Skip the Babyshower! Have a Mother Blessing Instead!

When I was pregnant with my first child (almost 9 years ago) I was determined to check off every item that babycentre canada said that I needed as a first time mom. My husband and i were both students so we were not as flush as we would have hoped and so we thought a good way to get baby items was to throw a babyshower. It was a good time for sure. We played all of the party games and I got a ton of swag....which I barely even used.

The part about a babyshower that no one tells you is that you probably won't be using all of the "must haves" that the baby companies say that you need. In reality, you only need clothing and diapers. Other than that, everything else is completely personal. (We didn't even use our crib!)
So when baby number 2 and 3 came around I decided to go the more non-traditional route and have a Blessing Way.

A Mother Blessing or Blessingway is a tradition that is taken from many other traditions and then melded to make a beautiful ceremony that celebrates women and motherhood.
Traditionally it is comprised of a group of women that are mothers but who are also incredibly close to the mother who is being celebrated. The guest list is very intimate and extremely exclusive. If a woman invites you to her blessing way, she feels that you alone have a very special place in her heart, and it something to feel very honoured about. (you don't just invite everyone.)

There is no right way to plan a Blessingway, as every mothers needs are different, just as every woman is different. A mother blessing for a first time mom will look very different from that of a second time mom, or a mom who has/going to have a C-birth or a VBAC. If you are hosting the Blessingway for your friend/sister it is important to know this and plan accordingly.

I thought it might be nice if I explained how my own blessing ways typically go, so that you can get a better idea and start planning one for a close girlfriend, or get someone to throw one for you!

About a month before the event send out the invitations. In the invite let everyone know what a Blessingway is and ask them to bring a bead that will be strung on the birth mother's neck while in labour so that she can remember everyone who is there to support her during her birth. Ask them to come with a couple of blessings in mind, one for the mom about her birth, one for the baby, and one for the mom about how her life will change.

Also, ask the guests to bring a potluck item for everyone to share. After the ceremony, it's always nice to nosh together and just talk.

On the day of, if the mother wanted people to place their blessings inside her belly cast, then make sure that she has already made one a couple days before. If not, and she wants to do a belly cast, this can be a fun activity to do at the Blessing so make sure you have the items available.

Once all the guests arrive and are seated in a circle, go around the circle and have each woman introduce herself by her mothers lineage. For example, My name is Alisha, daughter of Ruth, Granddaughter of Audrey, and so on. At this point each woman lights a candle. These candles are to stay lit for the whole ceremony, and at the end each woman takes hers home to re-light when the mother goes into labour. It is also nice at this point to have each mom tell a funny story about the mom-to-be, or how they met, or why they feel their friendship is valuable etc. (The whole point is to make the mom feel supported).

Next, each woman goes around the circle and places a bead on a string, explaining why they chose that particular bead, and what significance it has to them or the new mom, while doing this they also state the wish that they have for the upcoming birth. For example, "I wish for your birth to be one of complete calmness and love. To birth with openness and strength." Once the necklace is done it is placed around the mothers neck.

Next, there is a little pampering where the mother can get her feet washed, hair brushed, nails painted, henna started (henna on the belly). Sometimes a crown of flowers will be placed on her head. Just to signify how beautiful she is; inside and out. Sometimes women bring items for a pampering basket for after the baby is born.

After the pampering is done, the attendants are asked to share their hopes and dreams for the child and mother. They can also be asked to write them down, as to keep a scrapbook if the mother so wished. For example, "My wish for your child is that they are happy and healthy. My wish for you is to have patience  and understand that the early years are so fleeting. Embrace your child with all the love you feel for them now, everyday."

When all of the blessings are over, get a ball of yarn and tie a couple loops around each woman's wrist. This signifies that all the women in the circle are connected and they are asked to wear that bracelet until the baby is born, so that each time they look down at their wrist they think of the special day, the mother, the child and all of the women who were in the room. (After the baby is born everyone can cut their bracelets off - but sometimes the new mom will wear it for 6 weeks post-partum or until it falls off to remind her of the support that is still there if she needs it.)

Lastly, the candles are blown out and all of the women move to the food table. Sharing stories of motherhood, life and support. Sometimes there is a sign-up list for each woman to bring a meal to the family when the child makes an appearance.

I hope that was informative for all of you, and I hope that maybe you will throw one of these, or go to one in the future. If you have any questions or comments please leave them below.

