Soapbox

I am a born and bred Albertan. There is something about us that make us extremely loyal to the cities we call home.
I currently live in Calgary. And Calgary has a tendency to be the most loyal of all the cities in Alberta. Almost to a fanatical sense. Calgary Vs. Edmonton, Calgary Vs. Toronto, Calgary Vs. Vancouver etc.
We have quite a booming economy right now with a lot of new families coming to Calgary to live the "Alberta Advantage".
What gets me on my soapbox is the insentient whining that I have to hear over and over again about how great the city/province was where they came from and how backward Calgary is.
To me it's like, if you don't like something, change it.
No one twisted your arm to move to Calgary and if midwives are paid for in Ontario or BC, yes that is great that they are, BUT they are not covered in Alberta, and they won't be as we have a conservative government, so suck it up and move back to Ontario.
This may sound harsh, but I can't tell you how many times in the last week I have heard someone complain about this or that in Calgary. It's like biting the hand that feeds you. It just really irritates me.
And to top it off these people that complain the most about how horrible Calgary is will make all their money here and then move back to Ont or BC or wherever to retire.
I think I have a personal problem with this because I am from Calgary and I am really loyal, and although I don't like all the policies and procedures that happen here, I don't like hearing people bash my city.
I love Calgary!!!

Been a while...

Well, I thought that no one read this thing.
Apparently I was wrong.
So now you have all been patiently waiting to see how Keenan is doing.
Well...the hospital was the pits, but it did give him the little "umph" he needed to fight this dreadful virus. I also gave him some Podophyllum (a homeopathic) from Donna, our homeopath. That seemed to work really well.
Now, I don't understand everything about homeopathy, but what I do know is that you treat the symptoms, and you use the law of similars, so you would use a plant/herb that would cause vomiting to treat vomiting. The thing is though, is that if you do not have the symptoms and you take the remedy you can cause the symptoms to arrive. So you must be very careful when administering the remedy.
Keenan seems okay now, but I am crossing my fingers as the pox is flying around the AP group. And while I would like him to catch it sometime, I don't want him poxing at Christmas.

Sick Boy

What I have been told is that Keenan has Rotovirus. Which is super
common and super contagious for kids under 5. Stats say that 90% of
kids will get it by age 5.
There are only 2 places that I can think of where he could have caught
this as it is only transfered by feces.
1. Shopping Cart
2. Change Table in Restaurant.
I will be carrying antiseptic wipes to wipe down change tables and
shopping carts from now on. I would urge you all to do the same, and
to be extra vigilant about washing your hands as well as your babes.

This experience has also made me reaffirm the way I (personally)
parent. I saw countless numbers of sick kids at the children's. Keenan
was one of the older children, and none of them were nursed. Even the
new ones. All I saw was bottles (and these children were not bottle
fed with love, more like shove a bottle in your mouth so you stop
crying). Pacifiers on every child, dragging on the hospital floor and
put back in the mouth. Stroller after stroller and screaming babies.
It was overwhelming.
And the comments on my wrap and my nursing. I cant tell you how
invaluable those two things have been. The doctors said that he would
be in such worse shape if he had not been nursed.
And the wrap. If you don't have one I would STRONGLY suggest you get
one. The mamas at the hospital that were holding their sick babes,
because all they could do to calm them was to stand and rock. A sling
or a wrap would have helped them so so much.
Keenan would only sleep on me, while he had been sick. I LOVE my wrap.

I think the worst is over. We are using homeopathics and they seem to
be working as there is nothing the medical world can do for rotovirus.

We will be quarantined until after the weekend.
Take care of yourselves, your children, and each other.

Letter From Delta

Here is the reply to my previous post.

Dear Mrs. [my last name]

Thank you for your e-mail to Delta Air Lines.

Delta Air Lines is disappointed to hear about the removal of the passenger onboard Freedom Airlines Flight 6160. As you may know, they are one of our Delta Connection partners.

Delta supports a mother?s right to breastfeed her baby onboard our aircraft. Please let me assure you that we are working with Freedom Airlines on their investigation of this matter. Following the results of this internal investigation, Delta will work with Freedom (a subsidiary Mesa Air Group) to ensure that their procedures mirror Delta?s service standards.

Please accept our apology for the poor impression, and we welcome further opportunities to be of service.

Sincerely,

Lewis Wright
Online Customer Support Desk
http://www.delta.com

Breastfeeding Mother Kicked Off Plane!

Below is the letter that I wrote to Delta airlines regarding

http://mothering.com/sections/news_bulletins/november2006.html#emily

Re: Flight 6160 from Burlington, Vermont to New York's La Guardia

To whom it may concern,

By this time I am sure that you have received countless emails from angry mothers demanding restitution for the way that Emily Gillette was treated by your flight attendant. I will not shout and name call; I will only offer you facts.
Fact - Nursing during liftoff, or before and during landing can significantly calm a baby/toddler who has no idea why his ears have suddenly started to hurt. I understand that the flight was not taking off at the time of the incident, but I want to remind you that mothers are keenly aware and therefore anxious about the way that their child is going to act when taking off/landing. I believe that nursing before takeoff is a preemptive strike so that the child is comfortable and not disturbing other guests when it comes time to takeoff.
Fact - The World Health Organization recognizes the need of children to breastfeed up until 4yrs at a minimum. As the mother of a nursing toddler it is my belief that Emily was discriminated against because she was nursing her toddler (22mos) and not an infant. If it is a policy for your airline to have a child in arms while traveling under 2 years old, there should be no issue with the child nursing in arms as he is where he was supposed to be. IF however the child was in his own seat, or not belted in and it was a safety issue, then I could MAYBE see where the stewardess was coming from, but because this was not the case and it was because she was "uncomfortable, and offended" then perhaps she should find another job. Or at least educate herself and become more tolerant.
I understand that the United States are very archaic when it comes to womens rights for breastfeeding and for children's rights to breastfeed, and I could go on and on about violations and discriminations, but I am sure that you have gotten plenty of those emails in the last few days, so I will not comment further.
I only had one other question. If this stewardess was offended or felt uncomfortable because of someone's race/ethnicity or sexual orientation, would they be thrown off the plane as well?
I will not fly Delta or any affiliates until this issue is resolved and Emily is compensated to the full extent. I want the stewardess to publicly apologize for the way that the Gillette family was treated.

Sincerely,
Alisha

A Glimpse

C.A.A.D.D.


If you have been secretly wondering what is wrong with me, I now have the
answer...

Recently, I was diagnosed with C. A. A. D. D. (Child Activated Attention
Deficit Disorder)

This is how it manifests:

I decide to do the laundry. As I start toward the basement, I notice that
there are cheerios all over the floor and my car keys are in the cereal bowl


I decide to pick up the cheerios before I do the laundry. I lay my car keys
down on the counter, put the cheerios in the trash can under the counter,
and notice that the trash can is full. So, I decide to take out the trash.

But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the
trash I may as well pay the bills first. I take my checkbook off the table,
and see that there is only one check left, my extra checks are in my desk in
the office/playroom, so I go to my desk where I find a sippy cup full of
juice. I'm going to look for my checks, but first I decide I should put the
sippy cup in the refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the sippy cup a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye - they need to be watered. I set the sippy cup on the
counter, and I discover baby wipes that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back in the bathroom, but first I'm going to
water the flowers.

I set the wipes back down and splash some water on the flowers, but most of
it spills on the floor. So, I get some paper towels and wipe up the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day: the laundry isn't washed, the bills aren't paid,
there is a warm cup of juice sitting on the counter, the flowers aren't
watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook, I can't find the
wipes, and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.

Then when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled
because I know I was busy all day long, and I'm really tired.

I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it,
but first I'll check my e-mail.

Do me a favor, will you? Forward this message, because I don't remember to
whom it has been sent.

Don't laugh - if this isn't you yet, your day is coming.

Disapointment

Today was the start of a weekly mom's only coffee date, for the moms in my area. I was so excited about it because I really wanted to go and meet up with my friend P who just went back to work. I haven't seen her in almost 2 weeks.
I thought that Chris was coming home on Friday night so that I would have a sitter no problem on Saturday morning. I was mistaken. He didn't get home til tonight.
I called my mom to see if she could sit, and she said no because she is not feeling well. So, needless to say, I missed the coffee date.
It really sucks too because Chris has been working so much and I really felt like I needed a break from parenting Keenan 24/7 for weeks on end.
That is the worst part of being an EMS wife. The shifts. Even when he is home we are so disconnected because we never see eachother, and because we are both working so much, we have nothing exciting to talk about. And then, if I have plans with friends and they happen to fall on a day when he is home, I cancel so that I can spend time with him...and then we just end up wasting the day. So when I really need a break from the home life, I cancel and then he goes to work, and I am stuck with Keenan alone for another X amt of days. It's so sporadic as well, somedays he is gone for a day, then 2 or 3, at the most 4 and then it starts over again.
And like I said we are not as close as we once were, he thinks alot of it comes from the fact that I am addicted to the computer, but that is not the case. I DO go on the computer after I put Keenan to bed as I had no time during the day to go on, and then I use the computer as an escape, to talk to friends or get caught up on workstuff. It's my release for the day. De-Stresses me.
And boy, sometimes do i need that!

