Bad Behaviour.

I went to the Canmore Children's Festival today with my 3 kids, hubby and my kids Granny. It was a beautiful day for it and there were many things for the kids to do. Face painting, bouncy castle, concerts, magicians and the like.
I was nervous to take the kids because I was afraid that they would act out as there has been many transitions in our household and they are not coping as well as I had hoped...but I understand why they are.
To my glorious surprise my kids were excellent. They listened and followed me, they came when called, they had a general great time. The other kids were for the most part pretty well behaved as well...of course there were a couple kids that were acting out, but nothing that you wouldnt expect from 2-10year olds.
What surprised me was the behaviour of the other PARENTS that were there. Now, I was in Canmore, so maybe some of it may have to do with people on vacation, or maybe because they expected that somehow they should have gotten everything they wanted or needed...
Whatever the case these parents were the poster children for snot-nosed brats.
I waited in line for 30 mins for the Bobs and Lolo concert and got front row seats because of it...now the organizer said that children (older) could sit at the front on the floor in order to leave more room for more adults...so when hordes of children started rushing the stage I wasn't too surprised...but when I noticed that they were 2 year olds I was. I HAVE a two year old and I would not let him rush the stage and LEAVE him there un-supervised. It was like these parents thought that it was the job of the people in front (ie ME and MY family) or the organizers or the talent to watch their children....ummmmm....no.
These little guys walked all over the stage and no one was watching them, the tech guys looked petrified....not to mention parents then decided to sit in front of us because they wanted to "make sure" that their two year old was having a good time, meanwhile blocking the view of my 5 year old who HAD a seat...
Self Righteous. They KNEW that I was irritated about it as well, because they kept looking at me. So when this one mom sat right in front of my 2 year old I just let him kick her in the back until she moved.
I just couldnt believe that all these parents were so laissez faire when it came to their kids...total disregard for the performers and the other kids and parents...and these are my peers!!
To top it off we went to the bouncy tent and this one little boy (3) was attacking other children kicking them and hitting them, littler kids than him, and this dad yelled at him to stop hurting his daughter and pulled him out...only for the rest of us parents to realize that his mom had left him there! WTF?
I get the whole "free range children" thing, but give me a break...there is free range and then there is negligence. (or laziness)

Trying to Understand

I have been at my parents for a couple days while trying to keep my house clean. I am finding the boys incredibly hard to handle, the bigger one more than the little ones.

My parents commented that perhaps he has ADHD. Just because he doesnt respond to regular discipline. I started researching it and he hits a whole bunch of markers. He also gets super intense the more that he is stimulated.

I have always noticed this intensity that he has just under the surface and it's something that I really have a hard time dealing with. Looking at these websites and books tho, it shows that perhaps this intensity is just a part of him...and maybe he does have ADHD....at least I have something to start looking at...

It makes me think that maybe I should look into it more because maybe it will help me understand him more....and deal with him better.

A Handful

So after listing my house and hiring a cleaning company to come to clean it so you could eat off the floor, I decided that perhaps living there would not be the best idea.

I moved in temporarily with my mom, just so that the realtor could show it easier, without toys and crap around. Also, so that showings could be at any time without me having to run around and try to fix any chaos that happened in between showings.

Keeping the kids out of the house has not been easy. We are home bodies so we are completely out of our elements. We don't have much of a routine on a regular day...but now it is completely non-existant.

So my kids are a little hard to handle to say the least.

Certifiably

I am insane. I have decided that it is time to move. I have a 3 week old baby and I am packing up my house, de-cluttering it and listing it on Wednesday. Let me tell you, I think I may have lost my mind.
It is a huge job, even though we live in a small townhouse. The amount of clutter/ garbage and crap that this house has is just incredible. We ( my mom, sister, husband and myself) have been working non- stop to get it ready to list this week.
My realtor said that it needed a serious declutter, and he wasnt joking. I am sure he felt like he stepped into an episode of the horders. We have made some progress, it kinda echoes in places.
I am confident with the $600 I am going to be spending on cleaning that it will be ready to list and show...but not confident on how long I can keep it that way.

