BBQ and Huckleberry's Kids

Went to a friends BBQ yesterday and it was so much fun! Chris couldn't come as he was working, again, but it was fun anyway. Met new people which is always fun, and the beats part is that they were all my age. My girlfriend was so nice as she picked Keenan and I up just so we could go. We rosted hotdogs and marshmellows. I love marshmellows. I would like Chris and her husband to get along, but maybe they wont as is probably the case because if you really like someone, then your partner usually wont like thier partner. But here is to hoping. Keenan and I walked superfar today. Like a 2hr walk. We walked to this place called Huckleberry's Kids its a consingnment shop where outfits cost as cheap as one dollar. I told Chris that we should be shopping therte to save money, but I really like the look of new clothes. Hopefully we get a bunch for Keenan on his birthday. I just read an article about a mother who lost her son, 12 days after he was born. It makes me feel like all my drivel is pointless and I really am at a loss to say anything substantial. So I will just stop now for today. Here is the link to the article. http://www.literarymama.com/creativenonfiction/memoir/archives/000179.html

The Woes of Finances

Life is a struggle. With a new house and a newish baby things can get a little expensive. Especially when you don't bring in an income. I wish that they > the gov't would pay for stay at home moms. We are doing the community a tremendous service, shaping the minds of little citizens. I read somewhere that if a SAHM got paid for what she did, she would have an annual salary of 130K. Send some of that my way. It sucks that all the financial burden is on my husband. It sucks even more that he is working alot to support us. It sucks the most that most of that work takes him away for days on end. But I am at a complete loss for what I can do to help. I honestly don't think that we could afford to give Keenan the level of childcare that he deserves. I will not just put him in some cheap ass daycare and let them extingish the light out of my sons eyes and let him lose his trust and happiness. I am not saying that all day care is bad, and yes I am awrae that it is a nessisary evil, but I do know a couple people personally that I would NEVER leave Keenan with, and they both have Early Childhood Certificates. Also all the horror stories on the news about kids being forgotten or disiplined too harshly.

I just feel that it is my job to raise up my kid. I didnt have him so someone else would do it for me. And I am lucky that I am in the position that my husband agrees with me that I should stay home, it's just that I wish I could take some of the stress and the burden off of him. I try and think of get rich quick schemes and other ways to make money. Take online surveys make $1000's a week, but you have to pay $50 up front. Scam? I dont know. Selling tupperware, or other "party" moneymakers. But would that work? Who would take Keenan? I could work part time if Chris was availble to take care of Keenan, otherwise I would be working to pay for his daycare, or babysitter, or nanny.

I really feel at a loss. The people I talk to keep telling me to bring kids in, start a dayhome. That way I get paid for taking care of other peoples kids. It seems smart in the short term, but it would mean many a life change for Keenan and I. No more sleeping in, no alone time, and being responsible for other kids. We would need a schedule, thatis for sure. The only problem I see with this solution is, when am I going to finish my degree? Am I doomed not to finish it at all? I wanted to go back to school next fall, maybe have my mom look after Keenan for a couple hrs on Tues and Thurs. But then there is no down time.

I have no idea what to do. I just feel all this unspoken pressure to get a job to start contributing financially. It just sucks.

It's a Small Small World

I was walking home a couple days ago and saw as car slow down and park next to me. The driver didn't get out, he just unrolled the passenger window and let the car idling. So I looked in and it was this guy Gerorge from Highschool. I haven't seen him for about 5 yrs. I asked him how it was going and he let me know that things were great and that he was living in my neighbourhood. How crazy is that. Then a few days later as I was walking past the same place a guy came running out of one of the condos into a truck, and lo and behold, it was Jay an ex (if you would even call him that as the relationship was like what a week long :) ) and he was leaving his house. I said Hey but he didnt stop to chat as he was in a hurry. But I told my hubby that 2 people from my group of highschool friends live less than 5 blocks away from us. And then yesterday as I was walking home from Sobeys Chris stopped to get a coffee, and who should I run into? Another friend from highschool. She (Cathy) came out to see the baby and told me that she was having coffee, with another friend from H.S. Lindsey. So now I had seen 4 people in less than a week. The cool/funny thing that Cathy told me was that she was still in contact with Jay and he and his highschool sweetheart Joie are expecting thier first in June. That is so crazy! You know why? Because they are my age!!! Finally someone my age having a baby in McKenzie Towne. I am not sure if they would like to hook up with me though, because highschool was so long ago, and jay, joie and i were not like bestfriends at the end of it. But you never know, a familar face at the playgroups at the community center or at the LLL meeting. If I talk to Cathy again, which I should as I have her on my MSN contacts, I will ask her to tell Joie about the LLL meetings because they are so valuble.

