Skip the Babyshower! Have a Mother Blessing Instead!

When I was pregnant with my first child (almost 9 years ago) I was determined to check off every item that babycentre canada said that I needed as a first time mom. My husband and i were both students so we were not as flush as we would have hoped and so we thought a good way to get baby items was to throw a babyshower. It was a good time for sure. We played all of the party games and I got a ton of swag....which I barely even used.

The part about a babyshower that no one tells you is that you probably won't be using all of the "must haves" that the baby companies say that you need. In reality, you only need clothing and diapers. Other than that, everything else is completely personal. (We didn't even use our crib!)
So when baby number 2 and 3 came around I decided to go the more non-traditional route and have a Blessing Way.

A Mother Blessing or Blessingway is a tradition that is taken from many other traditions and then melded to make a beautiful ceremony that celebrates women and motherhood.
Traditionally it is comprised of a group of women that are mothers but who are also incredibly close to the mother who is being celebrated. The guest list is very intimate and extremely exclusive. If a woman invites you to her blessing way, she feels that you alone have a very special place in her heart, and it something to feel very honoured about. (you don't just invite everyone.)

There is no right way to plan a Blessingway, as every mothers needs are different, just as every woman is different. A mother blessing for a first time mom will look very different from that of a second time mom, or a mom who has/going to have a C-birth or a VBAC. If you are hosting the Blessingway for your friend/sister it is important to know this and plan accordingly.

I thought it might be nice if I explained how my own blessing ways typically go, so that you can get a better idea and start planning one for a close girlfriend, or get someone to throw one for you!

About a month before the event send out the invitations. In the invite let everyone know what a Blessingway is and ask them to bring a bead that will be strung on the birth mother's neck while in labour so that she can remember everyone who is there to support her during her birth. Ask them to come with a couple of blessings in mind, one for the mom about her birth, one for the baby, and one for the mom about how her life will change.

Also, ask the guests to bring a potluck item for everyone to share. After the ceremony, it's always nice to nosh together and just talk.

On the day of, if the mother wanted people to place their blessings inside her belly cast, then make sure that she has already made one a couple days before. If not, and she wants to do a belly cast, this can be a fun activity to do at the Blessing so make sure you have the items available.

Once all the guests arrive and are seated in a circle, go around the circle and have each woman introduce herself by her mothers lineage. For example, My name is Alisha, daughter of Ruth, Granddaughter of Audrey, and so on. At this point each woman lights a candle. These candles are to stay lit for the whole ceremony, and at the end each woman takes hers home to re-light when the mother goes into labour. It is also nice at this point to have each mom tell a funny story about the mom-to-be, or how they met, or why they feel their friendship is valuable etc. (The whole point is to make the mom feel supported).

Next, each woman goes around the circle and places a bead on a string, explaining why they chose that particular bead, and what significance it has to them or the new mom, while doing this they also state the wish that they have for the upcoming birth. For example, "I wish for your birth to be one of complete calmness and love. To birth with openness and strength." Once the necklace is done it is placed around the mothers neck.

Next, there is a little pampering where the mother can get her feet washed, hair brushed, nails painted, henna started (henna on the belly). Sometimes a crown of flowers will be placed on her head. Just to signify how beautiful she is; inside and out. Sometimes women bring items for a pampering basket for after the baby is born.

After the pampering is done, the attendants are asked to share their hopes and dreams for the child and mother. They can also be asked to write them down, as to keep a scrapbook if the mother so wished. For example, "My wish for your child is that they are happy and healthy. My wish for you is to have patience  and understand that the early years are so fleeting. Embrace your child with all the love you feel for them now, everyday."

When all of the blessings are over, get a ball of yarn and tie a couple loops around each woman's wrist. This signifies that all the women in the circle are connected and they are asked to wear that bracelet until the baby is born, so that each time they look down at their wrist they think of the special day, the mother, the child and all of the women who were in the room. (After the baby is born everyone can cut their bracelets off - but sometimes the new mom will wear it for 6 weeks post-partum or until it falls off to remind her of the support that is still there if she needs it.)

Lastly, the candles are blown out and all of the women move to the food table. Sharing stories of motherhood, life and support. Sometimes there is a sign-up list for each woman to bring a meal to the family when the child makes an appearance.

I hope that was informative for all of you, and I hope that maybe you will throw one of these, or go to one in the future. If you have any questions or comments please leave them below.

Hello Baby - A Book Review

With my fourth baby due in a month, the boys and I have been doing a lot of preparation for the upcoming birth. My oldest son really wants to be there and especially wants to cut the cord.
I am still on the fence about him being in the room, especially during transition, but I am open to exploring the options and will probably end up deciding the day of.

Since I am having a homebirth with midwives it will be easy for him to come in and out when he sees fit. I know that my labours are typically short and boring, as I tend to go inward...but the transition is pretty intense and I don't really want to be distracted or scare him because I get a little vocal. (read - swear like a trucker).

But, I also want to honour that he would like to be there, and I think normalizing birth for children is so important for when they are older. If they see birth as a normal, natural process, they will be less likely to be influenced by he media that tries to convince us that it is a medical condition that needs "fixing".

One of my most favourite ways to prepare my kids for my birth is by reading them the story Hello Baby by Jenny Overend. Hello Baby is a wonderful story about a mom with 3 kids who is having a homebirth with a midwife. She goes about her day while her husband and children set up for the birth and upcoming arrival of their new sibling. It is through the eyes of a 4 or 5 year old boy and is so beautifully illustrated that it really shows how calm and wonderful a birth can be.

I really recommend it for anyone who wants to normalize a vaginal birth, even if you would prefer to birth in hospital. The story has many questions that the boy asks that are exactly what any child expecting a new sibling would ask, and so easy for kids to understand.

