Schooling

Here I go again.
It's after midnight on Sunday and here I am sitting Blogging because I can't sleep and I don't really want to study motivation in Psych. (how is that for a laugh).
Anyway, I have always thought that my older son is a "gifted" child. He could talk before he was a year old, had a massive vocab by the age of two, and can recognize all the letters in the alphabet, and numbers to 10 by three. I am not saying that he is some genius or something, but I have just noticed that he has a love of learning and that it is quite visible.
Now. I have also thought that because of his caring, sensitive soul that I have talked about before, that perhaps he would do best in a different kind of learning environment. Not saying homeschooling entirely, but at least having an advocate there for him to see and learn from. I have also thought that he would need something more than I received.
When he was one, I thought, yes I will homeschool.
Then I met my business partner who happens to be a teacher, she told me that I alone couldnt possibly meet all the needs that he would require and that it was good for him to learn from other people in a enriching environment. So I thought, hmmmmm........
We opened a preschool together and I placed him in Parented Preschool. He thrived. He learned more from my business partner then I had ever thought to have taught him. I just thought that some concepts were above him and never gave him the opportunity to learn. I was sold. Preschool was the best!
Then we had a new teacher, and she didnt treat him the same because I was the boss. (or I perceived it that way.) And so after the R was born I pulled him.
I put him in regular preschool for year 3. Mostly because my business partner had told me all the benefits and I thought, why not? something for just him 2 days a week might be nice.
It has not been as great as I would have hoped. I feel like he is lost in the crowd. That he is not even close to his potential.
So now to the thoughts for next year.
After I saw Alfie Kohn speak I was re energized for School Reform and thought that Keenan will go to public school and I will fight, as I do for parents and birth.....and then I saw that people like John Holt had been fighting for school reform since the 1960's and that made me feel a bit disheartened again.
I seem to go to one side and then the other every year. And as Kindergarden approaches I get more and more and more freaked out. I mean seriously, I was IN education. I SAW who the next generation of teacher are. I saw them at the bar, in the dorms etc. I was friends with a LOT of them....and that is why I left that major.
I know that there are good teachers out there. I have family that have worked with the system all the way up to management. But I dont really want to start a losing battle, this is my kids future we are talking here. His whole life.
I am terrified that he will be destroyed by the public system, but I am also scared that I wont be able to facilitate his learning to the level that it needs to be.

Letting Go

Letting Go 

The Birth of Ryan Christopher

I found out I was pregnant on the day of my son’s second birthday party. I mentioned to my best friend that I had been feeling sick. She told me to take a pregnancy test. I thought, “Why? I am still nursing, I don’t have a period…” 

The little blue lines staring up at me were a wake-up call. I called my midwife before I told my husband Chris. She calmed me down and told me they would take me on as a returning client. She said to relax and enjoy Keenan’s birthday party. 

I couldn’t really relax. I was buzzing. I had just agreed to take on a new business venture with my friend. I had no idea just how pregnant I was. She assured me that we would run the business, and it would work out great. 

Fast forward to my ultrasound two weeks later to figure out the due date, which I thought would be about eight months away. Turned out I was actually already close to 13 weeks pregnant. I had skipped the whole first trimester, without even knowing it. 

I had supreme mother guilt. Not only did I have a thyroid condition, a dairy allergy, and a tendency to stress myself out, I was also still nursing my two year old. I had just taken a holiday and drank copious amounts of alcohol (well maybe closer to three cosmos) and used the hot tub. 

I was devastated. I felt like a horrible mother. With my first son I had taken prenatal vitamins, done yoga, attended childbirth classes; the whole thing. For this pregnancy I missed the whole first trimester. 

I worried and worried. Luba, my new midwife, kept trying to reassure me. I did listen to her…somewhat. I just couldn’t help wondering if I would carry this baby to term. I would stay up all night sometimes wishing I had done better. 

I started pushing the idea of even having the baby out of my head. I knew I was pregnant, but convinced myself that I was not as pregnant as I actually was. I kept going. I weaned my son from my breast and my bed. I still worked as hard as ever on all other aspects of my life. 

I kept thinking, “This baby isn’t going to come until February!” My body kept giving me other signs.

I booked prenatal photographs for the morning of December 4, 2007. When I woke up I felt cramps and had a lot of Braxton Hicks. We headed over and did the shoot. A couple of times the photographer asked if I was okay because I seemed to grimace in a couple of the poses. I assured her it was fine and that it was just Braxton Hicks. 

