Passing Judgement

I went to playgroup today, and I have to say that I didn't feel as welcomed as I had previously. I think today was one of those days when the more extreme "AP-ers" we there. The ones who don't even own a stroller and see the world as intrinsicly bad and need to be sheltered from anything considered "normal".
Don't get me wrong, I love attachment parenting, I just think that sometimes people grab onto a label and then everyone who doesn't exactly fit that label is not "in the group." I find it funny because alot of people say that they are AP and then when thier kids are older it all goes out the window, so maybe they shouldn't pass judgement so so qickly.
Where does this come from? Today I was explaining to a couple moms that Keenan had gone to the dentist, and that she had suggested to put his head inbetween my knees (When I am sitting) and have his legs over my thighs when I am brushing his teeth. So I can get a better view. And then I casually said "and when they get older you can sit on thier arms." And one of the women was shocked, she said "I would NEVER sit on my child" and I felt so put in my place and that now I wasn't as AP as her. Ridiculous! I didn't mean to sit on your child, but let me ask you, when this womans daughter doesnt want to brush her teeth or when she doesnt want medicine and she is throwing a fit and using her flailing arms to stop her mom from comming near her, what is the mom gonna do. You can bet she will sit on her arms.
Attachment parenting is child led parenting, but it is still parenting. And as a parent we have to do what is best for that child, and sometimes it means sitting on thier arms.

Passions, Days and General Hospital

My best friend really peeved me off the other day. We met up with her the other day and she was belly-aching about how hard she has to work, and how her company expects too much from her. Which is true, they do.
She then told Chris and I that "I would love to be a housewife like Alisha so I could stay at home all day and watch soaps."
I immidately said "You have no idea."
I understand that yes, while my son is having a nap, I do get sometime to myself. But I don't sit around all day and watch TV or eat BonBons. I clean, I do homework, I cook, and most of all I entertain a 14month old.
I am not mad at this friend for thinking this, she is the youngest in her family and she has no kids so she really doesn't have any idea. It just irritated me because she said it and Chris thought that it was funny that my bestfriend agrees with him (some of the time).
I think that I was mostly annoyed because she is a woman and I would expect her to have my back, as I would have hers.
We are just really different when it comes to parenting styles. The only good thing I can say is that I have a long memory! So when she calls me sleep deprived at 11am and asks me a parenting question I can say to her, "Why are you even having this problem, arn't you just watching your soaps all day?? Taking care of kids is EASY!"

Non-AP

I went to the McKenzie Towne playgroup today which is an offshoot of the AP group that I belong to. We had quite a good showing. 6 moms and 10 kids. It was in the Village of Prestwick where there is this big water fountain.
Another mom, who wasn't in the group came over and started talking to us. Which was great because it is always nice to network. We kept talking to eachother about AP and how great it is, and our personal experiences, and the new mom finally asked "What is AP?" We answered, cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing etc, and I said "following your child's cues." She then replied that she had breastfed her daughter for a really long time, and we asked how long, and she replied 1.5yrs. (Keenan is 1.3yrs). She also said that her daughter had self weaned and that she really didn't want to nurse anymore.
Right after she told us this (justifying why she wasnt extended breastfeeding) I started to nurse Keenan. Her 2 year old daughter came up to her and started asking for a nurse, she got so demanding that the mom felt uncomfortable and had to leave. So much for self weaning.
I just find it funny how non-AP parents feel like they have to make excuses for the way they parent. Like I care how you parent your child. It's you that has to deal with it.

Guilt is a mom's right!

Last week I posted about how great Keenan was when being looked after by another caregiver all day. I was so proud of myself and my parenting.
NOW, today is day 9 of Keenan being watched by my mom all day from 6am-6pm. And he is not adjusting well (an understatement). Keenan is usually a very "well behaved", "sensitive", "empathetic", "easygoing", "happy" little boy. These last couple of days however, he has been "angry", "agressive", having meltdowns and biting me (not while nursing).

What happened to my little boy? Is this just because there has been so much change? Is this his way of expessing his anger of not having me around? I only had to work/school for this one week and then I am back at home full time. Is it too late? How do I get my boy back? I
feel so guilty.
The only positive outcome of this experience is that Chris has seen the emotional change in Keenan and is concerned and not happy, and he has sauid that he liked it better when I was at home taking care of him, so now he doesnt want me to work full time out of the home. :)
A little victory on my part, but not worth the emotional upheaval for Keenan.

