Boring Children?!

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/femail/article.html?
in_article_id=397672&in_page_id=1879&ico=Homepage&icl=TabModule&icc=FEMAIL&ct=5

The above article just pissed me off.
One excerpt :
"Many of my friends — fortysomething, university-educated
professionals who swore that they would be normal parents — make it a
policy now that 'our kids go where we go'. They drag their
three-year-olds to dinner parties where the youngsters end up in front
of a video all night. (I have seen children having tantrums in front
of guests, and rather than send the children to their rooms, the
parents send their guests home.)"

I HATE women who have to have a checklist in thier lives. First
Graduate Highschool, check. College, check. Husband, Check. Career,
Check. House, Check. Children, well I can wait on that. And then when
they get the urge to "check" that off they are well into thier late
30's mid 40's and don't want to sacrifice anything for thier children.
I am NOT saying that if you are an older mom you automatically fall
into this category. I am just saying that most of the nonAP's moms I
have met are like this.

Second excerpt:
"And yet many women have spent years studying and then working so that
we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood. I
consider spending up to 30 hours a week sitting behind the wheel of a
4x4, dropping children off at play centres or school, to be a
less-than-satisfactory reward for all those years of sweat."

I take SUCH offense to this. All I wanted to do with my life was to
have children and to stay at home with them. I don't think that any
other job is as imporant than that. I find having children for me is a
calling. And yes, I can get bored, but you can get bored doing
anything. But I don't take that boredom out on Keenan. And I sure as
H-E-double hockey stick don't think that saying at home is menial.
Someone should take this poor kids away from her. Selfish you-know-what.

I agree that life needs to be balanced and that you have to do what
works for you and your family. But I also dont think that children are
accessories and to be ignored until the parents feel the need to
engage them. She justifies her actions by saying how independant and
creative her kids are, and that is fine, anything to make her feel
better, BUT when these kids are older and are messed up with thier
personal relationships and psychological well being, they have no one
to thank for that except thier mother. And when they put her in a home
to Rot, she won't beable to say"why dont my kids ever visit or take
care of me?" Because being with you is BORING and menial mom!"

The Lake

We went to the lake today with a friend who happens to live half a block away. It was fun, although I did get sunburned. I really need to buy some better sunscreen and a good hat. I just haven't been able to get around to doing that yet.
There were quite a few moms there and maybe 16 kids? Keenan had a blast although he wasn't so sure of what to do with the water. It kind of frightened him when it came up on the rocks. He liked to play in the sand and got it everywhere. Kind of gives me an idea of what I am in for in the future.
My sunshade is awsome! So glad that I bought it, I didn't really get to use it very much as I was constantly chasing after Keenan. Just wait until he walks!
On another note, my grandpa is home, no complications as of yet. So we will keep our fingers crossed. He should be fine.

Grandpa

My grandfather is in the hospital right now, he just got his kidney removed. A couple weeks ago he went in, in a lot of pain, and they found a lump on his kidney. I haven't really been telling alot of people because I don't really like to think that my grandparents are getting older. But they are. I am really lucky as the are still around and I am in my mid 20's. A couple of months ago (Nov) Chris' grandmother died after having a subderal hematoma (stroke), it just showed us that she was the first but definately not the last.
I am going in to the hospital tomorrow. I hate going, so unfriendly and sterile. But I have to go and show my grandfather that I love him and that I am there to support him and my grandmother. I just don't want to go. At all.
But I will.

