How Old Are You?!?

It's really none of your business is it? This question keeps coming up again and again, and it is really starting to tick me right off. I have noticed that it is more frequently asked since I have had the 3rd boy child.

Not that it didn't happen before, but it's happening more and more and more.

I took my kids to the doctor and while trying to wrestle my 2 year old into submission while my 5 year old sat on the bed and my 3 month old cried in the sling, the doctor asked, "Can I ask you how old you are?" I was taken aback...was my loss of control at that moment related to *my* age, or more the age of my squirmy two year old? (I would put my money on the 2 year old!)

Or the random woman on the street who demanded to know if in fact all 3 boys were mine, how old they were, and how old I was... Who comes up to someone and demands to know their age? What gave her the idea that it was okay to come up to me and ask me that?

I honestly do not understand why people feel that it is appropriate to come up to me and ask me how old I am...some how insinuating that perhaps I am too young to have one child, let alone 3. My husband says that I should take it as a compliment, but I don't. It really ticks me off.

Just because someone decides to start with the career and not the family as I have chosen does not make them *more* qualified to have children, or more able to pass judgement.

If a 45 year old woman was walking around with 2 or 3 small kids, would random strangers and doctors ask *her* how old she was?

NO. BECAUSE IT IS RUDE.

I decided to have my kids young because honestly, I feel like I can handle them better when I am young. I wanted to have more than a few kids and I wanted them close together. I wanted to be done having babies by 30. I wanted to be able to stay home and not worry about the career that I was leaving or hoping was staying on hold for me.

Because my mom had her kids young.

Because my grandma had her kids young.

Because I *wanted* to.

Thats right. Not only am I young (which is B.S because I was 8 years older than my mom when she had me, when I started) I planned them. Each and every one.

So stop asking me, because I am going to start asking it right back. Why? Why does it matter to people?

Age is just a number...and in 20 years from now when my kids are all in college, (or whatever they want to do) I will only be in my late 40's and free from diapers, and kid drama...and then the table will turn, and I wont be judged anymore.

Someone must be listening.

I wrote my last post talking about the discrimination against boys and one of my fav Bloggers did the same here.

Here is my response to that blog post.

I am glad to see this post Annie, as I have been feeling this backlash for over 5 years. I am the mother of only boys, 3 of them to be exact…5yrs, 2yrs and an infant. I am really starting to resent people when I am out in public and get insensitive comments directed at me and my boys. (Are you going for a girl? Did you want a girl? Hopefully one of your sons will be gay…and so on. Do people not think that perhaps I am happy with my boys?!)
I want to preface by saying that I was in woman’s studies in university and considered myself to be a feminist…now, I am just getting tired of the reverse discrimination against my kids and feel resentful towards the woman that try so hard to make everything “equal”.
I really feel that my little boys get discriminated against because they are not girls, or should I say that they do not act like girls…you said it yourself “how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?” Who says that the are not already? Who says that the way a “girl” acts is the proper way to act? She may act like a girl stereotypically does, quiet, shy, listens, sits, etc…but that doesn’t mean that WE as Women/ Mothers need to enforce these codes of behaviour on our boys. I followed the link above provided by a commenter and it explained how to stop the gender gap…I want to ask all of you, WHY? Why do we have to act the same? Why can’t we embrace our femininity and let the boys embrace their masculinity? Why do we try and make our sons more empathetic, or sensitive or whatever emotion you wish to “create”? What gives us the right as WOMEN to try and TELL a man or in this case our son how he “should” act?
Is my brain wired the same way as his, science would tell me no. So why would he want to think like me, or is he even capable?
I think in our society we are trying to feminize boys and we don’t respect them enough to know that they will be who they are biologically.
Why is it that it is okay that a girl have Girl Scouts that are just for girls, but the boys are expected to share? Why can’t they learn just boy things?
I could go on forever on this topic, as I have started already, but I urge any woman with sons to read “The Wonder of Boys” by Michael Gurian. It explains that what boys really need is a tribe of their own, a place where they can just be “a guy” and they need a MALE mentor, and HE will show them the proper way to “act” like a “man”.

