Homeschooling, Kindergarten, and School Memories

I have been thinking a lot about what I am going to do next year. Next year all three of my children will be "school aged". 
Now, I know what you are thinking. I am a homeschooler. Why do I even care?
Well, the problem is that I care a whole lot and that is why I have no idea what I am going to do. See, in my province we get funding for our children's education when we homeschool, but this is only true for children between grades 1 - 12.
Kindergarten children do not get any funding. Yes, there are a couple boards that do offer funding for Kndergarten, but it is few and far between. (plus the driving to those boards would take me forever.
I really wish that the program my older son is in had funding for Kindy as it would be so much easier for me.

When we started down this homeschooling journey we looked at a lot of factors and you can go back and see how much I worried about it. If I was making the right choice, if he would be okay, if I could do it… all sorts of worries really. But as we have been on this path I am becoming more confident in my choices to homeschool my son. A lot of his doctors and his psychologist also commended me for tailoring this learning path for someone with ADHD.


But, my second son is nothing like my first. My husband wants to put him in full time kindergarten at the local school. Coupled with the fact that he can't sit to save his life and that 4 days is a long time at school for someone who hasn't been…the idea isn't really sitting so well.
My friends say just to homeschool Kindy, or to send him to the homeschool kindy school, or even skip kindergarten all together and just send him to the blended in grade 1…The problem is though is that I am torn. I want him to get as many good memories of Kindergarten as I did and sometimes I think everyday kindergarten would be the best option…that or the private school down the road.
My best memories of school were in Kindergarten. I know that they are old, and that Kindergarten is nothing like it used to be…but it was the first time that you were alone to make friends and be somewhat autonomous. I remember playing house and baking cookies, listening to Sharon, Lois and Bram - "peanut, peanut, butter, jelly."
I remember reading in this special nook (maybe not actually reading), sitting there with my friends, looking at all those pictures. I remember having a nap, which I know does not happen any more. I just remember this loving and caring teacher who let me learn as I wanted to, no pressure and being happy.
And I don't want him to miss it. This decision is going to be a doozy…I can already tell.

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I'm participating in the Our Kids Private School Expo Blog Hop.  Yesterday's School Memories post  can be found at Raincoast Cottage.  Tomorrow, the fun is happening at Linkie's Contest Linkies
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Homeschooling =/= School at Home

We are homeschoolers.

Last year was our first *official* year of registering with a school board with the intent to homeschool. Before that my son went to kindergarten in a regular public school and before that I "home schooled" preschool (but I also owned a preschool at the time so it wasn't too much of a stretch).

Of course when we decided to homeschool we came across many different opinions of why we should not. Allowing him to be behind in academics was one concern, another was not being able to be on the sports teams within his school,  or not having access to IP programs and aides for his ADHD. The biggest concern that friends and family had (and perfect strangers for that matter), was socialization.

Socialization is such a funny concept though, because if you look at our society as a whole, the schools idea of socialization and putting children into little boxes that are all the same age group isn't really how the real world works. We mix together with children of different ages, ethnicity and backgrounds (both educational and economic). So to say that one has to go to their neighbourhood public school to be socialized is erroneous at best.

Watch: Ken Robinsons Talk on Learning Revolution

Another common misconception is the "what exactly do you teach him?" What don't I teach him? If you go to your local provinces guidelines for education outcomes you can see that the ones for elementary school are really quite basic. Some of the learning outcomes kids already know before they go into the system and others can be taught by a variety of methods outside the traditional classroom.

"But you are not a teacher!" That is right. I am not trained as a professional teacher, and I don't pretend to be. I am one of those homeschooling parents who contracts out for my kids education. I look at their strengths and weaknesses and my strengths and weaknesses and I find the ones that mesh and the ones that don't.