Hitting the Wall

So it was bound to happen sooner or later...the dreaded grocery shop. I had gotten enough food to last me until my husband got home but late last night I remembered that my son's birthday party is on Wednesday and I still do not have a cake for him. So off to the grocery store we went.

It wasn't a total disaster, they were pretty well behaved...that is until I let them get a cookie from the bakery...then it wasnt so pretty.

They were fighting and trying to climb out of the cart. I know that I must have looked like a real mess. Asking them again and again, and getting more and more frustrated as they fooled around. I finally buckled them both in (which I should have done in the first place). They whined and cried and screamed as I was at the checkout and the baby started as well. I was feeling really overwhelmed and tired, and just wanted to get home.

Once we got to our car they would not cooperate and get in their car seats and so I had to climb up and put them in the seats. They cried and whined and screamed...meanwhile the baby was crying too. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible.
I drove home as fast as I could. (just 5 mins away)
I pushed the garage door opener to get to my sanity and promptly hit the side of the door frame with my van.
So the door frame is not damaged, but my beautiful van has a wee bit of a scratch....I think I lost my mind at that point.
I really did hit the wall.
sheesh

And The Saga Continues

So a couple days ago when I was just about at my wits end, my children decided that they didnt need any sleep. So at 3 am boy child two woke up, and then at 4 am boy child three woke up. Now this would not have been such an issue IF they had both decided to go back to sleep...however, that didnt happen...and it also didnt help that I have been trying to get "me" time in the evening, which meant that I did not go to sleep myself until after 1am.

So after all this being sleep deprived and grumpy my good friend asked me if she could take my kids for the afternoon so that I could just have a nap with the little one. I took her up on her offer immediately, as I was so tired. Knowing that this was going to happen in the afternoon made the morning a much nicer time. We got ready for 1 pm and we all packed up and went to the van.

As soon as I pulled on my automatic sliding doors I knew something was wrong...they were not so "automatic"...I thought to myself, "Did K leave the lights on?" > even though I told him not to touch the interior lights...

I put my keys in and tried to turn it over. Dead.

I started to panic. Not only was I going to miss my nap, but my husband was not going to be home for 5 days. I thought 5 days without escape would be way too much for me. I told K that the van was dead and had the biggest temper tantrum ever. I was weirdly calm...which is probably because this was just too much. If anything could have happened it kept happening. It was like Karma was coming and kicking my butt.

I called my friend in a panic, telling her that we couldnt come, that I was mourning my nap and that I was going to lose it. (which I did, but having said this it was the first time that I cried since having the baby)...she calmed me down and asked if I had AMA. Which I did.

It was like a light at the end of the tunnel. I had forgotten that I had AMA because I dont drive POS cars anymore, so I have not had to use it. ;P

They came in 40 mins and boosted my van, which made me so relieved as I thought that I would have to go get my second car (which is for sale) drive it to the garage, and then put the van in neutral and try to push it out of the garage and boost my van....with 3 kids....

I drove to my friends house and she watched my kids for 2 hrs, I went right home and napped. I was woken at 4pm by the phone ringing, I thought it was my friend calling so I answered it.

No, it was my Mother In Law, who my husband had told me we had re-scheduled, telling me that she would be arriving momentarily.

Now, this wasnt the issue, the issue was that IF I had known that they would be visiting I would have cleaned instead of napping...so I put the baby gates up and kept them in my living room...

When it rains it pours. :)

ps. Did you know that Graves Disease is caused by Stress??? NO KIDDING

An Attempt to Move

When my oldest was just a wee one, before I learned of slings and things. My husband and I bought a house. The house was a 3 bedroom condo, about 1200 sq ft. in a very family oriented community. We thought that it would be a great house to raise a family. Now 5 years later and 2 more kids and a dog, it's a little cramped.