Reverse Discrimination

I run in many activist circles. I have friends that fight for the rights of animals, for the right to breastfeed wherever and whenever (including a swimming pool), for the right to allow women the choice to keep their child or to abort, for the right of the newborn male to keep his foreskin...but above all else these friends fight for the rights of women. It's safe to say that the majority of my friends are feminists. I get it, I am right there with them, I think women should have the same opportunities as men. I think that women should get to choose what is right and okay for their bodies and themselves. I think women should be valued for their intellect rather than their T and A. I took many a women's studies course in University...so why is it now that I have sons that I feel like I may be on an island all by myself?

The thing is that I notice that there is a lot of reverse discrimination when it comes to boys. Girls can pretty much play both gender roles with not much of a comment, but boys on the other hand are encouraged to be gender neutral to a point, but once they pass that point people get uncomfortable. A boy can have long hair, until he is school-aged and even then he will be called a girl many many times before he reaches that age. He can wear pink, but will get commented on for it. He can play with dolls etc, but he must also suck it up when he is upset, brush it off when he is hurt and pretend that he is fine when he gets insulted.

There was a recent post about what to say if a girl is wearing a bikini top, as if it some how makes her listen to "the man"...but what if a boy wore a bikini top....not so comfortable now is it?

And then there is the stuff that makes me personally irritated with society. We can have all of these classes and clubs that are co-ed. But, we cant have just boys clubs because women fought so hard to get acceptance into them...but on the other hand we have "women only" clubs that boys can not attend. (the biggest one being Boy Scouts Vs. Girl Scouts). When I brought this up to a couple friends about wanting my boys to have their own club, it was like I had spat in the face of feminism...when really I just wanted my boys to be able to do boy stuff....

Because really we ARE different. I feel like we are oppressing little boys for the sake of our feminism.

Breastfeeding and Divorce

This is a response to this horrible post.

Disclaimer : This is my blog so these are my opinions, just putting it out there.

I get so tired of women blaming children for their lack luster lives. I get it, we all have those days when we just want everyone to go away so that we can do some sort of activity that is just for us. But to blame children for the fall out of a marriage is just cowardly in my opinion, and furthermore to blame breastfeeding is just incredulous.

The thing is unless you were raped you had some say in whether you were going to get pregnant. And guess what, you knew fully well that this wasnt some 5 year gig. Parenting is for life! Get over yourselves. If you didnt want strechmarks, your "fun bags" to sag, the C-section scar or for your va-jay-jay to be disfigured then you should have kept your legs closed. (or gotten you or your partner fixed.) It is you people that make the No Kids people so crazy. Fuel to the fire.

Let me tell you something that may shock you...Breasts are for feeding. *gasp* I could honestly care less if you want to do it under a blanket, in a bathroom or out there for the world to see. Babies tummies are made for breastmilk. Instead of formula we should have milk banks!! It is insane that women feel burdened by society or judged that they are guilted into breastfeeding....they are for feeding!! Why on earth does milk squirt out of them if not for a child to get some comfort and sustenance? (and formula feeding moms dont start harping on me...if you couldnt nurse it was because you were abandoned by society, and were not given the right tools to nurse. I KNOW I have been there!) And if you don't want to nurse, DONT. Why the heck would a baby want you to resent him everytime you have to feed him? But OWN it and say, it's because *I* didnt want to...and then get on with your life. Stop trying to persuade others to follow suit.

But to say that Breastfeeding is Creepy, or to say that it destroyed a marriage is a piece of crap. Breastfeeding is NORMAL. Whats creepy is that a man would be placed in front of his children. That HIS needs are more important than that of a helpless newborn.

Let me tell you something ladies...there is this thing called a Gigi. Get one for him. He can use his hands and a tissue. And another thing, if a man thinks that his needs should be placed before his baby's maybe, just maybe this man isnt worth the ring? Just a thought....

There are all these articles going around about how children, and breastfeeding are oppressing women and that we can have it all. I am just gonna say it. We CAN'T. Or as a wise wise woman said to me, "We *can* have it all, just not all at once." What causes divorce rates in this country is the thought that we shouldnt have to compromise. Guess what? You do. You can not have your cake and eat it too.

We ALL make decisions that forever change the course of our lives. There are some of us that say, yes. I made that decision and so now I am paying for it, but it isnt the child's fault....it's yours. So grow up.

No regrets ladies...live your life with no regrets.

The Other Side of the Face(book)

I am a big fan of Facebook. I like to look at other peoples profiles, yes creep, and love to see pictures and videos of people that I can't see in real life. I have over 300 "friends" and have joined many a group and a fan page over the last year. I like to chat, as other people seem to choose that over the phone, and I just like to feel connected.

