Saying Goodbye to a Family Pet

As we all know life sometimes decides to kick you in the butt and throws things at you that you may not be expecting. This is exactly what has happened with our family. I wanted to share a little bit of our story and some resources in case you have to go through this as well.

Baby Leata

When I was 15 I found a little kitten across the street by my highschool. I was skipping science and she ran across the street into oncoming traffic…I lost my mind for a moment and ran out in front of a car to save her. She was mine at that moment. I yelled at the teens driving the car as I was convinced that they wanted to hit her, and decided to cut the rest of school that day and walk home.

My mom didn't want a cat, didn't want the responsibility. I promised that I would take care of her. I begged, I cried. I had an all out tantrum I am sure. My best friend was cat sitting for me as I did the responsible thing and called the SPCA to report her, to see if anyone was looking for her. I secretly hoped that she was just a stray, and it turned out she was.

Her Favourite Thing to Do

I brought her home one day and my family fell in love with her, and my mom decided to gift her to me for my 16th birthday. She made it clear that Leata was mine and mine alone, and I was in charge of all the duties that come with pet ownership. I would have promised anything that day and agreed.

She used to sleep in between my arms, curl up on my lap, give me kisses on my nose and ride on my shoulders like Luna from Sailor Moon. (which was my favourite show at the time). She would go on walks on a leash, she would try to steal my Doritos, and one time even came up and licked my chupa chup….she was mine all right. One day I thought that I had lost her as she swallowed a needle and thread that I had carelessly left out…I don't think I had ever been so scared.

Us in our younger years.

As the years past, she became more of a family pet, and when I moved to University she stayed with my parents. When I moved back, and then out with my boyfriend (who is now my husband), she came with. We decided to get another cat to keep her company, and then we started our family.

3 kids, and a dog later and Leata is an elderly cat who just likes to curl up on the couch and wait for us to go to her. A couple months ago she was diagnosed with renal failure. She started to pee on everything that we have in our basement. So much so that it will all have to be ripped up and reno'ed. She is now incontinent.

The vet has told us that it is time. We know in our hearts that it is time, so now we spend the rest of this month starting rituals to say goodbye. I just see the little kitten that ran to me so many years ago, and my heart aches.

To get my kids ready for this I have visited a couple pet-loss websites and read them a couple books. I really feel that you can never get enough information on how to deal with life's difficult situations. Not only does this help me, I hope that it will soften the blow for my 7 year old in particular.

Nothing can truly prepare you, but sometimes information can help. Here is what I found. I hope that they can help you as well.

1. Helping Children Cope
2. The Rainbow Bridge
3. When Children Grieve
4. Lifetimes: The Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children 
5. The 6 Do's and Don'ts of Explaining Pet Loss to Children
6. Explaining Pet Loss to Children of Different ages. 
7. Sesame Street explaining the Death of Mr.Hooper. (circa 1970's)

If you know of any other resources please leave them in comments.

Such a pretty lady. She will be missed!

Ahhhh….Preschoolers

I was talking on the phone with my cousin today and she demanded that I blog about what happened today and so without further adieu…..

My son is having trouble at his preschool. He isn't really the "sit down and listen" type… he is more of the "you told me what to do and now I am going to do the exact opposite" type; so needless to say this year of preschool has not gone by without its share of challenges.

He was assessed the other day with some learning challenges as the teachers would like him to have an aide who can basically hold his hand the whole day so that he *must* do what the other children are doing - or so that is my understanding…I am not really sure how I feel about this, so I decided that maybe I would shop around and see what other preschools have to offer.

There is this great community run - reggio - program that is close to my oldest son's school. I decided to give them a shot in the dark and see if maybe they had spaces left and by a stroke of luck they actually did! I made an appointment to take my middle child and go and check this school out for myself.

We arrived just as the other children were leaving, they looked like they enjoyed it. The school is 50 years old so it left somethings to the imagination as it could use some updating (but they are moving in june - so it will only be a short time until then.)

We walk in and introduce ourselves and my son decides that he would like to make the most awesome first impression ever.

I am just going to write it verbatim so that you can feel as it you were standing right there - better yet, pretend that it is your child and let the feelings of pride wash right over you.

Teacher - "Hi there, my name is X. What is your name?"
Son - "my name is X."
Teacher - "Nice to meet you X."
Son - "Are you going to have a baby?"
Now I need to mention that this teacher was slightly overweight, just so you can picture this exchange in your mind.
Teacher - "What? Oh no." Giggles. "I just had a big lunch!"
Me - awkward laugh. Forced grin.
Son - "Is your tummy hurtin'?"
Teacher - "No, I am feeling okay." Giggle.
Son - "Why do you have a big penis?" Pointing to the area under her belt.
Me - awkward laugh…"she doesn't have a penis, silly!"
Teacher - "I don't have a penis."
Son - "OH! I know!! You have a HUMONGOUS VAGINA!!"
Teacher - "I am sorry?" looking at me for clarification as it sounded like "Gi -na"
Me - whispering "He said that you have a big vagina"
Teacher - "oh!"
Son - "Why do you have such a big vagina?"
Me - "X. That is enough."
Son - "Mommy why does she have a big bum-"
Me - cutting him off, "Wow! X look at that kitchen over there!!!!!"
Son - "Mom why does she have-"
Me - Walking quickly towards the first toy I can find, "Wow!! this stuff is so cool!!!"

