Just Gross.

I just had a quick story to share with all of you at the lowest point of this pregnancy and morning sickness..... So my elder son (4) went up the stairs to go pee. I heard flushing of the toilet, once and then twice. I then get a call, "Mom!!!! MOOOOOOOMMMMM!!! Ryan flushed my ambulance bed in the toilet!!" Ryan is 2 and has shown a keen interest in potty learning. I RUN up the stairs...light headed from the run I ask keenan, "What???? what happend??" Keenan replies, "Ryan flushed my ambulance bed down the toilet" he starts crying, "I want it back....wail." I look at ryan. Who has the same smirk that belongs to my husband and my brothers when something is wrong....I ask him, "Ry, did you flush a toy down the toilet?" He nods. I sigh. I look at the toilet. It's filled with pee. (at least its in the toilet and not on the floor). I look around the toilet and surrounding area for a little ambulance strecher that is no bigger than a fork and no wider than a credit card....no such luck..... I curse to myself (in my head) and yell at my children to give me some room. I thrust my hand into the pee water to feel if there is a toy wedged in the elbow of the toilet...there is. I cry to myself, and try to un-wedge it, thanking god for small bones. I wriggle it, gagging on the pee smell, and finally get it free...sludge comes to the surface with it....(today is bathroom day incidentally). As I try not to gag, I take the toy to the sink, flush the toilet, and wash my hands....and keenan's hands, and ryan's hands....and then put a new rule in effect... The door to the bathroom is to stay shut at ALL times.

Pregnant Again.

Yep, thats right.

Pregnant AGAIN....lol. It's kind of funny how when someone adds a second child everyone is excited and thinks its great that the first child wont be an "only" but when you add a 3rd....well then you are just crazy. I think having ANY children is crazy, but having more than one is just certifiable.

I am grouchy, and grumpy and overworked. Yes, I have 2 boys already that were making me nuts. And morning sickness, oh morning sickness, or in my case "all fricken day sickness" sucks. Period. I feel like crap, and look like crap, and completely lack the motivation to do anything that is work related, or school related.

They say, "this too shall pass..."

Not soon enough I am afraid.

Interesting thought for the day.

Discipline problems are greatly reduced when transitions are planned properly. And children's well-being is promoted when they feel that they have some control over what they are doing and when they are doing it, rather than being "herded" or moved from activity to activity in a rushed and thoughtless way.

The right to bring kids.

I have kids, yes I do. Two of them in fact. Excitable, active, inquisitive children. One toddler, and one preschooler.

I have been noticing of late that we (my family and I) seem to be getting the shaft when it comes to family get togethers when the occur *outside* the home. It seems as though while the grandparents love and cherish their grandchildren they do not want to see them in public. Which some would say is understandable.

While I do agree that there are certain things that children should not be invited to as a wedding, a funeral and the like, a family dinner, a graduation dinner, a birthday dinner are all things that they SHOULD.

Now, it could just be that I feel like this because I feel not being invited to said events is like discrimination. Discrimination for having children. Like Joey's Tomatoes who just dont have a kids menu, and good luck finding a high chair.

So maybe it is because the grandparents dont want to eat at Boston Pizza, that could be a reasonable explanation. I would take that explanation. I would understand that eating out with small children can be annoying. I get it.

However, to invite the other siblings, the ones that *dont* have children, or *choose* not to, is in my opinion just mean.

That is where the discrimination comes in.

If we were invited we would decline to go to fancy restaurants or try and get a sitter.

But we would need the invite first.

Hitting as Love

I met a women who also had two boys today. She really spoke to me in such a way that I felt we really connected on a personal level. I was explaining to her how I would become frustrated that my boys were hitting eachother so much and that I had hoped that they would show love and compassion to one another as I did not condone violence in my home.

She laughed and said, that men can not show compassion towards eachother. They can not show love. Well, not in the way that a woman shows love and compassion. If they did, they would then be ridiculed.

As she explained this to me, I started to cry. It was as if she had explained the bottom line fundamentals of boys and men. That they DO love and they DO feel compassion they just express it by hitting, and wrestling and the like.

She went on to say that little boys have a very different relationship with their brothers and their dads and fighting, or rough housing is a way that they express that they are feeling safe with that person. Safe enough to feel vulnerable enough to say, hey we can play at something that can really hurt, and I trust you not to hurt me, because I love you.

