Reverse Discrimination

I run in many activist circles. I have friends that fight for the rights of animals, for the right to breastfeed wherever and whenever (including a swimming pool), for the right to allow women the choice to keep their child or to abort, for the right of the newborn male to keep his foreskin...but above all else these friends fight for the rights of women. It's safe to say that the majority of my friends are feminists. I get it, I am right there with them, I think women should have the same opportunities as men. I think that women should get to choose what is right and okay for their bodies and themselves. I think women should be valued for their intellect rather than their T and A. I took many a women's studies course in University...so why is it now that I have sons that I feel like I may be on an island all by myself?

The thing is that I notice that there is a lot of reverse discrimination when it comes to boys. Girls can pretty much play both gender roles with not much of a comment, but boys on the other hand are encouraged to be gender neutral to a point, but once they pass that point people get uncomfortable. A boy can have long hair, until he is school-aged and even then he will be called a girl many many times before he reaches that age. He can wear pink, but will get commented on for it. He can play with dolls etc, but he must also suck it up when he is upset, brush it off when he is hurt and pretend that he is fine when he gets insulted.

There was a recent post about what to say if a girl is wearing a bikini top, as if it some how makes her listen to "the man"...but what if a boy wore a bikini top....not so comfortable now is it?

And then there is the stuff that makes me personally irritated with society. We can have all of these classes and clubs that are co-ed. But, we cant have just boys clubs because women fought so hard to get acceptance into them...but on the other hand we have "women only" clubs that boys can not attend. (the biggest one being Boy Scouts Vs. Girl Scouts). When I brought this up to a couple friends about wanting my boys to have their own club, it was like I had spat in the face of feminism...when really I just wanted my boys to be able to do boy stuff....

Because really we ARE different. I feel like we are oppressing little boys for the sake of our feminism.

The Same, not Different

I have been listening to some of my friends and aquantinces about how difficult it is to raise boys, and all of the challenges that they face with their sons.

At first people suggest that it could be a variety of things, as kids are usually affected by many different environmental factors.

Food. The types, organic or non, dairy, food colouring, gluten, frequency of eating, or not eating for that matter.

Potty. Whether they go potty really affects the mood of kids. I know that mine get aggressive when they need to pee.

Energy. Too much sleep, not enough sleep, exercise, how much running do they need? The more energy they burn off the better it is for everyone involved. (hard in the winter)

There can also be many more things that we just don't know that affect boys and girls equally, development, environment, brain...etc.

I started thinking that perhaps that it may be because some of these moms have girls as well...

Let me explain. It's no secret that I believe that girls and boys are hardwired differently...so perhaps the mom expects her son to act a certain way and that he is such a handful because her daughter isn't?

I think this could be a real answer for some of these moms...I see them with both of their children, or all three, and see that the girls are talked to in a different manner. For example, "Hunny, can you please get your boots on" vs. "(Child's name) put your boots on."

It could be that the boy is harder to deal with and that he needs that direct-ness, but I dont think so.

I think that I have the benefit of seeing that both of my boys are equally challenging in their own ways and am better to just go with the flow than try to understand what is causing it. Just by listening to them and giving the opportunity to get angry and frustrated without me coming down on them allows them more time to process and then we get on with our day!

The Quintessential Hockey Mom

I have always been afraid to be the mom of boys. When my first son was born I was nervous to say the least. Nervous about the extra appendage, the temper tantrums, the "boy" stuff...I was convinced that because I was a girl I would know how to take care of girls.

Once he was born, there wasn't really a learning curve. I really enjoyed being the mom to a little boy. The only downside that I could see was that many of my peers and friends were having girls instead. So finding friends for my son (same sex friends) was tough, but other than that, nothing. When we became pregnant with our second son I wasn't really feeling either way, in regards to having another son, I was happy that my boys would be brothers.

When finding out that I am expecting another son (surprise!!!) this time around, I have to say that I wasn't disappointed...it was a funny feeling actually. I was more upset that I wasn't going to have that relationship that I have with my own mother. Not saying that boys can't have meaningful relationships with their sons, just that I wanted to recreate that relationship with my mom.

After a couple days of processing that I am going to be the mother of 3 boys, I have wondered what is it about being the mom of boys that makes me so nervous.

