End of an Era.

A couple of days ago my favourite parenting magazine Mothering said that it could no longer sustain the magazine portion of their business and that they are going to go towards an information/web only form of publication.

I was shocked. Mothering has been around since the late 70's! I could not believe that such an important part of my information gathering was going to be no more. I give out these magazines to clients and to friends who have babies and so I am sad that this part of the company will be no more. I love the realness of a magazine, the smell, the feel and the fact that I can stash them just about everywhere. I will have to guard my back issues that much more carefully. :)

I have been thinking alot on why this has happened. Of course the American economy is partly to blame, and they could have too much staff or what have you. But I think the real reason is because they are no longer a "Fringe" magazine.

Let me explain. For many many years Mothering has been accepted by one type of person. Your super crunchy attachment parent. (of course Natural Family Living as well). So you had one type of subscriber that would pay $30 or more (which is almost double than other "mainstream" parenting mags) because they wanted to feel that others felt the same way.

After 2005, "AP" became more "mainstream". I used to be on a parenting support forum that really was a proponent of Crying it Out, or smacking, or yelling and all out "seen but not heard" children. I went back again to see what their thoughts were, just because I was curious, and instead they were talking about their favourite slings, cloth diapers, sleeping in the same bed as the baby, and nursing well past a year.

I was kinda thrown.

But it's true. Attachment parenting principals are becoming more widely used. Mostly because parents are listening to their guts and not the textbook, or the doctor, or their mom, or whoever...just themselves.

And so with this "trend" mainstream magazines are more likely to print about safe ways to sleep with your baby, how to breastfeed, and what sling is the most awesome....and that takes market share away from Mothering as you can get 24 issues of Todays Parent for $1! (which is way cheaper...)

In a way, they kind of helped to make themselves obsolete.....and I am not sure if that is good or bad in the end.

Burned by Facebook

Since I don't think it can get any worse than it already is I thought that I would write a blogpost.

A couple days ago I posted a picture on my facebook account. Many people commented on it...

It was simple enough, a picture of my house and one of my kids.

I was posting it to show my husband what the house looks like moments before he gets home. I went upstairs to put my kids to bed and then came down stairs to a shit show. 

Usually I don't post profanities on my blog but in this instance I am calling it like I see it.

What I came down to was something that I am feeling the ramifications 3 full days later. To make it as simple as possible, my mother in law and friends were having a difference of opinion. (and neither side was backing down).

I am not going to take sides on this one as it is impossible. The sad fact of the matter and the reason for this particular blogpost is for me to vet out my feelings about it.

Everyone involved were adults and adults make their own decisions on how to respond and ways to conduct themselves. So I am not going to apologize for the way that people handled themselves and that is not my cross to bear as *I* was not involved in the least bit, all I did was post a picture of my life on my personal FB account.

What the purpose of this blogpost is, is to make people think, maybe for a second on *WHAT* they are posting on *other* peoples pages. Yes, I get that FB is an open and public forum...but I have said again and again that we would NEVER say the stuff that we say to people on FB that we would to their faces. The social tact is gone, replaced by the ability to say what ever we want, never actually having to deal with the actual consequences.

Whether or not you feel that someone is out of line or whatever, you have to think of how this will effect the original page owner.

All I know is that all the comments from one little picture has now put stress on the relationship between me and my MIL, me and my friends, me and my husband, me and my immediate family, and stress and conflicted feelings within myself.

I never thought that *I* would be a person that would dislike facebook and think about deleting my account...but at this moment, I do.

So in the future. Think before you Facebook!

More Food Wars

In my last post I complained about the school that my son goes to gave him hot chocolate without asking me first. I did talk to the teacher and she had read the ingredients as so not to give it to him if there was dairy in it, and there was none. She told me that she has a daughter with an allergy so that she double and triple checks with my son, but sometimes forgets to get a hold of me (which I totally understand, but that if for another blog post).

Yesterday was Valentines Day. I was incredibly excited that the children had decided that they did not want to do valentines as they found them wasteful and instead to bring a donation for the Children's Hospital in our area. They were however going to have a Valentines Day party and asked the parents to send a "healthy snack".

I do not now where people think that cakes and cookies are healthy! It blows my mind! I get it, its a party, its valentines, cupcakes and cookies in the shape of a heart...cute..I know...but NOT healthy!

I sent my son with tomato and cheese skewers and pineapple hearts...and you know what? They were all gone when I got the container back.

Children will choose healthy foods if there is an option!

I know, I shouldn't really complain. The parents are trying to get involved with their kids and supply snacks that they will enjoy ~ and who doesn't enjoy a good sugar cookie? But, then to wonder why the kids are all grouchy, acting out, and the like after a party that really allowed them to stuff on junk for 2 hours is really a no brainer.

And please, please don't get me started on the red food dye!!!

Food Fight

My son told me that he had a hot chocolate in class today.

I completely freaked out.

I have a dairy allergy. No, it's not life threatening, but it hurts like heck. Think of the worst pain you have had now stick it in your gut. I have also gotten hives and had trouble breathing so I am sure that if I pushed it...it could be a little more of an issue.

When keenan was 1 year old a stranger (mom) fed him some goldfish crackers and he had such a violent reaction to them that I never EVER gave him a milk product like that again.

It could have been the orange dye, it could have been the day, it could have been a lot of things, but all I know is that I had NEVER seen him in so much pain. So I now tell everyone that he cannot eat cow's dairy and we cook accordingly, and buy snacks accordingly.

I do have to say that I do cheat once in a blue moon...a cookie here (not chocolate), or a muffin there (not buttermilk) or even a super small piece of cake at a birthday party (with no icing). Even though I cheat I don't think that means that he can get dairy whenever *someone* else chooses.

After he told me, I panicked. I pictured someone giving him a whole glass of heated chocolate milk!! I jumped out of the van to ask the volunteer coordinator if it was true and she wasnt sure. So I asked the other kids. Yes, water and powder.

The other moms asked me what was the big deal? I said because Hot Chocolate is made with milk. They said, well if it was the powder and water, then it shouldn't be a problem.....okay.....but what is the powder made from? (usually skim milk).

What if I gave my friend's kid that was allergic to peanuts a piece of crust that had a tiny bit of peanut butter on it....would that be okay? I know it wouldn't. And yes, argue with me that milk wont kill my kid, because it won't. But what if I was Jewish? Is it okay to give him something with bacon on it?

The bottom line is that people who do not have allergies or sensitivities do not give any thought to those of us who do. It makes me crazy. (and I probably looked crazy running out of the van to ask the other moms about a drink given in class).

I just have problems with people giving my kid food that I did not Ok. Does that make me over protective? Nuts?

What do you think? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Bad Breastfeeding

When I had my first son I was convinced that it would be super easy to breastfeed. I mean my mom breastfed all of her kids (4 of us) until the age of 2! How hard could it be? Babies are born to be breastfed right??

Well, yes....but it was not that easy. The thing was that I was so over confident that no one realized that I was doing it wrong. My latch was terrible and my son was losing weight, fussy and not thriving. My whole mothering concept was wrapped up in being able to nourish this baby from my breast. If I couldn't do it, then I was not a "real" mom.

I had to supplement for a while and donor milk was so under ground that I had no choice but to formula feed while I pumped day and night and took the maximum dosage of motilium just to get a supply back...and I did. When Keenan was 7 months we were able to do away with formula. He was on solids and my milk made up the rest. I was ecstatic...

BUT. I can see how damaging all that was to my self esteem...all the over obsessing and weighing and crying and thinking I was damaging my son...I went to a couple LLL meetings when I was in the midst of it all and found very supportive help. More help than that of the breastfeeding clinic who told me that I was causing brain damage by refusing to supplement.

I over heard many people talk disparagingly about other women in the LLL, saying that they were militant etc. etc. and my experience was not that way at all.