Weaning

Keenan is 17 months old, (18months in 2 days), and I am getting an overwhelming pressure to wean. My hubby, my mom, my inlaws, my siblings, my non-ap friends. We talked about this at the last LLL meeting and the behaviour that everyone is uncomfortable is the "mom, booob" and the reaching into my shirt and "twiddling" (think of it like tuning a radio station).
I have real mixed feelings about this. Somedays, I want Keenan to nurse less as I am tired or busy cooking dinner and he wants to nurse all the time. But is he wanting to because I am so busy and he is trying to reconnect?
Other days, I think he is still a baby, not even two and nursing is so special between us. And I dont want it ever to stop.
And then I think, it will have to stop sometime, so I can have another baby.

Business

I started a Parent Education company and it launches on Saturday at the Natural Family Fair. I am so excited and scared $h!tless as well. I have so much to do and hardly any time to do it.
You should see the state of my house. Chris is at work (again) and it has all gone to h#ll in a handbasket. I am going to have to work my @$$ off before he gets back so that he doesnt complain about how I sit on my butt all day.
Which I really didnt do this time, as I have been super busy. But I dont think that my family realizes how serious I am about this business and how I really want it to take off.
I feel like I am being pulled in so many directions.
Finishing my practicum, doing business stuff, doing fair stuff, watching Keenan, cleaning house, going to the doctor for health concerns (lost 20lbs in 1month), and I am in two courses for general education. (homeopathic for kids and fertility awareness).
Needless to say my plate is overflowing. And I am up until 1am everynight finishing things and doing things on the computer that I wanted to do all day but couldnt because Keenan wants to play kneebouncers.com
And then I am up at least once to nurse and he is up for the day by 6:30 am. (Did I mention he doesnt go to sleep til 10pm?!? DAMN Daylight Savings)
I find that once you finally get them on a schedule, something happens and it all goes to $#!T!!!
(Can I swear enough on this post?)

Worst Halloween Ever.

I am a total Halloween nut, have been that way for years.
So I spent a ridiculous amount of money on Keenan's halloweem costume. The thing is that I had G and she was miserable, which made me miserable, which made Keenan miserable.
So we have decide to take a break, because G is not ready. It will suck as we need the money, but it is what is in everyones best interest. And, I wouldnt be much of an AP parent if I ignored everyones needs for the sake of monetary gain.
Anywho, because G cried so much K didnt have a nap and so he was comatose for the party. Like dead to the world toast. It was crazy. So I was a little disapointed.
But, that is what happens when you put so much stock in a holiday. My expectations were just way tooo high.

That mean mom

Okay, I might have been a bit of a "you know what" today.
Keenan and I walked 20mins to a park that is more toddler friendly, smaller equipment and lower slides. We stayed for quite a while. We were there later than ususal because he had gotten up so early so therefore had a way earlier nap. So mom's come to the park around 3:30pm, I know one of them and start talking. 2 other mom's show up.
It turns out that the elementary school bus drops kids off right next to this park, so the mom's get together and chat and wait for thier older kids to come off the bus.
So Keenan is playing happily with the younger kids.
Then the bus pulls up. 5 or 6 kids get off and come right to the park. They start throwing rocks and rough housing. They start to climb on equipment that is not meant to be climbed on. (oldest maybe 11yrs old). Anyway they are all modeling behaviour that I dont want Keenan to witness.
The mom's do nothing. They just keep talking. Chaos is alround Keenan and he is taking it all in in wide eyed wonder.
One child is throwing gravel in the air and it is hitting all of the children (he is around 7ish). The gravel hits Keenan, and I say to the boy, " We do not throw gravel at babies ". He looks at me like "WTF? Who are you to tell me anything?".
So I decide to remove Keenan from the situation.
I walk over to the mom's and say, " It was nice meeting you ladies, but I am going to have to take Keenan home as the older children are modeling bad, bad, bad dangerous behaviour that I don't want Keenan learning."
The mom I know says, " Oh, that's my son, sorry " I say, " It's all the older children, not just yours."
I was kind of irritated because it is a toddler park and those kids should have gone somewhere else.
What have I become, that mean mom?
My girlfriend with a 4yr old said that I can't shelter Keenan forever and he will witness worse stuff than climbing on eqipment and throwing gravel. I know, but I can lessen the impact, can't I?
Or am I just blowing it out of proportion?

Urgent Care?!?!

I sat for 5 1/2 hours today at the South Community Health Centre,
Urgent care Clinic. I use the word "urgent" fasciciously.
I decided to go there as Chris came home and did an assessment on me
and said that he would have spine boarded me in a second. So I went to
get Xrays.
The Dr. said that I may have cracked a vertibrea, but
because it was so localized they couldnt do anything, anyways.
So just ice it, take advil and rest. Don't do anything strenuous (like
pick up and carry a 20lbs 17month old? ).
So I have made an appointment with Chris' paramedic instuctor who
happens to be a chiropractor. The dr did say that I couldnt see a
chiro or physio or massage for two weeks. I have to let it heal.
Well, I am happy that it's not super serious. 5.5 hrs is a long time
to be in a waiting room.
On another note, 3 children with seal barking coughs came in, if the "majority" of
kids are vaccinated why was it so prevalent today?

OUCH

At around 10:30pm last night I fell down my stairs. I have no idea how I ended up doing it, as I was even wearing grippy socks. I was on the phone to Chris and he ironically was at work, and bam! down I went!
The edge of the stair hit the middle of my back hard enough that I actually winded myself. I thought I had really hurt myself, like hospital hurt. My sister was staying with me so she ran down the stairs to find me in the fetal position, not being able to talk.
She started talking to Chris who tried to get her to assess me while on the phone.
I was really happy that she was here, lucky. I was alos lucky that I can still move my legs, and did not paralize myself. What if I had, I wouldn't be the best mom I could be, but I would try.
I was really lucky that I had not fallen while holding Keenan. Super Lucky.
Hold on to your handrails.

First Day with G

Keenan's new girlfriend came today for the first full day of me watching her. It actually went really well. I was suprised. I thought that they would both be crying for the whole day.
Granted I am tired. Watching two kids under two is the hardest job I have ever had.
It went well though, really. G came in the morning, we had breaky. Then we had a meltdown, to the park we went.
I don't know what it is, but something about getting out of the house makes kids more manegable. Also it keeps your sanity. G almost feel asleep in the swing at the park so we came back home, much to K's dismay. Picture him crying pitifully, "vrooom, vroooom" I have no idea what car he is talking about, but apparently we were not going any where near it.
I brought the swing out of storage and put G in it. She fell asleep almost immideatley. No crying. Then K started rubbing his eyes. They both slept for over an hour.
The only issue I have with that is now it is almost 5 and K is wired. And he would regularly be napping, so no "me" time today, which sucks because I have been "on call" for almost 12hrs. K woke up super early today.
Otherwise the day was uneventful. It reallyu went well, and it will only get better as the two of them get used to eachother.

Expectaions and Shae

One of my best girlfriends is visiting form Nelson with her daughter Shae. We all went to the zoo. Just before we got there Shae got sick in the car. Oh what fun I get to look forward to. I felt sorry for her as she was so upset about it. No big deal to me...except my car stinks. Isn't that wahat Fabreez is for? (Any natural cleaners that do the same thing?)
She had never been to a zoo so it was great fun for her. We then came home to put Keenan down for his nap, and we went to the park. I pushed her on the swing (underduck) and she went flying off!! I felt soooo unbelievably bad. I am definately NOT a good pusher. (I forgot how little she is ...now I am swing shy.) They are here for a couple more days so hopefully I get to see them some more.
And how is Keenan?
For the last TWO nights Keenan has NOT nursed to sleep!!!!! (His
choice entirely). I lie there patiently waiting for him to latch on,
and he doesn't. Is this the milestone that he was working on?
As for bedtime (reading "no cry") , Ms. Pantly says
make sure that you are trying to fix a problem. After reading the
book, he really has no problems, it is my expectaions that are the
problem.
So now, I wait until he is really tired (happens to be 9:30pm and I
turn off the lights, he plays or talks, sings whatever and then he
passes out...in 30-45mins.

A poem

I wrote this a while ago while I was feeling sappy.

My Son for Keenan August 7, 2006

Everyday you are growing,
and yet you stay so small.
Sometimes I feel as though time and space,
mean nothing at all.
Everyday you are growing,
and yet a baby to me,
it's hard to believe that each day,
my love grows exponentially!
Everyday you are growing.
My love makes you grow strong,
one day I will wake up and you will be grown up and gone.
I am happy to see you grow up,
to witness it first hand.
But sometimes I wish you would slow down,
and help me saty on dryland.
Because everyday it feels as though I am lost at sea,
the world is moving so fast,
but luckily, your love grounds and comforts me.
Everyday you are growing
and one day it will be nice to see,
What type of kind man and father you will become,
because of me!

