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Thursday, September 28, 2006

Sleep Please

So this morning I lost it. Last night was hellish getting Keenan to go to bed. I had so many other things that could have been getting done, but instead I was there nursing, nursing , nursing for over an hour. It wouldn't have been so bad if Chris wasn't passed out next to me.
He has sleep apnea, and doesnt get a whole lot of sleep because of his job, and I respect that. So I let him sleep. Whenever. But recently, with the whole Keenan sleeping issues I am starting to resent Chris for having the ability to sleep, whenever, where ever. It makes me so mad when I hear him snoring and I am up for yet another hour tending to his son.
So this morning I lost it. I had a heck of a time falling asleep last night. Since my schedule is so messed up from weeks of random sleep. I think I finally fell asleep around 1 - 1 :30am, and there was Keenan waking up to nurse at 6am, for a whole hour. Needless to say, he woke me up. So by 7:10am I was just fuming. That I hadn't gotten any sleep, that my hubby was sleeping through this, and that it was 7am and I was awake.
So I got out of bed and let Chris deal with it. Keenan cried and cried. I feel so guilty. But at the same time I feel like if something doesnt change I am going to be a very mean person.
Does this constitute Crying-it-out? Some people may say yes, and I think it is to an extent. But I also think that all the attachment parenting I have done up to this point will be devalued if I continue to feel resentment towards my son and hubby.
All I am asking for is a break. Maybe one night of uninterupted sleep? Or to be able to sleep in once a month? I don't think that it is too much to ask for Chris to put Keenan down once in a while. We are both his parents, we should have to share the easy stuff and the hard stuff, and maybe that way we will all get some sleep.


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