Fast forward to now. Having now breastfed 3 children, 2 to 2 years old, and the last one going strong at 10 months I bristle at the way that nursing moms talk about formula feeding moms. Online chat rooms, forums, facebook pages, blogs and twitter.

Calling them uneducated, or ignorant, or selfish for "choosing" formula over the better, more superior choice. Laughing and saying, "my breastmilk has no bugs in it!" after a woman found little bugs in her powdered formula. This lactivism that seems to be out of control in the social media world. It doesn't really stop there. Someone will step up and say, "hey, some of this is a little insulting" and then an onslaught of comments ranging from the woman's education to the way she is raising her own child come into question. The woman herself becomes a punching bag for those demonizing formula.

Don't get me wrong, I think breastfeeding is best, but I also think that there are other ways to get your message across than flaming mothers who use formula. Comments saying that because donated milk is readily available that other women can't use any excuse not to use breastmilk.....not taking into account that some women just don't want to use other women's milk. It's not helping. Demonizing Dr.Mercola for creating a more organic, natural formula...it's not helping.

I support breastfeeding moms. I have been to rallies, nurse in's and organized breastfeeding challenges. I nurse in public. I nurse toddlers in public. I smile and thank other women for nursing in public when I see them.

But I also do not walk up to a woman in the mall and tell her that her infant formula is going to cause all these issues with her baby in regards to health, that she is selfish, that she is a bad mom, that she made a horrible, disgusting, choice that her baby never going to forgive her...that isnt okay in real life. Why is that okay on Facebook?

Maybe I do get touchy because breastfeeding wasn't easy for me and that I felt guilty and sick every time I made up a 4 oz bottle of formula. I felt like a failure. I felt like I shouldn't have become a mother. The LAST thing I would have needed would be for some self righteous mom to tell me that I was damaging him. I *knew* that breast is best. But what choice did I really have? We only do as best as we can with the information given to us at the time.

I wish that lactivists would STOP flaming the moms and put your money where your mouth is. Do the research and find a formula company that you can't stand ethically (there are a lot) and boycott them. Write to them. Boycott companies that they support and visa versa. Money; (or lack there of) talks.

Sleep Training.

My advice to a mom of a 8 month old that wakes up every two hours and is at the end of her rope..

The thing is that some babies can be "trained" by No-Cry, or Shush-Pat, or whatever...but some just can't. You either get a good sleeper or you don't. What is more important is for you to get some coping techniques.

My eldest STILL doesnt sleep though the night and he is 5. (he stopped napping at 15mos as well.)

I would suggest going to bed with him so that you get *some* sleep before that first wake up, and if you leave the lights off he may just dream feed and go back to sleep. I know, it sucks! But when we choose to parent the way that we do, alone/adult time becomes part of the sacrifice.

I also found that the *more* I stressed about sleep the *less* my kids will sleep. It's almost murphys law. If I took a couple days and said, I will just go with it, my kids would not *feel* me trying to pull away and they would become more secure and then let me have more freedom.

Does that make sense?

Our kids can feel when we want space, and feel resentment, and they get scared and insecure so they *latch on* (pun intended) even more.

Younger and Wiser?

I was just looking at a bunch of my favourite Bloggers the other day PhD in Parenting, CodeName Mama, The Feminist Breeder and Christie Haskell on the Stir. All pretty much blog about my "type" of parenting. I think their blogs are wonderfully informative and I forward them often to friends on Facebook.

I was noticing today, as they have all posted about their own families recently, that not one of them has a child *over* 6. (PhD in Parenting's son is the oldest and born in 2004)

What is up with that?

It's a theme that has been following me for a while and just now rearing it's ugly head in my Blogreel. My child is older than the children of a lot of the parents that I go to for advice.

I really don;t think that this is intentional...I follow blogs because I am a techy. I have had this particular blog since I was pregnant with my first (way back in 2004/2005) because I was looking for somewhere that I could share the milestones of pregnancy with friends (since I was the first to get preggo - well... second).

Some would say that maybe it is because Blogging is so new. Well, that is kinda true but there are bloggers of teenagers out there..they just don't blog about "parenting" and more about "life" or school/food/crafts/cakes/etc. etc.

Others would say that it is because "Attachment Parenting" or "instinctual parenting" or what ever you want to call it, is new....and it really isnt. Dr.Sears came out with his first books in the late 70's early 80's...and my own mother breastfed and co-slept with ALL her kids until they were 2. (not to mention sharing feelings, gentle discipline...the whole deal (pssst. she was also a TEEN mom - does that shock you?! :P )

I feel that when I read these posts of my favourite bloggers I get more of a sense of validation...that yes, I have been saying that all along, or hey, I blogged about that 3 years ago, or just wait until your child is 4....

What I would love is to read a blog by a mother who parents like I do, but has children that are OLDER than mine. I want to see what she would have done *differently* so that I can maybe change some of the things that I do in my life.

When everyone is going through the same thing, it is great to commiserate, but you don't learn as much as listening to someone who has already *been* at that stage and survived to tell the tale.

What do you think? Do you follow any "AP" blogs that feature parents who have older kids????

Great Apps for Preschoolers

While many parents will shy away from technology I have fully embraced it for me and my kids. We are all apple users. A year ago I got a MacBook Pro for Christmas from my hubby and with the purchase we got a free iPod Touch. It kind of sat dormant in the car until one day I was searching "Transformer" Apps out of curiosity and then both me and my 5 year old son have been hooked!

Many parents wonder what are some Apps that are appropriate for kids, so I have put together a list of all the Apps that my children (preschoolers) love!

Angry birds - Who doesn't love this App? It is incredibly easy to navigate and it teaches physics at the same time. While my son just loads the slingshot and fires without much thought...he loves to see the buildings crash to the ground. He also passes some levels that I get stuck on, because he just doesn't stop firing!

Animatch - A matching game. I am not a huge fan of the matching games but my kids love them. This one is more for the 5 year old and not the 3 year old as the little one just gets frustrated. The cool part about this App is that when you press on a tile it makes the sound that the animal makes so not only are you using visual learning, but audio as well. (and kinaesthetic if you attribute that to the tap screen.)

Glow free - These are kind of like old school "paint" for windows. You just pick a colour and drag it across the screen. Both boys like this App. Easy, easy to use.

Fire Lite - This is a really cool App. It is just like the "paint" above but it is with fire. The kids can make it glow and get hotter and change the direction of the flame. Even I like this one!

Zoola - This is a great App for the under 5 set. (yes I let my 3 year old play too!) This App. has 3 screens with 12 animals each. Farm, safari and forest. The child presses one of the animals and it lets you see/hear how to say it's name and what it sounds like (male, female and baby). I really like this one, and my 3 year old does too! It is a really easy to use App. and great for teaching the little ones how an iPod/iPhone works.

Planets - This App. isn't really for kids but it is a Free App. and you can't go wrong with Free! It actually shows you all the constellations and the way that the planets look in 3D. My kids don't understand this one as much but they like to look at Earth and Venus and se how alike they are and it leads to many different conversations about space!

Cute Math - Exactly like it says...cute! This is another Free App. so the quality isn't that great (picture wise) but the idea is there, and I don't think the kids notice that the graphics are not outstanding. Kids are told how many melons or apples they are supposed to collect and then drag them to the basket. They also do easy adding and subtracting. A little early for my particular kids, but you can never start math too early in my opinion. :)

Feed Me (french) - This is another great Free App. that teaches kids french. (Although I wish I understood it!) Oh, well....exposure to another language is good...right?

Lekar - This App. is made by IKEA, which I think is awesome. IKEA is known for being an innovative company and this App. is no exception. It's whole premise is to get you up and active with your kids, and I love that!!

Animals Lite - This is a letter/word recognition game where the child drags the letters into the right spots to make a word. Each letter says it's name and when they are strung together properly they hear what the word says. This one is more for 4-6year olds.

