Happy Parenting

I just wanted to let you all know how pleased I am with myself this week.
Sometimes I question my parenting, while AP looks so good on paper and
the parenting books say that it is the best and your child will be
this that and this; Keenan is only one so it is hard to see that far
into the future. The things I question myself about are extended
breastfeeding, cosleeping and not vaxing > which is neither here nor
there. But these are also the things that people question me and tell
me thier own opinions and judge me harshly for.
Now for the reason for this post. As some of you know, I have been
pressured (for lack of a better word) to bring some income into my
household, so I decided to offer my services to my old boss if
she needed any reief work. She did so I agreed to go in for 1week and
a half full time.
I was afraid and worried about the effects on Keenan. Would he stop
nursing? Would he be mad at me? Would he de-attach from me?
My mom is the one who is watching him all week and she is very pro-AP
so I was satisfied with that.
The day that I was most worried about was Wed 5th. I worked all day,
so Keenan was with my mom and we had Phantom tickets that night, so my
friend (also pro-AP) watched him. He was asleep when we dropped him
off at my moms and asleep when we brought him home, we only
reconnected for a long nurse for 30mins and we had to leave for the show.
I was so worried, that he would be a nightmare for my friend, as his
world was flipped upside down and he hadn't really seen his parents
all day, so we rushed home right after the play.
As I walked in the door, I listened for screaming, and heard none.
Keenan was fast asleep. My friend said that he laughed himself to sleep.
That is why AP works. That is why I cosleep and nurse to sleep.
Because it helps to create a little boy who will laugh himself to
sleep because he is confident and independant and knows that mommy and
daddy love him and would never leave him or neglect him in any way. He
is securely attached.
Like I said before, I sometimes question if I am doing it right, and
on wednesday night I got my answer.

Crazy Week

This was definatly a crazy week! I had my final exam for a psychology course that I was taking and so I allowed my inlaws and my husband to walk in my shoes for a couple days. It was hard to let go but I think it all worked out great. I had tonnes of studying accomplished and keenan get bonding time with people other than me. This gets him ready for the week from hell when I have to go back to work for a week so that we dont starve! (jk)

But really it will be good to get paid for doing something, even if that something is as menial as answering phones and listening to old people complain about the gov't.

On another note, we bought an air conditioner...best purchase ever. But now when we have people over they will have to hang out in our bedroom.

A Fathers Nightmare

Too funny. And relevant to boot!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today? "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

What Goes Around...

Hopefully comes around!
I went to a talk on vaccinations last night and stupidly left my wallet in the car. (Chris took said car to school). I wanted to buy him a nice dinner and a card and such but only had enough money for a movie and a card. So I went to Blockbuster and they charged me 1.88 late charge so I was short money for the card. I went to the dollar store and asked this nice old lady to give me a dollar, I explianed to her that I had no cash and that it would be really helpful. Did she help me out? NO! She bitched me out for begging. It was only a dollar! I wasnt asking for a kidney! She made me feel so bad that I profusly apologized and left that part of the store. Then a mom who had overheard me asked if I needed more than a dollar and gave me a loonie. I was so moved that I started crying, telling her that it meant so much.
What I don't understand is how the old hag was so nasty. Do I look like a bum? I was in McKenzie Towne dollar store with my one year old, Yea that's right scamming old people out of 4 quarters!!!

An Experienced Perspective

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is "Beware of Baby Trainers", another is "Belief in Your Baby's Cries - Read and Respond to Your Baby's Cues". These are the two tenets that I should have trusted and listened to during the first month(s) of Keenan's life.
"Beware of Baby Trainers" means that alot of people will try and tell you the "best" way to take care of your baby. While everyone understands how overwhelmed a new mother can be, they sometimes don't understand the detrimental effects all of thier comments make on the new relationship between mother and infant. As a new mom it is sometimes hard to assert yourself and tell your close friends or family members to step off and let you parent the way that you see fit. If I could go back that is the one thing I would do, let everyone know that I was happy with my desicions and that if they wanted to parent a child that they should go and have thier own.
"Belief in Your Baby's Cries" means that only you know what your baby is trying to tell you when they have no other way to communicate other than crying. Keenan was a sucky baby. He liked to be held and I loved to hold him. If anything I wish that I had held and breastfed him more than I actually did. We live in a society where we are told to put the baby on a schedule of 3 hour feeding intervals and if they cry in between then they are manipulating you, this is so wrong. Some baby's like Keenan love to nurse. Not just for nutrition but for bonding and comfort.
So as I look back, of course it was "normal". It was normal for Keenan. He needed (and still does) to be close to me. If that means nursing on demand, co-sleeping and babywearing until he is secure enough to stop, then that is what I will do.
The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. If you feel that your baby is crying alot and you think that it is food related, get support. I did end up having nursing issues and it was because of the Le Leche Leauge and this online support group that our nursing issues were resolved. Talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling and that you need support from him and not advice. And lastly, when I posted this one of the responses was that of course it is normal for a one month old baby to cry all the time, because he is only one month old.

