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Friday, July 27, 2007

Fall from Grace

I have learned alot these last few weeks/days. Things about myself, things about my friends, things about my peers, things about communities that I hold dear.
A couple weeks ago a friend of mine was treated very badly. To me the situation did not feel like it was rectified in a just or timely manner. Of course it was bogged down in office politics. I felt that it was my duty as a friend to step in and protect her character.
I am not the type of person that pussy foots, or plays office politics so I came right out and said what exactly had happened. Of course those playing the game were pissed, and when I tried to show them why I did what I did, I was shot down.
A shit disturber. A common gossip. I didn't really expect much else. (well I actually did, but now in hindsight I am not sure why).
The reason why all of this affected me so much is that I am an idealist. I really thought that the group of women that I converse and call my peers were better than highschoolers. I thought that as we grow older we are more compassionate, we have more knowledge, more integrity. I now know that is not the case.
No matter what group you belong to women are still that women. Catty, bitchy, and all that.
I had placed my Attachment Parenting counterparts on a somewhat higher level than all other women. That they would never treat another in their group with disrespect or callousness. I was shown that I was wrong, not once but time and time again.
I really learned from this. I learned not to be so idealistic. I learned not to place such high expectations on other women. I learned that people just want to believe what they believe regardless of the facts. (and this is why politics move so slowly as the Shit Disturber is the one who gets shot).
I have realized that I have placed too much time and effort into a group of people that I thought were just like me. Same morals, same values, same need for justice...I was really wrong. Just because these moms don't CIO and respond to their children's needs doesn't mean that they are like me.
I honestly think that few are. It's sad really. I feel alone alot. That I care so much about people and our human race and I get jilted again and again. Makes it hard to want to help. Just makes me feel like moving to an island somewhere with my family and letting the rest of the world to go to shit. (like it will anyway).
I do have wonderful friends from my AP community, and not all of the women need to be painted with the same brush, I am just feeling disenchanted with the world.
If my friends read this I want to thank them again for all of the unspoken/spoken support they have offered me. If not for them I would just move away and wash my hands of all the drama and bullshit...and most of all the hypocrisies.
I mean really, call me names...but really once you do that you are just being a shit disterber, a common gossip, a hypocrite.
ps. I know this is the most colourful language I have ever used on my blog, but this is my journal, and I am just writing what I feel. From the deepest part of my head and heart. Those who know me, know that I must be mad if I am swearing. lol


Jennifer said...

I am so sorry about the result that you got for protecting your friend and being the kind of person we are trying to raise our children to be. Please dont allow this unfortunate result to stop you in the future from doing the same. The strongest way we can lead our children is by example even in the fact of resistance.

You are an excellent mumma. I am proud to know you and hope one day get to know you better.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry defending your friend had such negative results. I hope this experience will not pervent you from doing the same next time you face a similar situation. One of the greatest ways we can teach our children is threw modelling the behaviour for them. I hope the world is a kinder gentler place as a result of our parenting choices with our children and their flourishing as a result. I have come to believe from the strong women around me (including you) that we need to be the change we want to see in ours and our childrens lives.

You are an excellent mumma. I am glad I know you and hope in the future I am able get to know you better.

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