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Tuesday, December 07, 2010

The Thyroid

I went to get my thyroid tested again as I am feeling tired, and insomniac, and grumpy and all other symptoms that are related to being Hyperthyroid.
And levels are off. In order for the doctor to figure if it is Graves or a nodule, I have to do the iodine in the blood thing so that they can see if it affects the whole thyroid or just a part of it. This would only take a day to do, and then I would have a definitive answer....but it also means that I can't nurse for 2-5 days. I could still be home with E but not able to nurse....what the heck am I supposed to do? How could I explain to a 10 month old that I have no interest in stopping nursing but that we need to take a break for 5 days for *his* own good.
If I hadn't had such issues with keenan maybe i wouldn't feel so against stopping. It's not the nutrition for me. It's totally the bonding, and being able to comfort at my own breast.
I had hoped that perhaps being 5 years older and wiser and meeting all different types of people and so many different ways of parenting that I would know that it isn't that big of a deal.
But it is. To *ME*.
I just don't want to stop. I feel so torn. Selfish and Stupid.
How can I comfort my baby without my breasts? It seems impossible to me.
I hate this.
Hate it.


Freya said...

What a tough decision! More than nursing, he needs you: your smell, your touches and your voice. A healthy mama is always a happier mama, but it is so hard to make a choice like that!

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