Learning From My Kids

A Conversation of Great Misunderstanding.

2012-01-20T12:56:00.001-07:00

Conversation while colouring on a toilet paper roll………

Child - "I am going to make a testicle."
Me - "A what?"
Child - "A testicle, you know…to look through."
Me - "OH!! A telescope! I thought that you were saying testicle…a part of your penis."
Child - "No, a telescope. You know, Octopuses have testicles….tones of them!"
Me - "Hahahaha! No. Tenticles."
Child - "That is what I said, testicles."

Natural Birth

2012-01-10T14:07:00.001-07:00

So this is another Ranty post - surprise, surprise. The thing that I love most about my blog is that I can pretty much say anything that I like because this is my space, and my opinions really only matter to me.

Ie) you can choose not to read it if you feel that you will be offended.

I posted on my wall about the Beyonce debacle, and how one statement says that she had and elective ceasarian and then another statement came out and said that it was a natural birth.

First thing is first, I realy do not care how Beyonce had her baby. I dont know her personally and the fact that it was on everyone of my feeds yesterday irritated me…just a little…

So I commenred that if there is ONE person in the world who can have a natural elective c-section that would be Beyonce Knowles.

Apparently my humor was lost on a whole bunch of people and I was again called out for judging some poor defensless woman…. lets start here shall we? If you think that you do not judge people you are a liar. EVERYONE judges people. That is what human beings do. You judge based on status symbols, fashion, the way they talk, what they eat, what thier kids eat. I find it completely hypocritical that I am constantly told "not to judge" on my facebook… screw off. I am going to.

Number 2. It is not all about you. Guess what? I KNOW that C sections CAN be nessesary. I also know of a whole bunch that ARE NOT! But, if you had one, you will probably think that it was the emergency kind…. but NOT every c section is an emergency. We know this to be true. How do we know this? Study after study after study that shows that once a woman goes into the hospital and accepts intervention her risk for C-birth go up. Everytime.

So my comment about the c-birth got into a converstaion about how every birth is natural, and how no birth is un-natural….. um… surgery IS NOT natural. period. cutting into a womans abdomen and then removing her uterus, placing it on her stomach, cutting it open, cutting the amniotic sack open, and then taking out the baby, and cutting his cord, and pulling out the placenta through the hole in the woman IS NOT NATURAL.

So I said the PC version of this and was called out as being "so superior" because I had 3 .. you guessed it.. natural births - no drugs, no interventions, out of my vagina…where babies NATUALLY come from….

And then gets into the whole discussion of "If you have a c-section tell every single person your horror story" vs. "If you have a natural birth keep it to yourself because not everyone can have a birth like yours"

Double standard.

I was not there in the hospital/ birthing room, and it is not my fault that your birth did/did not go as planned… so let me have my judgements (a joke for goodness sake) about celebrities and also to celebrate my birth because God Damnit! I worked fricken hard to push those babies out and have the war wounds to prove it!!

Paying for it

2012-01-08T22:38:00.001-07:00

My littest is a pretty good sleeper. I havent had much trouble with him in his whole 20 full months of life. However, since we have been on break since the second week of December I have let him sleep whenever he wants to. Sleep in, have a nap at 4pm, go to sleep at midnight, and so on and so on…

Well now, I am trying to get the schedule back, and boy is it ever hard. He is just not tired. Yesterday he woke up at 7am, I put him down for a really early nap at 11am, he was up by 1pm. He was tired again by 7pm.

I thought YEA! It's working!!

Yea, no.

He woke up at 8:30, and then again at 9:30pm and was awake…like WIDE awake until 2am.

So yes, he slept in - we ALL did.

This morning he was up at 9am. I skipped the nap because I wanted to force him to go to bed earlier…. and so he was miserable from 5-6:30pm.

I put him down at 6:30pm, and guess what? Up at 7pm, and up again at 8pm…..and now what? It's 10:37pm and he is WIDE awake….

Sigh.

Did I ever mess this one up!!

Sanctimommy

2011-09-03T20:46:00.003-07:00

When most people post about Sanctimommies they are talking about me.

Someone who Co-Sleeps (doesnt CIO), Babywears (every day all day), Births at Home, Breastfeeds well into toddlerhood, delayed or selective Vaccination, eats Organic. (or as organic as I can do at the moment), Homeschools (oooh..that is a new one!) etc. etc. etc. etc.

Oh wait! And the pinnicle is that they tell other people about thier way of life.... guilty.

But here is the thing. I dont really care if you used CIO, wear a Bjorn or use a Stroller, Fed Formula because you think that it is better than Breastmilk. I dont care if you had an Elective C-Section, Vaccinated right on Schedule or Eat at McDonalds every other week. I honestly do not care nor wish to change your mind if you are happy for all the decisions that you have made while rearing your young child. Honestly.

It does not affect me or my family.

I can say that with my hand on my heart. We are all different people who do things for different reasons, I don't judge you, and you don't judge me....right?

Wait...well maybe I do judge...because there is ONE thing...one itty bitty thing that makes me want to run up to another parent and slap them accross the face with thier own childs hand....you want to know what it is?? Something that DOES affect me and my family....

RESPECT!

I have been to MANY MANY a playground this summer, at all times of the day and I have noticed (and so have my kids) a growing populace of young tweens (8-15 yrs of age) at the playground alone (and you Free Rangers would LOVE this), but its not all make believe and fun play.

Its blatent, hurtful, un called for Bullying.

"I am going to kill you if you touch the swing"

"I am going to hit you if you go on the slide"

"EWWW! You kissed your brother! You are GAY!"