This explanation was pure perfection to me, and really made me look at my sons and the relationship that they have with eachother, with their dad and with me.

Boys are expected from a very young age to "man up" to "stop being a sissy" to "stop crying like a girl" and once we place all these restrictions on them they then have to find other acceptable ways to express their feelings. (unless of course they are in sports where bum tapping is okay, or crying after winning a big game.)

This mom really changed my viewpoint about fighting today, and I dont think she will ever know how truly grateful I am.

A new way of looking at things.....

So it is no surprise that I subscribe to the "attachment parenting" philosophy. I breastfed (eed), co-sleep (slept), baby wear (wore) both of my children. I have read Alfie Kohn, Elaine Faber, Gordon Neufield and the like. (Dr. Sears as well). But, I have always felt that there is/was no need for this label.

This "AP" label. It just makes women crazy. That we have to do X and X and X to prove to someone, anyone (ourselves?) that AP is the only way that you can possibly "do right" by a child. I am one of those who fell for that way of thinking hard. 4 hard years ago in fact. I never let my child Cry-it-out. I never once belittled him, ignored him and the like....well, who exactly am I trying to kid?

I am a human first, a woman second and a mom 3rd. Of course I have screwed up. I have not left him to cry, that is right, but he has screamed in my arms. I have ignored him, I have yelled, lost my temper and all the others, I havent smacked him....but who exactly am I qualifying to?

Do you, dear reader, really truly care if I screw up my kid? Isnt that my right as a parent?

So back to the whole AP point that I was trying to make and then got distracted.

I have friends that CIO. And I see their kids, they are just as grouchy as mine, as disrespectful as mine can be, and as loud and obnoxious too...maybe that is just "preschooler". These women are not evil. They are doing the best that they can do, with the knowledge that they have, and who is anyone to judge them. Me? Do I have that right? You? How would I feel if someone judged me? Thought I was the worst parent in the world because I cant keep my boys clean.

I change them over 5 times a day...clothes that is.... doesnt matter, as soon as I put it on its on the floor covered in paint, dirt, snot or other things too gross to mention.

Why am I all riled up? I have been reading my parenting forum and the newbie moms, you know the one's with *one* kid who is less than 2. The ones whose children cant walk let alone backtalk...they just judge so harshly. And it burns me up, because I was like that too. SO judgmental. They just dont understand that by saying "I am so glad that I AP" means that they are building a gap between moms that just need a little support, some guidance, some help. The energy could be so much better spent. Instead of an US vs. Them mentality. Of course I dont have a leg to stand on as I also hold grudges forever.....

One last point on AP and this is the big one, the reason for this post. I actually dont think we AP our kids...I think we AP ourselves. Our children will all react the same way no matter how we raise them, it is how we react that matters.

Other People's Kids

I do love children for the most part. My own children drive me a little crazy now and again. I think compared to most of my friends I am a bit more strict than they are, and I never noticed this until I started hanging out with them more when their children were around.

I posted about discipline (the way other people discipline) a while back and how it didnt actually affect me, how I parent or how it doesnt affect my own children. I have come to the realization that perhaps I was wrong on that assumption.

I was right to say that in the moment a way that a person decides to discipline their own child, or not discipline does not affect any of the above, however, how that child then acts towards *other* authority figures and children in general does affect all of the above.

Dont get me wrong, I do love my friends kids.. I am just starting to notice that some of them (mainly the girls) do not treat my sons so well. They can play nicely for hours but then can turn on a dime, uttering hurtful things and a whole bunch of sassyness.

I honestly try to respect my friends and their parenting style, and for the most part my closest friends and I follow the same style...the difference comes in expectations. Some parents have different expectations for other children. And that is not a bad thing, if we all had the same expectations the world would be quite boring and we wouldnt be able to learn from eachother.

That is where I am a little more strict or harsh, I guess. I expect K to fall in line after he has been given 3 warnings. If he does not comply we leave. Immediately.

He doesnt have a chance to rectify his behaviour. I feel he is given ample warnings and ample time to fix what he is doing.

On the subject of other children....I am not sure how to handle them.