Chris started timing them and found they were seven minutes apart, like clockwork. Our photographer said, “I think you may be in labour. You should call your midwife.” I brushed it off. It’s too early, I thought, “It’s just false labour.” 

We promised to call when I got home just to be on the safe side. I convinced Chris to stop at Babes In Arms before we went home because we were so close. My girlfriends own the store and they were both there when I walked in. I was busy chatting with them about baby carriers and prenatal pictures when I had to stop and breathe. They were both really concerned.

“Are you in labour?” my friend asked. I said, “No, I’m just having really consistent Braxton Hicks. “How consistent?” my other friend asked. “About six minutes apart.” They both yelled at me to go home and call my midwife, so I left to go home and told them I would let them know.

I still didn’t believe I was in labour. But we went home and Chris called the midwives anyway. I had a fast labour with my first, so the midwives, Luba and Maura, decided to come over to check on me right away. When they arrived, I was still having contractions every six minutes. The midwife checked me and I was about four centimeters dilated. 

So the waiting game began. I answered all my work emails letting people know I would be out of commission for a while, still not really cluing in that this baby was coming. We had lunch, dinner, and my mother and mother-in-law arrived. I put Keenan to bed. 

The midwives thought that maybe I would kick into high gear after he went to bed. I was still fighting it. Centimeter by centimeter my body was fighting against my mind. “I am not going to have this baby today! It’s too early. I am not ready.” 

The midwives stripped my membranes and broke my water, and still I made no real progress. I had tinctures and snacks and we were still stalled. Maura came up and told me, very matter of factly, that I WAS going to have this baby, and that it was only going to happen when I wanted it to. 

I asked her if I could have a nap for a while. She said yes, but after that we had to decide what we were going to do. I slept for about 40 minutes, with contractions coming every five or so. I woke up to Maura saying it was almost time. She said I was over seven and a half centimeters. She was going to go downstairs and get the rest of the team. It was past midnight.

Chris, my mom and I sat alone in the room. “I don’t want to do this again.” I cried. “It hurts.” Chris laughed, “Well, you can’t really go back now honey!”

My mom said, “It’s pain with purpose. Remember what it is at the end of this journey; a beautiful baby boy. Ryan is coming sweetie, he is coming.”

I cried, “I am not ready for him. I am scared. I don’t know how to be the mom of two. What if I suck?” My husband looked at me, “You are the best mom to Keenan, and you will be an awesome mom to Ryan. I love you.” 

I hugged him fiercely and gave in to my body. The contractions came on hard and fast; one after another and another. My mom scrambled to call the midwives in. My mother-in-law rushed in with them. 

After two more contractions I was pushing, and it took less than 15 minutes for Ryan to clear the birth canal, and for Maura to say, “There he is; grab on to your baby! Reach down and pull him out!” 

I grabbed hold of Ryan under his arms and pulled him onto my chest. I finally realized how much I wanted this little baby and just how perfect he was. Like the ever so patient little boy he has turned out to be, Ryan just had to wait a little while longer for me to figure it out. 

Sensitivity and Boys

My older son is a sensitive soul. He has empathy coming out of his ears for everyone...well maybe everyone but his little brother....
As he gets older I worry how he will cope with the other children disappointing him. I mean we all know that this society is not kind to boys, and I accept that, and I don't want to shelter my boy...but...when he looks up at me with tears in his eyes because a child told him that he has to be the "bad guy" it breaks my heart. (in reference to playing a game of superheros)
And the child is not being malicious, and they don't understand that K is vehemently against "bad guys", and they don't understand that even if he doesn't agree he will go along with it, because he would rather have a playmate than to play alone....
When other children don't want to hug, or kiss, or hold hands...he is upset, and defeated, like he has personally been rejected.
When a child says, "No. I don't want to Play." or "I don't like you." These words pierce his very soul, and as his mother I watch and wait for him to let it slide, but I know it doesn't...so even if I don't want to say anything, I end up making an excuse..."That Child is tired, or hungry, or just plain mean." And I lie to him.
Does this do him a service? I so badly want to scream at the other child, "Look at him! He just wants to play with you, you selfish child." But I know that they are just children, and maybe they just think he is weird for being sensitive.