It's funny how things like that happen all at once. The best part was seeing Cathy because we were such good friends and she is always so sincere. She saw me when I was pregnant and I was hoping that she would get to see the baby because she seemed so excited for me.

I know that Highschool was years ago, but sometimes it's nice to see what people are up to, what they have accomplished in life.

I just can't believe what a small world it is. Crazyness.

Pancakes and Playgroup

As I am housesitting today it just so happened that I had to get my lazy butt out of bed at the ungodly hour of 8am to take my sister to school. The worst part is that Keenan had to be woken up and now he will be grumpy all day. But, what can you do? Just need to suck it up. But now that we are awake in the morning Keenan needs sustinance. So pancakes it is. Of course the master pancake maker is at work so my brother and I are attempting. Not so bad a result. A little burned but that is how all the food I cook turns out.
"Stop setting a timer and walking away!"
I am a little bummed as I have access to a car and nowhere to go. My playgroup looks like it is officially over as the babes are all one next month. Well in less than 20days. We had a picnic last friday because it was a holiday and everyone showed up. We should have all said goodbye, because that is the way it looks to be. That sucks! I would really like some mommy company today as it is supposed to be 20degrees and I would love to go for a walk. Well maybe someone will call me or something.
But, I know that Keenans nap will get in the way today. So we will just have to see how it goes.

Eleven Months and The Zoo

I can't believe that my little bambino just turned eleven months old. I have officially sent out the invites for the birthday party. And if you didnt get one it is because I dont have enough space for everyone on my contact list. Or I have already talked to you and you can't come because you are working, either way sorry that everyone cant come! I have not decided on a theme and I am still not sure if I am going to bake the cake or not. But at least the invites are out. People will come. We are planning to have a big to do with the playgroup. A group birthday if you will, because all the babies will be turning one at around the same time. Maybe we will do a secret santa type thing. Or not as they will get quite a bit of stuff from thier respective families. We went to the zoo yesterday for the first time as a family. It was alot of fun and the right day to do it. We must have been thinking the same thing that all other parents in the city were thinking as the zoo was soooo packed. But it was still fun. Got to see the baby hippo and the gorrilas and two baby bear cubs. Keenan looked around and saw some of the animal from his vantage point in the stroller but I think that he just thought that we were going on a really long walk. I have not decided if I am going to break down and buy a annual pass..$45 each (adult) as that is a lot of money up front, but it pays for itself in 3 visits. Maybe after he turns a year old. We shall see.

The Park

We love the park! Keenan loves to swing whenever he can! He actually gets upset if I take him out of the swing before he is ready! It is so funny. And the park is only like 10 steps away from our front door. This is a great house.

Mornings and Playgroups

Today Sucks! Keenan woke me up at 7:30 this morning and would not go back to sleep. I dont thin that I fell asleep until after midnight last night, and now he is having a nap and I am wide awake, but grumpy and tired. He will probably have 2 naps today if I know him.

I was hoping to have the playgroup over today for tea and brownies but everyone cancelled on me! Not sure if it because they all are starting to work again, or that McKenzie Towne is just too far away. I am just bummed because I was looking forward to it as this week was a litlle lame. The worst part is that Chris has the day off but because I thought that I would be with my playgroup I told him to go and hang out with his dad, so now I am home alone. (with Keenan of course).

I know that playgroup is going to end. They all have to go back to work, and I cant spend all of my gas money driving to the other side of the city just for a walk. It's too expensive and we really don't have the budget for it. But I do like the time with other moms and babys. Its fun to see the babies interact and socialize with the other moms.

