Arbonne Product Review and my First Giveaway!

When my friend Kim from Two Bugs and a Blog asked me if I wanted to try out some Arbonne products I jumped at the chance. Ever since becoming a mom I have had a really hard time getting out of the house and taking time for myself. This includes exercise and personal care. I want to get products that are mostly natural after watching The Story of Cosmetics by Annie Leonard, and just being more conscious about it. Now, I now that not all products are going to be able to be 100% natural and I just can not get on the "no poo" bandwagon... really, I can't. 

You know how some people have problems using natural cleaning supplies because clean doesnt actually smell like anything and they want their houses to smell like Pine Sol? Mine is shampoo... if it doesn't smell like flowers and lathers like no body's business then I am not into it. 

Anyway, I am getting off topic. So when my friend offered to drop some different samples to my house I was stoked. I am actively looking for something for my face. I am now going to be the mom of 4 and it is showing in my eyes, and under them. I was super surprised that she dropped off a whole basket of actual products. Bottles of products to use for the whole week! I was expecting little packets that wouldn't even last a day. I was able to actually try all the products out in the comfort of my own home. (apparently this is a thing that Arbonne does). 

So, I have decided to put together a post to show you my favourites and one lucky local reader will get a free bottle of ABC Hair and Body Wash. How fun is that? Plus it's my first giveaway... (going into the big leagues with blog giveaways!!) 

The first product that I really liked was the Pure Vibrance Mousse. I use mousse right now - but it's a drug store brand. Studio something or other. It works okay, but it still leaves my hair really heavy, which isn't so great with fine hair like I have. I was actually surprised how well this mousse worked and it was really fluffy and left my hair really soft. Also, it smells great - see, the smell thing. So I really liked it!! 

The Shea Butter Hand lotion was really used. I love Shea Butter and this reminded me of the Body Shop but in tube form. I used this everyday, twice a day and it is the one product that I think I may have to have a Arbonne party just so I can buy it. It wasn't sticky or greasy, but it kept my chronic dry hands really hydrated. It's small enough to fit in your purse too, that is where I would keep it! 

Lastly, I just had to try the sunscreen. I love that it is waterproof, that it is not greasy and that it smells good. I think these are all really good qualities of a good sunscreen. I use the Badger stuff on my kids and am okay with the price because they are smaller people and do not burn as easy as me. I, on the other hand, have to re-apply every 45 mins and make sure that it is a thick coat or I turn into a lobster. Not pretty. This kept me protected and I didn't burn at all. It's a must have for sure. 

I was pretty impressed with the products that I tried and these were just my top picks. There were many more in the basket that were wonderful and I will have to have a party to buy them. 

I do love a home party (as I have no time at all to go anywhere....plus I love shopping from home). 

I would at least give them a try, what do you really have to lose?! 

So now for the GIVEAWAY. 

Answer in comments - How do you fit in your beauty care routine when you have young children to take care of? 

I will choose a random person by throwing all your names in a hat and having my youngest pick the winner! Contest closes on JUNE 30 at 11:59pm. (MST)

Saying Goodbye to a Family Pet

As we all know life sometimes decides to kick you in the butt and throws things at you that you may not be expecting. This is exactly what has happened with our family. I wanted to share a little bit of our story and some resources in case you have to go through this as well.

Baby Leata

When I was 15 I found a little kitten across the street by my highschool. I was skipping science and she ran across the street into oncoming traffic…I lost my mind for a moment and ran out in front of a car to save her. She was mine at that moment. I yelled at the teens driving the car as I was convinced that they wanted to hit her, and decided to cut the rest of school that day and walk home.

My mom didn't want a cat, didn't want the responsibility. I promised that I would take care of her. I begged, I cried. I had an all out tantrum I am sure. My best friend was cat sitting for me as I did the responsible thing and called the SPCA to report her, to see if anyone was looking for her. I secretly hoped that she was just a stray, and it turned out she was.