Tales 2 Go - I just downloaded this App. as they had a free trial. It is basically stories for different age groups. My kids don't love this one as much as Angry Birds or Make a Martian, but they do use it and sit quietly for the amount of time it takes for the story to finish...which is a win in my books!

Word Wiggler - What starts with this letter, etc. This App. is great for learning letter recognition. Both my boys love this App. and it is super easy to navigate for the 3 year old which is awesome. I like how they will play this one together, the older one telling the younger which is right!

Make A Martian - The kids LOVE this one, and who wouldn't? Super easy to use for both the kids and this is the one that they fight over... (need a new iPod it seems). The basic premise is that the kids click different eyes, ears and tentacles among other things! I really recommend this one.

And lastly, the App. that started it all.

Cybertoy Free - Or so it says! This App. is smart because each transformer costs .99c and of course the kids want everyone. I do like that they can transform the cars with a swipe of a finger and that there is an option for Bumblebee to bust a move, but otherwise this is the App. that I load when I need that 15 mins of peace.

Do you have any favourites? Leave your suggestions in comments.

Screw the Books

As some of you may know I have been in this parenting journey for 5 years. Funny enough 5 years seems like a lifetime. Working with parents I am exposed to a lot of mommy judgement, not directed at me in particular but listening to moms conversations when I am setting up or taking down a class, trade fair, event etc.

And every single year new moms put their feet so far up their butts it is not even funny. They talk and gossip about how so-and -so and her kid is so this or so that. How the kid will be messed up, and how they will NEVER do that....

I know, I know! I did it too!! This is the sad part. We are so disconnected with our community that we don't even know it!! Imagine if you became friends with moms before you were pregnant...if we had an opportunity to learn rather than judge?

When I had my first son I had to run into a local baby store to grab a soother clip or something and left him in the car with my husband...he was 3 0r 4 months old. In the store there were these two moms having a conversation, one was holding her baby and the other had her (7 to 9 month old) baby sitting/crawling on the floor.

I can't tell you how disgusted I was. I mean that baby was on the dirty store floor!!! Gross.....laughable isnt it?!

My children would NEVER go on a gross floor like that....oh yes they would! And later when I had my third he would eat cheerios of said gross floor if it meant I could make a purchase with both hands!

The Feminist Breeder wrote a post recently about this phenomena. It's so true, each generation of mothers sits upon her high horse if only for a moment to be kicked off by her kid...maybe not kid #1, or #2 but at some point she will.

Reading every parenting book and following every class and doing everything that the "experts" say will NOT make your kids any less fucked up than they are going to be. It will just make you feel more depressed that you are doing it all *wrong*.

YOU ARE NOT DOING IT WRONG.

Impossible Passport Photos

We would like to take a holiday into the states later this year to visit family. We thought that we would drive since we really don't want to have to deal with any of the TSA drama that has been unfolding in the last couple months.

We also thought that it may be a good experiment to either A. See how insane we really are. or B. See if we can make it as far as it will take us to the cottage in the summer, and C. If we can make it there without killing ourselves, the kids or eachother (all in the figurate sense of course!)

So the trip (driving) is going to take us a minimum of 3 days. We know that to be realistic that it will probably take closer to 4 because we have 3 small children and a dog that will probably need to pee just as mush as the children do...so maybe 4 days isn't even realistic....hmmmm......

Anyway, because we are leaving our beautiful but COLD country and decided to go down to the warmer parts of the U.S of A. we needed to get passports. However, getting passport photos for 3 children under the age of 5 is a journey all in itself.

First of all they want your children to look straight on into the camera so that they can see *both* of their ears. This is almost impossible as kids look everywhere BUT where you tell them to. Second their mouths must be shut...ummm...so after you spend YEARS trying to get them to smile at the camera you are now telling them NOT to.

My five year old would not look at the camera even with bribing him to. I tried to no avail to get him to look straight, no smile, chin up, look straight, chin up....straight!!!! It was so frustrating. So finally after we got his picture done and on to the next kid to do this all over, the photog told us...it's too dark!!!

We finally got all the pics done after 45 mins (no joke) of pleading, threatening, and bribing....and still have to see if the passport office will make us do it again.

Sigh.

What are your tips for getting passport pictures done with children?

Pass the Vegetables Please

My son is a vegetarian. He refuses to eat anything that ever had a heart beat. The rest of our family is about 75 - 80% vegetarian depending on the week. Ever since I had my first son I have been trying to eat more local, sustainable and in season. I have many friends who are vegetarian, vegan and the like, but I have never been able to fully commit myself. (it's the sushi and the lamb).

At first I thought that my son was just an incredibly picky eater. He was only 3 years old. He just didn't like the way chicken tasted...or beef...or lamb...or fish....hmmm. I tried him on Tofu expecting him to turn his nose up at it, I mean even some grown ADULTS turn their nose up to tofu. But no, he gobbled up his whole plate and asked for seconds and thirds!!

I tried to bribe him with chicken nuggets and fish and chips. He wouldn't have any of it. More carrots he would ask, more sweet potatoes, more peas. I finally resigned myself to the fact that my 5 year old can make some decisions all by himself.

He loves Edaname. Can't get enough noodles and loves to eat gnocchi. Veggie Potstickers, spring rolls, and of course peanut butter sandwiches. There isn't too many veggies that he doesn't like apart from mushrooms and black beans.

I used to try and fight it, because lets face it, vegetarian is a better/healthier option...but for a busy mom of 3 sometimes it's easier to get drive thru Swiss Chalet.

Freak of Nature.

When I would go out with my first I would secretly hope that people would look at me and think how cute my baby was. I really did. I loved getting those smiles that people give you when they see you with your first baby. Of course, they could have been secretly thinking, "hahaha! She doesn't know what she is in for!" But, I think for the most part people just like seeing babies.

After I became pregnant with my second, I would hope the same. I would hold my 2/3 year olds hand and then have the baby in my carrier of choice. We would walk and people would say, "oh, what sweet boys you have..." I really enjoyed just going out with the two of them and walking wherever we needed to go, taking our time and being our silly selves.

I didn't think that it would change. As my brood got bigger I thought that people would still give me that smile and say how precious my kids were. They didn't change, so why would I think that the interaction with people would?

But it did. I wrote about it in this post and this post. It were these outings that made me feel like a freak of nature with all of my kids. And the sad thing is that I only have 3. Many people I know have 4 or even more. I dread going out with them. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and maybe it is all in my head, but I can't handle the judgement. I just don't have the confidence to put up with it.

Sometimes I get the nerve to try go out again with all 3 because I need something that can't wait until the husband comes home. But inevitably every time that I do, fate steps in and shows me that I am a fool to think that anything should really go my way.

For example. We went to the grocery store (ahh the grocery store land of judgement galore) and I had both my kids in the "car cart" and the baby in the wrap (tied loosely because he was nursing). The 3 year old started acting out and standing on his seat, I warned him that I was going to buckle him in..he ignored me. So I calmly leaned over and put the strap on...the baby started fussing because he was being compressed by me bending over (but it would take a SECOND to snap the strap and we could go) and all of a sudden this old lady (70's) came over yelling, "HIS HEAD!! HIS HEAD!! YOU ARE SQUISHING THE BABY'S HEAD!!!" and I was...a bit...(it really wasnt that bad.)

Anyway, the WHOLE aisle then decided to look at this freak wearing this long piece of cloth tied to her squishing her baby, and her two other children crying and whining.....I wanted to crawl in a hole...I thanked the lady, said he was fine, and left.

I go to that particular store often, and feel sad that it's things like that which make me afraid to go out.

It's almost like I feel ashamed to have 3 children. When I am around my friends I don't as like I said, many of us have more than one...but when in public and I have one child holding my left hand, and one child holding my right, and then the baby on the front, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

ps. the picture is from Demi Bella which I am totally ordering from!