Temper Temper

I have to admit it. I lost my cool with Keenan today.
It was one of those days when I am overtired (and my mind is on other
things ie)my grandpa in the hospital) and Keenan is more active than
usual, so today I am redirecting, then redirecting, then redirecting.
He broke a couple of things today, a corningware bowl and ramikin, and
I was calm and didnt make a fuss, just redirected him again. He is
over exploritory and trying to walk so he kept falling down and
hurting himself, I would pick him up soothe him and place him down again.
By 9pm, I was alittle tired of running after him all day, (and I am
not complaining, it is normal for a 14month old to explore) then we
started to nurse down...and the biting started. I think it was because
he was so overstimulated from the day. I took him off said no biting
in a serious calm voice and he laughed, repeated 2 times. Then I said
"ouch! that hurts mommy" repeated 3 times, then I pushed his head into
the breast while he was biting...this only made him bite harder. Then
I lost my cool. I took him of the breast, said "NO biting! No more
boobie" and placed him firmly on the ground. He was so shocked that he
started crying. (of course, I have never talked to him like that
before, and the fact that he was placed on the floor away from me).
I immidiately felt bad and tried to comfort him and apologize, and
that took a good 10mins (shows how much i hurt his feelings).
Then he nursed down and went to sleep.
I have never felt so bad, this innocent little boy crying because his mommy lost her temper.

Passing Judgement

I went to playgroup today, and I have to say that I didn't feel as welcomed as I had previously. I think today was one of those days when the more extreme "AP-ers" we there. The ones who don't even own a stroller and see the world as intrinsicly bad and need to be sheltered from anything considered "normal".
Don't get me wrong, I love attachment parenting, I just think that sometimes people grab onto a label and then everyone who doesn't exactly fit that label is not "in the group." I find it funny because alot of people say that they are AP and then when thier kids are older it all goes out the window, so maybe they shouldn't pass judgement so so qickly.
Where does this come from? Today I was explaining to a couple moms that Keenan had gone to the dentist, and that she had suggested to put his head inbetween my knees (When I am sitting) and have his legs over my thighs when I am brushing his teeth. So I can get a better view. And then I casually said "and when they get older you can sit on thier arms." And one of the women was shocked, she said "I would NEVER sit on my child" and I felt so put in my place and that now I wasn't as AP as her. Ridiculous! I didn't mean to sit on your child, but let me ask you, when this womans daughter doesnt want to brush her teeth or when she doesnt want medicine and she is throwing a fit and using her flailing arms to stop her mom from comming near her, what is the mom gonna do. You can bet she will sit on her arms.
Attachment parenting is child led parenting, but it is still parenting. And as a parent we have to do what is best for that child, and sometimes it means sitting on thier arms.

Passions, Days and General Hospital

My best friend really peeved me off the other day. We met up with her the other day and she was belly-aching about how hard she has to work, and how her company expects too much from her. Which is true, they do.
She then told Chris and I that "I would love to be a housewife like Alisha so I could stay at home all day and watch soaps."
I immidately said "You have no idea."
I understand that yes, while my son is having a nap, I do get sometime to myself. But I don't sit around all day and watch TV or eat BonBons. I clean, I do homework, I cook, and most of all I entertain a 14month old.
I am not mad at this friend for thinking this, she is the youngest in her family and she has no kids so she really doesn't have any idea. It just irritated me because she said it and Chris thought that it was funny that my bestfriend agrees with him (some of the time).
I think that I was mostly annoyed because she is a woman and I would expect her to have my back, as I would have hers.
We are just really different when it comes to parenting styles. The only good thing I can say is that I have a long memory! So when she calls me sleep deprived at 11am and asks me a parenting question I can say to her, "Why are you even having this problem, arn't you just watching your soaps all day?? Taking care of kids is EASY!"

Non-AP

I went to the McKenzie Towne playgroup today which is an offshoot of the AP group that I belong to. We had quite a good showing. 6 moms and 10 kids. It was in the Village of Prestwick where there is this big water fountain.
Another mom, who wasn't in the group came over and started talking to us. Which was great because it is always nice to network. We kept talking to eachother about AP and how great it is, and our personal experiences, and the new mom finally asked "What is AP?" We answered, cosleeping, breastfeeding, babywearing etc, and I said "following your child's cues." She then replied that she had breastfed her daughter for a really long time, and we asked how long, and she replied 1.5yrs. (Keenan is 1.3yrs). She also said that her daughter had self weaned and that she really didn't want to nurse anymore.
Right after she told us this (justifying why she wasnt extended breastfeeding) I started to nurse Keenan. Her 2 year old daughter came up to her and started asking for a nurse, she got so demanding that the mom felt uncomfortable and had to leave. So much for self weaning.
I just find it funny how non-AP parents feel like they have to make excuses for the way they parent. Like I care how you parent your child. It's you that has to deal with it.