"I don't like you"

"I am not going to play with you"

Screaming, "Its our Ball, Get OVER it!!" to a 3 year old....

and then when confronted, by this overzealous sanctimommy, "That is RUDE. You will NOT talk to my children in that manner." I get, sheepish, "sorrys" and "I was only jokings"

So moms. There it is.

Teach your kid some RESPECT and all will be right with the world.

A Penny in Hand...and Mouth

2011-08-19T23:04:00.004-07:00

I almost lost my baby to a penny. One cent. A worthless, useless, peice of copper (and lead) that my older child(ren) had left on the floor. You know the saying, "Find a penny, pick it up and all day you will have good luck."

No. Not at all.

I saw the baby had something in his mouth. (as he always does), and was aruging with my older two to stay in bed, as they had gotten out for the millionth time. (which they also do when daddy is not home).

I slammed the door, told them to stay in bed, and put the baby on the floor to change his bum.

As I was changing him, I remembered about the item in his mouth which I thought was LEGO; since we have a TON of that laying around the house.

He looked at me and giggled as I lifted him up to remove the object, at that moment he laughed and choked. I panicked.

I could hear that it has gotten stuck, so I put him across my knees and did the back blows that I was taught by my husband when a child is choking. No use. He just kept coughing and crying. I thought at least it wasnt in his airway.

I called my husband and asked what to do, and then got a lecture from a very irate firefighter/paramedic that told me that he could not assess our son as he was over the phone. So I hung up and called our 24 hour health service.

At this time the baby had stopped crying, but my mommy gut was still going off. As I explained all the symptoms to the nurse, drooling, not nursing, not eating etc... she asked me to give him a sip of water, which I did and caused him to go into fits of coughing again.

She told me to drive to the closest hospital immideately. (I should have called the ambulance at this point).

I called my mom to come over and watch the other two children and got dressed, me and the baby (as we had been in pjs), and while I was putting him into his car seat my mom pulled in.

I got in the car and sped the whole way (yes, not safe) to the hospital.

As I was driving I could hear him struglling, and gurgling, so I started to panic. It took me 15 minutes to get there from my house... (it usually takes more like 25).

I pulled into short term parking, looked at the pay meter, decided to check on the baby first...I opened the van door and he was covered in drool and vomit. It was like he was foaming at the mouth. (a sign of airway obstruction).

He did not look good.

I decided to skip the payment for parking and RAN him into the ER. Right up to the front. Waited 2 minutes while they were doing paperwork, and then was called to the window.

As soon as I got there I started bawling.

I explained what had happened and they took him into the back. As soon as we got a bed the tirage nurse called a code and 2 doctors and 3 nurses came running in.

I lost it. I felt like the worst mother of the year. So mad at myself for not being more vigalent about toys on the floor.

They gave him an Xray and stabilzed him. (apparently if he was on his back or on an incline - like a car seat, it exacerbated the problem).

I was shocked when I saw it was a coin.

Wedged in the collarbone area, side ways. So he could breathe when upright but not able to drink, or eat.

I was told to grab my car seat out of the van and then we were transported to the Children's hospital in the area by Ambulance, lights and sirens.

Once we got there we got a room in the ER and waited until 4 am for a bed to open up. He was not allowed to eat or drink so I kept him in the sling (Thank Goodness I Brought the Sling!!) which made him think it was nap time.

We were told that we had a bed and so we went up and I was shown a bed....for him.

Which makes sense. But we are cosleepers, and there was NO way that he would ever sleep in a crib for the first time in a hospital!

So we slept in a chair.

The things we do for our kids. I slept sideways with my feet over the edge. They were so numb when I woke up an hour later that I thought about calling a nurse!

We waited for 12 hours in all for day surgery.

They took him from me and put him out and then used an endoscope and a pair of itty bitty forcepts to take the offending penny out. The whole procedure was less than an hour.

But the LONGEST hour of my life so far.

After he woke up he nursed and we had to wait an hour to get discharged.

We (my mom who had come to be with me for the surgery) drove back to the first hospital where my van was (no ticket!!) and then I jumped out and drove it home.

I am keeping the penny forever. I am going to make it into a peice of jewlery.

A friend of mine stayed with my older boys to help out, and we had many people ask how we were doing.

He was fine, no worse for wear. Happy as a clam at the hospital, with me, snuggled in my sling. I on the other hand was an emotional wreck and now hyper sensitive to anything on my floor.

I guess that is what happens when a penny almost takes your child away from you....it also readjusts your priorities, and the way that you look at things in life.

How something so small, so useless, so worthless could have *killed* my son. Taken him away from me forever.

ps. a penny is as corosive as a battery when in the human body. THROW your pennys AWAY!!

pps. ALL of the health care personelle were amazing. All of them. So understanding, supportive and caring. For such a horrible incident for me and my family they made it feel better. I will be forever grateful to the men and women who worked in both ER's, surgery and Patient Transfer forever.

Super Mommy No More

2011-08-16T16:17:00.004-07:00

I have a super power.

I can run on 4 hours of sleep without a cup of coffee. I can run after my 3 kids with an incredible amount of energy. I can eat whatever I want and not gain a pound. I am a size 0 without even trying.

I can work on many different things at one time. I run a business, a household, volunteer for a non-profit and stay up until 1am baking cookies to be that perfect mom....and it is killing me slowly...literally.

Things that I thought were MY normal are abnormal.

I have an auto immune disease. Disorder. Whatever.