PS. Am I reading this right(acting out because of me not being
there)? or is this "normal" for a 14month to act this way??

Shantala

I have started taking the Shantala massage instuctor trainer course. I really enjoy it. It helps me to learn how touch can really be benificial for a baby's development, but I already knew that from school...this just re-iterates that fact.
It has been a rough week for Keenan though. Since Chris is at school my mom is watching Keenan everyday, because this is also the week that I said that I would cover for my old boss (pre Keenan). So I am either at work or school, everyday for 2 weeks. It's okay because my mom parents like I do and I trust her completely with my boy.
He does however have a nasty cough, but the doctor said that it is just viral. I think it is because I am not able to nurse as frequently as we would like as I am not there to nurse him. We still nurse when I get home and twice before bed, he did stop sleeping through the night to start getting his daily fill of nursies. Which is tiring when you are busy all day and just want to veg. But I am not complaining because I love that Keenan still nurses and I will not refuse him. Don't offer don't refuse.
My Shantala course is done this Sat so I will be studying for the final on the 23rd. It never ends with me, something is always on the go.

Happy Parenting

I just wanted to let you all know how pleased I am with myself this week.
Sometimes I question my parenting, while AP looks so good on paper and
the parenting books say that it is the best and your child will be
this that and this; Keenan is only one so it is hard to see that far
into the future. The things I question myself about are extended
breastfeeding, cosleeping and not vaxing > which is neither here nor
there. But these are also the things that people question me and tell
me thier own opinions and judge me harshly for.
Now for the reason for this post. As some of you know, I have been
pressured (for lack of a better word) to bring some income into my
household, so I decided to offer my services to my old boss if
she needed any reief work. She did so I agreed to go in for 1week and
a half full time.
I was afraid and worried about the effects on Keenan. Would he stop
nursing? Would he be mad at me? Would he de-attach from me?
My mom is the one who is watching him all week and she is very pro-AP
so I was satisfied with that.
The day that I was most worried about was Wed 5th. I worked all day,
so Keenan was with my mom and we had Phantom tickets that night, so my
friend (also pro-AP) watched him. He was asleep when we dropped him
off at my moms and asleep when we brought him home, we only
reconnected for a long nurse for 30mins and we had to leave for the show.
I was so worried, that he would be a nightmare for my friend, as his
world was flipped upside down and he hadn't really seen his parents
all day, so we rushed home right after the play.
As I walked in the door, I listened for screaming, and heard none.
Keenan was fast asleep. My friend said that he laughed himself to sleep.
That is why AP works. That is why I cosleep and nurse to sleep.
Because it helps to create a little boy who will laugh himself to
sleep because he is confident and independant and knows that mommy and
daddy love him and would never leave him or neglect him in any way. He
is securely attached.
Like I said before, I sometimes question if I am doing it right, and
on wednesday night I got my answer.

Crazy Week

This was definatly a crazy week! I had my final exam for a psychology course that I was taking and so I allowed my inlaws and my husband to walk in my shoes for a couple days. It was hard to let go but I think it all worked out great. I had tonnes of studying accomplished and keenan get bonding time with people other than me. This gets him ready for the week from hell when I have to go back to work for a week so that we dont starve! (jk)

But really it will be good to get paid for doing something, even if that something is as menial as answering phones and listening to old people complain about the gov't.

On another note, we bought an air conditioner...best purchase ever. But now when we have people over they will have to hang out in our bedroom.

A Fathers Nightmare

Too funny. And relevant to boot!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today? "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

What Goes Around...

Hopefully comes around!
I went to a talk on vaccinations last night and stupidly left my wallet in the car. (Chris took said car to school). I wanted to buy him a nice dinner and a card and such but only had enough money for a movie and a card. So I went to Blockbuster and they charged me 1.88 late charge so I was short money for the card. I went to the dollar store and asked this nice old lady to give me a dollar, I explianed to her that I had no cash and that it would be really helpful. Did she help me out? NO! She bitched me out for begging. It was only a dollar! I wasnt asking for a kidney! She made me feel so bad that I profusly apologized and left that part of the store. Then a mom who had overheard me asked if I needed more than a dollar and gave me a loonie. I was so moved that I started crying, telling her that it meant so much.
What I don't understand is how the old hag was so nasty. Do I look like a bum? I was in McKenzie Towne dollar store with my one year old, Yea that's right scamming old people out of 4 quarters!!!