Barely Making It? Change it up.

I have talked before how it irritates me when people say "I don't know how you do it" in regards to single parenting 85% of the time. My response is always "Not well!" Today was sure one of those examples!

My lovely sister came over last night to watch my children for me so that I could go on a much needed Moms Night Out. (which I enjoyed immensely) When I came home we decided to stay up and have some girl time. I stayed up WAY too late! 2 am is not okay for moms of 3 kids. I felt sick in the morning. (and I didn't get my latte, so that makes me grouchy as well). She helped me put together some furniture (IKEA), and then went back to her life...and I back to mine.

There is something about lack of sleep and lack of latte that makes children's fighting and whining that much more hard to take, and makes me a much worse parent. I was yelling and screaming and sending kids to their rooms because *I* was having the tantrum.

It's interesting how just that little bit of extra sleep can really change the tone of the day. Also, how when I lose control it just reinforces the behaviours that I don't really like to see in them...but they are just copying the way that I react when I am having a tough go.

Weekends have always been the toughest in any case because being alone with no adult interaction really drains on me. But I have said this before. I really feel that being a parent that tries to be present and aware of my kids feelings etc, sets me up for a little bit more failure because the expectations of my self are much higher than they could be.

I try not to speed through the day because I don't want to rush through their childhood, so I decided instead to sign them both up for a class. It's a sports class right in the middle of the day. So we get out, change the routine and make the day better.

After our class we visited Starbucks and got hot chocolates, and my latte... we then came home and watched a movie together, dinner then bedtime....and the hope that tomorrow will be much better! :)

Confessions of a Lazy Mom

As of late I have seen many different blog posts and Facebook statuses of moms telling WHY they choose to do something one way or the other way. A lot of these posts pertain to the AP or "attachment parenting" way, or as it is now being called "instinctual", "intuitive" or "natural" way of raising children.

What gets my goat up is when these mommy bloggers extoll the virtues of their way, or that it is the "best" way of raising children....not that it is just a different way. I don't understand why they have to "defend" their position.

So, I have decided to come out of the closet and tell you how I started to "AP". It's because I am the laziest parent you will ever meet.

Breastfeeding : Which is easier?

1. Popping a boob into the mouth of a hungry 4 month old and going back to sleep, or

2. going to the store, finding formula, buying the right bottles,

sterilizing said bottles, walking down the hallway at 4am to mix the formula, feed the

baby, burb the baby and then have to wash the bottles and start all over again?

Having said all that, I did have to use bottles and formula for my first born as we had an uphill battle with establishing nursing for the first 6 months, but I can tell you that while nursing my 2nd and 3rd with no issues Breastfeeding is the easier choice. Convenient, less work, and way way more sleep.

CoSleeping/Bed Sharing : Which is easier?

1. Laying down with the baby when you get tired and nursing them to sleep and falling asleep yourself, and when they wake up, pulling them close and popping said boob...or

2. Rocking, shushing, bouncing, nursing, to sleep, trying to transfer, having them wake up 20 mins later to start all over again, waking in the middle of the night, having to get out of bed and walk down the hallway to get the baby to sleep and then come back to your own bed exhaused to start all over again an hour later?

I absolutely started bedsharing with my kids because I did not want to have to walk down the hallway and go and get them. It was so much easier for me just to roll over, comfort them and go back to sleep. Sure there is a safe way of cosleeping and of course I need to highlight it, and funny enough people who do feed children formula should not...but for me and the fact that I was nursing through the night, it saved me HOURS of sleep. This was not at all about lowering the risk of SIDS, about regulating body temperature, or for bonding...it was all because I am way to lazy to get out of bed in the middle of the night.

Babywearing: Which is easier?

1. Having a baby content and sleeping on you or

2. Holding your baby all day until your arms feel like they are going to drop off, or trying to get the baby calm and then putting them down, only to have them cry and have to pick them up and do this over and over and over again, or have to buy so many batteries for all the devices that they now make to give us some reprieve for our sore arms?

I think I became a babywearer the first time I tried to pee while holding my son. It's true. He had fallen asleep while nursing and I didnt want him to wake up when I tried to transfer him so I thought, how hard can it be to pee holding something that weighs 10lbs? HARD. Getting my pants around my ankles wasn't the hard part, it was pulling them back up...with one hand...and dont even get me started on the button. I know, I know, too much information...but seriously, it was the hardest thing ever. Put that baby in a wrap however (mind the tails) and you can do ANYTHING! Anything. With two hands the possibilities are endless!! You can eat steak!! You can cut it yourself!! (I also babywear with wraps because they are cute...but that is another blog post.)

There are many more things that I do because of my laziness...but that is for another day. (the kids are bugging me to play!!) :)

A New Year - A New Outlook

I have been feeling extremely burnt out with the husband being away so often that it is spilling into all aspects of my life. I feel that I am a grouchy friend, a grouchy mom, and just pessimistic in general.

I have decided that every time that I feel the urge to post a whiny status update on Facebook I will write about something that I feel grateful for instead. It will be a stretch but I am sure that I will be able to turn my pessimistic attitude around.

For the most part it comes from having to be a single parent for more than half of the year with little to no support. I find it interesting that people always wonder "How do I do it" and the sad truth is that I don't have a choice...what else are we going to do? This recession has hit us just as hard as it has hit anyone else...so we truck on.

It's not the taking care of the kids that puts me in a bad mood, because for the most part my kids are pretty awesome. They like each other and play really nicely, they listen and are a joy to be around...we have our moments, but what parent doesn't?

It's AFTER the kids go to bed. When I am all alone with no one to talk to about my day. I came from a family of 6, there was always someone around to just BE around. To talk to, or not talk to...but they were there. Now my family is Facebook or A&E.

It's so easy to get sucked into the computer and chat with people but I am feeling a massive lack of community. Maybe I am the type of person who just needs more - who knows? But I am going to try and look on the bright side, do more things than the computer and TV....and get a life.

An Activist

*Warning Rant to Come*

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. While I love to see what my friends are doing and like to read interesting articles that they share, and connect with clients for business...I can not stand all the so called "activism". Especially when it comes from the AP/Natural Parenting Camp. Do these moms have nothing better to do with their time then to make other moms feel like crap.

One mom went as far to say that it wasn't her that was making people feel guilty for whatever (carseats/breastfeeding/circumcision) because she could not *make* anyone have feelings that they don't already have.

Give me a break!!

Of course you can make people feel bad when you get on the "I am a better parent than you because I birthed my babies in a tub with dolphins, breastfed and coslept until 6 and am still re-facing at age 10." Oh, I didn't include the "I love my son more because I didn't mutilate him" comment.

Get off your high horse.

I actually did have a homebirth, breastfed, and have un-circ'ed boys....but I didn't do it so that I could use them as some sort of trophy in the mommy war. I did it because *I* wanted to.

All I want for women is to feel supported in their choices and to feel empowered when they make a choice. If that choice is to have an elective C-section, to buy formula from Mercola, or to choose to circumcise her OWN son so be it.

Thank goodness that we live in a country where we have the opportunities to make these decisions ourselves. Imagine if we didn't. Or imagine that instead of Car Seat Techs arguing about how long a child needs to rear face, if they got OFF the computer and went down to the hospital or birthing center or MALL in their area and did car seat checks to make sure that they were all installed correctly.

The last point I have to make is that when you become a "fan" on Facebook, it means that you "like" something enough to take the time to click on whatever it is...this doesn't mean that you need to be exposed to doctrine every single day about this cause.

Take breastfeeding for example. Yes, I "like" it...but don't you think I know already about the benefits? I already said that I liked it.

I have to say that I am really grumpy, but I am so tired of the same posts being shared over and over again, by people who have never been on the other side, or who don't really want to.