My DH is out of town alot so FB becomes a little like going out on a Friday night to me. Socializing, laughing, commenting on pictures and posts etc....but in the last couple weeks I have become a little disillusioned by the glorious Facebook.

The thing is that nothing is private anymore. Nothing is new news. If I do end up talking on the phone with someone I already know what they are going to say. I already saw their status update, pics from the zoo, and the video of the birthday party. So what do you talk about? Other peoples walls..."so did you see what suzie did yesterday?" "yea that video was funny".

It kinda gets old...and a wee bit boring.

The worst part that has happened just recently was that I was party to a "discussion" between a couple of my friends...in the old way (like 5 years ago) they would have picked up the phone or met for coffee to discuss their disagreement, and I would not have had any idea that they were having an issue. They may or may not have included me, and even then I would have had to take their word for it....now I saw the whole thing; and BOTH sides were not very nice to eachother. I kind of feel like the kid whose parents want to get divorced and they are arguing and the kid is sitting there with her ears covered, but she still knows what they are saying.

It was just bad.

I really did not want to see that side of my friends, especially directed at eachother. It makes me that much more uncomfortable.

So for me that was kind of the end of Facebook as I know it.

Dont get me wrong, I will still post and check it etc, but I need to get off of it and make an effort to see people in real life where words do not get confused in tone.

Over Protection

It's no secret that I sometimes lose it when the kids are driving me bonkers. I raise my voice and say things that I shouldn't say.

It's funny that I can let myself get away with this bad behaviour but can't allow anyone else to; especially my husband.

It's not really fair. I am not sure why I hold him to a higher standard than myself. He has just as much of the stresses that I do, he works just as hard and he has just as many issues with the boys, but when he reacts just as I would I hold him more accountable.

Sometimes I feel that it may be because he is a man, and yes I know that is a total cop out...but I mean it in the way that he may be harder on his boys because society wants us to toughen them up. Meanwhile I am searching for why the child is acting out and making excuses for it.

*sigh*

Attachment Parenting - The Fallacy

We have all heard the term "Attachment Parenting." It was coined by paediatrician Dr.William Sears after reading a book called "The Continum Concept" by Jane Leidloff. Combining her ideas with the work of Dr. John Bowbly he introduced AP to the world. He wrote many books and articles in magazines such as Mothering to outline the 7 Baby B's that one must follow to "be" an "Attachment Parent."

As a new mom trying to find her sea legs 6 years ago I read everything from Baby Wise to The Baby Book and what he was saying in those 900 pages really resonated with me. I followed those Baby B's exclusively. Now as a mom of 3 young boys I want to let you know that the Baby B's and "Attachment Parenting" is a crock.

You can Breastfeed that baby until he is 10 and he will still say that he hates you. You can bed-share until she is 15 and she will still defy you. You can wear that baby in a baby carrier until your heart is content and he will still look you in the face and lie to you about something.

The Baby B's and the term "Attachment Parenting" just give women more tools to oppose eachother, to continue with the mommy wars and judge eachother more harshly.

In my opinion you could do every single one of the Baby B's and still NOT be an "Attachment Parent". You could also not do any of them and have the most well adjusted and attached children ever.

I like to think of it as who a person IS as a parent and not what they DO.

The Baby B's are like a loose list of things that you can do with an *infant* to foster attachment, and all of these become obsolete for most of us once our children are around 3 or so. (there is of course the stray person who continues to co-sleep and breastfeed until 10, but there are not many here in North America.)

So after 3 years do we just cease to be an "Attachment Parent"? I think that instead of focusing on the list of things that make you AP we stop putting all our efforts into judging those that feed with formula, wear a bjorn or push a stroller and focus more on how to foster attachment with the preschooler, young child, tween, teenager and young adult.

How to instill confidence, self esteem, and self worth. To foster empathy and sympathy but also assertiveness.

We need to ignore the claims made by other moms saying that "I AP my kids and they turned out so right" because her kids have just as many off days as yours do, and she loses her temper or takes the easy way out sometimes too.

So stop believing people when they say AP is the BEST way, it may be for some people, but I think what the best way is LISTENING to your OWN gut and doing what is BEST for YOUR family. If that means following 2 or 1 or none of the Baby B's so be it.