An Experienced Perspective

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is "Beware of Baby Trainers", another is "Belief in Your Baby's Cries - Read and Respond to Your Baby's Cues". These are the two tenets that I should have trusted and listened to during the first month(s) of Keenan's life.
"Beware of Baby Trainers" means that alot of people will try and tell you the "best" way to take care of your baby. While everyone understands how overwhelmed a new mother can be, they sometimes don't understand the detrimental effects all of thier comments make on the new relationship between mother and infant. As a new mom it is sometimes hard to assert yourself and tell your close friends or family members to step off and let you parent the way that you see fit. If I could go back that is the one thing I would do, let everyone know that I was happy with my desicions and that if they wanted to parent a child that they should go and have thier own.
"Belief in Your Baby's Cries" means that only you know what your baby is trying to tell you when they have no other way to communicate other than crying. Keenan was a sucky baby. He liked to be held and I loved to hold him. If anything I wish that I had held and breastfed him more than I actually did. We live in a society where we are told to put the baby on a schedule of 3 hour feeding intervals and if they cry in between then they are manipulating you, this is so wrong. Some baby's like Keenan love to nurse. Not just for nutrition but for bonding and comfort.
So as I look back, of course it was "normal". It was normal for Keenan. He needed (and still does) to be close to me. If that means nursing on demand, co-sleeping and babywearing until he is secure enough to stop, then that is what I will do.
The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. If you feel that your baby is crying alot and you think that it is food related, get support. I did end up having nursing issues and it was because of the Le Leche Leauge and this online support group that our nursing issues were resolved. Talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling and that you need support from him and not advice. And lastly, when I posted this one of the responses was that of course it is normal for a one month old baby to cry all the time, because he is only one month old.

Older and Dumber?

I am super stupid. I went out for a girls night for my birthday last night and drank way too much! I now have a hangover on my 25th birthday. So much for older and wiser. What do I do now? How can I get rid of it? Stupid. I am a mom for gods sake. So irresponsible. I am so mad at myself. Stupid.

New Phone Service

After calling Lindsay and waking Neko up for the 10th time, I started
wishing for a phone service that would remedy this problem.
Picture it, your just about to put your baby/child down for a nap, you
go to the phone and dial *88(or something like that). When someone
calls you they get a message that says "I am sorry but the person you
are calling is unavailable at the moment, please call back later; if
this is an emergency please dial 1 and you will be connected." And
then if they really need to get a hold of you they still can, but most
people will just call back. Plus if you just pressed the number on one
phone it would work for all phones so you dont have to worry about
turning ringers down or off on all your different phones.
Of course this is just a pipe dream.
I would probably forget to turn it on and then off, when the babe woke
up!!!

Surviving Motherhood on TLC - Thumbs Down

I don't know why I am suprised. I just watch a couple episodes of the
new TLC show called surving motherhood. The premise is good, 5 moms
sit down and talk about the issues they are facing with thier
children. Each day a new mom and her story are featured and an expert
pipes in about what she can do to fix the situation. Of course she
gets advice from the other mothers as well.
Both of the episodes that I watched had mothers on there that I like
to say had children as an accessory and now the child is not "fitting
in" to what type of lifestyle the mother wants and that is the big
"problem" that is featured in the show.
Show one > Terrible Twos.
Baby girl is trying to learn independance and autonomy, and mother is
distressed because she isn't listening to her. The advice she got/ and
decided to use (from another mother) just pinch her under her jacket
so she knows you mean business.
Show two > Separation Anxiety
7 month old baby girl likes to be held. Mom wants some alone time and
wants to know how to put her down. This one had okay advice, although,
my advice would be to hold her or put her in a wrap for a little while
and maybe she would feel more secure and not want to be held all the
time. (JMO)
Mainstream televison is not AP friendly. Still I have no idea why I
was suprised.

Roseola and Balloons

So we went to the doctor and it turns out that Keenan had Roseola. Think of it as baby measels. The good news is that it looks worse than it really is. He has a rash all over his little body. Looks gross. But it is clearing up now so I can finally breathe easier. I was so relieved when the doctor said that you can't immunize against it. (because Keenan hasnt been immunized yet) I am planning on immunizations just not for a while, like when he is two. They say that is when the immunozations have the least amount of an effect on the immune system and the brain. (Negitive effects) I have quite a few friends whose kids arnt immunized. I dont really want to immunize, but I am so scared that he will catch something nasty and have the doctor tell me it's my fault or preventable. But I am afaid that something will happen to him if I do, at the same time. These are such big decisions because they will affect him his whole life. I wish I could go into the future and ask him what he wants.