Do you think that mom who posted about not being able to make people "feel" guilty has ever felt guilty? Or perhaps we should find something that she does feel guilty about and then fill her inbox with those posts over and over and over.

Have some compassion and meet people where they ARE.

The Thyroid

Sucks.

I went to get my thyroid tested again as I am feeling tired, and insomniac, and grumpy and all other symptoms that are related to being Hyperthyroid.

And yes...my levels are off. In order for the doctor to figure if it is Graves or a nodule, I have to do the iodine in the blood thing so that they can see if it affects the whole thyroid or just a part of it. This would only take a day to do, and then I would have a definitive answer....but it also means that I can't nurse for 2-5 days. I could still be home with E but not able to nurse....what the heck am I supposed to do? How could I explain to a 10 month old that I have no interest in stopping nursing but that we need to take a break for 5 days for *his* own good.

If I hadn't had such issues with keenan maybe i wouldn't feel so against stopping. It's not the nutrition for me. It's totally the bonding, and being able to comfort at my own breast.

I had hoped that perhaps being 5 years older and wiser and meeting all different types of people and so many different ways of parenting that I would know that it isn't that big of a deal.

But it is. To *ME*.

I just don't want to stop. I feel so torn. Selfish and Stupid.

How can I comfort my baby without my breasts? It seems impossible to me.

I hate this.

Hate it.

Sucks.

A Conundrum

When I was first a new parent 5.5years ago, I parented with my gut and agonized over the "type" of parent that I wanted to be. I had been given Babywise as a gift while pregnant and the whole book rubbed me the wrong way. I happened to stumble upon an ad for a online parenting group that called themselves "Attachment Parents" but really thought nothing of the term, because I thought that all parents were "attachment parents"...didn't we all want to be attached to our kids?

And really, all that I was looking for were people to connect with because as a 24 year old University student I had absolutley NO friends with kids....ok not entirely true because my best friend had a baby just out of highschool but she lives in another province.

So there I was looking for people to go on playdates with. So I joined this group and started asking questions and posting, and finding myself pretty mainstream and not entirely supported by this group. They had their ways and apparently I was not crunchy enough. I made some good connections and the women were really nice people, just a lot of them were at least 5 to 10 years my senior and were pretty black and white when it came to what was acceptable and what wasn't.

So I joined another local pay for service forum to find more people to bond with, meanwhile I was still having issues breastfeeding and finding no support what so ever, other than the LLL. So I joined this other group and it was way more mainstream, but the parents were even older and the kids were all older too, and I felt like an even bigger outsider.

A couple moms posted asking questions about Crying-It-Out and I posted links to articles and blogs that I had gotten...but really I had no idea because who would really leave their child to cry? I mean really? My baby was a great sleeper and I could sleep with him and he could breastfeed while I was sleeping so really, what was wrong with them.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't get flamed. At the time it pissed me off so badly because all these women got so much support for CIO or ignoring their babies and I was the one being told that I lived in fairy tale land.

I left that group, and coincidentally met a really good friend of mine at a LLL meeting. I gave the AP group a second chance and started recruiting. I have met many many inspiring women throughout my time with them...I have also met women that make me want to put my head through the wall...but that is life!

I became a really strong advocate for cosleeping, and/or responding to your baby...but more importantly *listening to your own gut*.

Sure mother to mother support is paramount, and we need tribes to keep us sane, but at the same time we have to be aware of the decisions that we make and how they affect us and own own families. Cosleeping doesn't work for everyone. It works for me, but I am one person in a city of one million.

I have found often in my years of being a "attachment parent" that this type of parent is too smart.

Let me try to explain...it's like smart and neurotic, but somewhat insecure. I am not excluding myself from this evaluation. I came to this conclusion when I was picking my oldest up from school and was explaining to one of the moms how much I loved Alfie Kohn. She did not have a clue who I was talking about. She said that she wasn't really into parenting books and did most of her parenting by instinct.

This is exactly my point. I was the moderator of the AP group of my city for 3.5 years and in that time I read every single questionnaire. "What is Attachment Parenting to you?" and almost every single answer was "I didn't know that what I was doing had a name until I *read* about it somewhere."

So back to being way too smart and neurotic...Attachment Parents are researchers. They research the hell out of something to find the appropriate answer. Textbooks, parenting books, expert advice, emails, forums and websites, blogs, all searching for what an "AP" parent would do in that particular situation....but the kicker is that no one actually knows because AP is not something you do, it is something you are.

Most people follow Dr. Sears Baby B's...but I have said before and I will say it again...do you really think he did all those? He was on tour making money. Bottom line. He had 8 kids to feed. It was Martha who really knows...but then she only knows how to parent *her* own kids.

So back to the CIO and the rest of the rules etc. We as "AP'ers" try to hold ourselves to some higher standard that our "mainstream" counterparts. I was right to get flamed by all those women. They were older and wiser and had learned more about parenting than I had in the 18 mos that I was a parent of one pretty easy boy.

But what happens in the AP community, I am noticing is that new moms come in trying to find out what constitutes AP and how to assimilate into the community but only have parents of children that are maybe 2 to 4 years older than their own children to gather information from. And you have your die hards that live on another level, or your super "natural/green" parents that follow another sect, and so the new mommies think that this is the norm that these are the parents that they have to look up to...when really in real life they are nothing like the posts and chats that they answer.

Really. Who is going to actually say that they did something that is not AP on an AP forum. NO ONE. Because people are so afraid of losing their community or tribe or what have you.

So they form little separate groups with other moms of kids the same age and get together in real life and find out that it's okay to dislike your child somedays, and that makes you human.

But this doesn't help the community as a whole because those secret conversations are not shared with all the new mommies that are looking for support.

It seems to me to be a real conundrum.

People are not completely honest for fear of being judged by those who are afraid of being judged themselves. All because some "expert" wants to make money by selling a book, and tours and an endorsed "arms reach cosleeper."

So, in closing to this incredibly long winded blog post...I am going to post the things that I hate about myself and how I parent...a confessions post (which we used to do in the AP group long ago) to let others see just how human I am.

Is Santa Real?

Every year there are a slurry of posts about whether or not to "do" Santa. Lots of parents feel like it is lying to their kids and do not feel comfortable with it.

This post of Code Name Mama really breaks it down on why that particular blogger doesn't engage in the Santification of Christmas.

I get it. I really do. Of course we don't want to lie to our kids about anything, but you are lying to yourself if you think that you will never stretch the truth with regards to your kids.

I hate the commercialization of Christmas. There is nothing that I hate more than having to think of some gift that you know is just going to get re-gifted or returned or the like. Wasting money. I would rather give homemade items or things that I know will get used.

I personally think that Christmas is only for children, and because of that we "do" Santa every year. For me it's not lying. I don't tell my kids that there is a Santa. I ask them what they think, and they think that he is real.

Who am I to tell them that he isn't? Just because I personally don't believe in something doesn't mean that it ceases to exist for anyone else.

Also, because St. Nick was a real person, (as far as anyone knows) then why can't we still celebrate the idea?

Really.... I am finding it harder to explain to my son the story of Jesus. And you know what? I use the exact same wording when it comes to Jesus and God as I do for Santa.

Some people believe in Santa. Do you Keenan? How do you think he gets from house to house, etc etc. Some people believe in Jesus. Do you Keenan? Do you think there were angels at his birth? And you know what...he does.

Is it lying that I don't tell him MY belief on God or Jesus or angels, or fairies etc.

I want my kids to question the world and question my beliefs and my parent's beliefs and my husband's beliefs and on and on...because they are human, and we have the ability to think and learn for ourselves.

So I will provide information, and let my kids believe in what they want to believe and support that decision and play along....because really I have never stopped believing.

Santa, in my opinion is the spirit of giving.