Hello Baby - A Book Review

With my fourth baby due in a month, the boys and I have been doing a lot of preparation for the upcoming birth. My oldest son really wants to be there and especially wants to cut the cord.
I am still on the fence about him being in the room, especially during transition, but I am open to exploring the options and will probably end up deciding the day of.

Since I am having a homebirth with midwives it will be easy for him to come in and out when he sees fit. I know that my labours are typically short and boring, as I tend to go inward...but the transition is pretty intense and I don't really want to be distracted or scare him because I get a little vocal. (read - swear like a trucker).

But, I also want to honour that he would like to be there, and I think normalizing birth for children is so important for when they are older. If they see birth as a normal, natural process, they will be less likely to be influenced by he media that tries to convince us that it is a medical condition that needs "fixing".

One of my most favourite ways to prepare my kids for my birth is by reading them the story Hello Baby by Jenny Overend. Hello Baby is a wonderful story about a mom with 3 kids who is having a homebirth with a midwife. She goes about her day while her husband and children set up for the birth and upcoming arrival of their new sibling. It is through the eyes of a 4 or 5 year old boy and is so beautifully illustrated that it really shows how calm and wonderful a birth can be.

I really recommend it for anyone who wants to normalize a vaginal birth, even if you would prefer to birth in hospital. The story has many questions that the boy asks that are exactly what any child expecting a new sibling would ask, and so easy for kids to understand.

Here is a link to get it on Amazon

An Apology and an Excuse - or an Excuse and an Apology.

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will have noticed that I have not put a post up since January.

If you are a long time reader of my blog - you will have noticed that I follow a pattern like this.

I made up this picture as a "surprise I am pregnant" for my blog and meant to post it again and again... However, I have had the most horrific morning sickness that I have ever had for any of my pregnancies - and for the most part (for the last 14 weeks) all that I have been able to do is scroll facebook on my smartphone.

So, yes, this is my excuse for neglecting you dear readers. I hope that you will forgive me.

I promise that I will get back on track in the next couple weeks!!

Letting Go

Letting Go 

The Birth of Ryan Christopher

I found out I was pregnant on the day of my son’s second birthday party. I mentioned to my best friend that I had been feeling sick. She told me to take a pregnancy test. I thought, “Why? I am still nursing, I don’t have a period…” 

The little blue lines staring up at me were a wake-up call. I called my midwife before I told my husband Chris. She calmed me down and told me they would take me on as a returning client. She said to relax and enjoy Keenan’s birthday party. 

I couldn’t really relax. I was buzzing. I had just agreed to take on a new business venture with my friend. I had no idea just how pregnant I was. She assured me that we would run the business, and it would work out great. 

Fast forward to my ultrasound two weeks later to figure out the due date, which I thought would be about eight months away. Turned out I was actually already close to 13 weeks pregnant. I had skipped the whole first trimester, without even knowing it. 

I had supreme mother guilt. Not only did I have a thyroid condition, a dairy allergy, and a tendency to stress myself out, I was also still nursing my two year old. I had just taken a holiday and drank copious amounts of alcohol (well maybe closer to three cosmos) and used the hot tub. 

I was devastated. I felt like a horrible mother. With my first son I had taken prenatal vitamins, done yoga, attended childbirth classes; the whole thing. For this pregnancy I missed the whole first trimester. 

I worried and worried. Luba, my new midwife, kept trying to reassure me. I did listen to her…somewhat. I just couldn’t help wondering if I would carry this baby to term. I would stay up all night sometimes wishing I had done better. 

I started pushing the idea of even having the baby out of my head. I knew I was pregnant, but convinced myself that I was not as pregnant as I actually was. I kept going. I weaned my son from my breast and my bed. I still worked as hard as ever on all other aspects of my life. 

I kept thinking, “This baby isn’t going to come until February!” My body kept giving me other signs.

I booked prenatal photographs for the morning of December 4, 2007. When I woke up I felt cramps and had a lot of Braxton Hicks. We headed over and did the shoot. A couple of times the photographer asked if I was okay because I seemed to grimace in a couple of the poses. I assured her it was fine and that it was just Braxton Hicks. 

Chris started timing them and found they were seven minutes apart, like clockwork. Our photographer said, “I think you may be in labour. You should call your midwife.” I brushed it off. It’s too early, I thought, “It’s just false labour.” 

We promised to call when I got home just to be on the safe side. I convinced Chris to stop at Babes In Arms before we went home because we were so close. My girlfriends own the store and they were both there when I walked in. I was busy chatting with them about baby carriers and prenatal pictures when I had to stop and breathe. They were both really concerned.