Stuck

I am feeling so stuck lately.
I want to move but can't.
I want to go to school full time but can't.
I would like to sleep 8hrs but can't.
And all things stem from my kids.
I had horrible cabin fever today b/c Chris was at a course and so I had the kids all weekend by myself, and just came off a week of having the kids all day by myself. I wanted to go outside! When a friend invited us out I was so excited, K not so much.
He dragged his feet and cried and whined about leaving our house and I just got so frustrated that instead of screaming and yelling and forcing him out the door, I just gave up.
I seriously could not stand it anymore. I took off all of their outside clothes, gave them a snack, took them upstairs and turned the TV on.
And we had been doing so well, 4 days sans TV.....

The Worst (RANT)

***Disclaimer****
This is a Rant. A rant in essence is MY thoughts and not meant for people to get offended. If you disagree we have a difference of opinon. That doesnt mean that you offend me with your opinion. I am stressed, and sad, and mad, and frustated and needed to get this off my chest...or I will never get to sleep.


This is the worst week of my life. EVER.
My grandmother who I spent so much time with as a child is in the hospital because she had a heart attack. This comes only 3 days after my Grandfather (her husband) was released himself after have a new stint put in his heart. Obviously I am going to have heart problems when I get older.
So all this is going on, and I find my dream home. A Bungalow, in the community I love, ECO built. We are talking Geo Thermal and Geo Solar here. In my city! The builder even wants to sell it to us at cost. $365K. Sadly, we dont have that kind of money.
I work 4 jobs and don't pull in near that amount, my husband works 2. Not even close.
It comes down to me going back to a office job that doesnt use any of my talents to wake up at 6am to get my kids to daycare for $1100/ea / month or a live in nanny for $1400/month....so leave and get to work for 8am, lunch w/o my kids, get in the car at 4pm to get home by 5:30, make dinner for 6pm, kids in bath and bed by 7pm. So for an extra, um lets be realistic, because I dont actually have my degree and the MOST I have EVER made in my ENTIRE working career was $12.67/hr....
So lets see...$12.67/8hrs/5days.week/4 weeks a month is.....$2027.00 - taxes..so lets say $200/month? So $1827. Now minus the Nanny. So $427.00/ month. Not to mention that I would lose my stay at home subsidy...so minus $150/month (for K preschool), that leaves us with $277/month. And I would lose some of my child tax benefit, because we would go up a bracket, so like $50? So $227/month....oh and Gas...because I would now be driving every day, two times a day....so minus $100 now leaves me with about $127.00/month TAKE HOME.
WOW! That was worth it.
Now lets say I dont get a nanny, and I get daycare instead. $2027.00 - 1100x2 = so -$173.00. (thats even better, I can't even afford to send my kids to daycare.) NICE.

So say it. I want you to. "You should have waited until you were older and had your careers established, yada yada yada..." so my dear husband paramedic would STILL be making the SAME amount of money, and I would have my B.A in Psych and I dunno work where, oh the CHR and make $15/hr. Wow that was worth it. Now I am 10 years OLDER and no further ahead.

WTF?
Seriously?
WHAT IS THE POINT OF HAVING CHILDREN IF YOU NEVER GET TO SEE THEM?
I would have much rather NOT have any kids EVER and then go and travel the world all the time. Seriously. I would NOT have had my children if I did not get to raise them.
And please if you spout off any of that Quantity VS. Quality B.S I will seriously hunt you down and slap you in the face.

I GET that moms have to work. I SEE it in the numbers. *I* just would not have had my kids if I had to give them to someone else. I just wouldn't. That is me, my belief. I dont have anything against people who work, nothing against moms that put thier kids in daycare. Heck my Bestfriends kid is in daycare and she makes it work, and I dont think her child is any worse for it.
But, *I* couldnt do it. That is why I work 4 jobs for minimal money, all sorts of hours, at home, so I can see my babies grow.

I hate that I am going to be stuck like this for a very long time. No upward mobility because of capitalism. :(

Inspiration.