Breastfeeding Challenge Results!

http://www.babyfrie ndly.ca/challeng e/2006/site_ result.php

We came in first place! Well, first place in Alberta. We had so many moms and kids and dads and support people show up. Also, CTV and Global came and took video. I didn't make it on TV. Poopy. I even washed my hair, you know, just in case.
My good friend Lindsay did, as she was the "spokesperson." So proud of her!
Keenan and I participated in a wrap fashion show and had a blast. The *funniest* part about the entire event was that Keenan was nursing constantly in the morning before the challenge, because he had missed his morning nurse, but when it came time to "latch on" he just wasn't interested. So funny. He will nurse all day every day, but not when you want him to.
Too funny. My boy he certainly is developing his own ideas about things.

Sleep Please

So this morning I lost it. Last night was hellish getting Keenan to go to bed. I had so many other things that could have been getting done, but instead I was there nursing, nursing , nursing for over an hour. It wouldn't have been so bad if Chris wasn't passed out next to me.
He has sleep apnea, and doesnt get a whole lot of sleep because of his job, and I respect that. So I let him sleep. Whenever. But recently, with the whole Keenan sleeping issues I am starting to resent Chris for having the ability to sleep, whenever, where ever. It makes me so mad when I hear him snoring and I am up for yet another hour tending to his son.
So this morning I lost it. I had a heck of a time falling asleep last night. Since my schedule is so messed up from weeks of random sleep. I think I finally fell asleep around 1 - 1 :30am, and there was Keenan waking up to nurse at 6am, for a whole hour. Needless to say, he woke me up. So by 7:10am I was just fuming. That I hadn't gotten any sleep, that my hubby was sleeping through this, and that it was 7am and I was awake.
So I got out of bed and let Chris deal with it. Keenan cried and cried. I feel so guilty. But at the same time I feel like if something doesnt change I am going to be a very mean person.
Does this constitute Crying-it-out? Some people may say yes, and I think it is to an extent. But I also think that all the attachment parenting I have done up to this point will be devalued if I continue to feel resentment towards my son and hubby.
All I am asking for is a break. Maybe one night of uninterupted sleep? Or to be able to sleep in once a month? I don't think that it is too much to ask for Chris to put Keenan down once in a while. We are both his parents, we should have to share the easy stuff and the hard stuff, and maybe that way we will all get some sleep.

The Crib

"Well, How did it go" you may ask.
After almost a week of sidecaring the crib, I have to say "not too bad."
The first night I was a total wreak, I kept thinking, is he breathing? I can't even fathom what the mother's that let thier children "cry-it-out" are thinking/feeling. I don't even try to understand it.
Keenan now sleeps the first half of the night in his crib and the rest in my arms. It works great as we don't disturb him when we go to bed, and I can fall asleep without the little body kicking me, and then when I am super tired he comes in next to us and we all sleep peacefully.
Mind you he is nursing like crazy, that damn tooth just won't come through. But I know it's because of his poor teeth and he will soon be back on some resemblance of a schedule before his new girlfriend comes to stay with us for two days a week..we will call her G for privacy sake.
Since he is now in his crib we are moving the office into the Crib's old room and moving the change table into the old office. That way when I am working on the computer Keenan has more of a playroom to play in.
What is the point of having "keenan's room" if he never sleeps in it???
I honestly don't see him moving out of our room until the new baby comes, whenever that will be. (soon I hope)

Big Boy

*sigh*
The last couple nights have been really hard. I totally jinxed myself by telling people that Keenan is a good sleeper. He WAS a good sleeper. The last 4 nights he has been up all night crying and moving and just not falling asleep until 6am, making Chris and I ... well... angry. We tried everything; boobie, tylenol (teething), not feeing him too late (upset tummy), too early (hungry), short pj's(hot), long p.j's (cold), yesterday I was so mad that I wasn't getting my sleep. I was seething. But I kept it all in there and continued to work with Keenan. He finally feel asleep when Chris couldn't take it and moved off the bed.
Then it donned on us. He sleeps great UNTIL we get in the bed. Then he can't sleep.
Now you all know what an avid co-sleeper I am. Ever since day one he has been in in our bed. So today when we decided to sidecar the crib. I wept.
Not because I am sad. I am happy, I know he is growing up, and maybe sleeping with him is putting my needs first, not OURS.
I don't know if this will work. But he is in there. In the Crib that I thought would never see the light of day. Maybe it's time that he had his own bed.
As I write this I am still weaping. I love him so much, and I love to hold him and smell him and nurse him all night. But, he is not my little baby any more, he is alomost 1 and 1/2, and becoming more and more independent everyday. Becoming a strong, intellectual, stubborn, shy, caring, friendly, outgoing, playful little boy, who will always ALWAYS be welcome in my bed. If HE wants to.

Changing the way you AP

Chris and I were just talking about this exact topic tonight as Keenan is 16months and begining to show us his independence and frustrations (in the form of screaming and/or biting).
As I tried to put Keenan down for the 3rd time in 3 hours > 9pm, nurse 30mins give up, 10pm nurse 30 mins, give up, 11pm nurse 40mins (asleep!) I lost my temper with DH saying that I really needed a break and perhaps he should put Keenan down. He told me that I chose to be an Attachment Parent and that I had said that in order to be AP you have to sacrifice. And my form of sacrifice is nursing Keenan to sleep, it may take 10mins one day and 2hrs the next but I honestly have no idea what else to do.
Chris and I are not willing to let him "cry it out" even in loving arms, and so we have to nurse down.
But sometimes when he just won't go to sleep and I want to go do something else after a long day, it makes me want to scream! :P
But, I digress, I totally agree that AP'ing a baby is easy, babywear, breast/or bottle feed in love, be in tune with that child etc. But as a toddler or older, they say NO, they have thier own ideas...and you are tired, not sleep deprived newborn tired, tired as in "Please stop touching that for the millionth time, yes that is a dog outside, please please please go to sleep"
I just try to think in a positive light and that Keenan will only be young for a short time, and I really wouldn't change it for the world. My child is so loving and sensitive and empathetic, because I nurse and hug and listen to him even when I just want him to be sleeping!

Breastfeeding Challenge

Can I go a week without talking about Breastfeeding? Nope, I have to be totally obsessed! The Calgary Attachment Parenting Group is sponsoringing the first annual Brastfeeding Challenge at Eau Claire Market on Sapt 30. Registration is at 10:30am, latch on is at 11.
What exactly is a breastfeeding challenge, you may ask. Well, it's not nursing to see how fast one's child can eat, or seeing how far your milk can spray (picturing squimish guys), it's basically seeing the ratio of babies latched on at the challenge to Calgary's birthrate. The Challenge part is if we can beat the other cities participating in the challenge.
"you mean it's not just kooky people in Calgary?" No! The breastfeeding challenge is to celebrate world breastfeeding week, so city's across Canada and the Us are participating.
www.babyfriendly.com
I would like to voulenteer, but I am so busy. I know it's a cop out. I do help when asked though.

Dead Wasp

Poor Keenan!
As we were going for our walk today, keenan walks beside me picking up
rocks, he reached down to touch a spinkler and starts screaming.
I grab his hand and see a wasp attached to it. I shake his hand trying
to get the wasp off, it doesn't budge. Meanwhile Keenan is still
screaming. I flick the wasp off take the stinger out and run home.
I call my DH at work, not available, he is out on a call (EMS). So I
call heath link, the nurse tells me to ice the site. I look everywhere
for an ice pack, don't have one. She says how about a freezie? I have
one of those, Keenan is still screaming, as I am cutting the top off
the freezie I give Keenan the boob, he crys a little telling me that
it really hurts, I tell him it's okay and that mama will make it
better. He latchs on oand the nurse comments "frezzies everytime!" I
reply actually he doesn't like freezies, I am nursing him." She
replies "even better".
So I really didn't need any advice, when in doubt use the boob!
FYI he didn't want the freezie.

If I were a cat...

I would have one less life!!
Okay I just had to post this, so typically me!!
Chris is on tour right now so I am home sans DH, so I tend to get a little freaked out easier. All yesterday I thought I could smell plastic burning. So I unplugged everything and spent an hour in my kitchen "sniffing" around. (Keenan thought this was hilarious btw)
I couldn't seem to find the source so I just forgot about it. But before I went to be I double checked to make sure everything was unplugged and turned off.
Around 8 this morning, I roused and thought I could smell smoke, but I assured myself that everything was off and unplugged and really, if there was a fire I have smoke detectors, so I feel back to sleep.
I woke up around 10:30 to a roaring noise. Was it a plane? No. Sounds like water, high pressure water on the side of the house. What was it?
OMG it's high pressure water...firehoses?? OMG there must be a fire in one of the units, and we must have slept through the alarms, or the door bell, and no one knows we are in here!!
So I rushed to the window threw open the shutters, expecting firetrucks and engines and...
suprised two window washers, not expecting to see a woman throw open her window in her underware!!
LOL

Stop the insanity!!!