“Are you in labour?” my friend asked. I said, “No, I’m just having really consistent Braxton Hicks. “How consistent?” my other friend asked. “About six minutes apart.” They both yelled at me to go home and call my midwife, so I left to go home and told them I would let them know.

I still didn’t believe I was in labour. But we went home and Chris called the midwives anyway. I had a fast labour with my first, so the midwives, Luba and Maura, decided to come over to check on me right away. When they arrived, I was still having contractions every six minutes. The midwife checked me and I was about four centimeters dilated. 

So the waiting game began. I answered all my work emails letting people know I would be out of commission for a while, still not really cluing in that this baby was coming. We had lunch, dinner, and my mother and mother-in-law arrived. I put Keenan to bed. 

The midwives thought that maybe I would kick into high gear after he went to bed. I was still fighting it. Centimeter by centimeter my body was fighting against my mind. “I am not going to have this baby today! It’s too early. I am not ready.” 

The midwives stripped my membranes and broke my water, and still I made no real progress. I had tinctures and snacks and we were still stalled. Maura came up and told me, very matter of factly, that I WAS going to have this baby, and that it was only going to happen when I wanted it to. 

I asked her if I could have a nap for a while. She said yes, but after that we had to decide what we were going to do. I slept for about 40 minutes, with contractions coming every five or so. I woke up to Maura saying it was almost time. She said I was over seven and a half centimeters. She was going to go downstairs and get the rest of the team. It was past midnight.

Chris, my mom and I sat alone in the room. “I don’t want to do this again.” I cried. “It hurts.” Chris laughed, “Well, you can’t really go back now honey!”

My mom said, “It’s pain with purpose. Remember what it is at the end of this journey; a beautiful baby boy. Ryan is coming sweetie, he is coming.”

I cried, “I am not ready for him. I am scared. I don’t know how to be the mom of two. What if I suck?” My husband looked at me, “You are the best mom to Keenan, and you will be an awesome mom to Ryan. I love you.” 

I hugged him fiercely and gave in to my body. The contractions came on hard and fast; one after another and another. My mom scrambled to call the midwives in. My mother-in-law rushed in with them. 

After two more contractions I was pushing, and it took less than 15 minutes for Ryan to clear the birth canal, and for Maura to say, “There he is; grab on to your baby! Reach down and pull him out!” 

I grabbed hold of Ryan under his arms and pulled him onto my chest. I finally realized how much I wanted this little baby and just how perfect he was. Like the ever so patient little boy he has turned out to be, Ryan just had to wait a little while longer for me to figure it out. 

Soapbox

I am a born and bred Albertan. There is something about us that make us extremely loyal to the cities we call home.
I currently live in Calgary. And Calgary has a tendency to be the most loyal of all the cities in Alberta. Almost to a fanatical sense. Calgary Vs. Edmonton, Calgary Vs. Toronto, Calgary Vs. Vancouver etc.
We have quite a booming economy right now with a lot of new families coming to Calgary to live the "Alberta Advantage".
What gets me on my soapbox is the insentient whining that I have to hear over and over again about how great the city/province was where they came from and how backward Calgary is.
To me it's like, if you don't like something, change it.
No one twisted your arm to move to Calgary and if midwives are paid for in Ontario or BC, yes that is great that they are, BUT they are not covered in Alberta, and they won't be as we have a conservative government, so suck it up and move back to Ontario.
This may sound harsh, but I can't tell you how many times in the last week I have heard someone complain about this or that in Calgary. It's like biting the hand that feeds you. It just really irritates me.
And to top it off these people that complain the most about how horrible Calgary is will make all their money here and then move back to Ont or BC or wherever to retire.
I think I have a personal problem with this because I am from Calgary and I am really loyal, and although I don't like all the policies and procedures that happen here, I don't like hearing people bash my city.
I love Calgary!!!

Midwives

This has been a very busy weekend!! On Friday we had our prenatal appointment with our Midwives. This time it was Toby. We talked about my low lying placenta and if I should have another ultrasound. We decided to wait until the 32 week to decide as it is not threatening to me or the baby. We also talked about cord blood banking which we have to make a decision on in less than 2 weeks as you are only eligible until the 30th week. Seems expensive right now but can you put a price on your child's life?
All that is left in the nursery is decorating it!! Thats the funnest part! Im getting so excited!!!!