Parent your children with love, with respect, with kindness, empathy and compassion. Have no regrets, and be kind to yourself in the process and you will be even better than a so called "Attachment Parent". And as a bonus your kids will be better off as well when these unattainable expectations are released from your psyche.

I am no longer an "Attachment Parent". I cast that label from myself. I am my kids' mom AKA a parent and the BEST one that my kids deserve.

Differences

When my first was just a little baby I would get so caught up in the *shoulds* of life. He *should* be eating this much, pooping this much, crying that much etc. I would get such anxiety if he wasnt meeting these arbitrary milestones. Who exactly created these milestones? Who was I putting him up against? I constantly went on all sorts of message boards to try and measure him up against someone. I had NO confidence.

Why? It's not like I didn't understand babies. I have 3 younger siblings. Not only that but I babysat and nannied all through my youth. So you would think that I would have known and understood that babies are all made differently and there are NO *shoulds*.

I look back at his little life and think of all the times that I got so frustrated about when he should sleep. I would try to put him down at 7pm, (because I wanted to watch survivor) I thought that he should be asleep so that I could have my "adult time".

It's laughable. I shake my head.

As I type this it's 11pm and my littlest (8 weeks) is lying here sleeping on the couch beside me. I watched the whole season finale of Glee with no problem, nursing and patting him down while enjoying my program.

No *shoulds*. I don't expect anything from him. Ever. I just take him one day at a time.

This comes with experience, confidence and age. I know that times will be tough and then they wont.

I just accept that he is a baby and babies are unpredictable at the best of times and just roll with it.

Now, if only I could use the same techniques with the oldest...........

Bad Behaviour.

I went to the Canmore Children's Festival today with my 3 kids, hubby and my kids Granny. It was a beautiful day for it and there were many things for the kids to do. Face painting, bouncy castle, concerts, magicians and the like.
I was nervous to take the kids because I was afraid that they would act out as there has been many transitions in our household and they are not coping as well as I had hoped...but I understand why they are.
To my glorious surprise my kids were excellent. They listened and followed me, they came when called, they had a general great time. The other kids were for the most part pretty well behaved as well...of course there were a couple kids that were acting out, but nothing that you wouldnt expect from 2-10year olds.
What surprised me was the behaviour of the other PARENTS that were there. Now, I was in Canmore, so maybe some of it may have to do with people on vacation, or maybe because they expected that somehow they should have gotten everything they wanted or needed...
Whatever the case these parents were the poster children for snot-nosed brats.
I waited in line for 30 mins for the Bobs and Lolo concert and got front row seats because of it...now the organizer said that children (older) could sit at the front on the floor in order to leave more room for more adults...so when hordes of children started rushing the stage I wasn't too surprised...but when I noticed that they were 2 year olds I was. I HAVE a two year old and I would not let him rush the stage and LEAVE him there un-supervised. It was like these parents thought that it was the job of the people in front (ie ME and MY family) or the organizers or the talent to watch their children....ummmmm....no.
These little guys walked all over the stage and no one was watching them, the tech guys looked petrified....not to mention parents then decided to sit in front of us because they wanted to "make sure" that their two year old was having a good time, meanwhile blocking the view of my 5 year old who HAD a seat...
Self Righteous. They KNEW that I was irritated about it as well, because they kept looking at me. So when this one mom sat right in front of my 2 year old I just let him kick her in the back until she moved.
I just couldnt believe that all these parents were so laissez faire when it came to their kids...total disregard for the performers and the other kids and parents...and these are my peers!!
To top it off we went to the bouncy tent and this one little boy (3) was attacking other children kicking them and hitting them, littler kids than him, and this dad yelled at him to stop hurting his daughter and pulled him out...only for the rest of us parents to realize that his mom had left him there! WTF?
I get the whole "free range children" thing, but give me a break...there is free range and then there is negligence. (or laziness)

Trying to Understand

I have been at my parents for a couple days while trying to keep my house clean. I am finding the boys incredibly hard to handle, the bigger one more than the little ones.

My parents commented that perhaps he has ADHD. Just because he doesnt respond to regular discipline. I started researching it and he hits a whole bunch of markers. He also gets super intense the more that he is stimulated.

I have always noticed this intensity that he has just under the surface and it's something that I really have a hard time dealing with. Looking at these websites and books tho, it shows that perhaps this intensity is just a part of him...and maybe he does have ADHD....at least I have something to start looking at...

It makes me think that maybe I should look into it more because maybe it will help me understand him more....and deal with him better.