It is like I am running a marathon every day all day long. Tricking people into thinking that I am coping.

I guess that I am not.

Graves causes extreme mood swings, which would explain why I am Dr.Jekyl and Mr.Hyde most of the time.

Graves causes a super high metabolism, thyroid storms, headaches, joint aches, food sensitivities, insomnia, etc. etc. etc.

I am still trying to wrap my head about #1 - losing my super power. Feeling as tired as all of my friends. Cutting back. Taking time for myself.

#2. Treatments. They all suck. All of them.

Pretty much take a person like me who doesn't trust the pharmacutical companies enough to Vaccinate my kids and now I have to be dependent on them for the REST OF MY LIFE.

Forever.

and ever.

I also have to render my thyroid useless. Kill it or cut it out, and then go the other way, and try and manage all the weight gain, the tiredness, the exhaustion, while taking care of 3 kids under 6. (did I mention that I am homeschooling as well?!)

Maybe I should just get pregnant again and push it off.....

So if you have been wondering why my moods are all over the place, why I am grumpy, mad and all the rest...there it is.

And no, not contagious. Caused by environmental factors. Which could literally be anything from being on Formula as a baby to microwaving hotdogs under a plastic cover. Or maybe ny flavoured water addiction.....

When there is a will....

2011-07-10T00:06:00.006-07:00

**Warning - This is one of those TMI posts about kids and poop.***

So my 3 year old is not potty trained.

We have tried EVERYTHING.

Stickers, stamps, star charts, no diapers, pull ups, just underwear, going every 30 minutes, going every 15 minutes, sitting before breakfast, sitting before bed, reading stories, playing games, yelling, threatining, bribing and giving up completely.

EVERYTHING.

So he knows where the poop and pee go, but he doesn't care. He would be happy to sit in filth all day long.

We are getting better. He is asking to go pee, and the fact that he learned how to stand and pee is making it a little better. It's a novelty, so he tries to go every so often.

Poop is a whole other story.

He used to hide...like under the sink. Most likely because he got yelled at. Yes, I know. Bad mom. Apology, apology, etc.

So the other day I am getting dinner ready, I have the older one talking my ear off about a new transformer and how it changes his perception of the universe; while his little baby brother tries to take his first steps between my legs as I am trying to pour pasta water out....and I notice the 3 year old is missing.

I know in my gut what he is doing. Mom intuition.

I RUN up the stair to catch him mid squat in the *carpeted* stairwell. He looks at me with a "Shoot! Mom caught me" look.

I pick him up without a word and take him to the potty. He says, "I had an accident mom."

I say, "I know." and then because I am frustrated and there is poo everywhere *just* beore eating dinner I say, "but you know what, you have to sleep in your own bed, because only boys that poop in the potty get to sleep with their brothers."

Fit ensues. Dinner, Bath, PJ's, Story....and then take him to his room. Fit continues.

I explain that until he poops in the potty he cant sleep in his brothers room. He RUNS to the bathroom, rips down his pull up, sits on the toilet and PUSHES like he is passing a gall stone. Goes red in the face, and poops out the *teeniest* poop he has ever done.

He looks at me and says, "I pooed in the potty mama! Now I get to sleep in Ks room!"

You got me there.

At Least it's Clean

2011-07-09T23:47:00.005-07:00

I wanted to post this before I forgot. A snapshot in a day of the life with 3 small boys when your husband works away from home.

I have this couch in my garage. Don't ask me why or how it got there. Just know that it is in perfect (kidless) condition and will not fit down my stairs. Of course the fact that it is in my garage means that my van can not fit in the garage which means it needs to be sold.... perferably BEFORE the snow comes back.

I have put the couch on kiijjij and on craigslist etc. And have gotten a few bites. I have been keeping it set up and clean in the garage, just in case people want to see it. (which is hard...because it is in my garage...as well as the lawnmower, and gardening tools).

Yesterday I had made an appointment for a woman to come and look at my couch. She wanted to come around one. So at 11:30am I decided to start to wrangle the boys into their clothes so that they looked presentable when a stranger was to come.

At 12:30pm they were finally dressed. I threw them outside in the backyard to play on the swings while I put the baby in the carrier so that I wouldn't have to worry about him when the lady came.

I walked outside with the baby on my back and watched and felt my mouth go into a silent "O" of horror as I looked at my middle child, the 3 year old, hose in hand spraying directly into the garage, right beside the couch.

"I am cleaning it mama. The garage!" O.M.G

The lady was coming to look at this "mint" couch and my 3 year old was trying to give it a bath.

OY!

Needless to say the couch is still there. (not because it got wet, because he *just* missed it)

We will try again another day.

Crying It Out....Again (RANT)

2011-06-28T15:14:00.003-07:00

My cousin recently posted on her FB status that she was having a hard time putting her littlest one to sleep. He is just under a year old. Somehow, this opened her up for complete unsolicited advice from all of her "friends".

What skeeves me the most is that people get so passionate about this subject so you can't just say, "I didn't CIO, and my kids sleep great", you get to be attacked for your choice...passive agressively.

Don't Coddle, it's proven children have to "self-soothe"....ummm, really? Prove it. Because I can actually prove the opposite, here, here and here. Oh, and here.

Not to mention that I was a psych major in University and so "attachment theory" was a whole semseter class.

Oh, but "coddling" them will make them more dependent.

No. It doesn't. And I have a 3 year old who can tell you that for sure.

Dependence LEADS to Independence.

Once a child is sure of thier environment and *trusts* the people around them, they will venture out. If they don't.. (or think that you are going to abandon them) then they are much more "clingy."