Sometimes I wonder. What are people thinking. Well as you can tell from the subject on my blog, it is really just me surfing the web finding articles that piss me off and then sharing them with all of you.
As a fan of Shalom in the Home on TLC I was suprised when I read the following article, where Rabbi Schmuli has issues with people breastfeeding to *GASP* 11 months old, whereas the womans breasts are "de-eroticized" and marrigaes suffer for it. http://www.beliefnet.com/story/194/story_19451_1.html
His solution, cover up. Even at home. Where do we live? Canada, America? And we liberated women can not even feed our children from our breasts because our hubby's will be less likely to have a stiffy?
Give me a break! A man should be so lucky to have a wife that cares about his child so much that she sacrifices her time and body for the betterment of her child.
Oh and men, while we are at it, make sure that you are present at the birth of your child, just don't look down. Because as you know the vagina was created soley for your pleasure and seeing your child emerge from there won't make you want to have sex with your wife.
Better yet, convince her to have a c-section!! Yea that's it, an elective c-section will make sure that she has trouble producing milk, so you can bottle feed and don't have to share *your* breasts with your child, and the baby doesn't even come through the vagina, so you won't EVER have to worry about throwing the proverbial hotdog down that hallway!
Thank you Rabbi Shumuli! I am so happy to finally understand what my purpose in life is, to be my husbands sexual plaything no better than an oversized eroticized blow up doll.

Back From Ontario

And we absolutley loved it. I a however still on Ont time so to me it is 1:44am. I am so tired.
I just wanted to give an update,
Keenan is walking all over the place. Still like a wobbly sailor but so cute and so mobile. He can disapear really quick, one moment he is here the next gone.
Most memorible thing that happened in Ontario.
We went on a 2hr boat ride to a place called Parry Sound and had lunch. Getting there was great, no real waves, smooth ride all the way there.
The way back, however, is a total different story.
Bounce, bounce, bow-bounce, bounce. The waves we hard and frequent. Keenan had missed his nap and the violent bouncing of the boat scared him. So what did he do (remeber he couldn't nurse because of the lifejacket)
He slept. The whole way.
I have no idea how a kid who does not nap anywhere but in his bed could sleep while bouncing like that. No rythm, irratic, hard bouncing. And he sleeps the whole way.
Unbelievable.
I am happy to be home though. Ahhh.

Going on Vaycay!!

As most of you know I am on my way to sunny old Ontario for the remainder of the summer. So no, you can't get a hold of me.
A whole 20days without the internet, how will I ever survive? As you can see it is now 11pm and my flight is in 6hours and I am not sleeping yet. Why? Because I am addicted to the net and I need to be in constant contact with everyone. No really, Im just tieing up loose ends.
An email here a counter there.
I am going to miss my hubby like crazy. And it's no fun that I will be with his whole family without him for 10days. I can't wait until we can be at the cottage together.
This will be the first and only time I ever go without him again.
Too stressfull.
So don't email me, and comments won't be posted. It's like I will have stepped into a black abyss.
But the jet boat will be fun!!
Vroom, vroom!!

The 100th Post!!

http://ikea.shoplocal.com/ikea/default.aspx?action=browsepageflash
&pretailerid=-98652&siteid=713&promotioncode=IKEA-060723&page
number=1&storeid=2499966

I was so excited to see the family bed normalized in Ikea's new catelogue. Go to the link above and click on page 205. How cool is that? Although I do realize that these children are older than toddlers and infants, the fact is that they are sleeping *with* their parents. What else eould you expect from a european company?

We are so backwards here in North America.

Speaking of which, no idea what to say about these, below

http://www.pregnancystore.com/zaky.htm

At first my gut reaction was "EWW" "GROSS" and "The next level of detachment parenting, maybe some of my friends could use these."
And then I saw that they are marketed for preemies. I am all up for anything helping little preemies along. But what about Kangaroo care? (When the parent/baby has skin to skin contact) The website says when baby's are unable to be touched. When would they be unable to be touched?
I think that if Keenan was in the NICU and was fading fast and they said that if I rouched him he may die, and he may die anyway, I think I would tell them to "go where the sun don't shine" and hold my baby boy.
I may be wrong, but I think that real touch is the most important thing for healing.

Check out the link and form your own opinion. If they are for babies who can't be touched, why can a peice of cloth still touch them? Isn't that "touching"?

Breastfeeding

I am starting to notice the stares. The "everyone is watching you feeling." Now that Keenan is over a year, the general consensus is that I should wean him. That he is too old to nurse, that it's just disgusting. I get it from a lot of people, close to my heart and those who are not.
The funny thing is that children are not weaned from the breast in 3rd world countries until they are closer to their 5th birthdays. Gross you may say. But normal to them. Most children do wean themselves from the breast earlier than that, around two, when they are too busy to come to mama for a snuggle and a nurse.
I was like that once; I naively believed that baby's are the only ones who should nurse, and that once they reached a certain age, walking, talking, and actively going for the breast, that it was in fact too long for them to be nursing in the first place.
And then, my views changed. I had a son. He is part of me and nursing is bonding for us. I had so many issues with nursing in the beginning. Hours of spilt tears and why can't I's, it looks so easy's, and I'm a failure's. But I persevered. I gave him supplements, I pumped, I took medications and herbal remedies that caused fevers, I did everything that it took in order to nurse with my son.
His latch was wrong. I didn't know, lack of understanding and education is what led me down that road. I had childbirth classes and my mother had breastfed every one of her children, but I thought, "How hard can it be?" and ignored everything I was being taught.
My nipples bled, nursing felt worse than labour. They told me, a little pain is normal. I just thought I was a wuss. When I finally found out it was a bad latch Keenan was 6 weeks old and my supply was in jeopardy. So we did everything possible to try and fix it and continue with nursing.
By 6 months he was on solids, and nursing slowed down. With all the pressure lifted, I gained a healthy supply. And I have a boy who loves to nurse. Not for nourishment per se, but for comfort and for compassion and for love.
I don't write this to say to the bottle feeders of the world that what they are doing is wrong, or that they aren’t as bonded, or don't love their children as much as I do mine. On the contrary, I have been there. I have given him formula, I cried so hard, afraid that he would never nurse again, and the overwhelming sense of failure. The people around me kept saying that it was no big deal, that he would thrive and that we would bond in other ways. And that is all true, but all I wanted was to nurse.
Now, because I have overcome all my nursing struggles and we have a healthy and happy nursing relationship, I feel angry when people pressure me to wean or to feel as if I am doing something wrong.
Don't look at me if it grosses you out. Don't look at me if you think he is too old. Don't look at me if you think I should cover myself up. But, most of all; Keep your comments to yourself.
I have worked too hard and too long to have someone make my son feel as though what he is doing is wrong.
He loves his mama, and his mama loves him and this is how we communicate our love for one another. It is how we check in at the beginning and end of the day. It is how we relax before a nap and after a bath.
It is a sacrifice and a gift that I give to my son everyday. Because I am his mom.

Check out the link below to see other mama's participating in this gift.
http://celebritybabies.typepad.com/photos/breastfeeding/index.html?

The Cat is Out of the Bag...

My cousin is pregnant! Her sister told my brother so that means that it doesn't have to be a secret anymore! I am so excited. When she told me I went on and on about midwives and why they are so much better than doctors, breastfeeding info, birthing info and on and on. I must have kept her on the phone for over an hour!
My family doesn't want me to jump the gun, they want me to relax and leave her alone. Which I am honestly trying to do. It's just that I am so excited. I also feel so passionately about birth and babies. And of course I think my way is the best way. Not that I would try and force her to be an attachment parent, I would just let her know that there are alternatives out there.
So much information. I just wish that someone had let me know about all this when Keenan was little, not that I didn't have a lot of info, but I would have like to have a Tummy Tub and a good sling. (I do still love the bjorn)
I wish I had read parenting books and gone to a couple Le Leche Leugue meeting before I had Keenan so I could have been more confident when I had my Breastfeeding issues and I could have fixed them sooner head on.
It is because of all my experiances that I want my cousin to be prepared and it takes more than 9mos to do it. That is why I talked her ear off and why I will continue to harass her all throughout her pregnancy.

A Product for Every Stage

http://www.walkingwings.com/
I was browsing the net as I do when I am procrastinating and I came upon the above site. These are a walking aid for your child. Instead of holding thier little hands and walking with them, you strap this contraption on and hold the "reins". Now, I don't want to say that this is a horrible invention, because I have not used it, but I will say, Are we that lazy as a society that we no longer stoop down to our child level to help them learn to walk? What is so hard about holding thier hands?
This is yet another peice of equipment that seperates us from our children.
I like to hold my sons hands while he teeters this way and that. It's fun, it's bonding time. I just think that more and more parents can't be bothered with holding on to thier children, car seats used as carring devices, strollers (the stroller is nesissary sometimes), bumbo seats, bouncy chairs, excersaucers, jolly jumpers, etc. etc.
Now I am not saying that you can't own any of these things to be a good parent, because I own quite a few of them, I am just saying use them in moderation and for goodness sakes "pick your child up once in a while!!"