Her Favourite Thing to Do

I brought her home one day and my family fell in love with her, and my mom decided to gift her to me for my 16th birthday. She made it clear that Leata was mine and mine alone, and I was in charge of all the duties that come with pet ownership. I would have promised anything that day and agreed.

She used to sleep in between my arms, curl up on my lap, give me kisses on my nose and ride on my shoulders like Luna from Sailor Moon. (which was my favourite show at the time). She would go on walks on a leash, she would try to steal my Doritos, and one time even came up and licked my chupa chup….she was mine all right. One day I thought that I had lost her as she swallowed a needle and thread that I had carelessly left out…I don't think I had ever been so scared.

Us in our younger years.

As the years past, she became more of a family pet, and when I moved to University she stayed with my parents. When I moved back, and then out with my boyfriend (who is now my husband), she came with. We decided to get another cat to keep her company, and then we started our family.

3 kids, and a dog later and Leata is an elderly cat who just likes to curl up on the couch and wait for us to go to her. A couple months ago she was diagnosed with renal failure. She started to pee on everything that we have in our basement. So much so that it will all have to be ripped up and reno'ed. She is now incontinent.

The vet has told us that it is time. We know in our hearts that it is time, so now we spend the rest of this month starting rituals to say goodbye. I just see the little kitten that ran to me so many years ago, and my heart aches.

To get my kids ready for this I have visited a couple pet-loss websites and read them a couple books. I really feel that you can never get enough information on how to deal with life's difficult situations. Not only does this help me, I hope that it will soften the blow for my 7 year old in particular.

Nothing can truly prepare you, but sometimes information can help. Here is what I found. I hope that they can help you as well.

1. Helping Children Cope
2. The Rainbow Bridge
3. When Children Grieve
4. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children 
5. The 6 Do's and Don'ts of Explaining Pet Loss to Children
6. Explaining Pet Loss to Children of Different ages. 
7. Sesame Street explaining the Death of Mr.Hooper. (circa 1970's)

If you know of any other resources please leave them in comments.

Such a pretty lady. She will be missed!

Frankenmallows, Witches Hats and Monster Brownies

How is it already the second week of October?

We all know that half the fun about Halloween is the sweets, and what is more sweet than cakes and cookies? (other than candy of course!)

Every Halloween I volunteer to bring a treat to my kids' Halloween parties in their classes. Yes, I know I am the same mom who absolutely hates the cupcake in class, but Halloween is one of those days where there is going to be treats - no doubt about that - and by volunteering it makes sure that my kids can eat at least one cool thing…if not two or three..or four.

My favourite go to snack for these events are completely dairy free and can be made gluten free as well (with a little but more ingenuity).

So without further delay feast your eyes on these yummy treats, guaranteed to be fast and incredibly easy to make that even your kids can make them!

Frankenmallows, Witches Hats, and Monster Brownies! 

Franken Army

I love Frankenmallows. (Inspiration) These are my go to treat for Halloween. If I could give them out at the door for trick or treaters I would. These are absolutely the easiest treat to make, but they are a little time consuming since you will probably be making over 20 if you are sending them to a party.





What you need: 

• 1 Bag of Large Marshmallows. Make sure that you get ones that are not all stuck together. Also, if you are Vegan you can buy some from a health food store that are not made with gelatin. 
• 1 tube of Gel Food colouring (Green). You can get this at Michaels. 
• 1 tube of Cookie Decorating Icing. (red)
• 1 bag of Pretzel Sticks. If you are gluten free, there are options at the health food store. 
• 1 bag of chocolate chips. We use carob chips as we are allergic to dairy. 
• Coconut oil (any cooking oil or butter will do).
• Popsicle sticks and a little paint brush. 
• Flat styrofoam block. 

1. Take your marshmallows and stick them on the popsicle sticks just far enough that the wood peeks out a tiny bit on the top of the mallow.

2. Take your tube of green gel and a paint brush and paint the whole surface of the mellow. This is time consuming… place them into the styrofoam block with about a half-inch space between them.

3. Take a cup or so of the chocolate chips and melt them with a spoonful of coconut oil or butter… you can do this in the microwave, or a double boiler on the stove.