A Handful

So after listing my house and hiring a cleaning company to come to clean it so you could eat off the floor, I decided that perhaps living there would not be the best idea.

I moved in temporarily with my mom, just so that the realtor could show it easier, without toys and crap around. Also, so that showings could be at any time without me having to run around and try to fix any chaos that happened in between showings.

Keeping the kids out of the house has not been easy. We are home bodies so we are completely out of our elements. We don't have much of a routine on a regular day...but now it is completely non-existant.

So my kids are a little hard to handle to say the least.

Certifiably

I am insane. I have decided that it is time to move. I have a 3 week old baby and I am packing up my house, de-cluttering it and listing it on Wednesday. Let me tell you, I think I may have lost my mind.
It is a huge job, even though we live in a small townhouse. The amount of clutter/ garbage and crap that this house has is just incredible. We ( my mom, sister, husband and myself) have been working non- stop to get it ready to list this week.
My realtor said that it needed a serious declutter, and he wasnt joking. I am sure he felt like he stepped into an episode of the horders. We have made some progress, it kinda echoes in places.
I am confident with the $600 I am going to be spending on cleaning that it will be ready to list and show...but not confident on how long I can keep it that way.

Hitting the Wall

So it was bound to happen sooner or later...the dreaded grocery shop. I had gotten enough food to last me until my husband got home but late last night I remembered that my son's birthday party is on Wednesday and I still do not have a cake for him. So off to the grocery store we went.

It wasn't a total disaster, they were pretty well behaved...that is until I let them get a cookie from the bakery...then it wasnt so pretty.

They were fighting and trying to climb out of the cart. I know that I must have looked like a real mess. Asking them again and again, and getting more and more frustrated as they fooled around. I finally buckled them both in (which I should have done in the first place). They whined and cried and screamed as I was at the checkout and the baby started as well. I was feeling really overwhelmed and tired, and just wanted to get home.

Once we got to our car they would not cooperate and get in their car seats and so I had to climb up and put them in the seats. They cried and whined and screamed...meanwhile the baby was crying too. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible.
I drove home as fast as I could. (just 5 mins away)
I pushed the garage door opener to get to my sanity and promptly hit the side of the door frame with my van.
So the door frame is not damaged, but my beautiful van has a wee bit of a scratch....I think I lost my mind at that point.
I really did hit the wall.
sheesh

And The Saga Continues

So a couple days ago when I was just about at my wits end, my children decided that they didnt need any sleep. So at 3 am boy child two woke up, and then at 4 am boy child three woke up. Now this would not have been such an issue IF they had both decided to go back to sleep...however, that didnt happen...and it also didnt help that I have been trying to get "me" time in the evening, which meant that I did not go to sleep myself until after 1am.

So after all this being sleep deprived and grumpy my good friend asked me if she could take my kids for the afternoon so that I could just have a nap with the little one. I took her up on her offer immediately, as I was so tired. Knowing that this was going to happen in the afternoon made the morning a much nicer time. We got ready for 1 pm and we all packed up and went to the van.

As soon as I pulled on my automatic sliding doors I knew something was wrong...they were not so "automatic"...I thought to myself, "Did K leave the lights on?" > even though I told him not to touch the interior lights...

I put my keys in and tried to turn it over. Dead.

I started to panic. Not only was I going to miss my nap, but my husband was not going to be home for 5 days. I thought 5 days without escape would be way too much for me. I told K that the van was dead and had the biggest temper tantrum ever. I was weirdly calm...which is probably because this was just too much. If anything could have happened it kept happening. It was like Karma was coming and kicking my butt.

I called my friend in a panic, telling her that we couldnt come, that I was mourning my nap and that I was going to lose it. (which I did, but having said this it was the first time that I cried since having the baby)...she calmed me down and asked if I had AMA. Which I did.

It was like a light at the end of the tunnel. I had forgotten that I had AMA because I dont drive POS cars anymore, so I have not had to use it. ;P

They came in 40 mins and boosted my van, which made me so relieved as I thought that I would have to go get my second car (which is for sale) drive it to the garage, and then put the van in neutral and try to push it out of the garage and boost my van....with 3 kids....

I drove to my friends house and she watched my kids for 2 hrs, I went right home and napped. I was woken at 4pm by the phone ringing, I thought it was my friend calling so I answered it.