Too Funny

My Hubby wants to get his motorcycle liscence. Which is fine, if it didn't cost $400. We just are not in the finacial wherewithall to blow money like that on a hobby he would only do for 3 months of the year. Or here in Calgary, maybe 2.
He said that he wanted to get his liscence with his partner at work and this guy Paul. I said no. He whined. I said no some more. Then I asked him if Paul and his partner had any kids to support, no. Did they have a wife to support, partner no, Paul yes. I then went on to tell my hubby that he partner and Paul probably are in a complete other income bracket than us and that they can afford to buy lessons and motorcycles and that one day soon we may be able to as well.
He agreeed that his partner and Paul were in different income brackets and yes they did have extra money lying around.
It then occured to me to ask who was this guy Paul he was talking about going with. He replied my partners brother-in-law.
I laughed so hard. This so called brother in law is Paul Brandt!!!
http://www.paulbrandt.com/
A top selling, multi platinum country recording artist, with like 3 houses! He is friends with Shania Twain for gosh sake! Different income bracket indeed.
So funny.

Boring Children?!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?
in_article_id=397672&in_page_id=1879&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=FEMAIL&ct=5

The above article just pissed me off.
One excerpt :
"Many of my friends — fortysomething, university-educated
professionals who swore that they would be normal parents — make it a
policy now that 'our kids go where we go'. They drag their
three-year-olds to dinner parties where the youngsters end up in front
of a video all night. (I have seen children having tantrums in front
of guests, and rather than send the children to their rooms, the
parents send their guests home.)"

I HATE women who have to have a checklist in thier lives. First
Graduate Highschool, check. College, check. Husband, Check. Career,
Check. House, Check. Children, well I can wait on that. And then when
they get the urge to "check" that off they are well into thier late
30's mid 40's and don't want to sacrifice anything for thier children.
I am NOT saying that if you are an older mom you automatically fall
into this category. I am just saying that most of the nonAP's moms I
have met are like this.

Second excerpt:
"And yet many women have spent years studying and then working so that
we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood. I
consider spending up to 30 hours a week sitting behind the wheel of a
4x4, dropping children off at play centres or school, to be a
less-than-satisfactory reward for all those years of sweat."

I take SUCH offense to this. All I wanted to do with my life was to
have children and to stay at home with them. I don't think that any
other job is as imporant than that. I find having children for me is a
calling. And yes, I can get bored, but you can get bored doing
anything. But I don't take that boredom out on Keenan. And I sure as
H-E-double hockey stick don't think that saying at home is menial.
Someone should take this poor kids away from her. Selfish you-know-what.

I agree that life needs to be balanced and that you have to do what
works for you and your family. But I also dont think that children are
accessories and to be ignored until the parents feel the need to
engage them. She justifies her actions by saying how independant and
creative her kids are, and that is fine, anything to make her feel
better, BUT when these kids are older and are messed up with thier
personal relationships and psychological well being, they have no one
to thank for that except thier mother. And when they put her in a home
to Rot, she won't beable to say"why dont my kids ever visit or take
care of me?" Because being with you is BORING and menial mom!"

The Lake

We went to the lake today with a friend who happens to live half a block away. It was fun, although I did get sunburned. I really need to buy some better sunscreen and a good hat. I just haven't been able to get around to doing that yet.
There were quite a few moms there and maybe 16 kids? Keenan had a blast although he wasn't so sure of what to do with the water. It kind of frightened him when it came up on the rocks. He liked to play in the sand and got it everywhere. Kind of gives me an idea of what I am in for in the future.
My sunshade is awsome! So glad that I bought it, I didn't really get to use it very much as I was constantly chasing after Keenan. Just wait until he walks!
On another note, my grandpa is home, no complications as of yet. So we will keep our fingers crossed. He should be fine.

Grandpa

My grandfather is in the hospital right now, he just got his kidney removed. A couple weeks ago he went in, in a lot of pain, and they found a lump on his kidney. I haven't really been telling alot of people because I don't really like to think that my grandparents are getting older. But they are. I am really lucky as the are still around and I am in my mid 20's. A couple of months ago (Nov) Chris' grandmother died after having a subderal hematoma (stroke), it just showed us that she was the first but definately not the last.
I am going in to the hospital tomorrow. I hate going, so unfriendly and sterile. But I have to go and show my grandfather that I love him and that I am there to support him and my grandmother. I just don't want to go. At all.
But I will.

Temper Temper

I have to admit it. I lost my cool with Keenan today.
It was one of those days when I am overtired (and my mind is on other
things ie)my grandpa in the hospital) and Keenan is more active than
usual, so today I am redirecting, then redirecting, then redirecting.
He broke a couple of things today, a corningware bowl and ramikin, and
I was calm and didnt make a fuss, just redirected him again. He is
over exploritory and trying to walk so he kept falling down and
hurting himself, I would pick him up soothe him and place him down again.
By 9pm, I was alittle tired of running after him all day, (and I am
not complaining, it is normal for a 14month old to explore) then we
started to nurse down...and the biting started. I think it was because
he was so overstimulated from the day. I took him off said no biting
in a serious calm voice and he laughed, repeated 2 times. Then I said
"ouch! that hurts mommy" repeated 3 times, then I pushed his head into
the breast while he was biting...this only made him bite harder. Then
I lost my cool. I took him of the breast, said "NO biting! No more
boobie" and placed him firmly on the ground. He was so shocked that he
started crying. (of course, I have never talked to him like that
before, and the fact that he was placed on the floor away from me).
I immidiately felt bad and tried to comfort him and apologize, and
that took a good 10mins (shows how much i hurt his feelings).
Then he nursed down and went to sleep.
I have never felt so bad, this innocent little boy crying because his mommy lost her temper.

Passing Judgement

I went to playgroup today, and I have to say that I didn't feel as welcomed as I had previously. I think today was one of those days when the more extreme "AP-ers" we there. The ones who don't even own a stroller and see the world as intrinsicly bad and need to be sheltered from anything considered "normal".
Don't get me wrong, I love attachment parenting, I just think that sometimes people grab onto a label and then everyone who doesn't exactly fit that label is not "in the group." I find it funny because alot of people say that they are AP and then when thier kids are older it all goes out the window, so maybe they shouldn't pass judgement so so qickly.
Where does this come from? Today I was explaining to a couple moms that Keenan had gone to the dentist, and that she had suggested to put his head inbetween my knees (When I am sitting) and have his legs over my thighs when I am brushing his teeth. So I can get a better view. And then I casually said "and when they get older you can sit on thier arms." And one of the women was shocked, she said "I would NEVER sit on my child" and I felt so put in my place and that now I wasn't as AP as her. Ridiculous! I didn't mean to sit on your child, but let me ask you, when this womans daughter doesnt want to brush her teeth or when she doesnt want medicine and she is throwing a fit and using her flailing arms to stop her mom from comming near her, what is the mom gonna do. You can bet she will sit on her arms.
Attachment parenting is child led parenting, but it is still parenting. And as a parent we have to do what is best for that child, and sometimes it means sitting on thier arms.

Passions, Days and General Hospital

My best friend really peeved me off the other day. We met up with her the other day and she was belly-aching about how hard she has to work, and how her company expects too much from her. Which is true, they do.
She then told Chris and I that "I would love to be a housewife like Alisha so I could stay at home all day and watch soaps."
I immidately said "You have no idea."
I understand that yes, while my son is having a nap, I do get sometime to myself. But I don't sit around all day and watch TV or eat BonBons. I clean, I do homework, I cook, and most of all I entertain a 14month old.
I am not mad at this friend for thinking this, she is the youngest in her family and she has no kids so she really doesn't have any idea. It just irritated me because she said it and Chris thought that it was funny that my bestfriend agrees with him (some of the time).
I think that I was mostly annoyed because she is a woman and I would expect her to have my back, as I would have hers.
We are just really different when it comes to parenting styles. The only good thing I can say is that I have a long memory! So when she calls me sleep deprived at 11am and asks me a parenting question I can say to her, "Why are you even having this problem, arn't you just watching your soaps all day?? Taking care of kids is EASY!"

Non-AP

I went to the McKenzie Towne playgroup today which is an offshoot of the AP group that I belong to. We had quite a good showing. 6 moms and 10 kids. It was in the Village of Prestwick where there is this big water fountain.
Another mom, who wasn't in the group came over and started talking to us. Which was great because it is always nice to network. We kept talking to eachother about AP and how great it is, and our personal experiences, and the new mom finally asked "What is AP?" We answered, cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing etc, and I said "following your child's cues." She then replied that she had breastfed her daughter for a really long time, and we asked how long, and she replied 1.5yrs. (Keenan is 1.3yrs). She also said that her daughter had self weaned and that she really didn't want to nurse anymore.
Right after she told us this (justifying why she wasnt extended breastfeeding) I started to nurse Keenan. Her 2 year old daughter came up to her and started asking for a nurse, she got so demanding that the mom felt uncomfortable and had to leave. So much for self weaning.
I just find it funny how non-AP parents feel like they have to make excuses for the way they parent. Like I care how you parent your child. It's you that has to deal with it.

Guilt is a mom's right!