Now, I don't *need* a new house. I like the idea of keeping your foot print small, but and I don't know if this is the Jones in me talking, I just feel like it's too small. I like the layout upstairs, and the kitchen is not bad..but my living room and dining area make me insane. There is no real space for the boys to spread out and do their thing. So they end up ripping apart my living room to jump on, or bring all their toys onto the landing, which is another "bigger" space.

I really only want a unfinished or partially finished basement and some semblance to a backyard and I would be happy for a while (5 more years??)

I really want to be able to open the back door and allow the boys to play on the back deck while I put the baby to sleep. I can join them after the baby is sleeping.

Now, its hard for other children to nap, because we are so on top of each other.

I also think the dog needs her own space too, and I want the crate out of my living room.

The issue I am running into now is that I have to move this summer for everything to work out the way that we want it to.

That means, cleaning, de-cluttering and listing my house (and keeping it clean) while my husband is away for days on end and I have a new born...this is gonna be tough.

But worth it I hope.

Maybe I should just go on vacation....

The Maiden Voyage

Imagine if you will, a newly minted mom of three decides to enroll her eldest son in soccer. The first game is the second day that she is single parenting for eight days. She has most of her routine figured out at home, but she is still trying to figure out how to juggle three children outside of the house.

So picture this, a Van pulls up to a soccer field and the doors open. A mom jumps out and runs to the other side of the vehicle to pick up a screaming baby that looks to be 2 weeks old. He is starving and all he wants is to be comforted and to get a little milk. She holds him in one hand as she unbuckles a 2 year old. Once the 2 year old is free he bee-lines it out of the van and runs into the field. The mother grabs the two year old and goes back to unbuckle the 4 year old.

The 4 year old decided that before he went to soccer that he wanted to wear his rubber boots, but upon arriving and noticing that none of the other children are wearing boots he decides that he wants to wear his shoes.

So he sits on the sidewalk and asks his mom to put them on. She tries to with little success as the baby is still crying and the 2 year old keeps trying to escape.

Another mom with older kids approaches the mom and asks if she can help, "because I have three and know what it is like." The newly minted mom gives the more experienced mom the newborn and says "He is just really hungry, as soon as I get this one to practice I can feed the baby."

The 4 year olds shoes are put on and the mom takes the baby in one hand, and carries her bag, and a long piece of fabric in the other hand. She orders the older children to follow her....the wrong way.

Once the mom has realized she has gone the wrong way, she quickly changes course. She has now decided to just undo her tank and start nursing while walking as the baby was becoming frantic.

They finally make it to the right field, once they get there the coach throws a shirt and pair of socks at the 4 year old and says, "get your mom to help put those on." The mom looks at the socks and shirt, and digs out the shin pads from her bag. She attempts to put them on but she only has one free hand and her 2 year old keeps running away. She puts her leg over the 2 year old so he cannot run anymore and tries in vain to put the socks and shoes on. Another mom shows up (happens to be a friend) and the mom BEGS her to put the shoes and socks on the child. She does. She then asks the mom to hold the infant as she wraps the long piece of fabric around her, as it is cold the mom does a crappy tie and shoves the infant in and latches him on. She then runs after the two year old for a whole hour. The fabric keeps coming undone and she gets stares and comments from those around her about coldness, activity level of the two year old, and comments about the fabric.

Once the game is done the mom gives the kids a snack and while the two year old is occupied with eating she re-ties the fabric properly.

They pack up and start for the van. She now has a soccer ball in one hand, and a bag and a water bottle in the other. The baby is close to her chest and she looks confident. She tells the two boys to run to the van and as the two year old gets to the cement he trips and eats cement. His front lip is cut open and he is hysterical. He goes blue and passes out, the mom doesnt look too concerned, and if you asked her what she was thinking she would reply, "Can it get any worse?!" The mom drops everything in her hands and picks up the lifeless body of the two year old to the van. She squishes the baby in the wrap in the process who then starts to cry. The four year old starts crying as well as he is scared that his brother passed out.

