Pity Post - pay no mind...

I am awake at 1:16am due to hunger and pregnancy induced insomnia...

Today was a interesting day, mood wise.

We went and saw a show home that we can now afford because of my husbands new job. It was lovely. I fell in love with it immediately. You know when you have your list in your head of every little thing that you may want one day...this was my forever house. I could live there NO problem for years. The only thing is that my husband would have to stay a rig worker for 10 years to pay off the mortgage.

Also, I am starting to get nervous about the 8 day away thing. Supper and bedtime are the hardest parts of the day for me and I will really miss my hubby, but I have to keep looking at the bigger picture. I know we can do this...and if I lived in that house it would be even more do-able...lol.

All this is exacerbated by this damn Graves bullshit. It's really hitting home for me today, and probably the actual reason why I am awake. I mean no one is actually "normal" but to actually know that you have a disease that affects your quality of life is really daunting. And the treatments scare the shit out of me. (this is my blog I can swear if I want). I mean, cutting your neck!! Your NECK. Good lord. I can't even take pre-natals because they make me gag, but I am supposed to go on meds for my whole life? Every day? And radiation...radiation?! I can't even go into that one, as I will just get more upset.

I haven't been googling Graves a lot because I don't want to hear horror stories, or get myself too worked up with mis-information...but I did join a support group on Facebook, and while the stories are uplifting and people are getting treatment, I keep noticing that they all have my symptoms. Some of these symptoms are ones that I didn't even know WERE symptoms....like my eye twitch, and watering. I thought that it was just stress from my husband. I got it after having Ryan...now apparently it is one of the first signs.

I keep hoping, and praying that this is just some mistake. I mean they haven't *actually* diagnosed me yet. I haven't had the antibody test to make sure that it is, as it is super hard to figure that out in pregnancy...so they will have to wait until I give birth and the hormones all fix themselves.. THEN we can go get tested.

I just really hope it isn't. (and that it isnt cancer either.)

This really really sucks.