I don't think that I have ever been so embarrassed in my life. Honestly. Here I am hoping that this preschool will give me a warm and fuzzy feeling, and there goes my son yammering on about this poor woman and her weight. I felt like if the floor would open up and swallow me whole it would be preferable to the awkwardness that I felt after that meeting.

I know that kids speak their minds and this is what preschoolers do - and I am sure that the teacher was not horribly offended (I hope) but sometimes I wish it was socially acceptable to cover your child's mouth or kick them under the table so to speak while they continue to dig that hole in the middle of the room..




photo credit - Copyright (c) 123RF Stock Photos

The Spirited Child

I went to a parent's group today just to learn more about my kids etc. We were talking about temperaments and how no matter what your parenting style is, how it will not affect the child's innate personality; no matter how hard you try.

We talked about labels and how we can say lots of negative labels when referring to our kids, but how we can change those labels into positive traits as well. For example, bossy could be self-assured, defiant could be independent, nosey could be seen as curious. When we look at these labels in a positive way we see that we actually want to cultivate them in our children. Self-assured, independent, curious adults are exactly what I want my sons to be.

We also talked about the label of the spirited child. We took a test to see if our children had any of the traits that a spirited child is supposed to have. I thought that between my two kids my younger one would be more spirited as he is the most vocal and active. That boy knows what he wants and will not rest until he gets it. What surprised me the most was that my older son ranked the highest on the spirited scale. It was shocking to me actually.

He does not do well in transitions, he is extremely sensitive and empathetic, he likes things just so, etc. I was wondering why I didnt notice any of this until I took this test and it occurred to me that I "over parent" him. I dont want the battle or the conflict so I head it off at the pass, I cut the crusts off his peanut butter sandwich and serve it on a green plate with a green cup....I read him 4 stories before bed, and get the water, and the snuggle, I make sure the labels are cut out of his shirts, he doesnt have to wear jeans, etc. Now I realize that the reason I don't see that "spirit" is because I have made his life easier, and he doesnt have many transitions....but is this doing him a dis-service? Should I be ignoring his quirks and making him see that it doesnt always go his way?

Am I coddling him? And what does that mean for kindergarten?

The Breakdown - Cross Post

This is a Cross Post from my Homeschooling Blog. Can you tell what I am thinking about all the time?

I had a complete mental breakdown last night. Today my son was registered for Kindergarden. My mom says that it's something about mothers and sons, that the mothers get over emotional about sending their children into the world, and I wondered why is that? Or at least, why is that for me?

I think for me, and I have stated it time and time again, that I feel that our Western society breaks boys. It squashes their empathy, sympathy, and sensitivity. Boys are told to "harden up" as soon as they are in a peer environment.

When I have my boys at home or near me, as I would with homeschooling, I can be there to help them through the trials and tribulations of these outside forces. I can tell them that they don't need to listen to what others say, that they are confident, and that family is most important. When they are in the public realm I lose all of that control.

My husband says that I can't shelter him and keep him in a bubble forever, as that doesn't give him a fighting chance. I understand that. I am still saddened however that it is almost inevitable and the only way that society can ever not have that impact is if we (my family) leaves North American culture, and while I am up for that my husband is not.

I know that one must learn how to deal with others and move away from their parents...but at 5? What purpose is it really to have children away from their mothers for hours on end, when the mom is able to be home? Who does that serve? The Child? The mother? or the government?

I guess I am still a little skeptical, as what do they really learn in Kindergarden, Grade 1 and Grade 2?

More thoughts on Boys....

A friend's husband was talking to me today at playgroup how there are a considerable amount of girls verus boys being born a year, a number that amounts to 200,000 more girls than boys born in Canada alone...so it got me thinking. Why is it that I am a boy maker?

I really believe in fate, and everything happening for a reason, so there must be a reason why I make boys.

I have been mulling over this for a while and have come up with the following conclusions.

One : I am a very caring and empathetic person, and treat my sons with respect. I encourage sensitivity and problem solving. This will help them to be sensitive and caring dad's when they are older.

Two : I am a huge birth and breastfeeding advocate. Men (unfortunately) have traditionally had more power in politics than women. Perhaps my sons will fight for women's rights in these realms as men as well.

Three : They will also be supportive to their wives. (or else... ;P)

These are just three reasons that I have so far for why I would be given son's to raise....I am sure that I will think of more as the time comes.

Sensitivity and Boys

My older son is a sensitive soul. He has empathy coming out of his ears for everyone...well maybe everyone but his little brother....
As he gets older I worry how he will cope with the other children disappointing him. I mean we all know that this society is not kind to boys, and I accept that, and I don't want to shelter my boy...but...when he looks up at me with tears in his eyes because a child told him that he has to be the "bad guy" it breaks my heart. (in reference to playing a game of superheros)
And the child is not being malicious, and they don't understand that K is vehemently against "bad guys", and they don't understand that even if he doesn't agree he will go along with it, because he would rather have a playmate than to play alone....
When other children don't want to hug, or kiss, or hold hands...he is upset, and defeated, like he has personally been rejected.
When a child says, "No. I don't want to Play." or "I don't like you." These words pierce his very soul, and as his mother I watch and wait for him to let it slide, but I know it doesn't...so even if I don't want to say anything, I end up making an excuse..."That Child is tired, or hungry, or just plain mean." And I lie to him.
Does this do him a service? I so badly want to scream at the other child, "Look at him! He just wants to play with you, you selfish child." But I know that they are just children, and maybe they just think he is weird for being sensitive.