There is a new playgroup starting on Tuesdays with the AP parents in Deerrun. Not really keen on Deerrun (too much stuff from Highschool) but if I have to go I will. It's just with my old playgroup all the babies were the same age, and with this one they are all over the board. What can you do?

I will go and check this new one out on Tues, I just hate that initial meeting!

Andrew Lloyd Webber, My Hero

My in laws bought me tickets to Cats and The Phantom. Chris and I left Keenan for 7 whole hours while we went to dinner and then to Cats. Dinner was good, dinner is always good when I don't have to pay for it or cook it. And Cats was, well, Cats. I am so suprised that someone could come up with a whole play about Cats that lasts 2 whole hours! Songs and lyrics just about different cats. Sometimes I found myself falling asleep. But I am not sure if that is because the show was boring at points or because Chris got me up early because of the time change the night before.

The funnest part about our date with the in laws was the dressing up. I havent dressed up in almost 10 months. Dressed up means wearing a regular bra and not a nursing bra. I was so excited because I bought this special bra from Victorias Secret when I went to the States, and I finally got to wear it. But it worked a little too well because I thought that I havent changed at all since having Keenan and I found out the hard way that yes, I am a breastfeeding mother. While we were on the way to my moms my boobs were practically popping out of my dress, in a not so flattering way. So I borrowed a bigger dress at my moms (thank god we are close to the same size) and we went to the show. I was much more comfortable. I know, Too much information.

I was so suprised that Keenan did so well without me for the whole 7 hours. He did get fussy at the end but that is because it was WAY past his bedtime.

I am really greatfull to my inlaws for buying these tickets as we would never be able to afford them ourselves. Of course I would have begged my own parents if I didnt get them from the inlaws, but my parents arnt so much in to musicals. my mom maybe. I hope that one day we will be able to take Keenan and his siblings to plays and musicals, you know make them cultured. but not snobby. But, only time will tell.

I think we will have to learn how to budget first.

Extentions and Birthdays

Well I finally applied for my extention in my psych class. I was procrastinating applying for one because I was sure that I could finish it in the alloted time. And I am still sure that I could. It's the final exam that I am worried about. It is 65% of my final grade and all short answer. I am not really good at short answer and so far all the tests for this class have been open book. So I am really not prepared to write a exam in such a short time. I think I will finish this class by May.

Speaking of May, there is a certain special boy celebrating his first birthday on May 11th, and we are going to have one big party for him. I am not sure if I am going to order or bake a cake and I really have to get the house ready. Like finish unpacking already! I can't believe that Keenan is going to be one! It's so crazy! I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that our lives would be changed so much in just one year. We dont really need many toys for Keenan, well we dont really need anything for him.

Thats the problem with parties. People will think that I am only inviting them for the booty that they bring. But in actuality I dont care about getting gifts, I would rather not infact. Alot of friends bought us Christmas gifts this year when we were not in the financial situation to reciprocate. And it just makes me feel like a bad friend. So we really arnt wanting any house warming gifts or presents for mr.K and if people really want to then they could give us cash for Keenans RESP. Because tuition is supposed to be like $75,000 for a degree in 20yrs. AHHHHH

Meeting People and Dogs (rant)

We went out for dinner yesterday to Chris' friends house. And boy was it a nice house! The wife is a hygenist and she is the breadwinner (only one income) and that house was $450,000 and they are our age, with two kids! I have to say that I was a little jelous when I first walked in. But I also have to say that I am very contented in the lifestyle that I lead. And I enjoy being at home with my son. Her two kids couldn't say that mom was most focused on them because she was at work all the time providing for the family. And hey, it is whatever works for your family. I am sure Chris would like to be a stay at home dad as well. The thing is that I would have never gotten pregnant if I knew that I was unable to stay home. It just wouldnt have happened.

Chris is certainly getting on my case more and more. He really wants a dog or fish. What he really wants is to spend money on something that I will end up having to take care of. And no, I dont clean the litter of my cats because honestly, I forget it even exists, I am way too busy looking after Keenan to care about stinky cat litter. Here is the reasons I dont want a dog:

1) they smell. They have the worst breath ever and are always breathing on you.