Time Marches On

As everyday goes by I think that I want to update my blog but never seem to have the time. I started this blog to keep my musings as I am a journaling type of person and enjoy writing for leisure. With the kids being sick non-stop these last two weeks any type of "leisure" seems to be a pipe dream, but isn't that just the way? The kids take priority.

Getting sick this week myself showed me what awesome supports I have in this city of mine. We had a massive dump of snow and yet my friend still came to my house with a bottle of gingerale, and my parents drove to come and collect my whole family so that my mom could take care of us.

While being taken care of, instead of being the one taking care of, it really hit me how in denial of my hyperthyroidism I am.

Last year while pregnant with Ewan I was diagnosed with Graves disease and at the time I was devastated. No, it's not cancer, but it is a major lifestyle change, diet change, daily medication and the like. Stuff that until this week I was just not interested in even thinking about.....but as the post says "Time marches on" and I really need to get it under control.

Not only because I am hungry all the time, and yet do not have an appetite, but also because I am so tired, and weak and insomniatic.

I need to get it together for the sake of my kids. I bet that I would be a way better mom without these incredible mood swings and anger outbursts...all related to hormones.

I am just so tired of being tired.

Re:I feel like such a terrible mother :-(

This blog post is an answer to a post on feeling overwhelmed and such with your first child when pregnant...I wanted to keep this to remind myself.

I have been trying different ways to post this and sounding supportive. Please read this with love and understanding as that is what I am trying to convey, and WISH that someone had posted this for me when I was feeling the same way... #1 - you are hormonal as many people have said which causes you to lose your temper faster or be irritated by things that may not have irritated you in the past. #2 - you are tired which is more of the same above #3 - you are wrapping your head around having another one and all the psychological stuff that comes with that...and believe me that in itself is a huge point. But, #4 - your daughter doesn't know any of that, and to her they are just empty excuses. When I was pregnant with my second, and after he was born my first (keenan's) whole world fell apart. I *used* to listen to his needs, wants, demands etc as much as I could, I researched, posted and listened to so many people, but it turned to all about ME because *I* was grumpy, *I* was tired, *I* was sick etc....so really *I* ceased to be the mom that he was used to the mom that he knew, I was some stranger that puked all the time and yelled. After coming out of it at 6mos post partum (and dealing with some PPD), I realized that I HATED myself for being that mom, and that I couldn't be AP if I had broken his little spirit so badly...and so became the anger to myself, which still eaked out towards keenan until he was 3.5-4. And then I got pregnant with Ewan and realized that these kids didnt ask for this. They don't ask for us as parents and they certainly do not ask for a sibling....so you know what, I stopped. I stopped yelling, and cursing and the like because *I* did this to *myself*. *I* was the one who was pregnant and if I wanted to get mad at anyone it needed to be at the man who made me that way and not the child who was just wanting a cuddle, a glass of milk or the like. We can not change their behaviour but we can change how WE react to it. I know you are sick, and tired and scared of not having enough love or that you won't be a "good" parent or an "AP" parent....but that doesn't really matter. Your daughter loves you NO MATTER WHAT! And if you feel bad now you can change the way that you are reacting so that you don't have the same regret that I have and feel bad for every. single. day. You are a GOOD MOM! You CARE! This shows that you are the best kind of mom. Stop beating yourself up, go into her room and tell her that you love her, that you are grumpy because you feel sick and remember she isn't doing any of that on purpose...she just needs you. So be there. And when you get so mad that you want to yell and scream and say how much you dislike your child at that moment for doing X, come on here, vent, blog, or call me (number left out for the world wide web)... because I have BEEN there and will never ever judge you.

Embracing ADHD

When my oldest son started Kindy earlier this year he was "flagged" for his intensity. The teacher (who I love) asked me if I wanted to pursue testing and coding. In this province if your child is diagnosed with a learning disability or condition such as ADD or ADHD then the school gets more money to use to help facilitate his learning.

I don't really want to code him as this would follow him around forever, and I also have no desire to medicate him.

I am trying so hard to just accept him as he is. He is a bright, extremely bright, well spoken, imaginative, sensitive, empathetic, curious, excited, active little boy. While some of his behaviours bother me, such as the growling and the intensity..I am trying to see them not as problems, but as personality.

I read this book "Raising the Spirited Chid" and it said, to get a child to stop a behviour such as intensity would be like asking him to stop breathing. It's pretty impossible. It's how he is hard wired.

So instead it is working on myself.

Right now I am finding it more difficult because my husband is away so often and the littlest one demands SO much of my attention. (read that - he can never be put down without screaming like his hands and feet have been cut right off!)

I know that all of this is just a phase in life and that I have to be more flexible and more understanding. I try very hard not to fly off the handle when the behaviours are manifesting. I take deep breaths and look at my children as they are - children.

Not little robots that I can control but people who are just learning and expressing themselves.

Tonight I had a "conversation" with my eldest son after the little boys went to bed.

It amazes me just how intelligent he is and how he holds things deep inside. The little things that bother him (like the baby crying) it makes me proud that he is the way he is.

The label of ADHD is really just a list of characteristics that I am happy that my son has. (and I also think a symptom of the society that they live in).

So I will embrace it, and welcome it, and live with it, and learn from it.

And love him more each day.

The Mommy Wars - a rant.

I have been in the parenting game for 5 years. I have many friends that are Stay at Home moms, Work at Home moms, Work out of Home moms - both full time, part time and some time.. Moms that are single parents, Moms that are sometimes single parents, and widow Moms. I know moms with one kid, two kids, three kids, 4 kids, 5 kids, 6 to 9 kids. Step moms, IVF moms, adopted moms.

I know moms that are in poly amorous relationships, moms that swing and moms that only have sex to get pregnant.

I know Gay moms, Straight moms, Bi moms and moms that havent decided. I know moms of just boys, of just girls or of both.

I know moms that homeschool. I know moms that just use public school, or private school or unschool.

The thing is that I know ALOT of moms and I feel that each and everyone of them is doing the best possible job that they can do with the resources that are given to them. We ALL love our kids so why do we continue to judge what each one of us does?

For me I feel that this mom vs. mom war tends to lessen as our children get older, but is then brought back into the limelight when a "new mommy" enters the club.

So what is the solution?

Perhaps by telling her that everything changes and the stuff that you think is so important at THIS stage won't matter in 5 years and to listen with an open heart to EVERYONES struggles and SOLUTIONS and that you will learn from it and change. And change. And change.

Being a mom is hard work.

Pat your self on the back.

Halloween Planning

Here are just a couple ideas that I am playing around with for halloween!

http://www.familycorner.com/family/kids/recipes/frankenstein-marshmallow-halloween-treats.shtml

http://www.amandascookin.com/2010/09/monster-brownies.html

Gory Hand - Presentation is everything.
This is both a yummy treat and a great decoration to scare your friends. Use a clean rubber glove. Make a strong cherry or other red jello by using 3/4 of the recommended amount of water. Hang the glove over the sink by using clothes pins attached to thin strips of wood. When the jello has cooled pour into glove and place in the deep freeze. Be careful not to have the hand pressing against anything or it will ruin the shape. When the jello is frozen cut the glove off using small scissors. Keep your masterpiece in the fridge until ready to display.

alternate Gory Hand tip:
Take a clean rubber glove and fill it with water, tie it and put it in the deep freeze. Keep it in there until your party. When you're ready take it out of the glove and put it in the punchbowl instead of ice!

http://www.halloweenishere.com/recipes.html

The Polite Thing

Picture this...you saved up all your money to buy a nice fancy car you have always wanted. You love the feel of the seats, the smell of the upholstery, the way that the engine purrs. You love it so much that you take it with you everywhere, and why wouldn't you? It's your favourite car.