Guilt is a mom's right!

Last week I posted about how great Keenan was when being looked after by another caregiver all day. I was so proud of myself and my parenting.
NOW, today is day 9 of Keenan being watched by my mom all day from 6am-6pm. And he is not adjusting well (an understatement). Keenan is usually a very "well behaved", "sensitive", "empathetic", "easygoing", "happy" little boy. These last couple of days however, he has been "angry", "agressive", having meltdowns and biting me (not while nursing).

What happened to my little boy? Is this just because there has been so much change? Is this his way of expessing his anger of not having me around? I only had to work/school for this one week and then I am back at home full time. Is it too late? How do I get my boy back? I
feel so guilty.
The only positive outcome of this experience is that Chris has seen the emotional change in Keenan and is concerned and not happy, and he has sauid that he liked it better when I was at home taking care of him, so now he doesnt want me to work full time out of the home. :)
A little victory on my part, but not worth the emotional upheaval for Keenan.

PS. Am I reading this right(acting out because of me not being
there)? or is this "normal" for a 14month to act this way??

Shantala

I have started taking the Shantala massage instuctor trainer course. I really enjoy it. It helps me to learn how touch can really be benificial for a baby's development, but I already knew that from school...this just re-iterates that fact.
It has been a rough week for Keenan though. Since Chris is at school my mom is watching Keenan everyday, because this is also the week that I said that I would cover for my old boss (pre Keenan). So I am either at work or school, everyday for 2 weeks. It's okay because my mom parents like I do and I trust her completely with my boy.
He does however have a nasty cough, but the doctor said that it is just viral. I think it is because I am not able to nurse as frequently as we would like as I am not there to nurse him. We still nurse when I get home and twice before bed, he did stop sleeping through the night to start getting his daily fill of nursies. Which is tiring when you are busy all day and just want to veg. But I am not complaining because I love that Keenan still nurses and I will not refuse him. Don't offer don't refuse.
My Shantala course is done this Sat so I will be studying for the final on the 23rd. It never ends with me, something is always on the go.

Happy Parenting

I just wanted to let you all know how pleased I am with myself this week.
Sometimes I question my parenting, while AP looks so good on paper and
the parenting books say that it is the best and your child will be
this that and this; Keenan is only one so it is hard to see that far
into the future. The things I question myself about are extended
breastfeeding, cosleeping and not vaxing > which is neither here nor
there. But these are also the things that people question me and tell
me thier own opinions and judge me harshly for.
Now for the reason for this post. As some of you know, I have been
pressured (for lack of a better word) to bring some income into my
household, so I decided to offer my services to my old boss if
she needed any reief work. She did so I agreed to go in for 1week and
a half full time.
I was afraid and worried about the effects on Keenan. Would he stop
nursing? Would he be mad at me? Would he de-attach from me?
My mom is the one who is watching him all week and she is very pro-AP
so I was satisfied with that.
The day that I was most worried about was Wed 5th. I worked all day,
so Keenan was with my mom and we had Phantom tickets that night, so my
friend (also pro-AP) watched him. He was asleep when we dropped him
off at my moms and asleep when we brought him home, we only
reconnected for a long nurse for 30mins and we had to leave for the show.
I was so worried, that he would be a nightmare for my friend, as his
world was flipped upside down and he hadn't really seen his parents
all day, so we rushed home right after the play.
As I walked in the door, I listened for screaming, and heard none.
Keenan was fast asleep. My friend said that he laughed himself to sleep.
That is why AP works. That is why I cosleep and nurse to sleep.
Because it helps to create a little boy who will laugh himself to
sleep because he is confident and independant and knows that mommy and
daddy love him and would never leave him or neglect him in any way. He
is securely attached.
Like I said before, I sometimes question if I am doing it right, and
on wednesday night I got my answer.