And can we seriously stop with this "independent" "dependent" "clingy" "coddled" language?

Why DON'T you want your child dependent on you? Would you rather they be "dependent" on a friend? a peer? a stranger? How about a molester?

If you don't nurture your children, some one else will take the opportunity to.

So be HAPPY that they *want* to be with you, to share with you, to be comforted by you, to NEED you.

Just drives me insane.

If you want your child to "self-soothe" and be "independent" at 1 year old, then maybe you should have not "coddled" them as a newborn. Newborns don't need to be "coddled" do they? Maybe you should start the way you want to finish....or maybe you should get a dog.

Ode to Muffins

2011-06-19T15:18:00.002-07:00

I recently volunteered at my son's kindergarten class. They are going to have a kindergarten celebration where they wanted to provide a meal for all of the parents. The day that I volunteered they wanted me to help make muffins with the kids.....problem is, I am not a baker....but that was only the beginning.

It started out simple enough, an email to ask us to bring some mixing bowls and maybe some measuring cups.

I got into the classroom and the teacher then informed me that since the grade 3's were writing their provincial achievement tests (another post on those shortly) in the staff room we could no longer use the kitchen to bake in. (which they had been using the day before)

We were to use the science room in the classroom, which was home to meal worms, and beetles. Yuck. (they were in cages so it was just more squeemish than actually gross)

We also learned that we only had two bowls and so if we wanted to make more than one batch we would need to wait for one full batch to be completely finished.

My partner (another mom) and I started mixing the ingredients in the bowl. We added the butter and then the sugar, and then looked for something to cream them with. There were no utensils, since we were not in the kitchen! I ran down to the main office to ask for a couple forks and the admin assistant said, "I can not have you go into the staff room as there are children writing an exam. I do have some spoons that you can have." and she passed me some PLASTIC spoons. I looked at them and said, "I can't really cream with plastic." She shrugged.

I went back to the classroom with my spoons.

Both the teacher and the other mom laughed when they saw what I brought back. We attempted to do the best we could with the things that we had. Mashing bananas to mix with a plastic spoon was a laughable sight.

With our incredibly lumpy mixture, we went on to the dry ingredients and saw that we needed another bowl, which we did not have.

I caved and called my husband to bring me my electric stand mixer.

I went out front and waited in the rain for him to take the 10 minutes that it took to get both of our other kids in the van, load the mixer and be my hero.

I ran back into the classroom with all the necessary tools to bake. We cruised through the rest of the instructions, and put little baking cups in the muffin tins.

Poured in the mixture and then headed to the break room by the gym where an extra oven was pre-heating.

We got to the room, and a little girl and he OT were writing the exam at the table. We were shot a look like...can you see we are writing here? We quietly tip-toed in and then put the muffins in.

I went back to the classroom and nursed my hurt hand, which had gotten bruised when the kids switched the mixer to "on" when I was plugging it in.

After the 15 mins, we went back to get our muffins which turned out wonderfully, and the OT said, "please take them out as they are too distracting!" We had 2 more batches to go.

She asked if we could wait until after the test....but we couldnt because the kindergarten class was over before the test would be over.

So two more batches went in, and we felt so bad going in and disturbing the test. (why they did not go to the library I am not sure).

We started to clean up by using the sink, which had horrible water pressure and then lacking paper towels. Finally, the OT came in to apologize for getting in our way and offered us the kitchen sink to clean up.

The muffins turned out wonderfully, and while it was a bit chaotic the kids learned a whole lot.

Lesson of the day - never take your kitchen for granted.

What is...A Food Coop?

2011-04-11T20:34:00.003-07:00

There is no question that food is one of the most expensive things that you have to buy. That and with the fact that you actually have to continue to buy it no matter what - or you will literally starve.

There are lots of studies done on food; the right food, the wrong food, etc, etc, etc.... but for the most part organic, and fresh is the best way to go.

I live in a cold climate where the growing season is less than 4 months at best, so I supplement my family's diet with food from a Organic Food Buying Coop.

The way that it works is that you find an existing coop (the easiest) or start your own by finding 4 or more family's that want to work with each other cooperatively to save money on food.

You have to find a Company that then ships to a Distributor in your city. We use Horizon who is okay with food buying coops. We only have the rules of having to have a credit card on File and that we need to order a minimum of $1200 every order (be that monthly, every two months, every 10 weeks or even quarterly.)

Once you set up your Coop, you need to figure out a way to organize the order. We use www.foodclub.org which offers free software to keep track of what people order out of the catalogue, the invoices etc.

We have 2 people who follow the order from the beginning to the end, by making sure that we add our cases in a timely matter, call/email in the order, and arrange for pickup.

The great thing about a Food Coop is that you share the costs by splitting cases. You also save money because you take out the middle man. The Cooperative part is that you have to give up a few hours of your day on a Sunday or Saturday every two months (or so) and then go to the distributor and pick up the food, put it in your vehicle, sort it out and shop. :)

You may be skeptical, but I can honestly say that my 250g Goat Cheddar costs between $7 - 11 dollars at the store and costs me $5.90/bar from the food coop. (and that is just cheese!)

Any thing that you buy from a natural or whole foods store is available (minus the fresh produce), is available for 25 - 50% off the price.

Couple this with shopping at farmers markets and buying meat in bulk (direct from farmers), help to keep my family healthy.

We spend $250/every two months on Food Coop, $125-150/week for Fresh Food, and $100/month on Meat....for a family of 5.