One day you drive it to your mom's house for a dinner party. All your mom's friends are there and they gush about how cute you look in your new car. Your mom's best friend's daughter enters the room and tells you how much she would love a car like that.

You take people out to show it to them. You rev the engine. People love how shiny it is, and they comment on how great it is for you to have gotten it. You spend almost as much time in the party as you do outside admiring your new car.

Later in the evening you notice that your mom's friend's daughter has taken your keys and is attempting to drive away. You panic and run out side to stop her. Your mom grabs your arm and says, "Why not let Jenny have a turn? You have to share."

You get visibly upset. It is YOUR car! Why do you have to share it with anyone? You yell at your mom and say no! But, instead of your mom taking your side she tells you that you are not being a very nice child and that you have to learn how to share your things.

You are outraged! You kick and scream! You are so mad at Jenny for taking your car. No one is taking your side, and worse yet you are being punished for it.

You don't understand. You are so sad.

People laugh it off and say, "Ah that is life...everyone has to learn how to share."

But do we? Would you share your car if someone asked you to? Or how about if someone just came and took it....and maybe if you would, what if it was the one thing that meant the world to you...would you then?

Think about it for a second, and then ask your self why we expect our children to share if we as adults don't....

They Grow Up So Fast

It's true you know; that old saying that kids grow up so fast. While we are in he trenches some days just seem to go on and on and on, and you can't wait until bedtime so you can get your adult time (even if that just involves a pee by yourself).

The last couple of weeks has really shown me just how quickly children do grow. My eldest is in Kindergarten. I knew that by being 5 he was in the last year of babyhood, but now watching him run happily into in the school, not paying any attention to the fact that his mom stands there looking longingly at the little boy who is quickly morphing into a bigger boy.

And yes, the fart and pooping jokes are becoming more frequent, but it's not just that. It's this responsibility and this willingness to help and to take care of his brothers. It's when he notices that something is unjust and I have to try and explain why.

It's the level of understanding that he has, but with the sensitivity of the younger boy still in there.

I really feel like he is growing too fast. That these years just whipped by. All those days spent indoors watching treehouse because I was tired or sick or pregnant or just bored. Wasted.

As I look at this littlest one who can even roll over I think of just how much a person grows in 5 years, it's phenomenal really.

And I start asking myself if I did all I could do, and if I have no regrets and if I did everything that I wanted too...and I know I didn't, and I do have regrets, but there is nothing I can do except try harder now. Get more involved now.

Ignore the stuff that doesn't matter. It only takes a second to go and look at a picture or a craft or a playroom. Get down to his level and play. I say this over and over.

Honestly I think it's because I don't like "boy" play. It's way too rough. Dragons, dino's, cars and transformers....what about house, and store and family?

I have started to put reminder notes around the house to calm down, to breathe and to take time for my kids, and time for myself...which will give more time to my kids.

In 5 more years my eldest will be 10 and in grade 5.

I want him and I to look back and say, wow. That was a great childhood.

Boy! You look like you've got your hands full!

No Kidding.

I am not sure why people continue to say this to mothers of more than one child. Is it perhaps because we look like we do not have it together in any way shape or form? I wonder this because I hear this from strangers seconds before my head explodes and rolls down the pavement....

I guess I shouldn't complain. At least they are not commenting on my age, or the fact that I (and not my husband) am a rampant breeder.

I was thinking about this the other day, the having my hands full part....I have begun to ask myself WHY.

WHY do I have my hands full? Why is it so stressful to leave my house? Why do I get caught in incredible situations like the Shoppers incident?

Perhaps it's because I don't listen to myself.

I am so stressed out with all these other little things that really don't mean anything in the long run that I ignore my gut and take tired, hungry, grouchy kids out...without the diaper bag.

So really I am doing it to myself.

Of course a tonne of this comes from the fact that I live at home with my parents. 9 more days, 9 more days, 9 more days.

I am not complaining by the way, my mom kicks ass, and i have been pampered with the meals and cleaning...but there is something about not having your own space for 2 months that makes you go a little mental.

I think what I was trying to say before I got on this tangent, is that I really need to be more organized and take things slower. I have my hands full, yes. But that doesnt mean I have to be out of control.

Balancing Act

I am in the process of moving house and have moved in with my parents for the time being...one month...one long long month.

It's not my parents and I that have a difference of opinion, well that is not entirely true...

The main thing that I notice is that my siblings and my parents (to a lesser exent) get super irritated at my children. Mostly when they are acting like, well, children.

Kids are loud. My kids are incredibly loud. There are 3 of them all under 5. The 5 year old is talking non-stop, the 2 year old is making animal sounds, and the baby...well, he cries. :)

I just get this pressure to make them conform and I am just not that type of person. I want my kids to be kids. They are little. They shouldn't have to sit and eat all their dinner or stop running around or being absolutely quiet until 10am.

I feel incredible pressure that I am not doing it right, and I sometimes wonder about when we were in tribal setting how the village that raised the child didn't have these crazy expectations placed on the children.

I bet it was way less stressful.

Now don't get me wrong, I completely appreciate that my parents have opened their house to a family of 5 for 5 weeks...and yes, it is hard on everyone, and yes people have to make sacrifices for family...I get all of that. I just really feel like a huge outsider even when in my family of origin, and I never thought that I would feel that way. Not in a million years.

Yes, I am more laid back than my siblings. Yes, I let things slide. Yes, I am lazy at times. But I like the way that I am raising my kids, and I like that they don't have many expectations....does this mean that I am setting them up for failure?

Who knew moving back home would zap my self confidence?

A Spectacle

If Shoppers could have charged for the hilarity that was my life today at their store they would have made some serious cash.

I knew that I shouldn't have taken my brood out today. I could tell this morning when they were all acting out; yelling and screaming and fighting with each other. Of course I understand why they are hard to handle...we are in the middle of moving, we are living with my mom (the grandparents) for a month, they have no schedule, their dad is working so much, it's the summer...I could go on and on.

But just because I understand where the behaviour is coming from doesn't mean that I have to accept it or enjoy it.

So back to Shoppers. I had to get my mail changed over because we are no longer in the townhouse. Of course I had to take ALL 3 kids with me so it was fun for the whole family.

The cash line was going incredibly slow and I had the bigger two strapped into the stroller. The baby was sleeping peacefully in the wrap.

The two bigger boys started to hit each other enough that another mom stopped and asked them to stop fighting with each other. She tried to explain to my sons that they should be nice to each other and they responded by hitting and yelling louder.

I decided to pick up the middle child and hold his hand and leave the biggest one in the chariot with the brakes on. The middle screamed to be let go and the bigger one rocked the chariot trying to kick over the display. (and cue the baby in the wrap needing to feed.)

I just wanted to get out of there, as fast as I possibly could.

Finally at the point of meltdown I threw my kids into the stroller and attempted to leave...and then the peanut gallery really showed its face.

I squeezed my double chariot through the first set of doors and then tried to push it through the second....and got stuck.

Somehow the doors of Shoppers are big enough to accommodate a double Chariot to get in...but not out.

I felt like I was going to cry. I had 3 children melting and I was stuck in the vestibule of Shoppers with many many people watching...some laughing, some staring, and some shifting uncomfortably.

I ended up taking the kids out, taking the wheels off and SHOVING it out of the doors.

Goodness!!!

How Old Are You?!?

It's really none of your business is it? This question keeps coming up again and again, and it is really starting to tick me right off. I have noticed that it is more frequently asked since I have had the 3rd boy child.

Not that it didn't happen before, but it's happening more and more and more.

I took my kids to the doctor and while trying to wrestle my 2 year old into submission while my 5 year old sat on the bed and my 3 month old cried in the sling, the doctor asked, "Can I ask you how old you are?" I was taken aback...was my loss of control at that moment related to *my* age, or more the age of my squirmy two year old? (I would put my money on the 2 year old!)