The mom places the child on the front seat and blows in his face and flicks his ears to wake him up. He takes a huge breath and starts to scream unconsolable. The mom then hugs and kisses the two year old until he calms down.

She puts the 4 year old in his carseat, buckles him in and re-assures him that everything is okay. Buckles in the 2 year old and promises a popsicle for his lip when they get home. Buckles in the 2 week old and caresses his head. She then climbs into the drivers seat, takes a deep breath and starts the van, and closes the doors.

The Birth Story - Part Four

With my previous deliveries the pushing part was the best part. No pain. So when my midwife told me that I was fully dilated I was excited to start pushing. I had gotten out of the tub because I didn't really feel like I had the leverage that I needed to effectively push out the baby, and in hindsight I had probably decided to go on the bed as that is what I was used to. (muscle memory).

Pushing wasn't painless this time, however, and that really surprised me.

With every push I could still feel my lower back spasm, and so instead of letting go completely between each push, I held it and kept the tension until the next.

I pushed hard and could feel movement. My midwives commented on how I had my bag of waters bulging before the baby's head. Suddenly with a loud *pop* the waters exploded and hit my head midwife full in the face! I could hear the others joking about having a shower and how much water had come away. I kept my focus however, thinking about my walls and carpet, and continued to push.

The next push and I was crowning, the next came his head. Shoulders with the next push and he appeared at 9:52pm, after 4 or 5 pushes.

The relief that I experienced once he came out was immense. I had never felt anything like it and my back stopped hurting immediately.

I held him close and kissed his little head. We hung out for 30 mins waiting for the placenta and he started showing signs of wanting to nurse.

I wanted to see if he could self latch, as in the breast crawl video, and was delighted when he did.

My placenta was birthed shortly after and we skyped with my husbands mother as she was in the U.S. and unable to attend. (my mother and sister were present).

After everyone had gone home my sister sent me a copy of my birth story from her perspective, and it is the most powerful thing I have ever read. She talks about how inspiring it was for her, and how she wants to birth naturally. She talks about the power of the female body and how birth is a process and not a medical procedure.

So while I felt that this birth was my toughest, my little sister put it all in perspective for me.

Pain with Purpose; with a wonderful gift at the end.

The Birth Story - Part Three

I had gone to the Birth Breastfeeding and Bonding conference and had met Barbara Harper while pregnant with E. I had heard of the benefits of labouring in water since my first pregnancy, and had used the water with K until my water had broken. I had read all about water birth and all of the positives that came associated with it, "natures epidural" and the like. I was still pleasantly surprised when I got into the water and my contractions seemed to disappear.

I was worried that the contractions would stop all together and then I would have to get out of the tub. I sat pensively and waited for the next contraction to come. When it did it was still intense but bearable. I was so happy that I had this relief, as the contractions out of the water were the most painful of all my births.

Its not that I have had orgasmic births or anything, just that with both K and R the really intense contractions were at the end, and I had very few of them before pushing. I wasn't prepared to experience those types of contractions from the middle of labour on. These particular contractions were much different than that of my other births. They started in my sacrum and flowed into my uterus, down my thighs and into my calves. I could not walk through any of them, and if this had been a first birth I can honestly say that I would have probably asked to be transported to the hospital for some pain relief.

I had absolutely no idea how to cope and was saved by the water. If I had not had the water I am honestly not sure what I would have done.

I rocked through each contraction on my knees in the warm pool. My midwives, knowing my wish for a peaceful and less chaotic birth than that of my first and second, spent the majority of the time chatting with eachother at the kitchen table. Every 15 mins or so they would come up to check to see how I was coping, do a fetal assessment and then leave.