Here is a link to get it on Amazon

My Top 10 Must-Haves for New Moms

Notice that I said my top 10, because every mom is different.
After having 3 kids and getting ready for baby #4 these are all the things that I found to be valuable.

1. Post-Partum After Care Kit 
There is a reason that this is number one. Sometimes we get so focused on having the baby, we forget that there is recovery after. The recovery is different for a C-birth or a Vaginal birth, but it does have some overlap.

For a Vaginal Birth 
Frozen Pads - these are a must. If you only do one thing, do this. Take some witch hazel or calendula and mix it with water and lavender essential oil and spray it onto extra large and absorbent sanitary napkins. Freeze them open faced and then put them away folded up. Every time you use the bathroom after birth grab one of these. The relief is just amazing.
Peri Bottle - Fill with warm water and spray it on your swollen bits while and after you go pee. Takes the sting away.
Witch Hazel - When you are past the frozen pad stage a spray bottle of witch hazel, lavender and water by the toilet will be a soothing comfort as you heal from your birth.
Arnica - Homeopathic for swelling and for after pains...of course you can use Tylenol or Advil if that is more your style.
Here is a kit that is already made to buy from Earth Mama Angel Baby.

For a C-Birth 
Comfortable Undies that do not sit on your incision.
Arnica and Tylenol for pain and swelling.
Slip on shoes.
Frozen Peas, or other cooling pads.
Stool Softeners.
A hairdryer to dry the incision site after a shower.

http://www.babybuddy.com

2. A Breastfeeding Pillow 
This is a must have for both breastfeeding and bottle feeding moms alike. A nice pillow is really helpful when sitting up (when you are weak) to start establishing breastfeeding, or when you want the baby close to you when feeding from the bottle. (you are still weak). Also for moms that have had a C-birth it helps that you don't have to bend to pick up your baby as they are elevated right in front of you.

3. Lanolin
This is for the breastfeeding mothers. This is for protection of your sensitive nipples. Apply after every feed.

4. GlamourMom Nursing Tanks

http://www.glamourmom.com

Again for the nursing mothers. I practically live in my glamourmoms all pregnancy and motherhood. I found that bras were constrictive and caused me blocked ducts, and so the glamourmoms provide just enough support - but can be really used and withstand all the spit up and abuse.

5. Bouncer
I really liked the bouncer for using when I was in the shower. Some women like to use the bumbo but bumbos are really not for newborns and my kids would star-fish out so bringing it in the shower is not something I feel comfortable with. Having the bouncer right outside the shower door was a nice compromise.

6. Stretchy Wrap or a Ring Sling 

Me 3 days after having my 3rd son.

I found that I didn't need these as much for my first child, but for my second and third there was not a day that went by that the baby wasn't in a carrier. A carrier allows you to eat with both hands and is so helpful in the bathroom...which is pretty much all you do for the first 4 weeks. Babies love to hear their mothers heartbeat so keeping them close allows them to sleep better and be comforted by you.

So cute!! 

7. Baby Nighties 

These are sometimes hard to find but worth it. When the baby is so new all those teeny snaps make for longer diaper changes that can potentially wake the baby up from their deep sleep. Using a baby nightie means quicker and easier diaper changes! I think that speaks for itself!

8. Freezer Full of Meals
There are two ways to get a freezer full of meals. Either you make them all ahead yourself while nesting...or have a babyshower or blessingway where everyone signs up to bring you one. Seriously, not having to think about dinner or snacks when you have a new baby at home is bliss. Just bliss.

9. A Tribe
Finding other parents that are of similar mindset to you is paramount. This is especially true once everyone goes back to their regular life and you are left at home with a newborn all by yourself. PPD is a real epidemic in our society and so finding people that you can relate to, bounce ideas off of, go to the park or a walk with is pretty important. The internet is a great start to find these people - but an "in real life" tribe is even better.

10. A Post Partum Doula/ Lactation Consultant/ Post Partum Support Group.
Professionals are always good to have in your back pocket. They can help us in places that our family, friends and/or tribe can't. They can see where we really need help, and if we are struggling. They can help us get back on our feet. I find them really invaluable!!

So, there you have it, my top 10 for new moms! Did I miss anything?? Leave suggestions in comments.

The Cat is Out of the Bag...

My cousin is pregnant! Her sister told my brother so that means that it doesn't have to be a secret anymore! I am so excited. When she told me I went on and on about midwives and why they are so much better than doctors, breastfeeding info, birthing info and on and on. I must have kept her on the phone for over an hour!
My family doesn't want me to jump the gun, they want me to relax and leave her alone. Which I am honestly trying to do. It's just that I am so excited. I also feel so passionately about birth and babies. And of course I think my way is the best way. Not that I would try and force her to be an attachment parent, I would just let her know that there are alternatives out there.
So much information. I just wish that someone had let me know about all this when Keenan was little, not that I didn't have a lot of info, but I would have like to have a Tummy Tub and a good sling. (I do still love the bjorn)
I wish I had read parenting books and gone to a couple Le Leche Leugue meeting before I had Keenan so I could have been more confident when I had my Breastfeeding issues and I could have fixed them sooner head on.
It is because of all my experiances that I want my cousin to be prepared and it takes more than 9mos to do it. That is why I talked her ear off and why I will continue to harass her all throughout her pregnancy.

Birthing From Within

We had our first childbirth education classes today. The are called Birthing From Within and take place at the Arbour Birth Center. Chris thinks that they are or may be a little to "frou frou" for him. Ie: granola. It was really interesting. We met some other couples going through the same thing that we are, so that was encouraging. Who knows? Maybe we just met some life long friends! :)