Crazy Week

This was definatly a crazy week! I had my final exam for a psychology course that I was taking and so I allowed my inlaws and my husband to walk in my shoes for a couple days. It was hard to let go but I think it all worked out great. I had tonnes of studying accomplished and keenan get bonding time with people other than me. This gets him ready for the week from hell when I have to go back to work for a week so that we dont starve! (jk)

But really it will be good to get paid for doing something, even if that something is as menial as answering phones and listening to old people complain about the gov't.

On another note, we bought an air conditioner...best purchase ever. But now when we have people over they will have to hang out in our bedroom.

A Fathers Nightmare

Too funny. And relevant to boot!

A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened.

He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.

As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today? "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."

What Goes Around...

Hopefully comes around!
I went to a talk on vaccinations last night and stupidly left my wallet in the car. (Chris took said car to school). I wanted to buy him a nice dinner and a card and such but only had enough money for a movie and a card. So I went to Blockbuster and they charged me 1.88 late charge so I was short money for the card. I went to the dollar store and asked this nice old lady to give me a dollar, I explianed to her that I had no cash and that it would be really helpful. Did she help me out? NO! She bitched me out for begging. It was only a dollar! I wasnt asking for a kidney! She made me feel so bad that I profusly apologized and left that part of the store. Then a mom who had overheard me asked if I needed more than a dollar and gave me a loonie. I was so moved that I started crying, telling her that it meant so much.
What I don't understand is how the old hag was so nasty. Do I look like a bum? I was in McKenzie Towne dollar store with my one year old, Yea that's right scamming old people out of 4 quarters!!!

An Experienced Perspective

One of the tenets of attachment parenting is "Beware of Baby Trainers", another is "Belief in Your Baby's Cries - Read and Respond to Your Baby's Cues". These are the two tenets that I should have trusted and listened to during the first month(s) of Keenan's life.
"Beware of Baby Trainers" means that alot of people will try and tell you the "best" way to take care of your baby. While everyone understands how overwhelmed a new mother can be, they sometimes don't understand the detrimental effects all of thier comments make on the new relationship between mother and infant. As a new mom it is sometimes hard to assert yourself and tell your close friends or family members to step off and let you parent the way that you see fit. If I could go back that is the one thing I would do, let everyone know that I was happy with my desicions and that if they wanted to parent a child that they should go and have thier own.
"Belief in Your Baby's Cries" means that only you know what your baby is trying to tell you when they have no other way to communicate other than crying. Keenan was a sucky baby. He liked to be held and I loved to hold him. If anything I wish that I had held and breastfed him more than I actually did. We live in a society where we are told to put the baby on a schedule of 3 hour feeding intervals and if they cry in between then they are manipulating you, this is so wrong. Some baby's like Keenan love to nurse. Not just for nutrition but for bonding and comfort.
So as I look back, of course it was "normal". It was normal for Keenan. He needed (and still does) to be close to me. If that means nursing on demand, co-sleeping and babywearing until he is secure enough to stop, then that is what I will do.
The most important thing is to listen to your intuition. If you feel that your baby is crying alot and you think that it is food related, get support. I did end up having nursing issues and it was because of the Le Leche Leauge and this online support group that our nursing issues were resolved. Talk to your DH and let him know how you are feeling and that you need support from him and not advice. And lastly, when I posted this one of the responses was that of course it is normal for a one month old baby to cry all the time, because he is only one month old.

Older and Dumber?

I am super stupid. I went out for a girls night for my birthday last night and drank way too much! I now have a hangover on my 25th birthday. So much for older and wiser. What do I do now? How can I get rid of it? Stupid. I am a mom for gods sake. So irresponsible. I am so mad at myself. Stupid.