I first want to start off by saying that I have had people tell me that I should really read Alfie Kohn and I have hummed and hawed about it time and time again, so when my friend told me to check out his lecture that was coming up, I thought sure, why not. (Save me from reading the book.)
I was blown away. Never has something resonated with me like his words. It was a religious experience for me. I agreed with EVERY SINGLE WORD that came out of his mouth. And the weird part, so did my husband.
It was amazing.
When I went into university for the first time it was to become a teacher, I made it into my 3 year and met the other people who would be my peers, colleagues and I hated them. (Not all, but a vast majority.) I wanted CHANGE in the system, and they were only in Ed, because the GPA was a 2.5 and they couldn’t get into anything else. They didn’t like kids, they didn’t really care about education, they just needed a job, or a degree and Ed seemed like the way to go.
Needless to say, I was devastated.
I partied way too hard to drown my sorrows of a front to my idealism and dropped out.
Of course I found my way back, but never wanted to go into Ed, as I felt it was too far gone. I started researching different schooling opportunities for my child and homeschoolling came up again and again, although I never thought that *I* would be the only one able to teach my child.
I just feel like as a mom *I* will get lazy and MISS those pivotal teaching moments that arrive once in a blue moon...and you know what Alfie agreed with me.
I was shocked.
I thought he was all for homeschooling/unschooling, why it was my unschooling/homeschooling friends that told me to go and see him...and here he was saying that peer based learning in a integrative model is the best way to ensure a WHOLE child.
I was surprised, I was intrigued, but above all else I was inspired.
I *WISH* I had seen Alfie talk while I was in University...I can tell you one thing; I definitely would have finished my degree, got my masters, and started a Progressive School.

Our House is a very very very Fine House

Sometimes.
I have a love/hate relationship with our house.
I Love....
That I have a house.
That it is in a wicked suburb.
That I have friends around.
That it is in a good school district.
That it is near my family.
That it is new.
That I got to design it.

I Hate......
That the layout sucks.
That I have no backyard.
That I am in the suburbs.
That my friends are too busy to visit.
That it is near my family.
That it is new.
That it is not Eco Friendly.
That there are NO TREES!

Right now there are lots of foreclosures on the market that makes one think that perhaps we should buy, but then what. A big move, loads of money spent etc....

I am always on the fence.

I want to live in a small town where I can walk to the grocery store....Okotoks anyone?

Hit by a Mack Truck....

I feel so achy today. Like all over bruised. Not to mention a headache. So what is up? Well, Ryan has turned into a horrible sleeper, but I know that it will pass because he probably has a crappy sleep because he is constantly teething. Or that I come to bed so late. I want to go to bed at a reasonable hour, but I feel like I never get any down time, or alone time...so if R or K are up to goodness knows when, I will stay up two hours after.
So maybe I feel so sick because I was up til 2, R woke up at 4am and K had preschool this morning...which always makes me feel so tired.
(I was so tired that I actually found myself asleep on the floor next to K during R's nap) brutal. Maybe that is why I feel like someone hit me with a baseball bat. Of course I shouldn't joke about stuff like that today, after what happened to Rihanna.
What is wrong with some men?! Seriously. But that is a whole other rant.

Homeschooling

So I have been grappling with this for a while.
I HATE the public school system. I have for a great while. I don't believe that all kids fit in the same square hole. I would love if we took the time to figure out what learning style our kids had and then give them the tools to learn in the best way...sadly that is not the way it goes and boys seem to suffer more than girls.
So, Keenan is in Preschool and I really don't feel like he is getting much out of it. (I should really go chat with his teachers...) so I have been thinking homeschooling...but I know TWO people who are not complete freaks...or should I say they seem normal.
I have joined these other two groups for homeschooling and the parents on there are so fricken "know it all" isn't homeschooling about learning with your kids...and giving them freedom? Not restrictions? Not to mention I have a massive personality clash with a huge homeschooling proponent. The fact that my child(ren) would have to learn alongside some of these people makes me crazy, but then again, homeschooling, unschooling or traditional schooling all have thier quirks and quacks!
(So what on earth do I do now?)

Tips for having a Newborn and a 3 year old....

