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Saturday, November 13, 2010

Re:I feel like such a terrible mother :-(

This blog post is an answer to a post on feeling overwhelmed and such with your first child when pregnant...I wanted to keep this to remind myself.

I have been trying different ways to post this and sounding supportive.
Please read this with love and understanding as that is what I am trying to convey, and WISH that someone had posted this for me when I was feeling the same way...

#1 - you are hormonal as many people have said which causes you to lose your temper faster or be irritated by things that may not have irritated you in the past.
#2 - you are tired which is more of the same above
#3 - you are wrapping your head around having another one and all the psychological stuff that comes with that...and believe me that in itself is a huge point.

But, #4 - your daughter doesn't know any of that, and to her they are just empty excuses.

When I was pregnant with my second, and after he was born my first (keenan's) whole world fell apart. I *used* to listen to his needs, wants, demands etc as much as I could, I researched, posted and listened to so many people, but it turned to all about ME because *I* was grumpy, *I* was tired, *I* was sick really *I* ceased to be the mom that he was used to the mom that he knew, I was some stranger that puked all the time and yelled.

After coming out of it at 6mos post partum (and dealing with some PPD), I realized that I HATED myself for being that mom, and that I couldn't be AP if I had broken his little spirit so badly...and so became the anger to myself, which still eaked out towards keenan until he was 3.5-4.
And then I got pregnant with Ewan and realized that these kids didnt ask for this.
They don't ask for us as parents and they certainly do not ask for a you know what, I stopped.
I stopped yelling, and cursing and the like because *I* did this to *myself*. *I* was the one who was pregnant and if I wanted to get mad at anyone it needed to be at the man who made me that way and not the child who was just wanting a cuddle, a glass of milk or the like.
We can not change their behaviour but we can change how WE react to it.

I know you are sick, and tired and scared of not having enough love or that you won't be a "good" parent or an "AP" parent....but that doesn't really matter. Your daughter loves you NO MATTER WHAT!

And if you feel bad now you can change the way that you are reacting so that you don't have the same regret that I have and feel bad for every. single. day.

You are a GOOD MOM! You CARE! This shows that you are the best kind of mom.

Stop beating yourself up, go into her room and tell her that you love her, that you are grumpy because you feel sick and remember she isn't doing any of that on purpose...she just needs you.

So be there.

And when you get so mad that you want to yell and scream and say how much you dislike your child at that moment for doing X, come on here, vent, blog, or call me (number left out for the world wide web)...
because I have BEEN there and will never ever judge you.


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