New Phone Service

After calling Lindsay and waking Neko up for the 10th time, I started
wishing for a phone service that would remedy this problem.
Picture it, your just about to put your baby/child down for a nap, you
go to the phone and dial *88(or something like that). When someone
calls you they get a message that says "I am sorry but the person you
are calling is unavailable at the moment, please call back later; if
this is an emergency please dial 1 and you will be connected." And
then if they really need to get a hold of you they still can, but most
people will just call back. Plus if you just pressed the number on one
phone it would work for all phones so you dont have to worry about
turning ringers down or off on all your different phones.
Of course this is just a pipe dream.
I would probably forget to turn it on and then off, when the babe woke
up!!!

Surviving Motherhood on TLC - Thumbs Down

I don't know why I am suprised. I just watch a couple episodes of the
new TLC show called surving motherhood. The premise is good, 5 moms
sit down and talk about the issues they are facing with thier
children. Each day a new mom and her story are featured and an expert
pipes in about what she can do to fix the situation. Of course she
gets advice from the other mothers as well.
Both of the episodes that I watched had mothers on there that I like
to say had children as an accessory and now the child is not "fitting
in" to what type of lifestyle the mother wants and that is the big
"problem" that is featured in the show.
Show one > Terrible Twos.
Baby girl is trying to learn independance and autonomy, and mother is
distressed because she isn't listening to her. The advice she got/ and
decided to use (from another mother) just pinch her under her jacket
so she knows you mean business.
Show two > Separation Anxiety
7 month old baby girl likes to be held. Mom wants some alone time and
wants to know how to put her down. This one had okay advice, although,
my advice would be to hold her or put her in a wrap for a little while
and maybe she would feel more secure and not want to be held all the
time. (JMO)
Mainstream televison is not AP friendly. Still I have no idea why I
was suprised.

Roseola and Balloons

So we went to the doctor and it turns out that Keenan had Roseola. Think of it as baby measels. The good news is that it looks worse than it really is. He has a rash all over his little body. Looks gross. But it is clearing up now so I can finally breathe easier. I was so relieved when the doctor said that you can't immunize against it. (because Keenan hasnt been immunized yet) I am planning on immunizations just not for a while, like when he is two. They say that is when the immunozations have the least amount of an effect on the immune system and the brain. (Negitive effects) I have quite a few friends whose kids arnt immunized. I dont really want to immunize, but I am so scared that he will catch something nasty and have the doctor tell me it's my fault or preventable. But I am afaid that something will happen to him if I do, at the same time. These are such big decisions because they will affect him his whole life. I wish I could go into the future and ask him what he wants.

New word, Bah-oons, sooo cute. He is so smart, and no i am not the least bit biased. He got a whole bunch of ballooons for his birthday party. And so many toys. I was hoping he would get clothes so i bought him toys too. Now we could open up a small toy store. But I am really grateful that people came. I love hosting partys. I crave social interaction. I get so bored sometimes just with Keenan. Dont get me wrong I love staying at home with him, sometimes I just wish someone would talk to me. I go to the park hoping some other mom will be there too, and that almost never happens. Hopefully in the summer. I wish I had a car!

Poor Sick Baby

My poor baby is sick. He has had a temperature of 38 - 40.3 degrees since Friday night. I have been medicating him with tylenol every 4 hrs, as instructed by my husband. He is so tired today, he has slept the whole day away. It was really hard to take care of him all by myself as Chris was working the whole weekend. I wish that he wasn't because he knows more about sick kids than I do with all his training. I trust his judgement more than mine. But we survived and that is the good part.

Happy Birthday Keenan!!!

My little baby turned one yesterday! I can't believe that he is growing up so fast! We went to Boston Pizza for dinner. It was fun, Keenan enjoyed it. We had cake (brownie) and Keenan had pasta bugs. He got some of his presents, books and stuffies and a truck to ride on. He seemed to enjoy them, but he does like the packaging better! I have beein feeling nostalgic for his little baby manurisms but feeling so happy that he is becomming a independant child.

The biggest lesson that I learned after having Keenan is to trust my gut instinct because it is almost always right!! I also learned to be more patient and to take things as they come one step at a time. Don't stress about the small stuff!

We are having everyone over for a birthday party on Saturday (tomorrow) so Chris and I have been frantically cleaning and organizing. Our house is really starting to feel like home!