My son goes to a particular program that is really well suited for children with ADHD in my city, and we are so lucky that it is available. He goes to classes two days a week where the professional teachers teach math, science, social and English in a thematic based approach. (Thematics means all of the subjects together, and project based). This is a wonderful approach for a child with a short attention span who can't be bothered, or gets bored, doing worksheets. The rest of the week we have other classes. Swimming lessons for gym, piano lessons for music, and an incredible City Ecosystems class for getting outside and learning about habitats every single week. (which also means me living in my car for hours on end…)

We do have days where all we do is science experiments with kits that we have bought at Scholars Choice or from The Magic School Bus. We do math games, games for learning, games for writing, and games for reading all just for fun. Not scheduled, just thrown in whenever we have a spare time to learn. We also have days when we do nothing but play and read and learn just by living. It's this balance that is so wonderful for our family, and why I choose to continue the path that we are on.

Learning is all around you. It doesn't have to be so rigid and doing what works best for your family and your child is really all that matters in the end. So if you are thinking that homeschooling needs to look like something in order for it to work, re-evaluate and see that parenting doesn't have to look like something for it to work as each and every parent will do it differently…and that is okay too.

                                                       My Vlog about Car-schooling. :P

He and ADHD

My son was diagnosed with ADHD.

Lego Ninjago

How many times have you read that? Many I suppose. It's not like it is some new age diagnosis that has been over diagnosed by pediatricians that have no idea what they are really talking about since it is a brain thing - and not a body thing - or is it both?

The point is that yes, many kids have it.

It's not a death sentence. Its not something that can be cured. It's not something that needs to be worn on the sleeve if his shirt to let everyone know that hey, he may be a little different. It's not an excuse for bad behaviour. It's not an excuse for any behaviour at all.

It's the way he thinks. It's in his DNA. In his brain chemistry. And yes, some if the behaviours that are symptoms can be hard to deal with for me. But they are also hard for him. He doesn't think like me. He doesn't understand some social cues. He doesn't understand personal space. He doesn't understand why his playing really loudly can sometimes cause adults to be irritated - he doesn't realize that he is doing it. And he isn't doing it on purpose.

I can tell him a million times that he needs to "be quiet" or that he must "calm down" or "stop moving" but that isn't going to make him stop. It will just make me more frustrated. It will also hurt his self esteem. But I will still do it. I am only human. 

Loves to Learn! 

The worst part about ADHD is that these kids are smart. Not just book smart, but smart beyond their years. They are creative, and think outside the box. They are leaders, forward thinkers and trail blazers. They take risks. (this may be because they lack the executive functioning not to think about risk, before they take them... But this is beside the point.)

The reason why this is bad is because you, the parent, the teacher, the adult can forget so quickly that these children are different and your expectations of them will be off. You will expect more of them than needs to be expected - and that isn't fair to him and it certainly isn't fair to you.
But life isn't fair. 

The best thing I can do is educate myself and continue to ask questions. Try to view the world from his eyes. Try to remind myself daily that he isn't like his brothers and to stop comparing them. To see them as individuals with different strengths and weaknesses - not better nor different - but unique to them. 

Inquisitive

It has taken me a long time to write this post. We knew that he was a challenge when he was younger and had flags go up as he progressed in school. Why such a bright kid was having so many problems, we knew it was coming. I didn't want to know - and even now am wary of the diagnosis as it is a label..and who really wants the label good or bad or indifferent? 

But I need to own it. To be an advocate for him and for our whole family. To learn and share my knowledge to other families going through the same thing but maybe not as vocal as me.. (who is) who maybe don't have the same background as me and maybe don't know what questions to ask. 

I struggled when they gave me the 12 page report that outlined all the tests and issues and suggestions and considerations about my son. But you know what? Its just a piece of paper. He is who he is for a reason. It is my job as his mom to give him the tools to be the best that he can be just by being himself.
                                                

I love this boy!!

**update Aug 31 - After writing my blog I recieved some comments and so I decided to compose a Vlog for you. (sorry for the lighting and the crappy quality - working on it)

Soccer Insanity

There is a saying that if you do the same thing over and over that it is the definition of being insane. I think my husband and I would fall into that category lately.
See, we were not athletic kids at all. Sure I did some track and yes he was a bench warmer football player in high school, but up until very recently neither of us saw much merit in running outside, let alone getting exercise at the same time.

Since we have 3 boys we do feel however, that it is important for THEM to be physically healthy and we want them to enjoy sports as it is a great way to make and sustain friendships when they are older. (beer leagues and all that.) We also regret that we are not as athletic as we could have been so we are hoping by choosing a winter sport (snowboarding) and a summer sport (soccer) that they will get those habits early.