Last week I posted about how great Keenan was when being looked after by another caregiver all day. I was so proud of myself and my parenting.
NOW, today is day 9 of Keenan being watched by my mom all day from 6am-6pm. And he is not adjusting well (an understatement). Keenan is usually a very "well behaved", "sensitive", "empathetic", "easygoing", "happy" little boy. These last couple of days however, he has been "angry", "agressive", having meltdowns and biting me (not while nursing).

What happened to my little boy? Is this just because there has been so much change? Is this his way of expessing his anger of not having me around? I only had to work/school for this one week and then I am back at home full time. Is it too late? How do I get my boy back? I
feel so guilty.
The only positive outcome of this experience is that Chris has seen the emotional change in Keenan and is concerned and not happy, and he has sauid that he liked it better when I was at home taking care of him, so now he doesnt want me to work full time out of the home. :)
A little victory on my part, but not worth the emotional upheaval for Keenan.

PS. Am I reading this right(acting out because of me not being
there)? or is this "normal" for a 14month to act this way??

Shantala

I have started taking the Shantala massage instuctor trainer course. I really enjoy it. It helps me to learn how touch can really be benificial for a baby's development, but I already knew that from school...this just re-iterates that fact.
It has been a rough week for Keenan though. Since Chris is at school my mom is watching Keenan everyday, because this is also the week that I said that I would cover for my old boss (pre Keenan). So I am either at work or school, everyday for 2 weeks. It's okay because my mom parents like I do and I trust her completely with my boy.
He does however have a nasty cough, but the doctor said that it is just viral. I think it is because I am not able to nurse as frequently as we would like as I am not there to nurse him. We still nurse when I get home and twice before bed, he did stop sleeping through the night to start getting his daily fill of nursies. Which is tiring when you are busy all day and just want to veg. But I am not complaining because I love that Keenan still nurses and I will not refuse him. Don't offer don't refuse.
My Shantala course is done this Sat so I will be studying for the final on the 23rd. It never ends with me, something is always on the go.

Happy Parenting

I just wanted to let you all know how pleased I am with myself this week.
Sometimes I question my parenting, while AP looks so good on paper and
the parenting books say that it is the best and your child will be
this that and this; Keenan is only one so it is hard to see that far
into the future. The things I question myself about are extended
breastfeeding, cosleeping and not vaxing > which is neither here nor
there. But these are also the things that people question me and tell
me thier own opinions and judge me harshly for.
Now for the reason for this post. As some of you know, I have been
pressured (for lack of a better word) to bring some income into my
household, so I decided to offer my services to my old boss if
she needed any reief work. She did so I agreed to go in for 1week and
a half full time.
I was afraid and worried about the effects on Keenan. Would he stop
nursing? Would he be mad at me? Would he de-attach from me?
My mom is the one who is watching him all week and she is very pro-AP
so I was satisfied with that.
The day that I was most worried about was Wed 5th. I worked all day,
so Keenan was with my mom and we had Phantom tickets that night, so my
friend (also pro-AP) watched him. He was asleep when we dropped him
off at my moms and asleep when we brought him home, we only
reconnected for a long nurse for 30mins and we had to leave for the show.
I was so worried, that he would be a nightmare for my friend, as his
world was flipped upside down and he hadn't really seen his parents
all day, so we rushed home right after the play.
As I walked in the door, I listened for screaming, and heard none.
Keenan was fast asleep. My friend said that he laughed himself to sleep.
That is why AP works. That is why I cosleep and nurse to sleep.
Because it helps to create a little boy who will laugh himself to
sleep because he is confident and independant and knows that mommy and
daddy love him and would never leave him or neglect him in any way. He
is securely attached.
Like I said before, I sometimes question if I am doing it right, and
on wednesday night I got my answer.

Crazy Week

This was definatly a crazy week! I had my final exam for a psychology course that I was taking and so I allowed my inlaws and my husband to walk in my shoes for a couple days. It was hard to let go but I think it all worked out great. I had tonnes of studying accomplished and keenan get bonding time with people other than me. This gets him ready for the week from hell when I have to go back to work for a week so that we dont starve! (jk)

But really it will be good to get paid for doing something, even if that something is as menial as answering phones and listening to old people complain about the gov't.

On another note, we bought an air conditioner...best purchase ever. But now when we have people over they will have to hang out in our bedroom.

A Fathers Nightmare

Too funny. And relevant to boot!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today? "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

What Goes Around...

Hopefully comes around!
I went to a talk on vaccinations last night and stupidly left my wallet in the car. (Chris took said car to school). I wanted to buy him a nice dinner and a card and such but only had enough money for a movie and a card. So I went to Blockbuster and they charged me 1.88 late charge so I was short money for the card. I went to the dollar store and asked this nice old lady to give me a dollar, I explianed to her that I had no cash and that it would be really helpful. Did she help me out? NO! She bitched me out for begging. It was only a dollar! I wasnt asking for a kidney! She made me feel so bad that I profusly apologized and left that part of the store. Then a mom who had overheard me asked if I needed more than a dollar and gave me a loonie. I was so moved that I started crying, telling her that it meant so much.
What I don't understand is how the old hag was so nasty. Do I look like a bum? I was in McKenzie Towne dollar store with my one year old, Yea that's right scamming old people out of 4 quarters!!!

An Experienced Perspective

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is "Beware of Baby Trainers", another is "Belief in Your Baby's Cries - Read and Respond to Your Baby's Cues". These are the two tenets that I should have trusted and listened to during the first month(s) of Keenan's life.
"Beware of Baby Trainers" means that alot of people will try and tell you the "best" way to take care of your baby. While everyone understands how overwhelmed a new mother can be, they sometimes don't understand the detrimental effects all of thier comments make on the new relationship between mother and infant. As a new mom it is sometimes hard to assert yourself and tell your close friends or family members to step off and let you parent the way that you see fit. If I could go back that is the one thing I would do, let everyone know that I was happy with my desicions and that if they wanted to parent a child that they should go and have thier own.
"Belief in Your Baby's Cries" means that only you know what your baby is trying to tell you when they have no other way to communicate other than crying. Keenan was a sucky baby. He liked to be held and I loved to hold him. If anything I wish that I had held and breastfed him more than I actually did. We live in a society where we are told to put the baby on a schedule of 3 hour feeding intervals and if they cry in between then they are manipulating you, this is so wrong. Some baby's like Keenan love to nurse. Not just for nutrition but for bonding and comfort.
So as I look back, of course it was "normal". It was normal for Keenan. He needed (and still does) to be close to me. If that means nursing on demand, co-sleeping and babywearing until he is secure enough to stop, then that is what I will do.
The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. If you feel that your baby is crying alot and you think that it is food related, get support. I did end up having nursing issues and it was because of the Le Leche Leauge and this online support group that our nursing issues were resolved. Talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling and that you need support from him and not advice. And lastly, when I posted this one of the responses was that of course it is normal for a one month old baby to cry all the time, because he is only one month old.

Older and Dumber?

I am super stupid. I went out for a girls night for my birthday last night and drank way too much! I now have a hangover on my 25th birthday. So much for older and wiser. What do I do now? How can I get rid of it? Stupid. I am a mom for gods sake. So irresponsible. I am so mad at myself. Stupid.

New Phone Service

After calling Lindsay and waking Neko up for the 10th time, I started
wishing for a phone service that would remedy this problem.
Picture it, your just about to put your baby/child down for a nap, you
go to the phone and dial *88(or something like that). When someone
calls you they get a message that says "I am sorry but the person you
are calling is unavailable at the moment, please call back later; if
this is an emergency please dial 1 and you will be connected." And
then if they really need to get a hold of you they still can, but most
people will just call back. Plus if you just pressed the number on one
phone it would work for all phones so you dont have to worry about
turning ringers down or off on all your different phones.
Of course this is just a pipe dream.
I would probably forget to turn it on and then off, when the babe woke
up!!!

Surviving Motherhood on TLC - Thumbs Down

I don't know why I am suprised. I just watch a couple episodes of the
new TLC show called surving motherhood. The premise is good, 5 moms
sit down and talk about the issues they are facing with thier
children. Each day a new mom and her story are featured and an expert
pipes in about what she can do to fix the situation. Of course she
gets advice from the other mothers as well.
Both of the episodes that I watched had mothers on there that I like
to say had children as an accessory and now the child is not "fitting
in" to what type of lifestyle the mother wants and that is the big
"problem" that is featured in the show.
Show one > Terrible Twos.
Baby girl is trying to learn independance and autonomy, and mother is
distressed because she isn't listening to her. The advice she got/ and
decided to use (from another mother) just pinch her under her jacket
so she knows you mean business.
Show two > Separation Anxiety
7 month old baby girl likes to be held. Mom wants some alone time and
wants to know how to put her down. This one had okay advice, although,
my advice would be to hold her or put her in a wrap for a little while
and maybe she would feel more secure and not want to be held all the
time. (JMO)
Mainstream televison is not AP friendly. Still I have no idea why I
was suprised.