For the most part I am hands off when it comes to my friends children, but there have been more and more times when I have been in a situation where these children disrespect me, or my authority or disrespect my children. The problem with children is that for them to learn something it has to be immediate. But going to find the mom to deal with the situation makes the learning opportunity disappear. And then I wonder, what should I do?

Talk to the child directly? Treat them as I would my own? Some of my friends use gentle discipline, and so talking would be preferable, however, some of these children do not practice "gentle discipline" themselves and just get saucy and rude.

I can usually let it slide off my back, but as keenan gets older and these girls get cattier, it will take all my strength not to say something to them directly. But the question remains, should I?

Is it in my right to correct a girl when my son's feelings are hurt? Would the same happen to him if he was the one hurting feelings? I would hope so.

I just feel like K is a very sensitive boy and the older we get the more comments he receives from girls. It's not that these girls are picking this up from anyone in particular, or that their parents are to blame...that is not the case at all.

Girls get this mentality where they get catty. Bottom line. They form cliques and groups and clubs. People are denied entrance to one and allowed entrance to another, solely based on membership. (this happens in the adult world as well)

So what is a mom to do?

Berry Picking

As an aside from the cottage for the time being.....

We went berry picking at a friends farm today. It was so great to be out in nature in this beautiful weather, it made me feel like maybe we are getting a summer after all.

She has two massive gardens and we went to pick raspberries....I can actually attest, being a city girl and all, that I had no idea that is how raspberries look on a bush. No wonder they are so fricken expensive if someone has to actually pick all of those and put them into little containers before sending them to the store....incredible.

K was happy as a clam to run around and pick as many as he could stuff in his mouth with R close behind.

They were occupied for hours.....says something, doesnt it?

Holiday - The Begining

Well, that was interesting.
I am going to try and blog about my visit to the cottage this year, but as I was without a computer for two weeks I have an abundance of topics to discuss.
I thought, perhaps that I would start from the beginning as it happened in a typical fashion for our family.
I stayed up late the night before to pack much to my hubby's dismay. I came to bed at around midnight. I made sure to set my alarm for 5am since the flight left at 8am and I had two kids to dress etc. Hubby set his alarm as well.
Can you believe that neither of them went off? Not one.
No idea why mine didnt, but hubby's battery died.
So we woke up at 6:30am, just by fluke. We panicked.
We threw stuff in suitcases, took sleeping children and RAN to the truck.
We left our house at 7am. We made it to the airport at 7:30am. As our flight was boarding, and ran to check our bags. (thank goodness for online checkin)
We actually made our flight with minutes to spare.
The funny part was that the next day after hubby charged his phone it went off at 5am (so 3am ont time)...and when we got home my alarm went off at 5 am as well.
Sheesh.

Pit To Distress

I don't write a lot about birth on my blog because this blog is more for personal ramblings and I ramble enough to keep it full already. Having said that, being next in line to become the President of a Birth Advocacy group, means that perhaps the blog will start to have more tidbits of Birth Culture thrown in from time to time.
I just read a blog post here and here and have to say that I am floored. Not so floored that I am actually surprised, but floored that doctors can be so damn selfish.
No Hippocratic oath needed. Just numbers, times, procedures.
No accountability for the mothers well being, physically or mentally. Not to mention how the babies will recover as well.
Now, I have to say that I understand that there is a need for C-Births. My own husband was a frank breech and they went for the section. I am positive that it did in fact save his life. However, 30 years ago they were not even close to as common as they are today, and I am not thinking that the physiology of women has changed exponentially in one generation.
The bottom line is that society says that we can't do it, we cant naturally birth our babies...well not without an epidural anyway, and for that matter, we can't breastfeed either, but formula is a great alternative.
This is WRONG.
We CAN and all we need is the support. Support of our friends, support from our spouse, support from our community, or caregivers etc.
When a women goes into labour I want her to have all of the information that she possibly can so that when the doctors come to say, "we are just going to give you some pitocin" She can know before hand what the maximum dose is for her body and will be able to cut them off if they tried to "pit to distress" her baby.
And by the off chance that she does end up having a c-birth she is *proud* of the fact that she has done everything she can and that her baby comes into the world without distress.
No regrets, no questions, just reassurance, and support.