I think that it is worth it.

Typical

2011-04-06T21:09:00.004-07:00

So my eldest son at 6 years old has a super hard time playing by himself or with his little brother for longer than 10 minutes at a time.

I tend to get frustrated because he always wants to be around me, showing me what he is working on at that exact second. For the most part I go and see, but sometimes I have other stuff to do like check my email, do a load of dishes or laundry, put the baby down for a nap or heaven forbid try to take a pee by myself.

My three year old does not really have this issue and will sit with whatever toy for hours on end. Each kid is so different!

I think some of the issue comes back to the six year old's constant learning. He wants to share with me the stuff that he learns because he is a social person. He also loves me so he is curious to see what I am doing and likes to check up on me.

Throughout the day I tell him to go play, take him into the craft room, or play room or his room and get him started on an activity...10 mins later he has come back to me to ask me to come see, to do something else, to have a snack or the like. And I again take him to go and play.

Sometimes I even kick him outside with a shovel and set the timer for 15 mins just so he will stay outside to get some fresh air (in good weather). Of course I have my moments when I get annoyed and yell at him to go and play...and he does, for 10 mins!!!

That is unless....it's 9:30pm and I put him to bed 2 hours ago. He is more than happy to play lego, or read books until midnight alone in his room if I let him....what is up with that??

Pox

2011-03-27T14:20:00.004-07:00

Such a controversial subject. Much more than I could have ever imagined. I don't usually delve into the reasons behind my hippy choices, but I thought in this case I would. Mostly because everyone had to give me their opinions.

The thing is that no one actually knows anything about the chicken pox. No, I am serious. Some doctors that I have talked to think it is liken to the plague, while others are not bothered by it at all. Some nurses encouraged me to expose my kids, while others thought it was one of the worst things that a person could do. No one could really tell me much about it, how to catch it, how to manage it or how long it lasts....but they could tell me that there is a vaccine.

I have chosen to delay vaccinations for my children because I had an extremely adverse reaction to the DPT vaccine as a 18month old child. So bad that they could not get my fever down for many hours, mis-diagnosed me with meningitis and gave me a spinal tap. I do not feel that I need to take that risk for my sons. I also do not like the fact that the vaccine for chicken pox is now conveniently located in the MMR shot...which is the most controversial shot out there at the moment.

Also, the vaccine schedule changes for children at the age of 7, where you get LESS vaccines and single dose vaccines...shouldn't it be the other way around?

In any case I exposed my middle child because he has the highest immunity and so I thought I would get him done, and then he would pass it to the other two...however, the biggest one got it first, and then the middle.

It is a lot different than I thought it was. They had a mild fever, wanted a little more of a cuddle, and were more wired than anything else...of course they have spots, but at most we have 30. I know that this is probably a mild case, but it makes me wonder why people think the vaccine is any better. Some kids still get it even with the vax, and McLeans just put out an article stating that the risk for shingles (which everyone seems to be up in arms about) is on the rise SINCE the vaccine has been released. But wait! They have a vaccine for shingles now so I guess we are all covered.

In the end I wanted my kids to get it before they were 7. And if they had made it to 7 without catching it naturally then I would have vaccinated them...oh and if you are over 7 and never had it - there is a vaccine for you.

I think what I have learned from this whole experience is to continue to listen to my own gut, do my own research and hope for the best.

Flagstaff to Tucson

2011-03-13T20:25:00.002-07:00

Arizona is such a neat state as it goes from desert canyons to mountains with pines to saguaro cactus. It really is amazing.

The kids were pretty happy at this part of the trip because we were so close to getting to granny's house. They just sat quietly and played with the myriad of toys that were now strewn around the back seat of the van.

While in Utah I had googled for a store that sold my coconut milk yogurt (which is not available in Canada) and got a hit for Whole Foods in Phoenix. The husband was not happy to be driving through gridlock in the afternoon of a strange city, but it was really cool to see and we liked it instantly.

The problem with this trip was that we were flying through all the cities while the kids were good or the baby was sleeping and missing the travelling part. Seeing the real people in a different city, so stopping to go to a grocery store was actually really cool.

When we got to Whole Foods I felt like I had just hit Disney Land for people like me! Almost everything had a vegan option!! It was amazing! And so many different snacks for the kids. Things that I just can't buy here. I dropped almost 100 dollars in no time....hoping that my food wouldn't spoil before we made it to granny's.

We got some great sandwiches to eat on the way (and these weird smoothie bags for Ewan) and we were on the way.

Less than 2 hours later we pulled into Granny's house! The kids were so excited and we were happy that we just didn't have to sleep in a hotel for another night.

Provo, Utah to Flagstaff, Arizona

2011-03-06T10:56:00.001-07:00

I don’t think that I have ever seen anything as beautiful as the drive from Provo, Utah to Flagstaff Arizona. We took the Scenic Byway – Hwy 89 and the sights were something out of this world. From the amazing red rock canyons all the way to the pine trees of Flagstaff this part of the trip was like candy for the eyes.

Of course the kids were less than enthused that we would have 1 more sleep until we saw Granny…”But we are in Arizona mom!!” and so I brought out the sticker books and Bakugan Stickers and all was well for a couple hours. I had also invested in dry-erase crayons and white boards from the dollar store. (much smarter than dry erase markers…)

By waking up early, the baby would nurse before being put in the car and then we would stop for a snack at 10am, then noon for lunch and then 2pm for another snack (unless he was sleeping from 1-3pm) in which case we would push through unless someone had to pee.