2)they lick kids faces. Soooo gross. I cant stand this, I think any animal licking you is gross.

3)the whole walking thing. I can just see it now. we have our 2nd kid who has finally fallen asleep and I have to wake her/him up and get them all dressed in winters finest to take the dog out for a pee in minus 30 because we dont have a backyard and I am the only one home because Chris is on shift at Nakoda.

4)loss of Freedom. I have already lost most of my freedom from having Keenan, I dont need to lose more and not be able to spend the weekend at my moms when chris is out of town because I have to take the dog out for a walk...3 times a day.

5)barking. Irritation. oh the baby is asleep and someone just walked past our house? No keep barking kids dont need naps.

I think thats all. Chris says that I am selfish and that I always ruin his fun. So annoying.

Why would I take something on that would just make have to do more work? We alreasy have 2 cats, which can be really annoying at times and sometimes I wish that I had never gotten them. Not saying that I am not attached jus tsaying that the amount of work, feeding vacumming up tonnes of hair, can get tiresome and I really dont need it, especially if I am choosing to have 3 to 4 kids.

Getting off my soapbox now.

New Moms

I met a mom to be today, she was the hygenist cleaning my teeth, and we got to talking about parenting and different schools of thought. I told her that she should read Birthing From Within and that she should read at least the first couple chapters of the Baby Book by Dr.Sears before she has her baby. I told her that I am of the attachment parenting kind and I told her what types of things I do that places me into that category. Sometimes I feel like I should just keep my ideas to myself because I am afraid that I will sound preachy. Like I am an AP parent and you aren't. I feel like the way I parent is the RIGHT educated way, but then, I am sure that all parents feel like they are parenting the right way, even when they do Cry It Out. So what right do I have in placing my views on anyone else? And how do I let people know that there is another way of parenting out there without comming across as a know it all?

Sorry and Stars and Strollers

Okay maybe I went a little overboard on my last post. And maybe I was fuled by a disagreement with my husband that we had earlier in the day. And no I shouldn't be airing out all my dirty laundry on a blog in my MSNspace, but that is what they are for right? So I apologize to all of you who had to read my rant.

So if a blog is not to rant about your personal life, relationships etc. what are they there for? Pointless quips and qualms? Chris started a "real" blog because he found one by one of his really good friends from highschool. I went to her site and saw that she has a child about 2yrs old named Nathan, and she is pregnant again. So that is good to see that people my age are having children and it's not just me and my friend L taking on the world.

I went with this friend to Stars and Strollers the other day (for those of you w/out kids > Stars and Strollers is a baby friendly showing time for movies at Cineplex and Famous Players. You get to bring your baby with you). I have never seen so many babies in one room! It was rather odd. Every seat had a baby around 2 - 5mos old. The funny thing is that they wernt really fussy, it was a really good experiance.

Sometimes, just between me and you, I feel like I would like to have aspects of my old life back. Just for a fleeting moment. Like an uninterupted bath or massage. Or a night out with the girls to Outlaws until 3 in the morning. But I have to come back to reality and remember tha tI chose to be an AP parent and you just have to sacrifice for the emotional and psychological well being of your child.

As Chris would say, Suck it up princess.

Playgroup

This is an email that I sent out to my playgroup this afternoon. I think it speaks for itself.

Hi Guys!

I just wanted to clarify something that I said today. I said that I was looking for a replacement group for when all you beautiful working mama’s go back to work. I did not actually mean “replacement” as I could never replace all the friendships that I have made with this group. It means so much to me that we are all able to come together as a community on Fridays and share with such comfortable ease our trails and tribulations as parents. I am just mourning the fact that things will change very soon, as the older babies are all turning one in a matter of months and mat leaves are expiring. So I am sorry if I lead you to believe that you are easily replaced. This has been a great year, and has worked wonders for my well being.