Older and Dumber?

I am super stupid. I went out for a girls night for my birthday last night and drank way too much! I now have a hangover on my 25th birthday. So much for older and wiser. What do I do now? How can I get rid of it? Stupid. I am a mom for gods sake. So irresponsible. I am so mad at myself. Stupid.

New Phone Service

After calling Lindsay and waking Neko up for the 10th time, I started
wishing for a phone service that would remedy this problem.
Picture it, your just about to put your baby/child down for a nap, you
go to the phone and dial *88(or something like that). When someone
calls you they get a message that says "I am sorry but the person you
are calling is unavailable at the moment, please call back later; if
this is an emergency please dial 1 and you will be connected." And
then if they really need to get a hold of you they still can, but most
people will just call back. Plus if you just pressed the number on one
phone it would work for all phones so you dont have to worry about
turning ringers down or off on all your different phones.
Of course this is just a pipe dream.
I would probably forget to turn it on and then off, when the babe woke
up!!!

Surviving Motherhood on TLC - Thumbs Down

I don't know why I am suprised. I just watch a couple episodes of the
new TLC show called surving motherhood. The premise is good, 5 moms
sit down and talk about the issues they are facing with thier
children. Each day a new mom and her story are featured and an expert
pipes in about what she can do to fix the situation. Of course she
gets advice from the other mothers as well.
Both of the episodes that I watched had mothers on there that I like
to say had children as an accessory and now the child is not "fitting
in" to what type of lifestyle the mother wants and that is the big
"problem" that is featured in the show.
Show one > Terrible Twos.
Baby girl is trying to learn independance and autonomy, and mother is
distressed because she isn't listening to her. The advice she got/ and
decided to use (from another mother) just pinch her under her jacket
so she knows you mean business.
Show two > Separation Anxiety
7 month old baby girl likes to be held. Mom wants some alone time and
wants to know how to put her down. This one had okay advice, although,
my advice would be to hold her or put her in a wrap for a little while
and maybe she would feel more secure and not want to be held all the
time. (JMO)
Mainstream televison is not AP friendly. Still I have no idea why I
was suprised.

Roseola and Balloons

So we went to the doctor and it turns out that Keenan had Roseola. Think of it as baby measels. The good news is that it looks worse than it really is. He has a rash all over his little body. Looks gross. But it is clearing up now so I can finally breathe easier. I was so relieved when the doctor said that you can't immunize against it. (because Keenan hasnt been immunized yet) I am planning on immunizations just not for a while, like when he is two. They say that is when the immunozations have the least amount of an effect on the immune system and the brain. (Negitive effects) I have quite a few friends whose kids arnt immunized. I dont really want to immunize, but I am so scared that he will catch something nasty and have the doctor tell me it's my fault or preventable. But I am afaid that something will happen to him if I do, at the same time. These are such big decisions because they will affect him his whole life. I wish I could go into the future and ask him what he wants.

New word, Bah-oons, sooo cute. He is so smart, and no i am not the least bit biased. He got a whole bunch of ballooons for his birthday party. And so many toys. I was hoping he would get clothes so i bought him toys too. Now we could open up a small toy store. But I am really grateful that people came. I love hosting partys. I crave social interaction. I get so bored sometimes just with Keenan. Dont get me wrong I love staying at home with him, sometimes I just wish someone would talk to me. I go to the park hoping some other mom will be there too, and that almost never happens. Hopefully in the summer. I wish I had a car!

Poor Sick Baby

My poor baby is sick. He has had a temperature of 38 - 40.3 degrees since Friday night. I have been medicating him with tylenol every 4 hrs, as instructed by my husband. He is so tired today, he has slept the whole day away. It was really hard to take care of him all by myself as Chris was working the whole weekend. I wish that he wasn't because he knows more about sick kids than I do with all his training. I trust his judgement more than mine. But we survived and that is the good part.

Happy Birthday Keenan!!!

My little baby turned one yesterday! I can't believe that he is growing up so fast! We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was fun, Keenan enjoyed it. We had cake (brownie) and Keenan had pasta bugs. He got some of his presents, books and stuffies and a truck to ride on. He seemed to enjoy them, but he does like the packaging better! I have beein feeling nostalgic for his little baby manurisms but feeling so happy that he is becomming a independant child.

The biggest lesson that I learned after having Keenan is to trust my gut instinct because it is almost always right!! I also learned to be more patient and to take things as they come one step at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff!

We are having everyone over for a birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) so Chris and I have been frantically cleaning and organizing. Our house is really starting to feel like home!

Internet Addictive?

