Don't Fear the White Coat.

We all have those moments when you feel like you should win mommy of the year. Well at least I do, but it seems to happen more in my house than in other peoples houses.
Anyway, last week I would have definitely been in the running.

Offending Product. :P

I was outside lawnmowering (is that a word) as I wanted to help out my husband and our lawn looked like crap - and here in suburbia that is just not okay.
So there I am working this 100 year old gas powered lawnmower.
My eldest son (7) comes outside with freezies. He screams, "CAN I HAVE ONE?"
"NO" I yell back. (not wanting to turn off the mower for fear that it won't start up again).
"WHAT?!" he yells.
"AFTER I AM DONE!!!" I yell back.
He disappears into the house and comes back out with an open freezie.
I think to myself, "little (you know what). Oh well, at least he probably opened them for his brothers too, and this will keep them all quiet." I continue to push the mower through my 10 inch grass.

Next thing I know I see my littlest one (2) come out side and he has what looks to be berry juice on his hand…but he is crying and holding it up…so I am confused and think, "what the heck is that?!" turn off the mower and sprint to the baby. I look at his hand and try to contain the vomit in my mouth - his finger is cut so deep that you can see the fat and muscle inside. INSIDE his finger.
I grab him and run to the bathroom to wash it off and put pressure on it - but I know in my gut that this is going to need medical attention.

I scream to locate my other two children who have miraculously disappeared for the moment. No answer. I scream again. The eldest shows up and I start yelling about the baby - he starts to wail, "It was my fault. I should have been watching him…" As I try to convince the oldest that no, it is in fact mommy's fault and try to figure out what happened while still screaming for the middle child - I start to think how am I going to get all these kids to emerg and WHAT are we going to do for 8 hrs.
The middle child shows up. (4yrs). "What happened to E?" I ask. "I stabbed him." R repiles…and looks at me with this grin that only a sociopath can make. "WHAT?!?" I yell. I then start to yell obscenities to anyone within earshot - possibly scarring my children for years to come and send them to their rooms so that I do not do any more emotional damage.

I text my husband - "You need to come home NOW. We have to go to the hospital."
So I take the baby and sit on the front step ready to go to the hospital.
My husband arrives 5 mins later.
"What happened?" He asks.
"R said he stabbed him." I wail, "Look at his finger!!"
My husband (the firemedic) looks casually at his finger and goes, "ah ya, those will need stitches. I will get the kids ready." and calmly walks in the door.
He appears 5 mins later with both boys ready to go and says to me, "They found the knife on the floor, a pairing knife, (used to cut open freezies) and R held the plastic end and E grabbed the cutting edge and E lost that fight."
Enter the mommy guilt. Of course I was already feeling it - but if I had just cut open the damn freezies…. and then my husband goes, "What were you doing?"
I reply, "Lawnmowering."
He replies, "The grass is wet… you don't use the lawnmower when the grass is wet… that is why is isn't done."
So not only did my "helpfulness" lead to a mortal wound of my child's finger - it was also unnecessary.

Nice.

Poor Guy

We went to the ER and he had 3 stitches put in. My competence as a parent was only questioned momentarily until they realized that I had 3 small boys and then they pitied me.
The actual stitching was the most traumatic part as they had to swaddle him and hold him down. They do a topical but babies don't realize that they can't feel it and so he screamed and screamed. (that was enough for me to lock my knives away forever.

I wanted the boys to watch, to see what happens when you don't listen to your mom…but the doctor refused and said that it was way too traumatic. In hindsight I am glad that she refused me - because it probably would have been, I just didn't want my boys to think that any of this was "cool" in any way.

However, E is pretty proud of his scar.

Soccer Insanity

There is a saying that if you do the same thing over and over that it is the definition of being insane. I think my husband and I would fall into that category lately.
See, we were not athletic kids at all. Sure I did some track and yes he was a bench warmer football player in high school, but up until very recently neither of us saw much merit in running outside, let alone getting exercise at the same time.

Since we have 3 boys we do feel however, that it is important for THEM to be physically healthy and we want them to enjoy sports as it is a great way to make and sustain friendships when they are older. (beer leagues and all that.) We also regret that we are not as athletic as we could have been so we are hoping by choosing a winter sport (snowboarding) and a summer sport (soccer) that they will get those habits early.

The problem is that our kids are a product of us. So, they are not really into sports! (go figure) My eldest son has been playing soccer since he was 4. First it was picking dandelions, then in U5 it was pretending to be a train as they were called the "Canadian Conductors", then in U6 it was more that he enjoyed the cheering, and now at U7 he really enjoys that he can be the goalie. (well that is *something* isn't it?!?)

The same goes for the middle son. He was in U4 last year and just ran around aimlessly. This year in U5 he is a little better. His coach actually coaches women's soccer professionally (which is kind of funny watching him try to keep 4/5yr olds engaged.)

Last game, my 4 year old was running all the way around the field. Literally. He found the white lines that divided up the field and ran ON them…everytime it was his turn. Completely left the other kids hanging.