The Hwy 89 is like one of those highways that you see in the James Bond movies or car commercials. Incredibly beautiful and roads that wind around and down the moutain ranges. Chris said that he would LOVE to come back with something with a little more horsepower and sleekness than that of a minivan.

We went into Bryce Canyon and I can honestly say that it was the most spectacular thing that I have EVER seen in my entire life and if you are going into Utah it is well worth the stop. We had a nice lunch of Subway that we had gotten from Panquitch, and then after the canyon stopped at the gas station at Carmel Junction to pee and get more water. (The bathrooms were really nice for a gas station! I was pleasantly surprised!)

The next stop was Kanab, but seconds before we hit the town we saw a place that we could go into a cave system, but in true Utah fashion the flow of traffic was going way too fast and the sign came way too late for us to stop and see them. We are going to try for the way back.

As the red rock changed to orange I thought of all the mothers who must have such a job cleaning dirty mud prints from their children and/or pets!

We passed over a dam and decided that when we drove back that it would be a stop, and we stopped at a scenic point to get our pictures taken. The kids were happily watching Ponyo (thanks to a great friend lending me her DVD library) and we continued with not much issue to Page, Arizona.

That is until we left Page. We should have stayed the night as the kids were done! So the next 2 hrs were the worst part of the trip so far. No amount of DVD’s, food or anything would make them happy. So we hit the road hard, and made it into Flagstaff….we did get a little lost and had to rely on the TomTom to make it to the hotel. We ordered from the Olive Garden and went fast to sleep!

Idaho to Provo, Utah

2011-03-06T10:55:00.000-07:00

Once the children had been fed and watered at the Lava Rocks we continued on.

Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to see outside because the weather was so bad. We happened to dive right through a snow warning and wished that we had invested in a couple pairs of winter at parts of the trip.

We were so thankful that we have a van with a DVD player in it, as the kids watched back to back movies. Since this day seemed so much longer because of the lack of secenery to look at we brought out the Tag Reader and the Leapster. I had gone out before hand and uploaded new books to the Tag (for Ryan) and we bought a new game for Keenan (which we would have had to anyway, since we lost all the games in the move…what is up with that?!).

But by far the BEST toy that we bought (and that I brought out) for this leg of the trip was a Lego Hero for each of the bigger boys. They played with those robots for hours and hours and hours! They were so obsessed with these toys that we actually bought two new ones for the ride home.

This was the day of great contemplation and conversation for the two adults in the car who do not always see eye-to-eye all the time. Topics ranged from spirituality, to school, to philosophy to 5 year plans and beyond.

I have said many times on my blog about how I have been a single parent this last year with my husband going away so often for work, so it was nice to be able to just have a conversation with him uninterrupted by the children who were glued to Finding Nemo and Lego Heros.

Once we hit Utah we were surprised how it was such a diverse landscape. Which would be a theme that continued with us on the trip down to the bottom of the states.

One thing I can say about Utahan’s is that they are incredibly nice people, so polite and helpful….but the most incredibly fast drivers that I have ever encountered. The flow of traffic was at least 30 over the speed limit making me and my family of travelers looking like an old man going for a leisurely drive on a Sunday afternoon.

Once we hit Salt Lake City we really saw what I would say was the first stereotypical American city that we would see on the trip. HUGE. I thought that my home city was big…um no.

Salt Lake went for miles and its subdivisions were as big as my own city. The architecture was amazing! It was such a beautiful city. We did not have as much time as I would have liked to see it all, but we are hoping to see more of it on the way back.

The kids were melting by the time we made it to the hotel, so the pool was a welcome sight for us all. We also ordered Dominos and were FLOORED by how cheap it was. We quickly had dinner, went for a walk by the river to stretch our legs and went to sleep to get up early for the next day!

Butte Montana to Idaho

2011-03-04T06:42:00.000-07:00

Day 2 started not too bad. The kids did not sleep that well because our dog (oh did I mention that we took the dog?) would growl or bark under breath at every. Single. Little noise that she heard…which was a lot when you factor in the partiers that just had to stay up until 1 am that morning. Should I mention that our kids were super loud at 6am and that we didn’t tell them to be quiet, to return the favor. ;P

The breakfast room was amazing! The boys had eggs, fruit, toast and cereal with 3 helpings of juice. We made sure to bring in our to-go cups and Chris filled his with coffee and I with hot water to make instant oatmeal for Ewan later in our trip. (I also took some plastic cultlery and a couple cups that were awesome for putting freeze dried blueberries in for the boys so that they didn’t drop them on the floor of the van.

We drove through the rest of Montana which was pretty chilly weather wise, so we are not too sure why people think that Canada is so cold…because Montana and Idaho are pretty much the same. FREEZING!!

We stopped at the Walmart in Butte to grab some more snacky foods as the ones from home were being depleted pretty fast. We got some buns, peanut butter and jam thinking ahead about lunch. There is a McDonalds in pretty much every town but I am anti McDonalds…I know, I know, every fast food place is just as bad as McDonalds, but I have chosen them as my boycott and so I don’t eat there (or let my kids either – that goes for Wendy’s, DQ, Harveys and the like..)

We had to stop about every two hours for a gas fill-up and a pee from one of the kids (who did really well btw – Ryan kept a clean diaper the whole trip!)

We ended up stopping at Lava Rock formations in Idaho when the weather cleared for a moment to make our PB&J’s and look at the scenery (oh, and feed that baby!!) It was cold! Really cold! They (the husband and the two older boys) only lasted out there for maybe 10 minutes. (they were only wearing polar fleece though.)