Keenan just fell asleep. He hadn't had a nap all day. We went shopping so I was sure that he would fall asleep once I got him in the car. Nope. Just now he chooses to fall asleep. I am not mad that he is sleeping, it is just that I hopw that he is down for the night. I hope this isnt a nap and then he wakes up in an hour and wants to stay up til some ungodly hour. As he is sleeping I could be doing so much, cleaning the downstairs, doing the dishes, doing laundry, folding his clothes that are at the moment in his crib. I have a party on Saturday with 26 people comming. I have a lot to do! I could also be reading the last chapter of my textbook as my class is done june 30. But what am I doing instead? Writing in my Blog. And who reads this anyway??? Why do I feel compelled to write here? Addicted I tell you!!!

3 Days to Go!!

Keenan's birthday is in 3 days and I am so excited. I have so much to do and so much to buy!!! Better not spend too much money!

Teeth and Words

Keenan said his first word. Ready for it?? B-O-O-K!!!! Chris says that it doesnt count because he points to everything and says Book! According to my psychological research (school) babies have one word or an outlook on the world, a schema and then organize everything into that schema until they learn to differentiate. So he is right on track. Of course, because he is my son and perfect. (I am a mom I am allowed to say these things). It is so obvious that he would say the word Book as I am constantly reading to him. The only other word I would have expected is Boobie. But thankgoodness it was Book.

Another developmental milestone happened yesterday, his top right tooth popped out. I knew it was coming as he has been a little crabby as of late. So now right on time for the pictures at his first birthday he will have 3 little teeth smiling at us!!

One Week and the Zoo

I can't believe it is only one week until my baby boy is no longer a baby and becomes one year old! I have so much to plan for his birthday. Where to get the cake, where to get the platters, how much food to have, what drinks to serve and the most important one, WHAT am I going to buy Keenan??? I want to get him something special and memorable, but mom and other people say that he won't remember so I should save the memorable stuff for when he is older. Well I still have a couple days to decide. I will probably end up getting the cake from Lakeview because they do dairy free. And my MIL said she would purchase the decorations. And I will probably buy the platters from Costco.

On another note, I am meeting a mutual friend today for an outing at the zoo, but have no idea what she looks like!!! I am sure that I have met her before but I am not absoultly positive, so I hope that she recognizes me. The best part about this friend is that she is going to be a SAHM as well and she lives in the SW! How great is that. Now if I could only have access to a vehicle at all times! I will just have to keep working on Chris about that one!

BBQ and Huckleberry's Kids

Went to a friends BBQ yesterday and it was so much fun! Chris couldn't come as he was working, again, but it was fun anyway. Met new people which is always fun, and the beats part is that they were all my age. My girlfriend was so nice as she picked Keenan and I up just so we could go. We rosted hotdogs and marshmellows. I love marshmellows. I would like Chris and her husband to get along, but maybe they wont as is probably the case because if you really like someone, then your partner usually wont like thier partner. But here is to hoping. Keenan and I walked superfar today. Like a 2hr walk. We walked to this place called Huckleberry's Kids its a consingnment shop where outfits cost as cheap as one dollar. I told Chris that we should be shopping therte to save money, but I really like the look of new clothes. Hopefully we get a bunch for Keenan on his birthday. I just read an article about a mother who lost her son, 12 days after he was born. It makes me feel like all my drivel is pointless and I really am at a loss to say anything substantial. So I will just stop now for today. Here is the link to the article. http://www.literarymama.com/creativenonfiction/memoir/archives/000179.html

The Woes of Finances

Life is a struggle. With a new house and a newish baby things can get a little expensive. Especially when you don't bring in an income. I wish that they > the gov't would pay for stay at home moms. We are doing the community a tremendous service, shaping the minds of little citizens. I read somewhere that if a SAHM got paid for what she did, she would have an annual salary of 130K. Send some of that my way. It sucks that all the financial burden is on my husband. It sucks even more that he is working alot to support us. It sucks the most that most of that work takes him away for days on end. But I am at a complete loss for what I can do to help. I honestly don't think that we could afford to give Keenan the level of childcare that he deserves. I will not just put him in some cheap ass daycare and let them extingish the light out of my sons eyes and let him lose his trust and happiness. I am not saying that all day care is bad, and yes I am awrae that it is a nessisary evil, but I do know a couple people personally that I would NEVER leave Keenan with, and they both have Early Childhood Certificates. Also all the horror stories on the news about kids being forgotten or disiplined too harshly.

I just feel that it is my job to raise up my kid. I didnt have him so someone else would do it for me. And I am lucky that I am in the position that my husband agrees with me that I should stay home, it's just that I wish I could take some of the stress and the burden off of him. I try and think of get rich quick schemes and other ways to make money. Take online surveys make $1000's a week, but you have to pay $50 up front. Scam? I dont know. Selling tupperware, or other "party" moneymakers. But would that work? Who would take Keenan? I could work part time if Chris was availble to take care of Keenan, otherwise I would be working to pay for his daycare, or babysitter, or nanny.