4. Take your marshmallows on the sticks and dip them in just far enough so that it looks like Frankensteins hair.

5. Use the cookie icing and pipe little dots to glue on two chocolate chips for eyes. Also make the mouth at this time.

6. Take a pretzel stick and break off a quarter inch piece and stick it into his head, repeat for the other side.

7. Eat them!!!

Witches Hats

So Yummy!

These are even easier than the Frankenmallows.

1. Find a chocolate covered cookie. (or make one if you have allergies - Girl Guide Mint ones are Dairy Free FYI)

2. Use the same cookie icing as the frankenmallows and squirt a circle in the centre of the cookie.

3. Plop a Hershey's Kiss on top. (they do come dairy free if you get the dark chocolate ones).

4. Yummo!


Monster Brownies

Just a sampling.

These are the easiest of all three. Seriously! These are such a great hit for parties or for a Halloween themed craft!

1. Bake some brownies. (I use a box but a great recipe from Dinner With Julie is also here.)

2. Cut them into different shapes.

3. Give the kids some candy eyes, pretzel sticks, icing, gummies, etc and ask them to make monsters.






Now, how fun is all of that!! I would love to see your pictures of these! Make sure you tweet them to me here.

Don't Fear the White Coat.

We all have those moments when you feel like you should win mommy of the year. Well at least I do, but it seems to happen more in my house than in other peoples houses.
Anyway, last week I would have definitely been in the running.

Offending Product. :P

I was outside lawnmowering (is that a word) as I wanted to help out my husband and our lawn looked like crap - and here in suburbia that is just not okay.
So there I am working this 100 year old gas powered lawnmower.
My eldest son (7) comes outside with freezies. He screams, "CAN I HAVE ONE?"
"NO" I yell back. (not wanting to turn off the mower for fear that it won't start up again).
"WHAT?!" he yells.
"AFTER I AM DONE!!!" I yell back.
He disappears into the house and comes back out with an open freezie.
I think to myself, "little (you know what). Oh well, at least he probably opened them for his brothers too, and this will keep them all quiet." I continue to push the mower through my 10 inch grass.

Next thing I know I see my littlest one (2) come out side and he has what looks to be berry juice on his hand…but he is crying and holding it up…so I am confused and think, "what the heck is that?!" turn off the mower and sprint to the baby. I look at his hand and try to contain the vomit in my mouth - his finger is cut so deep that you can see the fat and muscle inside. INSIDE his finger.
I grab him and run to the bathroom to wash it off and put pressure on it - but I know in my gut that this is going to need medical attention.

I scream to locate my other two children who have miraculously disappeared for the moment. No answer. I scream again. The eldest shows up and I start yelling about the baby - he starts to wail, "It was my fault. I should have been watching him…" As I try to convince the oldest that no, it is in fact mommy's fault and try to figure out what happened while still screaming for the middle child - I start to think how am I going to get all these kids to emerg and WHAT are we going to do for 8 hrs.
The middle child shows up. (4yrs). "What happened to E?" I ask. "I stabbed him." R repiles…and looks at me with this grin that only a sociopath can make. "WHAT?!?" I yell. I then start to yell obscenities to anyone within earshot - possibly scarring my children for years to come and send them to their rooms so that I do not do any more emotional damage.

I text my husband - "You need to come home NOW. We have to go to the hospital."
So I take the baby and sit on the front step ready to go to the hospital.
My husband arrives 5 mins later.
"What happened?" He asks.
"R said he stabbed him." I wail, "Look at his finger!!"
My husband (the firemedic) looks casually at his finger and goes, "ah ya, those will need stitches. I will get the kids ready." and calmly walks in the door.
He appears 5 mins later with both boys ready to go and says to me, "They found the knife on the floor, a pairing knife, (used to cut open freezies) and R held the plastic end and E grabbed the cutting edge and E lost that fight."
Enter the mommy guilt. Of course I was already feeling it - but if I had just cut open the damn freezies…. and then my husband goes, "What were you doing?"
I reply, "Lawnmowering."
He replies, "The grass is wet… you don't use the lawnmower when the grass is wet… that is why is isn't done."
So not only did my "helpfulness" lead to a mortal wound of my child's finger - it was also unnecessary.