Much Love

Alisha

At My Moms

So, when Chris goes to work for his 48hrs I usually don't like to stay home alone so I get my parents to come and pick me up and I spend 2 days at their house. It's good for the both of us because we can see eachother and catch up for the week. This time it sucks though because my parents have gone to a curling thingy for my dad's company and they are gone all day. so I am alone at thier house instead, which is kinda ridiculous. Plus, there is no "easy" food to make because my mom makes everything from scratch. So I am hungry and I have no idea what to make for lunch or dinner. I was supposed to meet up with Alex and Bree today for coffee and totally forgot because I was more interested in what my mom was doing. Not that I could have gone anyway because I have no child care for my boy. Irritating.

Back From Texas

So I am back, finally. Have been back for a couple days, but was trying to get back in the groove. Keenan was sick on the flight there and back (with a temp.) but he seems fine now. He just isnt eating soild foods, but that should remedy itself sooner than later. Really enjoyed San Antonio, if it wasnt the states I would move there. They have this beautiful canal system, just like Venice, where you walk around downtown next to the river. You can also take a boat taxi ride to anywhere on the river (the mall, resturants etc.) We wanted to do more sightseeing than we did but the weather was not cooperating. It was about -10, I know, alot warmer than here, so I am not complaining. We saw the Alamo, and some museums an old mill and a mexican market. When we came back we were delayed 8hrs because of the fog in Dallas, but we did get first class because of it. So in all it was a good trip.

Going To Texas

So my dad suprised me and bought me a ticket to go to Texas on vacation with them. I am a little aprehensive as I have never been to the states and this will be my first time flying with an infant. I am not sure if I should bring his car seat or not. I am excited though and it should prove to be alot of fun. The flight is the only thing I am worried about.

I am not sure what I am going to do with Keenan for 4 hrs and no in flight movie. I guess I should bring alot of stuff for him to do. I wish that he would just sleep and maybe I could read.

They say that public breastfeeding is not a big thing in Texas so my parents say that I have to cover uo. Are they THAT conservative? The good thing is that Keenan rarely breastfeeds during the day so it probably wont be that big of an issue.

Well, I shall keep you posted on what happens there, boy will I ever miss my email! I am totally addicted to it!

Crying it out

I went to playgroup today and listened to all the mom's talk about how great the Cry it out method is. For those of you who arn't parents...it's when you put your baby to sleep in the crib and let them cry until they fall asleep while you wait outside the door, gut wrenching until they stop. I personally don't agree with it. Especially under 6 months of age. In psychological terms it's called extinction, ignoring a behavior until it disapears. Chris says that I can't judge other moms, and he is right, just because they do something I don't agree with doesn't make them bad parents. It's just so frustrating that this procedure actually works. I do the No Cry Sleep Solution where I am shaping the behvior that I want to change, gradually so Keenan doesn't cry. It's working for us, and I bet those other mothers must think that I am a softy. Which I am.

It's so funny how in everything you are either one extreme or the other. Cry it out or No cry (at all). Co-sleep or Crib. Attachment parent or not. And that is another thing, if asked all parents would say that they are fostering attachment with thier child, even if they don't follow "all the B's" of attachment parenting. I am afraid to tell people that I am an attachment parent because I am scared that they will think that I am saying that they arn't. For those of you interested in attachment parenting, google Dr. Sears.

Heritage O's

Keenan is growing up so fast!! I wish that it would fly by like it is. He is such a big boy, eating cheerios...well not cheerios, Heritage O's which are organic. He has been eating more solids and less breastmilk, which makes me sad because I love nursing. It's that special time just for me and him. But, he has to grow up and I will always be there, just watching it happen.

Finding New Friends

We are just getting settled in our new house in MT and looking for other mom's with babies around Keenan's age. There is this website that is set up for finding people but it seems like no one uses it so I may post something in the grocery store. Not that I really need another playgroup but it would be noce not having to leave the community. Ah the subburbs.

So I started a corespondence course with Athabasca University and it was all good. I finished three quizzes on paper that I had to finish in hour long incriments while Keenan was sleeping. Then when I called the prof to give him the anwser he says no one does them on paper anymore, that it is all done online! Then why would they hand out the paper in the first place? Grrr. The worst part is that paper works well for me because you can stop and start up at any time. With online you have to get online and do the quiz, hoping that Keenan wont wake up or you are screwed. Oh well, just another thing I have to get used to