The problem is that our kids are a product of us. So, they are not really into sports! (go figure) My eldest son has been playing soccer since he was 4. First it was picking dandelions, then in U5 it was pretending to be a train as they were called the "Canadian Conductors", then in U6 it was more that he enjoyed the cheering, and now at U7 he really enjoys that he can be the goalie. (well that is *something* isn't it?!?)

The same goes for the middle son. He was in U4 last year and just ran around aimlessly. This year in U5 he is a little better. His coach actually coaches women's soccer professionally (which is kind of funny watching him try to keep 4/5yr olds engaged.)

Last game, my 4 year old was running all the way around the field. Literally. He found the white lines that divided up the field and ran ON them…everytime it was his turn. Completely left the other kids hanging.

My elder son knowing that the attention was not on him decided that this would be a good time to pretend to be a cow. He got on all fours and pretended to eat grass. Now, I should explain for a moment that we are by far the youngest parents in this team.. and that we also have the oldest and most children…So when our 7 year old was moo-ing and chewing his cud, we were getting some pretty interesting looks. It got even better when the 4 year old decided to run into the middle of the field during a game and dry hump the grass…. laughter ensuses… we were so embarrassed.

My husband couldn't take much more. He said to me in a low voice so no one else could hear, "He is humping the ground!!" and then took the older son (who was moo-ing loudly) to the van leaving me to run into the field (with the baby on my back) and grab the 4 year old who explained that he was only "exercising mama."

The husband stayed in the van until the end of the game with the older one (still moo-ing), while I tried to get the 4 year old to listen to his coach. He actually did score a goal by fluke, but all that really mattered was that he was having fun.

This is a typical game for both my kids and it happens every single time. They keep saying that they WANT to play, so I keep taking them…. is this insanity or love?? or Both?!

Embracing ADHD

When my oldest son started Kindy earlier this year he was "flagged" for his intensity. The teacher (who I love) asked me if I wanted to pursue testing and coding. In this province if your child is diagnosed with a learning disability or condition such as ADD or ADHD then the school gets more money to use to help facilitate his learning.

I don't really want to code him as this would follow him around forever, and I also have no desire to medicate him.

I am trying so hard to just accept him as he is. He is a bright, extremely bright, well spoken, imaginative, sensitive, empathetic, curious, excited, active little boy. While some of his behaviours bother me, such as the growling and the intensity..I am trying to see them not as problems, but as personality.

I read this book "Raising the Spirited Chid" and it said, to get a child to stop a behviour such as intensity would be like asking him to stop breathing. It's pretty impossible. It's how he is hard wired.

So instead it is working on myself.

Right now I am finding it more difficult because my husband is away so often and the littlest one demands SO much of my attention. (read that - he can never be put down without screaming like his hands and feet have been cut right off!)

I know that all of this is just a phase in life and that I have to be more flexible and more understanding. I try very hard not to fly off the handle when the behaviours are manifesting. I take deep breaths and look at my children as they are - children.

Not little robots that I can control but people who are just learning and expressing themselves.

Tonight I had a "conversation" with my eldest son after the little boys went to bed.

It amazes me just how intelligent he is and how he holds things deep inside. The little things that bother him (like the baby crying) it makes me proud that he is the way he is.

The label of ADHD is really just a list of characteristics that I am happy that my son has. (and I also think a symptom of the society that they live in).

So I will embrace it, and welcome it, and live with it, and learn from it.

And love him more each day.

Trying to Understand

I have been at my parents for a couple days while trying to keep my house clean. I am finding the boys incredibly hard to handle, the bigger one more than the little ones.

My parents commented that perhaps he has ADHD. Just because he doesnt respond to regular discipline. I started researching it and he hits a whole bunch of markers. He also gets super intense the more that he is stimulated.

I have always noticed this intensity that he has just under the surface and it's something that I really have a hard time dealing with. Looking at these websites and books tho, it shows that perhaps this intensity is just a part of him...and maybe he does have ADHD....at least I have something to start looking at...

It makes me think that maybe I should look into it more because maybe it will help me understand him more....and deal with him better.