Nice.

Poor Guy

We went to the ER and he had 3 stitches put in. My competence as a parent was only questioned momentarily until they realized that I had 3 small boys and then they pitied me.
The actual stitching was the most traumatic part as they had to swaddle him and hold him down. They do a topical but babies don't realize that they can't feel it and so he screamed and screamed. (that was enough for me to lock my knives away forever.

I wanted the boys to watch, to see what happens when you don't listen to your mom…but the doctor refused and said that it was way too traumatic. In hindsight I am glad that she refused me - because it probably would have been, I just didn't want my boys to think that any of this was "cool" in any way.

However, E is pretty proud of his scar.

A Mother's Nose

I am one of those moms that not only uses the daily bath to clean my incredibly dirty boys, but also to have them play for 30 mins or so while I fold laundry on the bathroom floor in front of them.
Its kind of a wind down ritual to our hectic day.

This particular day my older boys were done their bath, and had gotten pajamas on and started to play on the floor beside me while I continued to fold the continuous pile of laundry that was before me.

I smelt this faint very familiar smell, that I was interested to find the source. Having the two clean boys in front of me I asked…did you fart?

After peals of laughter they assured me that no, they had not. But, I could still smell it. I asked the younger, did you poop in your pants? No. I asked the older - knowing that he did not - if he had. No! Absolutley not.

I sat there for a moment - sniffing the air. Listening to my youngest one happily splash in the water. I looked over and noticed that the wetbag for my cloth diapers was open, and so I thought that it must be coming from there and continued to fold - and gave the 2 year old his 5 min warning.

As I said this warning, not really looking up from folding a 3 inch wet turd flew past my right ear and hit my wall. I spun around stood up, and a second one hit the floor right beside me.

I looked at my two year old, $h!t eating grin on his face (thank goodness not literally) with another peice of poo in his hand ready to throw.

"Poop?" he says. "Bum" he says. "Yes" I say. "No throw" I say.

Slowly walking towards the loaded weapon. (my other two boys in complete disbelief that I am not losing it…) He aims, and fires…near miss. (but to my relief all the ammo is gone from the tub.)

By now my bathroom really smells (the bathroom that I just spent the better part of the day cleaning and sanitizing) and there are poop smears and wet logs in many different spots.

I could have lost it…but, I didn't. :)

I kept my cool, took him out, washed him in my sink, cleaned all the poop up and put them all to bed….it was one of those moments in parenting where you could go either way - and I was sad I didn't have my camera.

Paying for it

My littest is a pretty good sleeper. I havent had much trouble with him in his whole 20 full months of life. However, since we have been on break since the second week of December I have let him sleep whenever he wants to. Sleep in, have a nap at 4pm, go to sleep at midnight, and so on and so on…

Well now, I am trying to get the schedule back, and boy is it ever hard. He is just not tired. Yesterday he woke up at 7am, I put him down for a really early nap at 11am, he was up by 1pm. He was tired again by 7pm.

I thought YEA! It's working!!

Yea, no.

He woke up at 8:30, and then again at 9:30pm and was awake…like WIDE awake until 2am.

So yes, he slept in - we ALL did.

This morning he was up at 9am. I skipped the nap because I wanted to force him to go to bed earlier…. and so he was miserable from 5-6:30pm.

I put him down at 6:30pm, and guess what? Up at 7pm, and up again at 8pm…..and now what? It's 10:37pm and he is WIDE awake….

Sigh.

Did I ever mess this one up!!

When there is a will....

**Warning - This is one of those TMI posts about kids and poop.***

So my 3 year old is not potty trained.

We have tried EVERYTHING.

Stickers, stamps, star charts, no diapers, pull ups, just underwear, going every 30 minutes, going every 15 minutes, sitting before breakfast, sitting before bed, reading stories, playing games, yelling, threatining, bribing and giving up completely.