Boys and Dolls,

It's no secret that I am more of a "genderized" mom. This means that I don't like it when my boys wear panties, dresses, high heels are okay for dress up...I have never bought them a barbie. On the other hand I am not into war toys and dont like fighting games.
I do have dolls for my boys though. This may make me a hypocrite in some peoples eyes, but I really feel like having a doll allows them to show their sensitive side and then can also mimic parenting.
My boys love to cuddle, hug, and kiss their babies. They fight over them and take them everywhere.
It's actually funny to me that out of ALL of the toys that they have they would become so connected to dolls.
This does of course make me nervous for when they are older, as they become more "genderized" then they already are and some other, older boy(s) say, "boys dont play with dolls"
I hope that I can make my boys feel confident enough that it wont phase them....their mom on the other hand......

Xavier Rudd

I went to the Xavier Rudd concert last night. It had to be the weirdest experience that I have had in a while.
First let me preface by saying that Xavier Rudd is got to be my favourite artist. His music speaks to me rhythmically and lyrically. He sings about social change, the environment, and the like. As I become more and more of a hippie in my old age, I really feel connected to what he is saying and most if not all of his shows change me that little. People love, sing, smile, sway and dance to him. It is truly a movement.
Last nights show however, was the oddest Xavier concert I had been to. For one, it was a packed house at the Jubilee (which is more of a formal concert place) and the majority of people did not look like stoners or hippies (who usually come to his shows).
I was excited, I thought it was great that he was reaching a higher audience...until...we sat next to these two bimbos who were drinking vodka out of pepsi bottles, talking and texting while the show was going on, and generally being disrespectful...did i mention that they got up and left the show 3 different times....second, no one stood up to dance, or sing unless Xavier asked (which he had to do twice).
No Dancing. It was crazy.
The whole purpose of a Xavier show is to dance.
I was trying to figure out WHY it was such a wierd vibe.
The venue...way too formal, too comfortable chairs??
The Crowd...too mainstream? No one knew him? Too corporate? Inner City Jackasses? Stampede?
Maybe the just didnt get the message?
I just find it so wierd, and cant get it.....
I have posted a Xavier song here, just so you can see what I mean about the message...

Canada Day

We had a great day at Canada Day celebrations yesterday. It is so fun to teach the boys new things. Keenan had never really heard the national anthem and Ryan thought that all of the festivities were wonderful.
We did have some junk food, but mini donuts are hard to resist. (I resisted...)
We actually bumped into an old roomate who has a band now that is actually quite successful. It was kinda funny to see him as we sometimes wish we could be like him, and he seemed totally blown away that we had children. (he knew that we did but had never met them). It was especially funny that both K and R loved to rock out to his music.
Seeing him again did make C feel a little sorry for himself, because he really misses the fact that he doesnt play music as much as he could.
I think he should just sign up to a market collective or something.....

Standing your Ground

As soon as you announce that you are expecting the advice starts. Everyone wants to tell you what to expect for your pregnancy, your birth and parenting in general. At first you may welcome the comments because you would like to learn as much as you can.

As the weeks go by, you start to form a construct of who you will be as a mother. You will take some advice while completely disregarding other advice that does not fit in with your birth plan or parenting style. Some people have no issue telling others that they disagree, but many new mothers feel that they must listen. They may believe that what they are hearing is true because they have no experience of their own to reference. I am here to tell you that you are the best parenting expert there is regarding your child.

At some point you will encounter people whose positions on birth and parenting you do not agree with. It can happen in a prenatal or playgroup class, or with close family and friends. While you have no obligation to listen to what the people in these classes say, it can be more difficult when the contrary advice comes from your inner circle. It may feel more personal and that makes it more difficult to brush the comments aside.

When facing disagreements, it is always good to be as informed as possible. Information is the first tool we can use to diffuse a disagreement. It makes it easier to explain why you are following the path less traveled. Know your position and the facts around it and you will feel more confident with your choice.

For our parents, it was normal to give a baby a bottle filled with pabulum at bedtime, and put them on their tummies to sleep. It was the best information parents had at the time. We would not do that with our children now. The pediatric advice has changed in 30 years because we know more. So although Grandma may think that they old way is the proven way, we can show her and others that recommendations are not the same now and we can tell them why.

Moms do not need to be defensive or disagreeable. By showing the information in black and white you can get others on board. There are lots of resources in the community for new moms including naturopaths, midwives, and doctors who can all help when talking about food or sleep related issues. There are also parenting books on every topic available at the library. If you are close enough, you can suggest a book to the other person so you can discuss the issue once they have read about it.

