make mistakes and I dont have a clue what I am doing most days, and most of the time I am just learning as I go. But, every single day I learn something new and I am open to change and all I want is for my kids to say when they are 20 years old, that they do not have a question in their mind that they were loved by their parents and that they were treated with respect and therefore they will treat others with respect. Label or no label.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Sibling Rivalry

I just finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry, it really only took me 3 hrs (uninterrupted!). The basics concepts of the book were really well laid out.
The only real issue that I had with the book was that it is really hard to use the concepts on a 2 year old and 4 year old. Both get way too upset to really listen.
Most of the concepts talk about using words and understanding and working things out with little parental suggestion.
Something along the lines of "I see two sad children, who both want to watch different TV shows, can you both work together to figure out how both of your needs can be met?"
I think that perhaps with a 5 - 20 year old that could work, but a 2 and 4 year old....they just get too angry.
They dont understand that their actions have any consequences for other people.
I really enjoyed this book though and would suggest it to other parents for a sneak peak on what to say when their kids get a little bit older. :)
Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...


Networked Blogs