EVERYTHING.

So he knows where the poop and pee go, but he doesn't care. He would be happy to sit in filth all day long.

We are getting better. He is asking to go pee, and the fact that he learned how to stand and pee is making it a little better. It's a novelty, so he tries to go every so often.

Poop is a whole other story.

He used to hide...like under the sink. Most likely because he got yelled at. Yes, I know. Bad mom. Apology, apology, etc.

So the other day I am getting dinner ready, I have the older one talking my ear off about a new transformer and how it changes his perception of the universe; while his little baby brother tries to take his first steps between my legs as I am trying to pour pasta water out....and I notice the 3 year old is missing.

I know in my gut what he is doing. Mom intuition.

I RUN up the stair to catch him mid squat in the *carpeted* stairwell. He looks at me with a "Shoot! Mom caught me" look.

I pick him up without a word and take him to the potty. He says, "I had an accident mom."

I say, "I know." and then because I am frustrated and there is poo everywhere *just* beore eating dinner I say, "but you know what, you have to sleep in your own bed, because only boys that poop in the potty get to sleep with their brothers."

Fit ensues. Dinner, Bath, PJ's, Story....and then take him to his room. Fit continues.

I explain that until he poops in the potty he cant sleep in his brothers room. He RUNS to the bathroom, rips down his pull up, sits on the toilet and PUSHES like he is passing a gall stone. Goes red in the face, and poops out the *teeniest* poop he has ever done.

He looks at me and says, "I pooed in the potty mama! Now I get to sleep in Ks room!"

You got me there.

At Least it's Clean

I wanted to post this before I forgot. A snapshot in a day of the life with 3 small boys when your husband works away from home.

I have this couch in my garage. Don't ask me why or how it got there. Just know that it is in perfect (kidless) condition and will not fit down my stairs. Of course the fact that it is in my garage means that my van can not fit in the garage which means it needs to be sold.... perferably BEFORE the snow comes back.

I have put the couch on kiijjij and on craigslist etc. And have gotten a few bites. I have been keeping it set up and clean in the garage, just in case people want to see it. (which is hard...because it is in my garage...as well as the lawnmower, and gardening tools).

Yesterday I had made an appointment for a woman to come and look at my couch. She wanted to come around one. So at 11:30am I decided to start to wrangle the boys into their clothes so that they looked presentable when a stranger was to come.

At 12:30pm they were finally dressed. I threw them outside in the backyard to play on the swings while I put the baby in the carrier so that I wouldn't have to worry about him when the lady came.

I walked outside with the baby on my back and watched and felt my mouth go into a silent "O" of horror as I looked at my middle child, the 3 year old, hose in hand spraying directly into the garage, right beside the couch.

"I am cleaning it mama. The garage!" O.M.G

The lady was coming to look at this "mint" couch and my 3 year old was trying to give it a bath.

OY!

Needless to say the couch is still there. (not because it got wet, because he *just* missed it)

We will try again another day.

Crying It Out....Again (RANT)

My cousin recently posted on her FB status that she was having a hard time putting her littlest one to sleep. He is just under a year old. Somehow, this opened her up for complete unsolicited advice from all of her "friends".

What skeeves me the most is that people get so passionate about this subject so you can't just say, "I didn't CIO, and my kids sleep great", you get to be attacked for your choice...passive agressively.

Don't Coddle, it's proven children have to "self-soothe"....ummm, really? Prove it. Because I can actually prove the opposite, here, here and here. Oh, and here.

Not to mention that I was a psych major in University and so "attachment theory" was a whole semseter class.

Oh, but "coddling" them will make them more dependent.

No. It doesn't. And I have a 3 year old who can tell you that for sure.

Dependence LEADS to Independence.

Once a child is sure of thier environment and *trusts* the people around them, they will venture out. If they don't.. (or think that you are going to abandon them) then they are much more "clingy."

And can we seriously stop with this "independent" "dependent" "clingy" "coddled" language?

Why DON'T you want your child dependent on you? Would you rather they be "dependent" on a friend? a peer? a stranger? How about a molester?