Roseola and Balloons

So we went to the doctor and it turns out that Keenan had Roseola. Think of it as baby measels. The good news is that it looks worse than it really is. He has a rash all over his little body. Looks gross. But it is clearing up now so I can finally breathe easier. I was so relieved when the doctor said that you can't immunize against it. (because Keenan hasnt been immunized yet) I am planning on immunizations just not for a while, like when he is two. They say that is when the immunozations have the least amount of an effect on the immune system and the brain. (Negitive effects) I have quite a few friends whose kids arnt immunized. I dont really want to immunize, but I am so scared that he will catch something nasty and have the doctor tell me it's my fault or preventable. But I am afaid that something will happen to him if I do, at the same time. These are such big decisions because they will affect him his whole life. I wish I could go into the future and ask him what he wants.

New word, Bah-oons, sooo cute. He is so smart, and no i am not the least bit biased. He got a whole bunch of ballooons for his birthday party. And so many toys. I was hoping he would get clothes so i bought him toys too. Now we could open up a small toy store. But I am really grateful that people came. I love hosting partys. I crave social interaction. I get so bored sometimes just with Keenan. Dont get me wrong I love staying at home with him, sometimes I just wish someone would talk to me. I go to the park hoping some other mom will be there too, and that almost never happens. Hopefully in the summer. I wish I had a car!

Poor Sick Baby

My poor baby is sick. He has had a temperature of 38 - 40.3 degrees since Friday night. I have been medicating him with tylenol every 4 hrs, as instructed by my husband. He is so tired today, he has slept the whole day away. It was really hard to take care of him all by myself as Chris was working the whole weekend. I wish that he wasn't because he knows more about sick kids than I do with all his training. I trust his judgement more than mine. But we survived and that is the good part.

Happy Birthday Keenan!!!

My little baby turned one yesterday! I can't believe that he is growing up so fast! We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was fun, Keenan enjoyed it. We had cake (brownie) and Keenan had pasta bugs. He got some of his presents, books and stuffies and a truck to ride on. He seemed to enjoy them, but he does like the packaging better! I have beein feeling nostalgic for his little baby manurisms but feeling so happy that he is becomming a independant child.

The biggest lesson that I learned after having Keenan is to trust my gut instinct because it is almost always right!! I also learned to be more patient and to take things as they come one step at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff!

We are having everyone over for a birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) so Chris and I have been frantically cleaning and organizing. Our house is really starting to feel like home!

Internet Addictive?

Keenan just fell asleep. He hadn't had a nap all day. We went shopping so I was sure that he would fall asleep once I got him in the car. Nope. Just now he chooses to fall asleep. I am not mad that he is sleeping, it is just that I hopw that he is down for the night. I hope this isnt a nap and then he wakes up in an hour and wants to stay up til some ungodly hour. As he is sleeping I could be doing so much, cleaning the downstairs, doing the dishes, doing laundry, folding his clothes that are at the moment in his crib. I have a party on Saturday with 26 people comming. I have a lot to do! I could also be reading the last chapter of my textbook as my class is done june 30. But what am I doing instead? Writing in my Blog. And who reads this anyway??? Why do I feel compelled to write here? Addicted I tell you!!!

3 Days to Go!!

Keenan's birthday is in 3 days and I am so excited. I have so much to do and so much to buy!!! Better not spend too much money!

Teeth and Words

Keenan said his first word. Ready for it?? B-O-O-K!!!! Chris says that it doesnt count because he points to everything and says Book! According to my psychological research (school) babies have one word or an outlook on the world, a schema and then organize everything into that schema until they learn to differentiate. So he is right on track. Of course, because he is my son and perfect. (I am a mom I am allowed to say these things). It is so obvious that he would say the word Book as I am constantly reading to him. The only other word I would have expected is Boobie. But thankgoodness it was Book.

Another developmental milestone happened yesterday, his top right tooth popped out. I knew it was coming as he has been a little crabby as of late. So now right on time for the pictures at his first birthday he will have 3 little teeth smiling at us!!

One Week and the Zoo

I can't believe it is only one week until my baby boy is no longer a baby and becomes one year old! I have so much to plan for his birthday. Where to get the cake, where to get the platters, how much food to have, what drinks to serve and the most important one, WHAT am I going to buy Keenan??? I want to get him something special and memorable, but mom and other people say that he won't remember so I should save the memorable stuff for when he is older. Well I still have a couple days to decide. I will probably end up getting the cake from Lakeview because they do dairy free. And my MIL said she would purchase the decorations. And I will probably buy the platters from Costco.

On another note, I am meeting a mutual friend today for an outing at the zoo, but have no idea what she looks like!!! I am sure that I have met her before but I am not absoultly positive, so I hope that she recognizes me. The best part about this friend is that she is going to be a SAHM as well and she lives in the SW! How great is that. Now if I could only have access to a vehicle at all times! I will just have to keep working on Chris about that one!

BBQ and Huckleberry's Kids

Went to a friends BBQ yesterday and it was so much fun! Chris couldn't come as he was working, again, but it was fun anyway. Met new people which is always fun, and the beats part is that they were all my age. My girlfriend was so nice as she picked Keenan and I up just so we could go. We rosted hotdogs and marshmellows. I love marshmellows. I would like Chris and her husband to get along, but maybe they wont as is probably the case because if you really like someone, then your partner usually wont like thier partner. But here is to hoping. Keenan and I walked superfar today. Like a 2hr walk. We walked to this place called Huckleberry's Kids its a consingnment shop where outfits cost as cheap as one dollar. I told Chris that we should be shopping therte to save money, but I really like the look of new clothes. Hopefully we get a bunch for Keenan on his birthday. I just read an article about a mother who lost her son, 12 days after he was born. It makes me feel like all my drivel is pointless and I really am at a loss to say anything substantial. So I will just stop now for today. Here is the link to the article. http://www.literarymama.com/creativenonfiction/memoir/archives/000179.html

The Woes of Finances

Life is a struggle. With a new house and a newish baby things can get a little expensive. Especially when you don't bring in an income. I wish that they > the gov't would pay for stay at home moms. We are doing the community a tremendous service, shaping the minds of little citizens. I read somewhere that if a SAHM got paid for what she did, she would have an annual salary of 130K. Send some of that my way. It sucks that all the financial burden is on my husband. It sucks even more that he is working alot to support us. It sucks the most that most of that work takes him away for days on end. But I am at a complete loss for what I can do to help. I honestly don't think that we could afford to give Keenan the level of childcare that he deserves. I will not just put him in some cheap ass daycare and let them extingish the light out of my sons eyes and let him lose his trust and happiness. I am not saying that all day care is bad, and yes I am awrae that it is a nessisary evil, but I do know a couple people personally that I would NEVER leave Keenan with, and they both have Early Childhood Certificates. Also all the horror stories on the news about kids being forgotten or disiplined too harshly.

I just feel that it is my job to raise up my kid. I didnt have him so someone else would do it for me. And I am lucky that I am in the position that my husband agrees with me that I should stay home, it's just that I wish I could take some of the stress and the burden off of him. I try and think of get rich quick schemes and other ways to make money. Take online surveys make $1000's a week, but you have to pay $50 up front. Scam? I dont know. Selling tupperware, or other "party" moneymakers. But would that work? Who would take Keenan? I could work part time if Chris was availble to take care of Keenan, otherwise I would be working to pay for his daycare, or babysitter, or nanny.

I really feel at a loss. The people I talk to keep telling me to bring kids in, start a dayhome. That way I get paid for taking care of other peoples kids. It seems smart in the short term, but it would mean many a life change for Keenan and I. No more sleeping in, no alone time, and being responsible for other kids. We would need a schedule, thatis for sure. The only problem I see with this solution is, when am I going to finish my degree? Am I doomed not to finish it at all? I wanted to go back to school next fall, maybe have my mom look after Keenan for a couple hrs on Tues and Thurs. But then there is no down time.

I have no idea what to do. I just feel all this unspoken pressure to get a job to start contributing financially. It just sucks.

It's a Small Small World

I was walking home a couple days ago and saw as car slow down and park next to me. The driver didn't get out, he just unrolled the passenger window and let the car idling. So I looked in and it was this guy Gerorge from Highschool. I haven't seen him for about 5 yrs. I asked him how it was going and he let me know that things were great and that he was living in my neighbourhood. How crazy is that. Then a few days later as I was walking past the same place a guy came running out of one of the condos into a truck, and lo and behold, it was Jay an ex (if you would even call him that as the relationship was like what a week long :) ) and he was leaving his house. I said Hey but he didnt stop to chat as he was in a hurry. But I told my hubby that 2 people from my group of highschool friends live less than 5 blocks away from us. And then yesterday as I was walking home from Sobeys Chris stopped to get a coffee, and who should I run into? Another friend from highschool. She (Cathy) came out to see the baby and told me that she was having coffee, with another friend from H.S. Lindsey. So now I had seen 4 people in less than a week. The cool/funny thing that Cathy told me was that she was still in contact with Jay and he and his highschool sweetheart Joie are expecting thier first in June. That is so crazy! You know why? Because they are my age!!! Finally someone my age having a baby in McKenzie Towne. I am not sure if they would like to hook up with me though, because highschool was so long ago, and jay, joie and i were not like bestfriends at the end of it. But you never know, a familar face at the playgroups at the community center or at the LLL meeting. If I talk to Cathy again, which I should as I have her on my MSN contacts, I will ask her to tell Joie about the LLL meetings because they are so valuble.

