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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Freak of Nature.

When I would go out with my first I would secretly hope that people would look at me and think how cute my baby was. I really did. I loved getting those smiles that people give you when they see you with your first baby. Of course, they could have been secretly thinking, "hahaha! She doesn't know what she is in for!" But, I think for the most part people just like seeing babies.

After I became pregnant with my second, I would hope the same. I would hold my 2/3 year olds hand and then have the baby in my carrier of choice. We would walk and people would say, "oh, what sweet boys you have..." I really enjoyed just going out with the two of them and walking wherever we needed to go, taking our time and being our silly selves.

I didn't think that it would change. As my brood got bigger I thought that people would still give me that smile and say how precious my kids were. They didn't change, so why would I think that the interaction with people would?

But it did. I wrote about it in this post and this post. It were these outings that made me feel like a freak of nature with all of my kids. And the sad thing is that I only have 3. Many people I know have 4 or even more. I dread going out with them. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and maybe it is all in my head, but I can't handle the judgement. I just don't have the confidence to put up with it.

Sometimes I get the nerve to try go out again with all 3 because I need something that can't wait until the husband comes home. But inevitably every time that I do, fate steps in and shows me that I am a fool to think that anything should really go my way.

For example. We went to the grocery store (ahh the grocery store land of judgement galore) and I had both my kids in the "car cart" and the baby in the wrap (tied loosely because he was nursing). The 3 year old started acting out and standing on his seat, I warned him that I was going to buckle him in..he ignored me. So I calmly leaned over and put the strap on...the baby started fussing because he was being compressed by me bending over (but it would take a SECOND to snap the strap and we could go) and all of a sudden this old lady (70's) came over yelling, "HIS HEAD!! HIS HEAD!! YOU ARE SQUISHING THE BABY'S HEAD!!!" and I was...a bit...(it really wasnt that bad.)

Anyway, the WHOLE aisle then decided to look at this freak wearing this long piece of cloth tied to her squishing her baby, and her two other children crying and whining.....I wanted to crawl in a hole...I thanked the lady, said he was fine, and left.

I go to that particular store often, and feel sad that it's things like that which make me afraid to go out.

It's almost like I feel ashamed to have 3 children. When I am around my friends I don't as like I said, many of us have more than one...but when in public and I have one child holding my left hand, and one child holding my right, and then the baby on the front, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

ps. the picture is from Demi Bella which I am totally ordering from!


Arie said...

You're not a freak!! And it gets better. My 3 boys were born in a span of a little more than 4 years. It was often hectic & going places was a challenge...things that saved my ass:
-Double wearing- tie 2 to you, hold 3rd's hand, have one hand free. Strollers make life harder, not easier IME.
-Carry nothing but the children- I EC'd to minimise diaper use, we had snacks/drinks stored in the car. Diapers got changed at the car, debit card, keys & phone fit in my pocket. A bag was too much to deal with. We'd go back to the car if we needed things.
-Know their limits- grocery stores were fine so long as they bagged my stuff because by the end of a shopping trip we were melting down; this meant Costco was fine, Superstore *never*

Promise, it gets better.

Deb said...

I only have 2, and I have moments like that. Is it bad that I let my kids run up and down the aisles giggling? I figure if they're actually happy at that moment, I'm going to let it go. At least I'm able to shop at a less busy store being outside the city. I only get some dirty looks...

I have also had the trips where my children went into complete and total meltdown mode. Trying to carry a flailing 2 year old out of the store while the 3 year old goes into full fledged freakout over the idea of abandoning the cart. I swear, there was a picture of us at the front entrance banning entry for a while after that.

akathemom said...

I agree, I think we get judged if we have more than 2 kids. I often get, "Are they all yours?" and I only have 4, which in the grand scheme of history isn't really that many. It FEELS like a lot to me, but I certainly don't need to hear it from strangers!!!
And I DETEST people like that woman in the grocery store. Don't let it bug you. I would imagine most people think, like I do, that you are doing an amazing job!

Kelly said...

You know I'm right there with you! And I LOVE that photo! It totally sums up my current life, haha!

Kelly said...

P.S. You, me and Andrea S (and whoever else has 3+ kids) should do a Costco trip together some day! Strength in numbers! See if anyone says anything to us then... Or Community Natural Foods, I find the judgment there is the worst.

MP said...

sigh...the grocery store.

Oh how I loathe the grocery store. Every mean and nasty comment I have ever endured has happened there...the checkout line is *the* worst for me.

Why on earth so many folks just need to have their say is baffling to me.

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