I think there is absolutely an adjustment period between one and two,
and some people just cope better than others...it's all about how you
handle stress.
I found that the newborn stage for Ryan was a breeze. I just put him
in the wrap all the time. He just slept in the wrap from day one, so
really it was just like I was still pregnant.
At 6 months however, was when it got really tough for me. Ryan and
Keenan demanded an equal amount of my time and there is only so much
of you that can go around...not to mention that once both kids were
occupied/sleeping Chris would want some one on one. It got really
draining, really fast. So I started taking time for myself. I do yoga
while the kids play beside me, I put Keenan in preschool so I have 4
hours a week with just Ryan. Quiet time when Ryan naps is a must.
(still working in this one). I joined a Babysitting Coop and can use
that when I really need to get out.
I have also pared back my extracurricular/work. I do not work all day
everyday as I was before, I do not work on Tuesdays and Thursdays when
Keenan is home, and we try to get out of the house as a family on
Fridays. Chris and I have also agreed to one night a week where we do
something separate, if that means a movie or a meeting for me, and
jamming for him, that is how it works...we try not to take more than
one day away alone, or we start to resent eachother.
TV is my savior for when Ryan is being put down. Keenan can watch the
Wiggles and I can nurse Ryan down with no interruptions.
You have to do what you can to make YOUR life easier for YOU.
Lastly, I have a couple books on activities to do with kids and try to
pick one a day to do with Keenan. For example, we had a "Backwards
Day" so we started with a bath and then got dressed (clothes on
backwards) and had leftover dinner for breakfast, a BIG lunch, and
pancakes for dinner...kids love it when you get involved so play with
them. :)
If you feel like you can't cope take deep breaths and walk away...and
call a friend who understands...many women on my parenting board have had me
call them when I am in crisis...and it means SO much!!!
Good Luck!
Alisha
mama to keenan and ryan

How to Talk...and Listen

I am reading this book How to Talk so your Kids will Listen....I am really quite enjoying it. I am wondering if they have a course and then maybe I could take it or even teach it. The concepts are quite straight forward.
Verbalizing your feelings, expectations, alternatives to punishment. It's pretty hard work, but I have been going through the workbook and trying really hard. (see yesterdays post) I think that it is working really well...although sometimes he really pushes my buttons.
But I will keep working at it.
I really want to make my house a more peaceful respectful place.

A Wake Up Call.

Today is one of those days that really put my life and the way it is heading in perspective. Keenan is on day three of being sick and so I have been cooped up in the house with no escape, which is fine if you plan on being home, but not so much when you would rather be outside enjoying a chinook.
So Keenan was watching the Wiggles, Ryan was napping (who has been having a horrible time sleeping; but that can be the subject of another post.), and I was otherwise engaged...so Keenan started calling me from upstairs, I called to tell him I would be there in a minute and to be quiet because R was asleep. He kept calling and calling and calling....and woke up Ryan.
I lost it.
I was so incredibly mad that my hour of peace was now wrecked because Keenan didnt understand that he had to be quiet.
I went upstairs and turned off the TV (yes I use TV when Ryan is napping to keep Keenan quiet and occupied), and stated or rather yelled, "I told you to be quiet! Now you have woken up Ryan. No TV!" and I left the room to try and put Ryan down again.
Now Keenan was really upset. He cried and cried and cried, screaming and yelling, so upset that I had gotten angry and turned the TV off.
I lay there nursing Ryan. Thinking of all the times I had nursed Keenan, and feeling satisfied that he was so mad, because I was mad too. And then as the anger began to wane and Keenan was still crying, I started to feel bad. I thought back to an article that Mothering had just done about "unweaning" a 3 year old. And I thought about how much I had pushed Keenan to grow up in the last year that his brother has been alive.
So with Ryan back asleep, I went into the room.
I came in and started with my usual "Why are you crying?" and "Do you know why mommy turned the TV off?" and he was so hurt, and so sad that I stopped thought of the girl in the article and said, "What do you need?"
"A Hug"
I cried. This was still my baby. Who was sick and my need for personal time had clouded my vision of why I was here, and why I had my kids in the first place.
I told him how much I loved him, and that I was sorry, and that mommy would try harder to put him first.
I asked him if he missed nursing, and he said yes. I offered that if he wanted to that he could. And that mommy loved him just as much as Ryan.
He looked at me and said, "That's silly mommy! I am a big boy! Big boys don't nurse!"
That is when I got my wake up call. He really is a big boy, but still needs as much love and support and physical attention as he did as a baby...
So we sat there for the rest of Ryan's nap, snuggling on the bed, with his head on my chest.
I love you Keenan.

AP Lite

My good friend Gemma was chatting me up about the concept of AP Lite. She was saying that she could only be AP if she could be AP Lite. I laughed and asked her what that meant. Basically, once you have kids you become jaded and a bit judgmental. (who am I kidding? Mom's are the most judgmental people out there.
I am not too sure why this is, because we are all just trying to do our best with what we know at the time.
The thing is to be AP Lite means to believe that we console and give our children our full support, but do take time for ourselves as well.
I guess AP Hard Core would be completely subservient to your kids then?
Thoughts?