I really feel at a loss. The people I talk to keep telling me to bring kids in, start a dayhome. That way I get paid for taking care of other peoples kids. It seems smart in the short term, but it would mean many a life change for Keenan and I. No more sleeping in, no alone time, and being responsible for other kids. We would need a schedule, thatis for sure. The only problem I see with this solution is, when am I going to finish my degree? Am I doomed not to finish it at all? I wanted to go back to school next fall, maybe have my mom look after Keenan for a couple hrs on Tues and Thurs. But then there is no down time.

I have no idea what to do. I just feel all this unspoken pressure to get a job to start contributing financially. It just sucks.

It's a Small Small World

I was walking home a couple days ago and saw as car slow down and park next to me. The driver didn't get out, he just unrolled the passenger window and let the car idling. So I looked in and it was this guy Gerorge from Highschool. I haven't seen him for about 5 yrs. I asked him how it was going and he let me know that things were great and that he was living in my neighbourhood. How crazy is that. Then a few days later as I was walking past the same place a guy came running out of one of the condos into a truck, and lo and behold, it was Jay an ex (if you would even call him that as the relationship was like what a week long :) ) and he was leaving his house. I said Hey but he didnt stop to chat as he was in a hurry. But I told my hubby that 2 people from my group of highschool friends live less than 5 blocks away from us. And then yesterday as I was walking home from Sobeys Chris stopped to get a coffee, and who should I run into? Another friend from highschool. She (Cathy) came out to see the baby and told me that she was having coffee, with another friend from H.S. Lindsey. So now I had seen 4 people in less than a week. The cool/funny thing that Cathy told me was that she was still in contact with Jay and he and his highschool sweetheart Joie are expecting thier first in June. That is so crazy! You know why? Because they are my age!!! Finally someone my age having a baby in McKenzie Towne. I am not sure if they would like to hook up with me though, because highschool was so long ago, and jay, joie and i were not like bestfriends at the end of it. But you never know, a familar face at the playgroups at the community center or at the LLL meeting. If I talk to Cathy again, which I should as I have her on my MSN contacts, I will ask her to tell Joie about the LLL meetings because they are so valuble.

It's funny how things like that happen all at once. The best part was seeing Cathy because we were such good friends and she is always so sincere. She saw me when I was pregnant and I was hoping that she would get to see the baby because she seemed so excited for me.

I know that Highschool was years ago, but sometimes it's nice to see what people are up to, what they have accomplished in life.

I just can't believe what a small world it is. Crazyness.

Pancakes and Playgroup

As I am housesitting today it just so happened that I had to get my lazy butt out of bed at the ungodly hour of 8am to take my sister to school. The worst part is that Keenan had to be woken up and now he will be grumpy all day. But, what can you do? Just need to suck it up. But now that we are awake in the morning Keenan needs sustinance. So pancakes it is. Of course the master pancake maker is at work so my brother and I are attempting. Not so bad a result. A little burned but that is how all the food I cook turns out.
"Stop setting a timer and walking away!"
I am a little bummed as I have access to a car and nowhere to go. My playgroup looks like it is officially over as the babes are all one next month. Well in less than 20days. We had a picnic last friday because it was a holiday and everyone showed up. We should have all said goodbye, because that is the way it looks to be. That sucks! I would really like some mommy company today as it is supposed to be 20degrees and I would love to go for a walk. Well maybe someone will call me or something.
But, I know that Keenans nap will get in the way today. So we will just have to see how it goes.

Eleven Months and The Zoo

I can't believe that my little bambino just turned eleven months old. I have officially sent out the invites for the birthday party. And if you didnt get one it is because I dont have enough space for everyone on my contact list. Or I have already talked to you and you can't come because you are working, either way sorry that everyone cant come! I have not decided on a theme and I am still not sure if I am going to bake the cake or not. But at least the invites are out. People will come. We are planning to have a big to do with the playgroup. A group birthday if you will, because all the babies will be turning one at around the same time. Maybe we will do a secret santa type thing. Or not as they will get quite a bit of stuff from thier respective families. We went to the zoo yesterday for the first time as a family. It was alot of fun and the right day to do it. We must have been thinking the same thing that all other parents in the city were thinking as the zoo was soooo packed. But it was still fun. Got to see the baby hippo and the gorrilas and two baby bear cubs. Keenan looked around and saw some of the animal from his vantage point in the stroller but I think that he just thought that we were going on a really long walk. I have not decided if I am going to break down and buy a annual pass..$45 each (adult) as that is a lot of money up front, but it pays for itself in 3 visits. Maybe after he turns a year old. We shall see.