New word, Bah-oons, sooo cute. He is so smart, and no i am not the least bit biased. He got a whole bunch of ballooons for his birthday party. And so many toys. I was hoping he would get clothes so i bought him toys too. Now we could open up a small toy store. But I am really grateful that people came. I love hosting partys. I crave social interaction. I get so bored sometimes just with Keenan. Dont get me wrong I love staying at home with him, sometimes I just wish someone would talk to me. I go to the park hoping some other mom will be there too, and that almost never happens. Hopefully in the summer. I wish I had a car!

Poor Sick Baby

My poor baby is sick. He has had a temperature of 38 - 40.3 degrees since Friday night. I have been medicating him with tylenol every 4 hrs, as instructed by my husband. He is so tired today, he has slept the whole day away. It was really hard to take care of him all by myself as Chris was working the whole weekend. I wish that he wasn't because he knows more about sick kids than I do with all his training. I trust his judgement more than mine. But we survived and that is the good part.

Happy Birthday Keenan!!!

My little baby turned one yesterday! I can't believe that he is growing up so fast! We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was fun, Keenan enjoyed it. We had cake (brownie) and Keenan had pasta bugs. He got some of his presents, books and stuffies and a truck to ride on. He seemed to enjoy them, but he does like the packaging better! I have beein feeling nostalgic for his little baby manurisms but feeling so happy that he is becomming a independant child.

The biggest lesson that I learned after having Keenan is to trust my gut instinct because it is almost always right!! I also learned to be more patient and to take things as they come one step at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff!

We are having everyone over for a birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) so Chris and I have been frantically cleaning and organizing. Our house is really starting to feel like home!

Internet Addictive?

Keenan just fell asleep. He hadn't had a nap all day. We went shopping so I was sure that he would fall asleep once I got him in the car. Nope. Just now he chooses to fall asleep. I am not mad that he is sleeping, it is just that I hopw that he is down for the night. I hope this isnt a nap and then he wakes up in an hour and wants to stay up til some ungodly hour. As he is sleeping I could be doing so much, cleaning the downstairs, doing the dishes, doing laundry, folding his clothes that are at the moment in his crib. I have a party on Saturday with 26 people comming. I have a lot to do! I could also be reading the last chapter of my textbook as my class is done june 30. But what am I doing instead? Writing in my Blog. And who reads this anyway??? Why do I feel compelled to write here? Addicted I tell you!!!

3 Days to Go!!

Keenan's birthday is in 3 days and I am so excited. I have so much to do and so much to buy!!! Better not spend too much money!

Teeth and Words

Keenan said his first word. Ready for it?? B-O-O-K!!!! Chris says that it doesnt count because he points to everything and says Book! According to my psychological research (school) babies have one word or an outlook on the world, a schema and then organize everything into that schema until they learn to differentiate. So he is right on track. Of course, because he is my son and perfect. (I am a mom I am allowed to say these things). It is so obvious that he would say the word Book as I am constantly reading to him. The only other word I would have expected is Boobie. But thankgoodness it was Book.

Another developmental milestone happened yesterday, his top right tooth popped out. I knew it was coming as he has been a little crabby as of late. So now right on time for the pictures at his first birthday he will have 3 little teeth smiling at us!!

One Week and the Zoo

I can't believe it is only one week until my baby boy is no longer a baby and becomes one year old! I have so much to plan for his birthday. Where to get the cake, where to get the platters, how much food to have, what drinks to serve and the most important one, WHAT am I going to buy Keenan??? I want to get him something special and memorable, but mom and other people say that he won't remember so I should save the memorable stuff for when he is older. Well I still have a couple days to decide. I will probably end up getting the cake from Lakeview because they do dairy free. And my MIL said she would purchase the decorations. And I will probably buy the platters from Costco.

On another note, I am meeting a mutual friend today for an outing at the zoo, but have no idea what she looks like!!! I am sure that I have met her before but I am not absoultly positive, so I hope that she recognizes me. The best part about this friend is that she is going to be a SAHM as well and she lives in the SW! How great is that. Now if I could only have access to a vehicle at all times! I will just have to keep working on Chris about that one!