No, it was my Mother In Law, who my husband had told me we had re-scheduled, telling me that she would be arriving momentarily.

Now, this wasnt the issue, the issue was that IF I had known that they would be visiting I would have cleaned instead of napping...so I put the baby gates up and kept them in my living room...

When it rains it pours. :)

ps. Did you know that Graves Disease is caused by Stress??? NO KIDDING

An Attempt to Move

When my oldest was just a wee one, before I learned of slings and things. My husband and I bought a house. The house was a 3 bedroom condo, about 1200 sq ft. in a very family oriented community. We thought that it would be a great house to raise a family. Now 5 years later and 2 more kids and a dog, it's a little cramped.

Now, I don't *need* a new house. I like the idea of keeping your foot print small, but and I don't know if this is the Jones in me talking, I just feel like it's too small. I like the layout upstairs, and the kitchen is not bad..but my living room and dining area make me insane. There is no real space for the boys to spread out and do their thing. So they end up ripping apart my living room to jump on, or bring all their toys onto the landing, which is another "bigger" space.

I really only want a unfinished or partially finished basement and some semblance to a backyard and I would be happy for a while (5 more years??)

I really want to be able to open the back door and allow the boys to play on the back deck while I put the baby to sleep. I can join them after the baby is sleeping.

Now, its hard for other children to nap, because we are so on top of each other.

I also think the dog needs her own space too, and I want the crate out of my living room.

The issue I am running into now is that I have to move this summer for everything to work out the way that we want it to.

That means, cleaning, de-cluttering and listing my house (and keeping it clean) while my husband is away for days on end and I have a new born...this is gonna be tough.

But worth it I hope.

Maybe I should just go on vacation....

The Maiden Voyage

Imagine if you will, a newly minted mom of three decides to enroll her eldest son in soccer. The first game is the second day that she is single parenting for eight days. She has most of her routine figured out at home, but she is still trying to figure out how to juggle three children outside of the house.

So picture this, a Van pulls up to a soccer field and the doors open. A mom jumps out and runs to the other side of the vehicle to pick up a screaming baby that looks to be 2 weeks old. He is starving and all he wants is to be comforted and to get a little milk. She holds him in one hand as she unbuckles a 2 year old. Once the 2 year old is free he bee-lines it out of the van and runs into the field. The mother grabs the two year old and goes back to unbuckle the 4 year old.

The 4 year old decided that before he went to soccer that he wanted to wear his rubber boots, but upon arriving and noticing that none of the other children are wearing boots he decides that he wants to wear his shoes.

So he sits on the sidewalk and asks his mom to put them on. She tries to with little success as the baby is still crying and the 2 year old keeps trying to escape.

Another mom with older kids approaches the mom and asks if she can help, "because I have three and know what it is like." The newly minted mom gives the more experienced mom the newborn and says "He is just really hungry, as soon as I get this one to practice I can feed the baby."

The 4 year olds shoes are put on and the mom takes the baby in one hand, and carries her bag, and a long piece of fabric in the other hand. She orders the older children to follow her....the wrong way.

Once the mom has realized she has gone the wrong way, she quickly changes course. She has now decided to just undo her tank and start nursing while walking as the baby was becoming frantic.

They finally make it to the right field, once they get there the coach throws a shirt and pair of socks at the 4 year old and says, "get your mom to help put those on." The mom looks at the socks and shirt, and digs out the shin pads from her bag. She attempts to put them on but she only has one free hand and her 2 year old keeps running away. She puts her leg over the 2 year old so he cannot run anymore and tries in vain to put the socks and shoes on. Another mom shows up (happens to be a friend) and the mom BEGS her to put the shoes and socks on the child. She does. She then asks the mom to hold the infant as she wraps the long piece of fabric around her, as it is cold the mom does a crappy tie and shoves the infant in and latches him on. She then runs after the two year old for a whole hour. The fabric keeps coming undone and she gets stares and comments from those around her about coldness, activity level of the two year old, and comments about the fabric.

Once the game is done the mom gives the kids a snack and while the two year old is occupied with eating she re-ties the fabric properly.

They pack up and start for the van. She now has a soccer ball in one hand, and a bag and a water bottle in the other. The baby is close to her chest and she looks confident. She tells the two boys to run to the van and as the two year old gets to the cement he trips and eats cement. His front lip is cut open and he is hysterical. He goes blue and passes out, the mom doesnt look too concerned, and if you asked her what she was thinking she would reply, "Can it get any worse?!" The mom drops everything in her hands and picks up the lifeless body of the two year old to the van. She squishes the baby in the wrap in the process who then starts to cry. The four year old starts crying as well as he is scared that his brother passed out.