The most important thing for a new mom is to find support. Seek out likeminded people who believe in the same ideas that you do. Just having a support network of other moms will do wonders for your own personal convictions. You can find a variety of parenting groups through the Birth Unlimited resource guide or on the Internet. Get out of the house and meet people. You may think that you are the only one who believes in your choices, like vaginal water birth at home with midwives, but that is not the case. There are many, many moms and dads that believe the same things you do. You just have to find them.

Finding your support network will be the first step in to being more confident in your choices. Educating yourself will be the second. If you are confident in the choices that you are making, then people will be less likely to challenge you on them. Have a united front with your partner and keep your cool. Recognize that not all things are or have to be open for discussion. You can tell your friends and family to respect your decisions and that you will not discuss it anymore. Be strong and use your support network to build your confidence.

Remember, your birth and parenting choices primarily affect your immediate family unit. It is not your mother or your mother in law who will be woken up in the middle of the night. It is you. So make decisions that work for your family. Doing what is in your heart as best for your family is all you can do.

You are human and your positions may change as you encounter life changes. The key is to believe in what you are doing and be informed. Never feel guilty for doing your best. Do not stress over every comment sent your way. Your children will love you because you love them. And really isn’t that all that matters in the end?

**originally published in Birthing Magazine Summer 2009

Thoughts

I was talking to a couple good friends about the previous post. I have gone through many different thoughts on how to deal with it. I guess it comes down to three.
1. Get over it. (which I am inclined to do.) Just ignore the drama and get on with my life.
2. Blast it all over, (which I am not interested in doing), this just makes her feel like she has power because she has made me mad.
3. Call her on it. (hmmm.) This may actually be an idea. Actually ask her what the problem is, so that we can move on.
That might be a good idea...it wouldnt be a bad thing to get over it. :)
But then, this shows her that I actually care and I really dont.

So back to square one.

Doesnt it seem like we are really back in highschool?

True Friends.

I have been struggling with this post. I have been enraged, outraged, and overtly pissed off for the last couple days and have been trying to formulate what type of blog post I wanted to write. While still wanting to keep people anonymous, and keeping a level head.
I am not the type of person who goes off the handle on a regular basis, even though I am still quite young, and have had older people tell me that I am en-passioned. However, there are a couple things that make my blood boil, and cause me to rise in action.
Truth, Justice, Compassion, the Greater Good, Honesty.
If you live your life according to these values we will get along, no problem. I know that sometimes moms can have off days, and hey I have them too, so I always try to see all sides of a story and figure out all angles, and also give the person the benefit of the doubt....even to my detriment as my mom would point out.
So where am I going with this.....
Let's just say that I have a group of friends, ones that I know well, and others that I dont know as well...and there is a certain person within this group that has decided upon herself not to like me at all. Now, in a professional capacity, I can work with this woman. In a personal one, not so much....but then do we have to like every single person we meet, and for that matter, just because we share the fact that we parent the same way, are both women, and both had children come out of our bodies, does not best friends make....I digress...
So anyway, we dont see eye-to-eye, bottom line. And I dont really think the whole world or a group of friends for that matter should be brought in to it. Dragged through the drama....(which, coincedentally seems to follow me like a black cloud recently.)
Bottom line is that she is making these friends choose between me and her. Like we are in high school or something! And I am getting pressure to yield and make amends...for what exactly?
It's not that my friends are being dragged through this, when I never wanted them to in the first place, its not that I actually care that she dislikes me so much that she can not stand to be on the same world wide web as me, let alone at a social function...however, she can talk to me at a professional level....what pisses me off the most is that she has called my friendships in to question.
Not following..... lets go back to here. This is the single most defining moment for me as a woman. To realize that even though we age, we grow babies, we raise children in a caring matter, that some women never grow up and high school lasts forever....so why is this particular post have any relevance to this one?
Back then, I stood up for my friend. I put my whole heart, soul, reputaion on the line for her because I felt that she was being treated unjustly.
I told others, and strained friendships that I had made, because I stood up for her.
Now the same thing is happening to me. And I am honestly afraid that these women, these moms that I trust to be honest with me, and truthful, will bend to the will of one, and I will be shunned, and that will show me that no - one really has my back, and that I am some sort of anomoly that will continually put herself on the line for other people with no reciprocation at all.
It's not like I would actually ask these women to do this for me, as I think even in asking brings me down to the level of a high schooler. Also, there is enough drama happening that, really, what would be the point? And it would just fracture more relationships for no reason.....
But, it makes me sad, and melancolic, to think....who, who really, has my back?