After about an hour of being in the water my contractions ramped up and they started feeling like they had when I was out of the water. I was so happy that my husband was there as he sat vigilantly by the pool side (he refused to get in :P ) holding my hand. I was having a really hard time trying to cope and so I grabbed my husbands hand and squeezed with all of my might. I could tell that it hurt him as well.

As the contractions increased I tried as best as I could to breathe through each one, finding it more difficult as they started to come one on top of eachother. I kept thinking that if they were to continue with such ferocity that I would not be able to cope at all. I remembered reading that one has to open and let go to make labour less painful so I kept repeating "open, open, open, open" through each one, hoping that they would give me some reprieve.

As the last couple went through my body I told my midwives (who had all appeared at the same time) that I did not think that I could do it anymore. My midwives and my husband reassured me that it was almost over.

I kept looking at the bed, thinking that it would help if I just got on it. I desperately wanted to be checked again just so I could know how much longer I would have to endure. I got out of the tub and had the most powerful contraction that I had ever had. I tried to breathe through it, and when it was over I quickly got on may back and demanded to be checked by my midwives.

She quickly checked me and told me that I was fully dilated and that there was just a little lip of a cervix left and if I wanted to push through it, or if I wanted her to move it for me. I told her to move it, and asked if I could start pushing. She laughed and said, whenever you feel like it.

The Birth Story - Part Two

My labour started as the previous ones did. Braxton Hicks for days on end. I felt like I was constantly in a start, stop cycle of labour. It started 3 weeks before I actually went into labour. I had a wonderful Blessingway and three days later I had a period of strong Braxton Hicks that lasted 3 full days. I thought that these contractions that were consistently 7 mins apart were the real deal; unfortunately they were not.

My husband was set to go back to work on the monday and so on Saturday I started to panic that he may not be home to witness and support me during the birth. I had tried everything that I felt comfortable doing to bring on labour and was feeling very disheartened that it wasn't happening. I went for a massage and hoped that it would start on the Sunday. By Sunday I was having inconsistent contractions and we decided that we would just go for a really long walk. I had written a blog post about how frustrated I was and decided just to let go of all expectations. We walked for an hour and I got a Chai Latte and we headed for home.

Once I got home my contractions were staying at 2 mins apart. They seemed pretty legitimate but I was worried that it was false labour so I didn't let anyone except my mom, my cousin and my good friend L in the loop.

I called my midwives, just because I thought that they could just check me and let me know if anything was happening. We decided that I would call back in an hour to re-assess.

I kept walking around and around and around my island just to make sure that the contractions continued as I really wanted my husband to be home. I plugged in my ipod and downloaded a contraction app just so I could keep an eye on them.

Another hour and a half went by and my contractions kept on coming, not only that but they were getting stronger and stronger.

I was excited and started thinking that it was the real thing.

I called my midwives again and the midwife said that she would be over in 30 mins. I couldnt wait, and hoped that the contractions kept coming.

When she arrived she brought in all of her supplies and I worried that we would have to help her load them all back into her car if I was actually experiencing false labour.

She asked me if I had gotten the tub ready and I told her that I had. I took her up to my room and the other midwife arrived.

We did my blood pressure and a fetal heart tone, and then she asked me if I wanted to be checked. I agreed.

I was 5cm and she said that I had lost my plug and that there was a lot of show. She told me that yes, I was in labour and that she expected me to have the baby in 6 hrs at the latest.

I called my mom to come and watch my other kids and went about getting the tub filled and finishing my laundry. The midwives joked about how they thought that it was funny that I was in active labour while folding laundry, I commented that you could not do laundry with one hand.

My mom came over and we had supper, we put the boys in a bath and then put the boys to bed.

An hour after the boys went to bed I started having contractions that were an 8/10 on the pain scale. I then asked to be checked again (now at a 7) and went into the tub.