The mom places the child on the front seat and blows in his face and flicks his ears to wake him up. He takes a huge breath and starts to scream unconsolable. The mom then hugs and kisses the two year old until he calms down.

She puts the 4 year old in his carseat, buckles him in and re-assures him that everything is okay. Buckles in the 2 year old and promises a popsicle for his lip when they get home. Buckles in the 2 week old and caresses his head. She then climbs into the drivers seat, takes a deep breath and starts the van, and closes the doors.

The Birth Story - Part Four

With my previous deliveries the pushing part was the best part. No pain. So when my midwife told me that I was fully dilated I was excited to start pushing. I had gotten out of the tub because I didn't really feel like I had the leverage that I needed to effectively push out the baby, and in hindsight I had probably decided to go on the bed as that is what I was used to. (muscle memory).

Pushing wasn't painless this time, however, and that really surprised me.

With every push I could still feel my lower back spasm, and so instead of letting go completely between each push, I held it and kept the tension until the next.

I pushed hard and could feel movement. My midwives commented on how I had my bag of waters bulging before the baby's head. Suddenly with a loud *pop* the waters exploded and hit my head midwife full in the face! I could hear the others joking about having a shower and how much water had come away. I kept my focus however, thinking about my walls and carpet, and continued to push.

The next push and I was crowning, the next came his head. Shoulders with the next push and he appeared at 9:52pm, after 4 or 5 pushes.

The relief that I experienced once he came out was immense. I had never felt anything like it and my back stopped hurting immediately.

I held him close and kissed his little head. We hung out for 30 mins waiting for the placenta and he started showing signs of wanting to nurse.

I wanted to see if he could self latch, as in the breast crawl video, and was delighted when he did.

My placenta was birthed shortly after and we skyped with my husbands mother as she was in the U.S. and unable to attend. (my mother and sister were present).

After everyone had gone home my sister sent me a copy of my birth story from her perspective, and it is the most powerful thing I have ever read. She talks about how inspiring it was for her, and how she wants to birth naturally. She talks about the power of the female body and how birth is a process and not a medical procedure.

So while I felt that this birth was my toughest, my little sister put it all in perspective for me.

Pain with Purpose; with a wonderful gift at the end.

The Birth Story - Part Three

I had gone to the Birth Breastfeeding and Bonding conference and had met Barbara Harper while pregnant with E. I had heard of the benefits of labouring in water since my first pregnancy, and had used the water with K until my water had broken. I had read all about water birth and all of the positives that came associated with it, "natures epidural" and the like. I was still pleasantly surprised when I got into the water and my contractions seemed to disappear.

I was worried that the contractions would stop all together and then I would have to get out of the tub. I sat pensively and waited for the next contraction to come. When it did it was still intense but bearable. I was so happy that I had this relief, as the contractions out of the water were the most painful of all my births.

Its not that I have had orgasmic births or anything, just that with both K and R the really intense contractions were at the end, and I had very few of them before pushing. I wasn't prepared to experience those types of contractions from the middle of labour on. These particular contractions were much different than that of my other births. They started in my sacrum and flowed into my uterus, down my thighs and into my calves. I could not walk through any of them, and if this had been a first birth I can honestly say that I would have probably asked to be transported to the hospital for some pain relief.

I had absolutely no idea how to cope and was saved by the water. If I had not had the water I am honestly not sure what I would have done.

I rocked through each contraction on my knees in the warm pool. My midwives, knowing my wish for a peaceful and less chaotic birth than that of my first and second, spent the majority of the time chatting with eachother at the kitchen table. Every 15 mins or so they would come up to check to see how I was coping, do a fetal assessment and then leave.

After about an hour of being in the water my contractions ramped up and they started feeling like they had when I was out of the water. I was so happy that my husband was there as he sat vigilantly by the pool side (he refused to get in :P ) holding my hand. I was having a really hard time trying to cope and so I grabbed my husbands hand and squeezed with all of my might. I could tell that it hurt him as well.