I have come up with a few things.

First, boys seem to move on when they get married. So I am nervous that I will be left alone. Secondly, women have much more influence on their girls than their boys. My biggest fear is that my boys will end up marrying some girl who parents completely different than me and I will have to watch idly by as my grandchildren are left to cry, or they use corporal punishment or whatever. And who am I to say how some other woman parents their children....even if they are my grandchildren.

Third, and this may be a bit crazy, but I really think that having daughters helps you in the long run. Men can idolize their mothers, and I would like my sons to tell me what they think, without fear of repercussion. It's my opinion that a daughter challenges her mother more and therefore when a mother becomes a mother-in-law, she will be able to handle the rambunctious daughter-in-law better.

Does this mean that the son does not challenge his mother, no not at all....but I do feel that son's tend to "baby" their moms more than daughters.

I guess I am not too excited to be that mom. The one of the three boys in sports, or the aggressiveness...but I am hoping that the way that I parent them will offset that a bit.

Fingers Crossed!

Pink is the least of the trouble.....

A friend of mine posted a video on Facebook today about the "pinkification" of Girls. You know, pink dresses, shirts, shoes and the like, but also the pink toys that focus on the domestic sphere and the fairy-tale sphere. (princesses, fairies, etc.)

I don't disagree...I do notice that the girls side is completely pink, with a little purple thrown in there just for fun! I also notice that there is tonnes of tulle, make-up, sparkles and the like. What I do disagree with is the statement that the boy's side has more variety.

That is simply not true.

Go to any big box store and while it may *look* like the boys have more variety, they really don't...the boxes are just different colours.

When walking into a big box store and going to the boy side you basically have 4 aisles of selection. They are as follows, Transformers (which signify war and violence), Starwars/Startrek (which also are war/violence), Marvel/DC; Hulk, Spiderman, Batman, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Fantastic Four, Iron Man, (which are also fighting, violence), Trucks, Cars, Ambulances, Fire Trucks etc. (how many cars can one small child have?), and last but not least Nerf. (oh right, guns.)

So basically the aisles are Fighting, Fighting, Fighting, Fighting, Cars, and Fighting. (there are some cars that have gun attached so they squeak by....).

Have you ever noticed how all these toys look the same, just different heads? Like how different is a Transformer, from a Marvel Transformer, to a Marvel Action Figure, to a Starwars action figure, to a Startrek action figure, to a Car...(okay pushing that one... ;P).

So back to the argument that girls have no selection in their toys. Let's see, yes they are all pink, but they have dolls, tea-sets (cant boys play with tea sets?), housewares (can boys clean?), and dress-up clothes that are pretty and sparkly. (yes, boys have play-clothes, but they are 3 types...Ninja, Soldier, or Firefighter.)

The difference is that even a Barbie is an open ended toy. She can do much more than shoot a gun at zombies/monsters/evil scientists/or decepticons. Dolls can allow girls to pretend to be a teacher, a mommy, a midwife or any other sort of person who deals with babies and children. Housewares is completely open ended. They can cook a meal, have a tea party, and interact with language when playing with these toys..."would you like some sugar in your tea?" rather than "DIE Decepticon!! DIE!!"

I just think that once you look past the colour you see that toys that are marketed to girls lead them down a path of empathy and sensitivity, meanwhile boy toys are wrought with violence and ill will. (not to mention gross, and ugly).

So the bigger picture is not the "pinkification" of girls but rather the creation of stereotypical roles within our society for the different genders.

Boys and Dolls,

It's no secret that I am more of a "genderized" mom. This means that I don't like it when my boys wear panties, dresses, high heels are okay for dress up...I have never bought them a barbie. On the other hand I am not into war toys and dont like fighting games.
I do have dolls for my boys though. This may make me a hypocrite in some peoples eyes, but I really feel like having a doll allows them to show their sensitive side and then can also mimic parenting.
My boys love to cuddle, hug, and kiss their babies. They fight over them and take them everywhere.
It's actually funny to me that out of ALL of the toys that they have they would become so connected to dolls.
This does of course make me nervous for when they are older, as they become more "genderized" then they already are and some other, older boy(s) say, "boys dont play with dolls"
I hope that I can make my boys feel confident enough that it wont phase them....their mom on the other hand......