Sleep...or Lack Thereof

I seem to be in a sort of time warp when it comes to sleep and my children. Here I am at 11:02pm and my children are finally asleep.
Usually this wouldn't bother me, but lately it is. A lot.
The thing is that I really really need to study. I have a couple classes that are winding down in the next month and I really have to spend some time to finish them, and if my kids are not sleeping until 11pm then when am I supposed to do this work?
What ends up happening is that as soon as they are both sleeping I spend an hour "de-stressing" from the day....either cleaning a little, eating, going on the computer etc. Maybe doing some actual work...and then I start studying and then I go to bed at 1 or 2am. This would be okay if I wasn't woken up at 7am.
I feel like a zombie. I dont feel like I am actually doing well in my classes if I cant do any work at a reasonable hour.
I could just shut the door at 7pm and listen to them scream, but I dont because I have made this commitment to myself and to them that I will be there for them when they need me, especially in the arena of sleep, but boy is it tempting.
I have so much stuff to do in the evening and can never do it.
I guess what I really have to do is bite the bullet and wake up earlier and then wake them up earlier, and perhaps skip the nap until they are on a good schedule.
I would love it if they could both be asleep by 8pm.
Then maybe I could get to sleep myself at a decent hour.

The Discipline Post

A mom on my parenting board put out a simple call for some advice on how to discipline her 3 year old daughter, from the flurry of responses you would think that a "time-out" was the WORST thing that you could EVER do to a child.....so what about a spanking???
I am beginning to feel like one can never win at the mommy wars game. For one, it starts with conception, ageism, and fertility, then birth experience, then nursing then sleep, now discipline....when will it ever end.
Honestly, I dont give a rats ass how you parent as long as YOU feel in your GUT that you are informed, empowered and are doing the right thing for YOUR family. I will gladly help you find resources, but in the end, to time out, or not to time out is not going to affect me....until that is my son brings your daughter home who has never been told no in her life....my poor sons! ;P

I did however want to share a couple of ideas about discipline and maybe "attachment parenting" in general.

So, as an "attachment parent" we want our children to be as attached, as emotionally cognizant, as well rounded, sensitive and the like. To understand to respect all peoples regardless of colour, creed, or race. How exactly can we do that if there are no limits on our children?
I am not saying that we should expect our kids to be little soldiers. I will be the first to tell you that I enjoy it sometimes when my son questions the norm, or says no. That shows me that he is gaining independence, confidence and understanding of the world around him. Our world has boundaries and it is up to us to show our children where those lines lay.
I do not advocate allowing the child to have the upper hand. You are the parent. The buck stops with you. Bottom line. Kids dont want friends. I am not even 30 yet and I have plenty friends whos parents were permissive....can we say no motivation and sex and drug addictions??? Maybe this is because they never learned about control?

Our children are not robots, they are autonomous creatures that learn a million things everyday. I for one think we are doing them a HUGE disservice if we "talk our feelings to death". In my house it is NOT okay to hit the dog or the baby. I honestly could care less why. I really could. My older son is immediately removed. Kicking, screaming, punching. I tried to ask him why he hits his brother, or the dog...."because I like to." Stalemate. So I moved to "it is unacceptable to hit your brother or the dog unprovoked, if you do so, you will sit alone, on this stair. We show love in this house, and if you dont want to you can play by yourself in your room." Children need to know how to deal (defense mechanisms) when they do not get what they want (stress). We have to help them figure out how to deal with it.

I will not be beside my son everytime something doesnt go his way. He has to know how to deal with that himself, so I am setting him up to be an emotional cripple that will have an anxiety disorder because he can not leave the house for fear of someone saying, no.