As the contractions increased I tried as best as I could to breathe through each one, finding it more difficult as they started to come one on top of eachother. I kept thinking that if they were to continue with such ferocity that I would not be able to cope at all. I remembered reading that one has to open and let go to make labour less painful so I kept repeating "open, open, open, open" through each one, hoping that they would give me some reprieve.

As the last couple went through my body I told my midwives (who had all appeared at the same time) that I did not think that I could do it anymore. My midwives and my husband reassured me that it was almost over.

I kept looking at the bed, thinking that it would help if I just got on it. I desperately wanted to be checked again just so I could know how much longer I would have to endure. I got out of the tub and had the most powerful contraction that I had ever had. I tried to breathe through it, and when it was over I quickly got on may back and demanded to be checked by my midwives.

She quickly checked me and told me that I was fully dilated and that there was just a little lip of a cervix left and if I wanted to push through it, or if I wanted her to move it for me. I told her to move it, and asked if I could start pushing. She laughed and said, whenever you feel like it.

The Birth Story - Part Two

My labour started as the previous ones did. Braxton Hicks for days on end. I felt like I was constantly in a start, stop cycle of labour. It started 3 weeks before I actually went into labour. I had a wonderful Blessingway and three days later I had a period of strong Braxton Hicks that lasted 3 full days. I thought that these contractions that were consistently 7 mins apart were the real deal; unfortunately they were not.

My husband was set to go back to work on the monday and so on Saturday I started to panic that he may not be home to witness and support me during the birth. I had tried everything that I felt comfortable doing to bring on labour and was feeling very disheartened that it wasn't happening. I went for a massage and hoped that it would start on the Sunday. By Sunday I was having inconsistent contractions and we decided that we would just go for a really long walk. I had written a blog post about how frustrated I was and decided just to let go of all expectations. We walked for an hour and I got a Chai Latte and we headed for home.

Once I got home my contractions were staying at 2 mins apart. They seemed pretty legitimate but I was worried that it was false labour so I didn't let anyone except my mom, my cousin and my good friend L in the loop.

I called my midwives, just because I thought that they could just check me and let me know if anything was happening. We decided that I would call back in an hour to re-assess.

I kept walking around and around and around my island just to make sure that the contractions continued as I really wanted my husband to be home. I plugged in my ipod and downloaded a contraction app just so I could keep an eye on them.

Another hour and a half went by and my contractions kept on coming, not only that but they were getting stronger and stronger.

I was excited and started thinking that it was the real thing.

I called my midwives again and the midwife said that she would be over in 30 mins. I couldnt wait, and hoped that the contractions kept coming.

When she arrived she brought in all of her supplies and I worried that we would have to help her load them all back into her car if I was actually experiencing false labour.

She asked me if I had gotten the tub ready and I told her that I had. I took her up to my room and the other midwife arrived.

We did my blood pressure and a fetal heart tone, and then she asked me if I wanted to be checked. I agreed.

I was 5cm and she said that I had lost my plug and that there was a lot of show. She told me that yes, I was in labour and that she expected me to have the baby in 6 hrs at the latest.

I called my mom to come and watch my other kids and went about getting the tub filled and finishing my laundry. The midwives joked about how they thought that it was funny that I was in active labour while folding laundry, I commented that you could not do laundry with one hand.

My mom came over and we had supper, we put the boys in a bath and then put the boys to bed.

An hour after the boys went to bed I started having contractions that were an 8/10 on the pain scale. I then asked to be checked again (now at a 7) and went into the tub.

The Birth Story - Part One

When you become pregnant the first time you know that at some point you will have to give birth. You really have no idea what to expect, and have nothing to reference it to. You are basically blind to the experience, with some theoretical knowledge but not much else. Even if you take birthing classes you have ideas of how to cope with pain, but you really don't *know* what is coming.

For your second birth you have some idea of how the birth will go, generally. This is unless your first birth had complications and you hope to have a different experience. If you had an uncomplicated birth then you have an idea of what it will feel like and how it will go.

After having two, it seems like your birth will be old hat. Its not that you don't look forward to it, but you know what is coming.

Both of my previous births followed the same formula. Contractions for 7 - 10 hrs, active labour for 1-2 hrs of hard contractions followed by pushing. Pushing for me was the best part, no pain just progress.

So, following all that I thought that I knew what was coming. I was ready for birth, I wanted to meet my baby, I had prepared myself. All I had to do was wait...which was difficult for me.

So imagine my surprise when this labour and delivery was nothing like I had expected...