Ryan took this opportunity to have the blowout of the century in true vacation fashion and I decided since it seemed that less girls were using the facilities I would take him in to change him.

I did have a little hissy fit as I had not yet figured how to pack the van for optimal usage and the wipes were buried where they shouldn’t be. So I ended up throwing stuff and yelling, and having to meekly apologize once I had attended to the disaster in my 3 year olds pants.

Lethbridge, the Border and Beyond

2011-03-03T20:15:00.001-07:00

Once we left Lethbridge to continue our pilgrimage to the U. S. of A the ride was smooth sailing. We made sure to leave C-spot before the baby needed a nap so he slept for most of the trip down.

Going through Couts and Milk River was nice to see as we had only been that far once. We hope to make it to Writing on Stone National Park this year…as well as Ontario, and Victoria…lol.

The boarder was not at all what I expected it to be. I seriously thought that it would be a huge wall with guard dogs and guards everywhere…guess I watch too much TV! Not to say that there was no security there, because there was…just not to the extent (that I could see) that I thought there would be.

The guard asked the simple questions, where are we going, how long etc, and looked at the passports. As we drove away K exclaimed that he could see the guards gun.

Once we crossed the border we were heading for Butte Montana.

Montana is a beautiful state with mountain ranges and praire like fields. Other than the speed limit increasing to 130km/hr we didn’t notice much of a difference at all for the first jaunt of the journey.

As we headed towards little towns and cities we could see the shift from Canadian to Americanisms. The signs from the highway were over 50 feet in the air, so you could see them from the highway. Also, the towns were packed really really close together, so you would have nothing to look at but field for miles and then a huge city!

Another thing that we noticed right away was the lack of “Welcome to” signs. There would be a little sign that said Butte X amt of miles away, and then the turn-off but no big sign to say that this was the town. I guess it would be a bit redundant, but I like to take pictures of the welcome signs so I was surprised when there was none to be found.

Butte Montana was again not what I expected. I really thought that American cities were really big and full of super rich people, and in Butte it was kind of the opposite. One main road runs the length of the city and there are casinos on every other, if not every corner. The city looked a little like it was lost in the 1980’s but it was still a pretty little town with all the amenities (read Walmart) that you would ever need.

The best thing about the hotel that we stayed at was that it had a pool and room service provided by Perkins, who also provided the BEST breakfast room I think I have ever seen in all my days of travelling EVER. The boys LOVED the pool and the food and in the end isn’t that all that matters??

Happy Kids for Day 1.

The Road Trip. C-Spot to L.A.

2011-02-28T19:37:00.005-07:00

When my husband suggested that we go on a holiday in the winter I completely agreed. Warm sun, surf and sand was just what the doctor ordered, especially since my home city did not get above 20 degrees in the summer this year.

When he then said that he would like to visit his parents in Arizona, I thought, "yes, that would be cool. Save on the lodging and the kids get to see Granny and Grandad."

Then when he said he wanted to DRIVE all the way down there in 4 days...well then I wasn't so sure.

We planned to get up early and start the 4 day trek at 5am...of course it is *our* family so we ended up leaving the house by 8am.

After the routine stop at Timmies we got on the road.

The ride to Lethbridge was uneventful. I had packed up a bunch of new toys for the boys to play with and had plenty of snacks so they were quite satisfied for the ride there. We had done that particular drive many many times before because Chris and I actually met at the University of Lethbridge and so we like to visit often.

I decided to get the camera out and start taking pictures of the sights as we passed them, and then noticed that we did not have the memory card in the camera. I had taken the point and shoot out of my purse in favor of the bigger camera, but they both used the same memory card and I had forgotten to put it into the bigger camera.

So...at 11am when the London Drugs opened in Lethbridge Chris went in to get a new memory card.

The next stop was the border and the boys, in true boy fashion started to squeal just as we were going through. Thankfully the guard was a nice one and just laughed as we went through.

End of an Era.

2011-02-17T21:40:00.005-07:00

A couple of days ago my favourite parenting magazine Mothering said that it could no longer sustain the magazine portion of their business and that they are going to go towards an information/web only form of publication.

I was shocked. Mothering has been around since the late 70's! I could not believe that such an important part of my information gathering was going to be no more. I give out these magazines to clients and to friends who have babies and so I am sad that this part of the company will be no more. I love the realness of a magazine, the smell, the feel and the fact that I can stash them just about everywhere. I will have to guard my back issues that much more carefully. :)

I have been thinking alot on why this has happened. Of course the American economy is partly to blame, and they could have too much staff or what have you. But I think the real reason is because they are no longer a "Fringe" magazine.

Let me explain. For many many years Mothering has been accepted by one type of person. Your super crunchy attachment parent. (of course Natural Family Living as well). So you had one type of subscriber that would pay $30 or more (which is almost double than other "mainstream" parenting mags) because they wanted to feel that others felt the same way.

After 2005, "AP" became more "mainstream". I used to be on a parenting support forum that really was a proponent of Crying it Out, or smacking, or yelling and all out "seen but not heard" children. I went back again to see what their thoughts were, just because I was curious, and instead they were talking about their favourite slings, cloth diapers, sleeping in the same bed as the baby, and nursing well past a year.

I was kinda thrown.

But it's true. Attachment parenting principals are becoming more widely used. Mostly because parents are listening to their guts and not the textbook, or the doctor, or their mom, or whoever...just themselves.