Crying it Out

Every 6 months or so the concept of Crying It Out (CIO) or aka the Extinction Method, comes rolling around for moms to chew on.
The concept is simple, if you want your baby to sleep, put them in a separate room from you, in a crib, with tight sheets (make sure that there are two sets of sheets on the crib, > will explain later), and lay on their back, and let them fall asleep by themselves.
No talk, no coddling. Or so say the "experts".
The thing that they are teaching these poor little babies is Learned Helplessness. If I cry and mommy does not come, then why cry, no one is there for me anyway.
But, mommy does care. Mommy wants to come and save you from the darkness...there are just "experts" in the way.
There is a REASON why our cortisol levels go up when babies cry. We are supposed to comfort them. Touch is the most important thing.
So why is CIO so damn popular?
We seem to ignore our instincts. Maybe do things a little easier. And hey, my mom left me to cry it out and we turned out alright...(side note, my mom actually slept with me til I was 2)...but are we?
Are we really "all right"?
Maybe we should let these "experts" fend for themselves when they are old and grey.

My Preschool Gut....

So I went an volunteered at Keenan's preschool today, which is if anyone cares, not the preschool that I own and run. Why? Because I did not want my child to be treated any differently than anyother kid because his mom was cutting the cheques.
So I placed him in a comparable program closer to our house. I have been having this weird gut feeling about it ever since I put him in, and my friends say that it is just me...but something is off. So I have been waiting MONTHS to be able to volunteer in his school, and today it finally happened. Can I say I was impressed....no.
But, am I expecting too much? I am not sure.
Keenan basically just played all by himself at the Dino table, then the rocket table, as the other children ran around and visited, and danced, played house etc. There was Keenan. And then we read some books, again kids following ME around but not Keenan.
He was so quite too...he is so extroverted at home, he knows the answers to everything, constantly interrupting us, and at school when they brought out a stegosaurus...he just sat there. Not a word. A mute.
My Keenan. A mute? What happened? It is surreal to me.
So then there was songs and story. I am happy to say that he participated in both those, as lackluster as they were. They were definitely no Natalie.
So now I am torn.
I put him in preschool to meet other kids, BOYS!!!! And he hasn't. No playdates or anything. But can I blame him? When I go and chat the only mom that actually talks to me is Kathryn, and we knew eachother already. Otherwise it is like highschool all over again.
What is the issue? Mine or his?
I thought that after today I would see that it was just me, but now I am not so sure....

Going Solo at Sobey's

I had a glorious time this morning! I went to breakfast at Cora's with my wonderful "Townie" friends. It was really nice to chat without our kids in tow, but at the same time, we really don't get to see eachother as much so you are trying to cram in a months worth of conversation in one sitting. Not to mention that it is all women trying to talk over eachother. We mostly talked about our kids, and pregnancy, and weaning, and sex. I ask you, why is it that the conversation always leads to sex? It is too funny, all these women with children all under 10 chatting it up in a resturant about thier sex drives. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and I would like to do it more often, the only thing is that it cuts into my weekend time with Chris and the kids...I really wish I had more time.
Speaking of time, I got all of my weekly grocery shopping done in 45mins. 45! It was amazing. Usually we go shopping as a family, and it takes forever. But this morning I went solo and powered through Sobey's, a mom on a mission. It would have taken longer but I have been using this new site, to make menu plans and grocery lists. It cuts the menu planning etc in half! Not to mention that we are saving a tonne of money because we are actually orgainzed. It is the best gift I could have ever gotten! Thanks mom!

Swimming and Superglue.

We went swimming at Cardel Place on Wednesday. It was so much fun! I have never seen such a cool pool before. Fountains, sprayers, a river, it was almost overstimulating for me. The best part? $3.75/per kid to get in. Seriously. :)
Keenan had so much fun, and Ryan had never been to a pool, so needless to say this water hating mama was forced to sit in a cold pool for more than an hour! But, really, an hour of being uncomfortable was well worth it when I saw how much my kids loved it, and how well they napped that afternoon. I think that a Wednesday swim may become a part of our weekly regime.
I saw a girl there that I know from Jr.High, it's funny that we change so much but can still recognize people. Took me a while to figure out where I knew her from because she had a baby as well...so it could have been from a variety of places. She actually figured it out before I did, small world!
And Superglue, I just quickly wanted to share a tidbit from the mouth of my super smart 3 year old. They are learning about Dino's and Volcano's in school and he was worried that the Volcano would cause a fire in our house, I assured him that wasnt the case. He went on to formulate why, and decided to tell me.
K: Mama do you know why a bocano wouldn't fire our house?
M: Tell me why.
K: 'Cause the contruction workers used superglue, and the bocano couldnt break it!