It's funny how things like that happen all at once. The best part was seeing Cathy because we were such good friends and she is always so sincere. She saw me when I was pregnant and I was hoping that she would get to see the baby because she seemed so excited for me.

I know that Highschool was years ago, but sometimes it's nice to see what people are up to, what they have accomplished in life.

I just can't believe what a small world it is. Crazyness.

Pancakes and Playgroup

As I am housesitting today it just so happened that I had to get my lazy butt out of bed at the ungodly hour of 8am to take my sister to school. The worst part is that Keenan had to be woken up and now he will be grumpy all day. But, what can you do? Just need to suck it up. But now that we are awake in the morning Keenan needs sustinance. So pancakes it is. Of course the master pancake maker is at work so my brother and I are attempting. Not so bad a result. A little burned but that is how all the food I cook turns out.
"Stop setting a timer and walking away!"
I am a little bummed as I have access to a car and nowhere to go. My playgroup looks like it is officially over as the babes are all one next month. Well in less than 20days. We had a picnic last friday because it was a holiday and everyone showed up. We should have all said goodbye, because that is the way it looks to be. That sucks! I would really like some mommy company today as it is supposed to be 20degrees and I would love to go for a walk. Well maybe someone will call me or something.
But, I know that Keenans nap will get in the way today. So we will just have to see how it goes.

Eleven Months and The Zoo

I can't believe that my little bambino just turned eleven months old. I have officially sent out the invites for the birthday party. And if you didnt get one it is because I dont have enough space for everyone on my contact list. Or I have already talked to you and you can't come because you are working, either way sorry that everyone cant come! I have not decided on a theme and I am still not sure if I am going to bake the cake or not. But at least the invites are out. People will come. We are planning to have a big to do with the playgroup. A group birthday if you will, because all the babies will be turning one at around the same time. Maybe we will do a secret santa type thing. Or not as they will get quite a bit of stuff from thier respective families. We went to the zoo yesterday for the first time as a family. It was alot of fun and the right day to do it. We must have been thinking the same thing that all other parents in the city were thinking as the zoo was soooo packed. But it was still fun. Got to see the baby hippo and the gorrilas and two baby bear cubs. Keenan looked around and saw some of the animal from his vantage point in the stroller but I think that he just thought that we were going on a really long walk. I have not decided if I am going to break down and buy a annual pass..$45 each (adult) as that is a lot of money up front, but it pays for itself in 3 visits. Maybe after he turns a year old. We shall see.

The Park

We love the park! Keenan loves to swing whenever he can! He actually gets upset if I take him out of the swing before he is ready! It is so funny. And the park is only like 10 steps away from our front door. This is a great house.

Mornings and Playgroups

Today Sucks! Keenan woke me up at 7:30 this morning and would not go back to sleep. I dont thin that I fell asleep until after midnight last night, and now he is having a nap and I am wide awake, but grumpy and tired. He will probably have 2 naps today if I know him.

I was hoping to have the playgroup over today for tea and brownies but everyone cancelled on me! Not sure if it because they all are starting to work again, or that McKenzie Towne is just too far away. I am just bummed because I was looking forward to it as this week was a litlle lame. The worst part is that Chris has the day off but because I thought that I would be with my playgroup I told him to go and hang out with his dad, so now I am home alone. (with Keenan of course).

I know that playgroup is going to end. They all have to go back to work, and I cant spend all of my gas money driving to the other side of the city just for a walk. It's too expensive and we really don't have the budget for it. But I do like the time with other moms and babys. Its fun to see the babies interact and socialize with the other moms.

There is a new playgroup starting on Tuesdays with the AP parents in Deerrun. Not really keen on Deerrun (too much stuff from Highschool) but if I have to go I will. It's just with my old playgroup all the babies were the same age, and with this one they are all over the board. What can you do?

I will go and check this new one out on Tues, I just hate that initial meeting!

Andrew Lloyd Webber, My Hero

My in laws bought me tickets to Cats and The Phantom. Chris and I left Keenan for 7 whole hours while we went to dinner and then to Cats. Dinner was good, dinner is always good when I don't have to pay for it or cook it. And Cats was, well, Cats. I am so suprised that someone could come up with a whole play about Cats that lasts 2 whole hours! Songs and lyrics just about different cats. Sometimes I found myself falling asleep. But I am not sure if that is because the show was boring at points or because Chris got me up early because of the time change the night before.

The funnest part about our date with the in laws was the dressing up. I havent dressed up in almost 10 months. Dressed up means wearing a regular bra and not a nursing bra. I was so excited because I bought this special bra from Victorias Secret when I went to the States, and I finally got to wear it. But it worked a little too well because I thought that I havent changed at all since having Keenan and I found out the hard way that yes, I am a breastfeeding mother. While we were on the way to my moms my boobs were practically popping out of my dress, in a not so flattering way. So I borrowed a bigger dress at my moms (thank god we are close to the same size) and we went to the show. I was much more comfortable. I know, Too much information.

I was so suprised that Keenan did so well without me for the whole 7 hours. He did get fussy at the end but that is because it was WAY past his bedtime.

I am really greatfull to my inlaws for buying these tickets as we would never be able to afford them ourselves. Of course I would have begged my own parents if I didnt get them from the inlaws, but my parents arnt so much in to musicals. my mom maybe. I hope that one day we will be able to take Keenan and his siblings to plays and musicals, you know make them cultured. but not snobby. But, only time will tell.

I think we will have to learn how to budget first.

Extentions and Birthdays

Well I finally applied for my extention in my psych class. I was procrastinating applying for one because I was sure that I could finish it in the alloted time. And I am still sure that I could. It's the final exam that I am worried about. It is 65% of my final grade and all short answer. I am not really good at short answer and so far all the tests for this class have been open book. So I am really not prepared to write a exam in such a short time. I think I will finish this class by May.

Speaking of May, there is a certain special boy celebrating his first birthday on May 11th, and we are going to have one big party for him. I am not sure if I am going to order or bake a cake and I really have to get the house ready. Like finish unpacking already! I can't believe that Keenan is going to be one! It's so crazy! I never in my wildest dreams would have thought that our lives would be changed so much in just one year. We dont really need many toys for Keenan, well we dont really need anything for him.

Thats the problem with parties. People will think that I am only inviting them for the booty that they bring. But in actuality I dont care about getting gifts, I would rather not infact. Alot of friends bought us Christmas gifts this year when we were not in the financial situation to reciprocate. And it just makes me feel like a bad friend. So we really arnt wanting any house warming gifts or presents for mr.K and if people really want to then they could give us cash for Keenans RESP. Because tuition is supposed to be like $75,000 for a degree in 20yrs. AHHHHH

Meeting People and Dogs (rant)

We went out for dinner yesterday to Chris' friends house. And boy was it a nice house! The wife is a hygenist and she is the breadwinner (only one income) and that house was $450,000 and they are our age, with two kids! I have to say that I was a little jelous when I first walked in. But I also have to say that I am very contented in the lifestyle that I lead. And I enjoy being at home with my son. Her two kids couldn't say that mom was most focused on them because she was at work all the time providing for the family. And hey, it is whatever works for your family. I am sure Chris would like to be a stay at home dad as well. The thing is that I would have never gotten pregnant if I knew that I was unable to stay home. It just wouldnt have happened.

Chris is certainly getting on my case more and more. He really wants a dog or fish. What he really wants is to spend money on something that I will end up having to take care of. And no, I dont clean the litter of my cats because honestly, I forget it even exists, I am way too busy looking after Keenan to care about stinky cat litter. Here is the reasons I dont want a dog:

1) they smell. They have the worst breath ever and are always breathing on you.

2)they lick kids faces. Soooo gross. I cant stand this, I think any animal licking you is gross.

3)the whole walking thing. I can just see it now. we have our 2nd kid who has finally fallen asleep and I have to wake her/him up and get them all dressed in winters finest to take the dog out for a pee in minus 30 because we dont have a backyard and I am the only one home because Chris is on shift at Nakoda.

4)loss of Freedom. I have already lost most of my freedom from having Keenan, I dont need to lose more and not be able to spend the weekend at my moms when chris is out of town because I have to take the dog out for a walk...3 times a day.

5)barking. Irritation. oh the baby is asleep and someone just walked past our house? No keep barking kids dont need naps.

I think thats all. Chris says that I am selfish and that I always ruin his fun. So annoying.

Why would I take something on that would just make have to do more work? We alreasy have 2 cats, which can be really annoying at times and sometimes I wish that I had never gotten them. Not saying that I am not attached jus tsaying that the amount of work, feeding vacumming up tonnes of hair, can get tiresome and I really dont need it, especially if I am choosing to have 3 to 4 kids.

Getting off my soapbox now.