The Birth Story - Part One

When you become pregnant the first time you know that at some point you will have to give birth. You really have no idea what to expect, and have nothing to reference it to. You are basically blind to the experience, with some theoretical knowledge but not much else. Even if you take birthing classes you have ideas of how to cope with pain, but you really don't *know* what is coming.

For your second birth you have some idea of how the birth will go, generally. This is unless your first birth had complications and you hope to have a different experience. If you had an uncomplicated birth then you have an idea of what it will feel like and how it will go.

After having two, it seems like your birth will be old hat. Its not that you don't look forward to it, but you know what is coming.

Both of my previous births followed the same formula. Contractions for 7 - 10 hrs, active labour for 1-2 hrs of hard contractions followed by pushing. Pushing for me was the best part, no pain just progress.

So, following all that I thought that I knew what was coming. I was ready for birth, I wanted to meet my baby, I had prepared myself. All I had to do was wait...which was difficult for me.

So imagine my surprise when this labour and delivery was nothing like I had expected...

Trying to let go.

I had hoped that I would have a new baby now, but it seems my girlfriend S is going to be right. (She always goes over her dates, and so thought that I was crazy to think I would go any earlier.) I just had the 10th in my mind for the last 9 months, so I am a little disappointed that he didn't come yesterday...and what is worse, it just seems like everything has slowed right down. I mean, yes, I still am having contractions all the time, but nothing regular. It makes me really tired. I have been sleeping a tonne. 2 hr naps and going to bed at 9pm.

I keep thinking of R's birth and thinking how I had to let go in order for him to come. I am trying to think of all the things that I need to get ready or to let go so that this little one can come. I keep coming up with dead-ends. I really feel like I am ready.

Well, as ready as one can be to go into labour. It's not like I *want* to go into labour...who really does? It's hard work, and as quick as it can be done, it's still like a massive workout. I sometimes think that my other two are holding me back as well. Like they need to be taken care of before I go into labour, but they have been sleeping pretty well for the last couple days so I am not sure what is up with that either.

All this wouldnt matter if I didnt have until tomorrow to figure it out. If I wasnt on a deadline this baby would have shot out 3 days ago...but no, it will just wait until the husband is on the plane.

Frustration and Too Much Information.

My husband now works shift work, but the kind of shift work that takes him away for days on end....

I made the mistake of getting checked by my midwives at my last appointment, my husband is only home for 5 days and I wanted to see if I was at least starting labour. They checked me and the diagnosis was awesome. 3 cm dilated, fully effaced and engaged and a paper thin cervix. My midwife was convinced that it would be no more than 2 weeks. I was hopeful that it meant that my husband would not miss the birth.

So began a waiting game that is making me insane.

It's not like nothing is happening, I get contractions...every 7, 10, 5 or 2 mins apart, for days. I have other changes that I have noticed as well, I have a back ache, leg cramps, and am incredibly grumpy. (of course that could just be the fact that I have a cold at this time as well).

A couple nights ago I had contractions so strong that they caused me to have a cold sweat. Now, that is intense.

The issue I am having now is that he goes back in 3 days and we have to book the flight, I feel like I am on this horrible timeline and there is nothing I can do.

Now, dont get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of natural birth and do not want to force my body into doing anything that it isnt ready to do, but my biggest fear is that he will get on the plane and at that exact moment I go into labour.

It's just frustrating, that's all I am saying.

Come on Baby, gimme a sign.

Water Birth

This post is purely to spite my husband. :P I told him I was going to write it, so here I am.

I am planning a water birth with this baby. I have borrowed a tub and set up my room to look like a birthing suite. The pool is on one side and the bed is on the other.

There is space for the midwives to work and we have set up a resuscitation station should anything go wrong (in or out of the water).

I am really excited about it. My last two births were incredibly fast and I felt completely out if control. I also experienced quite a bit of discomfort because when a woman goes through a fast labour she doesn't get the build up of hormones that one would get if their labours were a little slower.