If you don't nurture your children, some one else will take the opportunity to.

So be HAPPY that they *want* to be with you, to share with you, to be comforted by you, to NEED you.

Just drives me insane.

If you want your child to "self-soothe" and be "independent" at 1 year old, then maybe you should have not "coddled" them as a newborn. Newborns don't need to be "coddled" do they? Maybe you should start the way you want to finish....or maybe you should get a dog.

Younger and Wiser?

I was just looking at a bunch of my favourite Bloggers the other day PhD in Parenting, CodeName Mama, The Feminist Breeder and Christie Haskell on the Stir. All pretty much blog about my "type" of parenting. I think their blogs are wonderfully informative and I forward them often to friends on Facebook.

I was noticing today, as they have all posted about their own families recently, that not one of them has a child *over* 6. (PhD in Parenting's son is the oldest and born in 2004)

What is up with that?

It's a theme that has been following me for a while and just now rearing it's ugly head in my Blogreel. My child is older than the children of a lot of the parents that I go to for advice.

I really don;t think that this is intentional...I follow blogs because I am a techy. I have had this particular blog since I was pregnant with my first (way back in 2004/2005) because I was looking for somewhere that I could share the milestones of pregnancy with friends (since I was the first to get preggo - well... second).

Some would say that maybe it is because Blogging is so new. Well, that is kinda true but there are bloggers of teenagers out there..they just don't blog about "parenting" and more about "life" or school/food/crafts/cakes/etc. etc.

Others would say that it is because "Attachment Parenting" or "instinctual parenting" or what ever you want to call it, is new....and it really isnt. Dr.Sears came out with his first books in the late 70's early 80's...and my own mother breastfed and co-slept with ALL her kids until they were 2. (not to mention sharing feelings, gentle discipline...the whole deal (pssst. she was also a TEEN mom - does that shock you?! :P )

I feel that when I read these posts of my favourite bloggers I get more of a sense of validation...that yes, I have been saying that all along, or hey, I blogged about that 3 years ago, or just wait until your child is 4....

What I would love is to read a blog by a mother who parents like I do, but has children that are OLDER than mine. I want to see what she would have done *differently* so that I can maybe change some of the things that I do in my life.

When everyone is going through the same thing, it is great to commiserate, but you don't learn as much as listening to someone who has already *been* at that stage and survived to tell the tale.

What do you think? Do you follow any "AP" blogs that feature parents who have older kids????

Freak of Nature.

When I would go out with my first I would secretly hope that people would look at me and think how cute my baby was. I really did. I loved getting those smiles that people give you when they see you with your first baby. Of course, they could have been secretly thinking, "hahaha! She doesn't know what she is in for!" But, I think for the most part people just like seeing babies.

After I became pregnant with my second, I would hope the same. I would hold my 2/3 year olds hand and then have the baby in my carrier of choice. We would walk and people would say, "oh, what sweet boys you have..." I really enjoyed just going out with the two of them and walking wherever we needed to go, taking our time and being our silly selves.

I didn't think that it would change. As my brood got bigger I thought that people would still give me that smile and say how precious my kids were. They didn't change, so why would I think that the interaction with people would?

But it did. I wrote about it in this post and this post. It were these outings that made me feel like a freak of nature with all of my kids. And the sad thing is that I only have 3. Many people I know have 4 or even more. I dread going out with them. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and maybe it is all in my head, but I can't handle the judgement. I just don't have the confidence to put up with it.

Sometimes I get the nerve to try go out again with all 3 because I need something that can't wait until the husband comes home. But inevitably every time that I do, fate steps in and shows me that I am a fool to think that anything should really go my way.

For example. We went to the grocery store (ahh the grocery store land of judgement galore) and I had both my kids in the "car cart" and the baby in the wrap (tied loosely because he was nursing). The 3 year old started acting out and standing on his seat, I warned him that I was going to buckle him in..he ignored me. So I calmly leaned over and put the strap on...the baby started fussing because he was being compressed by me bending over (but it would take a SECOND to snap the strap and we could go) and all of a sudden this old lady (70's) came over yelling, "HIS HEAD!! HIS HEAD!! YOU ARE SQUISHING THE BABY'S HEAD!!!" and I was...a bit...(it really wasnt that bad.)