All powerful Super Glue to the rescue!

A MNO to Remember.

* MNO = Mom's Night Out.

So I went out last night. My cousin and I decided that it was high time that we get out of the house and spend some quality time without our kids. We thought maybe dinner and a movie, which then turned to just dinner, then just desserts, and then "I am too lazy to drive downtown for dessert, how about we go to Superstore?"
Yes, you read that right, I said "Superstore!"
Maybe you are asking yourself why two twenty somethings with kids would want to go to Superstore for a Mom's Night Out or maybe you are thinking, "Man these women have no lives! That is pathetic!" But let me tell you, kind reader, there is nothing like being able to saunter through a store with no distractions and just a fellow woman to chat with. And if she is a mom looking for bargains it's even better.
So we spent an hour and a half looking at movies, rugs, books and cooking utensils just chatting about life. It was WONDERFUL.
No whining, no pulling of shirts, no stinky diapers, no husbands looking at watches telling us to hurry up, just me and my cousin - Shopping. :)
We then went to BP's for dinner/dessert and continued an uninterrupted conversation for another hour. Glorious. (and for the record it wasn't all about our kids!)
We even commented how nice silence was.
"Listen you can actually hear the fridge humming."
I need nights like that more often!

Money Money Money....Money!

So with the downturn in the economy it seems like everyone is feeling it. A little anyways. Alberta doesn't really seem like much has changed. Well I guess I shouldn't say that, we have had a drop in registrations but that could be due to the economy, or because it is so fricken cold no one wants to go out. I know that I don't.
I have been thinking about getting a part time job for a while now, to help with the crunch...but it is seemingly impossible to make about $1000/month while being a SAHM. I mean really, all the good paying jobs I would have to put my kids in daycare, and really why the heck would I want to do that?! The whole reason we had our kids young was so that we could be there for them and play with them, because our careers would be more flexible at the beginning rather than the middle or end...was I so wrong???
I have options, none that I am overly keen about. That mother guilt dragging down my soul. Makes me just want to move away from the city out to the country away from all the b.s. But, will all of the stuff just follow? Is it really more 'simple' or will this city girl lose her nerve?
It's interesting because Chris and I feel that we are at a crossroads, we could either go one way or another, but either could be a major mistake.
It's like the game of Life but more cruel. We know that we need to go 5 spaces and we are at a junction. In the game you can count your spaces and look ahead, in real life...not so much.
We both feel that we have gone down a path that was never us. Pushed by outside influences that claim that they were never influences...and now we don't know what to do.

If we had it our way, we would buy an acreage any where that is populated with trees and that Chris could work near, and just live self sustainably. Cozy, cottage like.

May Old Acquaintances Be Forgot...

Hello 2009!
I have to say that I have started this year off in a foul mood. Maybe foul is not the right word, maybe more "realistic". I have realized that I alone control my destiny and that society as a whole kinda sucks...at least this society.
So I have decided to cast off people that piss me off, and stop pandering to people who's opinions of me really don't count. I mean why deal with drama and stress yourself so much over people who you probably will never see again. ;)
So, why the change in heart, really? I guess it boils down to the fact that I am so flippin' tried ALL THE TIME, and no, it really has nothing to do with my children, my dog, my husband or my house. We would all be perfectly happy if we lived in seclusion and were able to do what WE wanted to do...but the problem...we have ethics, and expectations that we must adhere to and by doing so we squander away all of our free time making sure that OTHER people are happy.
So to start, here are some long due resolutions.
1. Put ME first.
2. Put Keenan, Ryan and Chris second. (whoever needs more at the exact moment gets first dibbs).
3. Say No more.
4. Say No way more.
5. Stop Volunteering. I have no time, I work at my own business (and surviving through a recession is hard enough without having 2 small children and a life.), and have too much to worry about picking up the slack when other people are not interested.
6. So that comes to my parenting group. I need to get over that one, and put some serious space between the drama and me. :)
7. Did I mention put ME first?
8. and for good measure, have sex more! ;) (maybe I will get that girl after all).

Happy New Year everyone!

ps. Welcome to my new and improved Blog!