Birthing in water may slow it down just a little and give me the pain relief that I am looking for.

Now for the spiting part....my husband doesnt like the idea of a water birth because he thinks that we are not water mammals so why would we birth in the water. (regardless of the fact that the baby is made in the water).

He also thinks that it brings up too many variables that can not be controlled. (because you can control birth).

And he thinks that I just want to do it because it is popular. (which isnt necessarily wrong....I mean if loads of people are having water births and say how great they are why WOULDNT you give it a go?)

I just want to try, make this experience less chaotic and more calm. (and I only have a couple weeks to go...if that.)

For more information on Water Birth check out HERE.

Toddler Property Laws

I came across this today and laughed as I thought of my two year old.

Toddler Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.

If it's in my hand, it's mine.

If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.

If it looks like mine, it's mine.

If I think it's mine, it's mine.

If I give it to you, and change my mind later, it's mine.

If it's broken, it's yours!

~ Author Unknown.

We are definitely going through the "mine" stage right now as he is well aware that a baby is coming any day now. It's hard not to laugh at just how serious he gets when it comes to what is his and what isn't.

This kid is in for a wake-up call I think.... ;P

A Completely Superficial Post

This post is just for me to compare all of the wraps that I am interested in for this new baby. :)

I have always defaulted to "boy" colours and my wraps are all very dark and subdued. I want a little more vibrance. :)

The one on the left is the Girasol Rainbow.

I like it because it has a lot of bright colours. The only downside is that I think my best friend owns this one, and I dont want to buy the same wrap as her. Another good friend of mine said that perhaps I should get the night Rainbow, but honestly, it looks dirty to me....

This one on the right is the Girasol Night Rainbow.

I am a fan of the Girasol's weave, it is lighter than a Didymos, but heavier than a Ellaroo. There is a Girasol that I seem to be drawn to, so maybe I will try and get one of these...

This is called the Girasol Symphuo (above). I really like the vibrance of the colours and the brown strips seem to pop right off the fabric. I think this one *may* be my favorite so far. I would actually sell two of mine to get one of these. (A ring sling, and a Ellaroo.)

There is also this one on the left, which is just named #26 which is kinda funny. It reminds me of the Rainbow, but I would like to see the two of them side by side to truly see what the difference is... (in real life.) I think that the Rainbow is block colours and this one is more striped.

So next to the Neobulles, which I am unsure of because I have never felt one to know what the weave would feel like. The colours are really vibrant, and my girlfriend *may* be bringing them into her store....

Both of them seem to be pretty much the same. The one on the left is a softer looking wrap, colour-wise, with pink and turquoise as the main colours. The one on the right has much more red to it.

So dear friends, which one do you like better? Please leave your comments and help me to choose a new wrap for this little one. :)

Reality Check

Did that make you cry? I know I did. With the last couple of weeks being

tougher, with a lack of a husband for the most part (our choice - work),

I have been counting down the hours until the kids go to bed. What this

video reminded me was that I CHOSE to stay at home with my kids to

WATCH them grow up. I only get them for so long before society takes

them away from me.

I sometimes need to be reminded of that fact when I am about to go crazy

over the constant demands of more this and that. It's not a picnic with two

preschool aged boys at home and another baby any day now, but this was

my choice, and I need to own it.

I decided to post this video on my blog so that I would always have it as a

reminder of how precious time is and to absolutely try to live life in the

fullest. Of course we get bogged down by adult responsibility, but

sometimes that phone call or email or facebook status doesn't need to be

answered right away, and so what if you don't answer it at all...they will

call back, email you back, and there is always another day for status

updates.

I want my boys to look back and really enjoy their childhood. They can

say to their spouse, "I had a pretty good childhood, I felt loved and

appreciated." Rather than, "my mom was counting down the hours until

we went to bed."

We just have to remember to take each day as that, a new day, and hug

our love ones close.

THAT Mom....