Anyway, the WHOLE aisle then decided to look at this freak wearing this long piece of cloth tied to her squishing her baby, and her two other children crying and whining.....I wanted to crawl in a hole...I thanked the lady, said he was fine, and left.

I go to that particular store often, and feel sad that it's things like that which make me afraid to go out.

It's almost like I feel ashamed to have 3 children. When I am around my friends I don't as like I said, many of us have more than one...but when in public and I have one child holding my left hand, and one child holding my right, and then the baby on the front, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

ps. the picture is from Demi Bella which I am totally ordering from!

Toddler Property Laws

I came across this today and laughed as I thought of my two year old.

Toddler Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.

If it's in my hand, it's mine.

If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.

If it looks like mine, it's mine.

If I think it's mine, it's mine.

If I give it to you, and change my mind later, it's mine.

If it's broken, it's yours!

~ Author Unknown.

We are definitely going through the "mine" stage right now as he is well aware that a baby is coming any day now. It's hard not to laugh at just how serious he gets when it comes to what is his and what isn't.

This kid is in for a wake-up call I think.... ;P

Hitting as Love

I met a women who also had two boys today. She really spoke to me in such a way that I felt we really connected on a personal level. I was explaining to her how I would become frustrated that my boys were hitting eachother so much and that I had hoped that they would show love and compassion to one another as I did not condone violence in my home.

She laughed and said, that men can not show compassion towards eachother. They can not show love. Well, not in the way that a woman shows love and compassion. If they did, they would then be ridiculed.

As she explained this to me, I started to cry. It was as if she had explained the bottom line fundamentals of boys and men. That they DO love and they DO feel compassion they just express it by hitting, and wrestling and the like.

She went on to say that little boys have a very different relationship with their brothers and their dads and fighting, or rough housing is a way that they express that they are feeling safe with that person. Safe enough to feel vulnerable enough to say, hey we can play at something that can really hurt, and I trust you not to hurt me, because I love you.

This explanation was pure perfection to me, and really made me look at my sons and the relationship that they have with eachother, with their dad and with me.

Boys are expected from a very young age to "man up" to "stop being a sissy" to "stop crying like a girl" and once we place all these restrictions on them they then have to find other acceptable ways to express their feelings. (unless of course they are in sports where bum tapping is okay, or crying after winning a big game.)

This mom really changed my viewpoint about fighting today, and I dont think she will ever know how truly grateful I am.

Sleep...or Lack Thereof

I seem to be in a sort of time warp when it comes to sleep and my children. Here I am at 11:02pm and my children are finally asleep.
Usually this wouldn't bother me, but lately it is. A lot.
The thing is that I really really need to study. I have a couple classes that are winding down in the next month and I really have to spend some time to finish them, and if my kids are not sleeping until 11pm then when am I supposed to do this work?
What ends up happening is that as soon as they are both sleeping I spend an hour "de-stressing" from the day....either cleaning a little, eating, going on the computer etc. Maybe doing some actual work...and then I start studying and then I go to bed at 1 or 2am. This would be okay if I wasn't woken up at 7am.
I feel like a zombie. I dont feel like I am actually doing well in my classes if I cant do any work at a reasonable hour.
I could just shut the door at 7pm and listen to them scream, but I dont because I have made this commitment to myself and to them that I will be there for them when they need me, especially in the arena of sleep, but boy is it tempting.
I have so much stuff to do in the evening and can never do it.
I guess what I really have to do is bite the bullet and wake up earlier and then wake them up earlier, and perhaps skip the nap until they are on a good schedule.
I would love it if they could both be asleep by 8pm.
Then maybe I could get to sleep myself at a decent hour.

Tips for having a Newborn and a 3 year old....