Or the random woman on the street who demanded to know if in fact all 3 boys were mine, how old they were, and how old I was... Who comes up to someone and demands to know their age? What gave her the idea that it was okay to come up to me and ask me that?

I honestly do not understand why people feel that it is appropriate to come up to me and ask me how old I am...some how insinuating that perhaps I am too young to have one child, let alone 3. My husband says that I should take it as a compliment, but I don't. It really ticks me off.

Just because someone decides to start with the career and not the family as I have chosen does not make them *more* qualified to have children, or more able to pass judgement.

If a 45 year old woman was walking around with 2 or 3 small kids, would random strangers and doctors ask *her* how old she was?

NO. BECAUSE IT IS RUDE.

I decided to have my kids young because honestly, I feel like I can handle them better when I am young. I wanted to have more than a few kids and I wanted them close together. I wanted to be done having babies by 30. I wanted to be able to stay home and not worry about the career that I was leaving or hoping was staying on hold for me.

Because my mom had her kids young.

Because my grandma had her kids young.

Because I *wanted* to.

Thats right. Not only am I young (which is B.S because I was 8 years older than my mom when she had me, when I started) I planned them. Each and every one.

So stop asking me, because I am going to start asking it right back. Why? Why does it matter to people?

Age is just a number...and in 20 years from now when my kids are all in college, (or whatever they want to do) I will only be in my late 40's and free from diapers, and kid drama...and then the table will turn, and I wont be judged anymore.

Someone must be listening.

I wrote my last post talking about the discrimination against boys and one of my fav Bloggers did the same here.

Here is my response to that blog post.

I am glad to see this post Annie, as I have been feeling this backlash for over 5 years. I am the mother of only boys, 3 of them to be exact…5yrs, 2yrs and an infant. I am really starting to resent people when I am out in public and get insensitive comments directed at me and my boys. (Are you going for a girl? Did you want a girl? Hopefully one of your sons will be gay…and so on. Do people not think that perhaps I am happy with my boys?!)
I want to preface by saying that I was in woman’s studies in university and considered myself to be a feminist…now, I am just getting tired of the reverse discrimination against my kids and feel resentful towards the woman that try so hard to make everything “equal”.
I really feel that my little boys get discriminated against because they are not girls, or should I say that they do not act like girls…you said it yourself “how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?” Who says that the are not already? Who says that the way a “girl” acts is the proper way to act? She may act like a girl stereotypically does, quiet, shy, listens, sits, etc…but that doesn’t mean that WE as Women/ Mothers need to enforce these codes of behaviour on our boys. I followed the link above provided by a commenter and it explained how to stop the gender gap…I want to ask all of you, WHY? Why do we have to act the same? Why can’t we embrace our femininity and let the boys embrace their masculinity? Why do we try and make our sons more empathetic, or sensitive or whatever emotion you wish to “create”? What gives us the right as WOMEN to try and TELL a man or in this case our son how he “should” act?
Is my brain wired the same way as his, science would tell me no. So why would he want to think like me, or is he even capable?
I think in our society we are trying to feminize boys and we don’t respect them enough to know that they will be who they are biologically.
Why is it that it is okay that a girl have Girl Scouts that are just for girls, but the boys are expected to share? Why can’t they learn just boy things?
I could go on forever on this topic, as I have started already, but I urge any woman with sons to read “The Wonder of Boys” by Michael Gurian. It explains that what boys really need is a tribe of their own, a place where they can just be “a guy” and they need a MALE mentor, and HE will show them the proper way to “act” like a “man”.

Reverse Discrimination

I run in many activist circles. I have friends that fight for the rights of animals, for the right to breastfeed wherever and whenever (including a swimming pool), for the right to allow women the choice to keep their child or to abort, for the right of the newborn male to keep his foreskin...but above all else these friends fight for the rights of women. It's safe to say that the majority of my friends are feminists. I get it, I am right there with them, I think women should have the same opportunities as men. I think that women should get to choose what is right and okay for their bodies and themselves. I think women should be valued for their intellect rather than their T and A. I took many a women's studies course in University...so why is it now that I have sons that I feel like I may be on an island all by myself?

The thing is that I notice that there is a lot of reverse discrimination when it comes to boys. Girls can pretty much play both gender roles with not much of a comment, but boys on the other hand are encouraged to be gender neutral to a point, but once they pass that point people get uncomfortable. A boy can have long hair, until he is school-aged and even then he will be called a girl many many times before he reaches that age. He can wear pink, but will get commented on for it. He can play with dolls etc, but he must also suck it up when he is upset, brush it off when he is hurt and pretend that he is fine when he gets insulted.

There was a recent post about what to say if a girl is wearing a bikini top, as if it some how makes her listen to "the man"...but what if a boy wore a bikini top....not so comfortable now is it?

And then there is the stuff that makes me personally irritated with society. We can have all of these classes and clubs that are co-ed. But, we cant have just boys clubs because women fought so hard to get acceptance into them...but on the other hand we have "women only" clubs that boys can not attend. (the biggest one being Boy Scouts Vs. Girl Scouts). When I brought this up to a couple friends about wanting my boys to have their own club, it was like I had spat in the face of feminism...when really I just wanted my boys to be able to do boy stuff....

Because really we ARE different. I feel like we are oppressing little boys for the sake of our feminism.

Breastfeeding and Divorce

This is a response to this horrible post.

Disclaimer : This is my blog so these are my opinions, just putting it out there.

I get so tired of women blaming children for their lack luster lives. I get it, we all have those days when we just want everyone to go away so that we can do some sort of activity that is just for us. But to blame children for the fall out of a marriage is just cowardly in my opinion, and furthermore to blame breastfeeding is just incredulous.

The thing is unless you were raped you had some say in whether you were going to get pregnant. And guess what, you knew fully well that this wasnt some 5 year gig. Parenting is for life! Get over yourselves. If you didnt want strechmarks, your "fun bags" to sag, the C-section scar or for your va-jay-jay to be disfigured then you should have kept your legs closed. (or gotten you or your partner fixed.) It is you people that make the No Kids people so crazy. Fuel to the fire.

Let me tell you something that may shock you...Breasts are for feeding. *gasp* I could honestly care less if you want to do it under a blanket, in a bathroom or out there for the world to see. Babies tummies are made for breastmilk. Instead of formula we should have milk banks!! It is insane that women feel burdened by society or judged that they are guilted into breastfeeding....they are for feeding!! Why on earth does milk squirt out of them if not for a child to get some comfort and sustenance? (and formula feeding moms dont start harping on me...if you couldnt nurse it was because you were abandoned by society, and were not given the right tools to nurse. I KNOW I have been there!) And if you don't want to nurse, DONT. Why the heck would a baby want you to resent him everytime you have to feed him? But OWN it and say, it's because *I* didnt want to...and then get on with your life. Stop trying to persuade others to follow suit.

But to say that Breastfeeding is Creepy, or to say that it destroyed a marriage is a piece of crap. Breastfeeding is NORMAL. Whats creepy is that a man would be placed in front of his children. That HIS needs are more important than that of a helpless newborn.

Let me tell you something ladies...there is this thing called a Gigi. Get one for him. He can use his hands and a tissue. And another thing, if a man thinks that his needs should be placed before his baby's maybe, just maybe this man isnt worth the ring? Just a thought....

There are all these articles going around about how children, and breastfeeding are oppressing women and that we can have it all. I am just gonna say it. We CAN'T. Or as a wise wise woman said to me, "We *can* have it all, just not all at once." What causes divorce rates in this country is the thought that we shouldnt have to compromise. Guess what? You do. You can not have your cake and eat it too.

We ALL make decisions that forever change the course of our lives. There are some of us that say, yes. I made that decision and so now I am paying for it, but it isnt the child's fault....it's yours. So grow up.

No regrets ladies...live your life with no regrets.