My elder son knowing that the attention was not on him decided that this would be a good time to pretend to be a cow. He got on all fours and pretended to eat grass. Now, I should explain for a moment that we are by far the youngest parents in this team.. and that we also have the oldest and most children…So when our 7 year old was moo-ing and chewing his cud, we were getting some pretty interesting looks. It got even better when the 4 year old decided to run into the middle of the field during a game and dry hump the grass…. laughter ensuses… we were so embarrassed.

My husband couldn't take much more. He said to me in a low voice so no one else could hear, "He is humping the ground!!" and then took the older son (who was moo-ing loudly) to the van leaving me to run into the field (with the baby on my back) and grab the 4 year old who explained that he was only "exercising mama."

The husband stayed in the van until the end of the game with the older one (still moo-ing), while I tried to get the 4 year old to listen to his coach. He actually did score a goal by fluke, but all that really mattered was that he was having fun.

This is a typical game for both my kids and it happens every single time. They keep saying that they WANT to play, so I keep taking them…. is this insanity or love?? or Both?!

At Least it's Clean

I wanted to post this before I forgot. A snapshot in a day of the life with 3 small boys when your husband works away from home.

I have this couch in my garage. Don't ask me why or how it got there. Just know that it is in perfect (kidless) condition and will not fit down my stairs. Of course the fact that it is in my garage means that my van can not fit in the garage which means it needs to be sold.... perferably BEFORE the snow comes back.

I have put the couch on kiijjij and on craigslist etc. And have gotten a few bites. I have been keeping it set up and clean in the garage, just in case people want to see it. (which is hard...because it is in my garage...as well as the lawnmower, and gardening tools).

Yesterday I had made an appointment for a woman to come and look at my couch. She wanted to come around one. So at 11:30am I decided to start to wrangle the boys into their clothes so that they looked presentable when a stranger was to come.

At 12:30pm they were finally dressed. I threw them outside in the backyard to play on the swings while I put the baby in the carrier so that I wouldn't have to worry about him when the lady came.

I walked outside with the baby on my back and watched and felt my mouth go into a silent "O" of horror as I looked at my middle child, the 3 year old, hose in hand spraying directly into the garage, right beside the couch.

"I am cleaning it mama. The garage!" O.M.G

The lady was coming to look at this "mint" couch and my 3 year old was trying to give it a bath.

OY!

Needless to say the couch is still there. (not because it got wet, because he *just* missed it)

We will try again another day.

Impossible Passport Photos

We would like to take a holiday into the states later this year to visit family. We thought that we would drive since we really don't want to have to deal with any of the TSA drama that has been unfolding in the last couple months.

We also thought that it may be a good experiment to either A. See how insane we really are. or B. See if we can make it as far as it will take us to the cottage in the summer, and C. If we can make it there without killing ourselves, the kids or eachother (all in the figurate sense of course!)

So the trip (driving) is going to take us a minimum of 3 days. We know that to be realistic that it will probably take closer to 4 because we have 3 small children and a dog that will probably need to pee just as mush as the children do...so maybe 4 days isn't even realistic....hmmmm......

Anyway, because we are leaving our beautiful but COLD country and decided to go down to the warmer parts of the U.S of A. we needed to get passports. However, getting passport photos for 3 children under the age of 5 is a journey all in itself.

First of all they want your children to look straight on into the camera so that they can see *both* of their ears. This is almost impossible as kids look everywhere BUT where you tell them to. Second their mouths must be shut...ummm...so after you spend YEARS trying to get them to smile at the camera you are now telling them NOT to.

My five year old would not look at the camera even with bribing him to. I tried to no avail to get him to look straight, no smile, chin up, look straight, chin up....straight!!!! It was so frustrating. So finally after we got his picture done and on to the next kid to do this all over, the photog told us...it's too dark!!!

We finally got all the pics done after 45 mins (no joke) of pleading, threatening, and bribing....and still have to see if the passport office will make us do it again.

Sigh.

What are your tips for getting passport pictures done with children?

Crying it Out

Every 6 months or so the concept of Crying It Out (CIO) or aka the Extinction Method, comes rolling around for moms to chew on.
The concept is simple, if you want your baby to sleep, put them in a separate room from you, in a crib, with tight sheets (make sure that there are two sets of sheets on the crib, > will explain later), and lay on their back, and let them fall asleep by themselves.
No talk, no coddling. Or so say the "experts".
The thing that they are teaching these poor little babies is Learned Helplessness. If I cry and mommy does not come, then why cry, no one is there for me anyway.
But, mommy does care. Mommy wants to come and save you from the darkness...there are just "experts" in the way.
There is a REASON why our cortisol levels go up when babies cry. We are supposed to comfort them. Touch is the most important thing.
So why is CIO so damn popular?
We seem to ignore our instincts. Maybe do things a little easier. And hey, my mom left me to cry it out and we turned out alright...(side note, my mom actually slept with me til I was 2)...but are we?
Are we really "all right"?
Maybe we should let these "experts" fend for themselves when they are old and grey.