I think there is absolutely an adjustment period between one and two,
and some people just cope better than others...it's all about how you
handle stress.
I found that the newborn stage for Ryan was a breeze. I just put him
in the wrap all the time. He just slept in the wrap from day one, so
really it was just like I was still pregnant.
At 6 months however, was when it got really tough for me. Ryan and
Keenan demanded an equal amount of my time and there is only so much
of you that can go around...not to mention that once both kids were
occupied/sleeping Chris would want some one on one. It got really
draining, really fast. So I started taking time for myself. I do yoga
while the kids play beside me, I put Keenan in preschool so I have 4
hours a week with just Ryan. Quiet time when Ryan naps is a must.
(still working in this one). I joined a Babysitting Coop and can use
that when I really need to get out.
I have also pared back my extracurricular/work. I do not work all day
everyday as I was before, I do not work on Tuesdays and Thursdays when
Keenan is home, and we try to get out of the house as a family on
Fridays. Chris and I have also agreed to one night a week where we do
something separate, if that means a movie or a meeting for me, and
jamming for him, that is how it works...we try not to take more than
one day away alone, or we start to resent eachother.
TV is my savior for when Ryan is being put down. Keenan can watch the
Wiggles and I can nurse Ryan down with no interruptions.
You have to do what you can to make YOUR life easier for YOU.
Lastly, I have a couple books on activities to do with kids and try to
pick one a day to do with Keenan. For example, we had a "Backwards
Day" so we started with a bath and then got dressed (clothes on
backwards) and had leftover dinner for breakfast, a BIG lunch, and
pancakes for dinner...kids love it when you get involved so play with
them. :)
If you feel like you can't cope take deep breaths and walk away...and
call a friend who understands...many women on my parenting board have had me
call them when I am in crisis...and it means SO much!!!
Good Luck!
Alisha
mama to keenan and ryan

My Preschool Gut....

So I went an volunteered at Keenan's preschool today, which is if anyone cares, not the preschool that I own and run. Why? Because I did not want my child to be treated any differently than anyother kid because his mom was cutting the cheques.
So I placed him in a comparable program closer to our house. I have been having this weird gut feeling about it ever since I put him in, and my friends say that it is just me...but something is off. So I have been waiting MONTHS to be able to volunteer in his school, and today it finally happened. Can I say I was impressed....no.
But, am I expecting too much? I am not sure.
Keenan basically just played all by himself at the Dino table, then the rocket table, as the other children ran around and visited, and danced, played house etc. There was Keenan. And then we read some books, again kids following ME around but not Keenan.
He was so quite too...he is so extroverted at home, he knows the answers to everything, constantly interrupting us, and at school when they brought out a stegosaurus...he just sat there. Not a word. A mute.
My Keenan. A mute? What happened? It is surreal to me.
So then there was songs and story. I am happy to say that he participated in both those, as lackluster as they were. They were definitely no Natalie.
So now I am torn.
I put him in preschool to meet other kids, BOYS!!!! And he hasn't. No playdates or anything. But can I blame him? When I go and chat the only mom that actually talks to me is Kathryn, and we knew eachother already. Otherwise it is like highschool all over again.
What is the issue? Mine or his?
I thought that after today I would see that it was just me, but now I am not so sure....

Melts my Heart

Here is a nice story for you all.

Today was a difficult day for me, as Keenan was up really early (for
me) and it was a long day. (no nap)

It seemed as the day got later and later he was just pushing all my
buttons (except I really shouldn't have been doing laundry when he is
awake)...

So I finally get him to go down at 10:15pm, and was getting annoyed
with him that he would not stay laying down, that he would just keep
talking, and singing.

I kept telling him, "head on your pillow Keenan. It is bedtime,
goodnight Keenan." I was feeling really exasperated. (and SUPER hungry).

Keenan then proceeded to put his head on my chest and said "mommy best
friend"

I said, "mommy is your best friend?"

He said, "uh huh. mommy best friend."

My heart melted. I said "you are my best friend too." I then didnt
care how long it took him to fall asleep, as I was content just to
hold my little guy for as long as he needed.

I love when they give you a reality check.