I confess. I am one of those people that judged people who had kids harshly before I had my own. I used to work at a resturant as a hostess and saw many many families and unruly children. I promised myself I would never ever let my kids do any of the things that the kids were doing at the tables. (like dropping french fries!!! *gasp*)

When I got pregnant it got worse. I would notice parents yelling, grabbing, and children screaming in shopping carts and I would think these moms were the worst! Kids don't have to cry ever, I thought to myself, If you know what you are doing.

I became a nanny just before I got pregnant and thought of that time as my trial for having kids. Let me tell you, those kids that I watched had THE BEST nanny. I got down at their level, played, didnt need to discipline, they went to sleep easy! (of course I had the energy of a 23 year old!!)

So, now here we are at 33 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old boy and a 4 year old boy, both of who have energy coming out of the ying-yang. I can admit that perhaps I was a little quick to judge these past moms....

You see, I was THAT mom at the playground the other day. I had gotten maybe 4 hrs consecutive sleep the night before and my husband had been gone for 7 days. I was going just a little crazy with the continual need to separate my boys as they love to rough house. I decided that I would take a friends advice and take my kids to the playground. There is one rather close so I thought we could kill an hour or so before I had to start making dinner.

Once we got outside my kids bee-lined for "Summer Bucket"; which is full of all of our outdoor summer toys. K was ecstatic to find water guns and pistols. Of course he showed them to R and the two of them immediately started shooting eachother.

The kids BEGGED to take them to the park and I quickly looked over to see if there were any other kids or moms at the park. Noticing that there wasn't, I agreed.

They were in heaven and the best part was that I could sit my butt on the bench and just zone out.

We were there for less than 10 mins when the local school bus pulled up and children started appearing with their moms and siblings to the park.

My kids were super excited to now have real people to use for target practice. K and R started "piss-shoe-ing" every single mom and toddler. They were acting like crazed mad men!

K started saying how everyone was bad and he was going to kill them.

I felt so embarrassed. I tried, with little success to get them to just point at inanimate objects. When I tried to take the guns away I got massive temper tantrums...it was starting to go down-hill. I started to feel judged and watched by the other moms, and knew that when they went home that they were going to post about the frazzled mom with the 2 boys and the guns.

I became THAT mom in that moment, the one that people say, "I will never let my kids bring guns to the park and shoot people."

I do wish that perhaps they gave me some slack as you could tell that I was quite haggard, tired and 33 weeks pregnant.

Moral of the story. Don't judge moms, you have no idea what their day has been like.

No Ideas, Just Anger.

I lost it today. Completely and totally. It could be that 9 days without a husband is my limit, or just that I am sick and tired of arguing with K for everything. (could be the 32 weeks preggo too). I am just at my limit, and this child and I are not going to have a very good relationship if it continues the way it has been going. I posted about "Listening" but really I should have said all out "Ignoring" or "Defiance". I have tried all of the gentle discipline I can, reasoned, negotiated, screamed, yelled, cried, stomped my own feet, shut my self in a room..it goes on and on. I am *trying* to respect him. To treat him like an adult, but I am slowly realizing that most of this is just BS and no amount of respect for him is going to make his reciprocate. Where is the respect for ME? I always said that my children would never yell or hit me, and guess what...they do. I spend all day long arguing with an almost 5 year old, and you know what I don't like him. I pretty much have hit rock bottom, and unless someone can show me the holy grail of this is what Attachment Parenting does when they are older, I am really falling from believing it. He is not respectful, he is un-grateful, rude, right now he is up stairs throwing his toys because I told him that he needs to start picking them up, he whines all day long, and picks on his brother and laughs about it. I follow every fricken tenet that Sears, Neufield, Kohn, and Faber and Malish talk about and it's not working. And I swear to god if the he needs to go outside and burn off energy for 90 mins a day comes up I will scream. You need to GET him to go outside before that happens. So, anyone want to just commiserate and say, Yea, my kid is like that?