We only know our children, and how our children cope with a particular situation. I would never ever tell a mother of teenagers that what she is doing could scar her kids....um, am I in that situation? How do I know that? Because I read it in a book....better yet a book by a man who was never home with his kids because he was busy promoting his book? How does he know?
So, when others with children who are NO where near my child's age, ability, or environment give their two cents I can respect it, I can listen, but I will not take it to heart, because I will listen to some one who has a child in a similar situation, or has gone through it before.....

I can't make my children do anything, as I have said before, but I can show them what is acceptable and what isnt...and as a parent that is the best I can do. I am only human, I make mistakes, one size does not fit all......

and lastly, if your child is a perfect little angel and does nothing to displease you.. (and I am talking over 3 years old), your day is coming....and it's not the way your parent...that could be a part of it, but it's called NATURE vs. NURTURE and nature usually wins. ;) (you could just be one of the lucky ones with an easy to please tempermented child....I know I am not!)

Happy Birth(ing) Day

It's my baby's birthday in less than one hour. At this time four years ago, I was having mild contractions sleeping well, and getting excited of what could be.
I never imagined it would be anything like it has turned out. I got pregnant because I felt like something was missing from my life. That I was meant to be and do more than what I had accomplished in my 24 short years on the planet. I thought that by having a baby I would somehow have "done" something with my life.
So selfish.
Keenan has changed me. He saved me from myself. I owe more to that little boy than I do to anyone else in the world, save my husband, and my mother.
He has taken me down a path that I never even knew existed and for that I am eternally grateful.
The things that I am most passionate about, Birth Experience (empowering women to have an informed birth), and Mother to Mother support, would not have even been on my radar if I had not had Keenan when I did.
He has shown me a whole new way of living, of loving, of patience, of compassion, of friendship. I owe my bestfriends to him. Women that I feel connected with, honored to be within their tribe, honest, real women who I would have never met, if not for Keenan.
He was made me grow as a person, as a woman, and as a mother in ways that I never even thought that I could grow.
He makes me laugh everyday, and some weeks he makes me cry as well. He is blunt, talkative, sensitive, empathetic, altruistic, compassionate, wild, loud, crazy, hyperactive, strong, intuitive, smart, extremely smart, talented, loving, proud, beautiful, silly, protective, loyal, trusting, and perfect. I wouldn't have him any other way.
Happy Birthday my baby. You are a big boy now. :)
or as he says, "I am a lower case 4 today mama, on my real birthday I will be an uppercase 4."

My thoughts on the Pool.

I am friends with Gemma Kelsall. I am also going to say that I am proud to be friends with her. Some people may think that she is a lunatic, or lazy or some other semblance that really isnt true, but I will stand by her and her cause until the end.
Don't know what I am talking about? Read here and here. Don't worry I will wait........
Oh also read here, because that is what I am going to blog about.

So now that you are all up to date, lets clarify a couple things.....
1) The City of Calgary has given Gemma letter after letter telling her why it is not okay to nurse in or around the pool. The whole reason why she even thought about having a "nurse in" was so that she could get the city to hammer down an actual policy. That's all she wanted. Edmonton has had one for years, and she has never been commented to in that city or at any of the other pools in Calgary. Just the pool in question has the issue with nursing in and around the pool.
2) So since it was just this pool. perhaps it is just a couple staff members that have problems with nursing moms, and if so, I bet they are sorry now that they ever opened their mouths to disagree.
3) They even complained to her when she nursed on the deck...just wanted to state that for the record.
4) The media focused on the age of her child, and so did all of the negative posters....what is wrong with people? 21 mos is not too old to be breastfed...my child is 16 mos and has 3 teeth....3.
5) The attitudes of public breastfeeding is what makes me the crazyiest...but I am going to donate a whole blog post on that one....
6) The hate mail. Seriously.
This one blows me away. A couple years ago Gemma was nominated for the Vibe 985 baby shower. 60,000K or something like that. She became a finalist, and sadly didnt win. But, she was a finalist because over 10,000 people voted for her, because they liked her, her kids, and saw what hardship she was going through....then this same city, attacks her for wanting a clear policy on where exactly she can nurse her baby.........
Which by the way, really wasnt the point.
The point was....the city had a policy, the lifeguards ignored the policy, harrased her, and were taken to task......
And a last point, who cares if she does or doesnt nurse in the pool....does it really affect you personally....? I mean really, are you right there swimming with her, in the toddler pool? If not, why do you even care?