And so with this "trend" mainstream magazines are more likely to print about safe ways to sleep with your baby, how to breastfeed, and what sling is the most awesome....and that takes market share away from Mothering as you can get 24 issues of Todays Parent for $1! (which is way cheaper...)

In a way, they kind of helped to make themselves obsolete.....and I am not sure if that is good or bad in the end.

Burned by Facebook

2011-02-17T11:08:00.004-07:00

Since I don't think it can get any worse than it already is I thought that I would write a blogpost.

A couple days ago I posted a picture on my facebook account. Many people commented on it...

It was simple enough, a picture of my house and one of my kids.

I was posting it to show my husband what the house looks like moments before he gets home. I went upstairs to put my kids to bed and then came down stairs to a shit show.

Usually I don't post profanities on my blog but in this instance I am calling it like I see it.

What I came down to was something that I am feeling the ramifications 3 full days later. To make it as simple as possible, my mother in law and friends were having a difference of opinion. (and neither side was backing down).

I am not going to take sides on this one as it is impossible. The sad fact of the matter and the reason for this particular blogpost is for me to vet out my feelings about it.

Everyone involved were adults and adults make their own decisions on how to respond and ways to conduct themselves. So I am not going to apologize for the way that people handled themselves and that is not my cross to bear as *I* was not involved in the least bit, all I did was post a picture of my life on my personal FB account.

What the purpose of this blogpost is, is to make people think, maybe for a second on *WHAT* they are posting on *other* peoples pages. Yes, I get that FB is an open and public forum...but I have said again and again that we would NEVER say the stuff that we say to people on FB that we would to their faces. The social tact is gone, replaced by the ability to say what ever we want, never actually having to deal with the actual consequences.

Whether or not you feel that someone is out of line or whatever, you have to think of how this will effect the original page owner.

All I know is that all the comments from one little picture has now put stress on the relationship between me and my MIL, me and my friends, me and my husband, me and my immediate family, and stress and conflicted feelings within myself.

I never thought that *I* would be a person that would dislike facebook and think about deleting my account...but at this moment, I do.

So in the future. Think before you Facebook!

More Food Wars

2011-02-15T09:52:00.004-07:00

In my last post I complained about the school that my son goes to gave him hot chocolate without asking me first. I did talk to the teacher and she had read the ingredients as so not to give it to him if there was dairy in it, and there was none. She told me that she has a daughter with an allergy so that she double and triple checks with my son, but sometimes forgets to get a hold of me (which I totally understand, but that if for another blog post).

Yesterday was Valentines Day. I was incredibly excited that the children had decided that they did not want to do valentines as they found them wasteful and instead to bring a donation for the Children's Hospital in our area. They were however going to have a Valentines Day party and asked the parents to send a "healthy snack".

I do not now where people think that cakes and cookies are healthy! It blows my mind! I get it, its a party, its valentines, cupcakes and cookies in the shape of a heart...cute..I know...but NOT healthy!

I sent my son with tomato and cheese skewers and pineapple hearts...and you know what? They were all gone when I got the container back.

Children will choose healthy foods if there is an option!

I know, I shouldn't really complain. The parents are trying to get involved with their kids and supply snacks that they will enjoy ~ and who doesn't enjoy a good sugar cookie? But, then to wonder why the kids are all grouchy, acting out, and the like after a party that really allowed them to stuff on junk for 2 hours is really a no brainer.

And please, please don't get me started on the red food dye!!!

Food Fight

2011-02-09T12:49:00.004-07:00

My son told me that he had a hot chocolate in class today.

I completely freaked out.

I have a dairy allergy. No, it's not life threatening, but it hurts like heck. Think of the worst pain you have had now stick it in your gut. I have also gotten hives and had trouble breathing so I am sure that if I pushed it...it could be a little more of an issue.

When keenan was 1 year old a stranger (mom) fed him some goldfish crackers and he had such a violent reaction to them that I never EVER gave him a milk product like that again.

It could have been the orange dye, it could have been the day, it could have been a lot of things, but all I know is that I had NEVER seen him in so much pain. So I now tell everyone that he cannot eat cow's dairy and we cook accordingly, and buy snacks accordingly.

I do have to say that I do cheat once in a blue moon...a cookie here (not chocolate), or a muffin there (not buttermilk) or even a super small piece of cake at a birthday party (with no icing). Even though I cheat I don't think that means that he can get dairy whenever *someone* else chooses.

After he told me, I panicked. I pictured someone giving him a whole glass of heated chocolate milk!! I jumped out of the van to ask the volunteer coordinator if it was true and she wasnt sure. So I asked the other kids. Yes, water and powder.

The other moms asked me what was the big deal? I said because Hot Chocolate is made with milk. They said, well if it was the powder and water, then it shouldn't be a problem.....okay.....but what is the powder made from? (usually skim milk).

What if I gave my friend's kid that was allergic to peanuts a piece of crust that had a tiny bit of peanut butter on it....would that be okay? I know it wouldn't. And yes, argue with me that milk wont kill my kid, because it won't. But what if I was Jewish? Is it okay to give him something with bacon on it?

The bottom line is that people who do not have allergies or sensitivities do not give any thought to those of us who do. It makes me crazy. (and I probably looked crazy running out of the van to ask the other moms about a drink given in class).

I just have problems with people giving my kid food that I did not Ok. Does that make me over protective? Nuts?

What do you think? Am I making a mountain out of a mole hill?

Bad Breastfeeding

2011-02-02T01:38:00.005-07:00

When I had my first son I was convinced that it would be super easy to breastfeed. I mean my mom breastfed all of her kids (4 of us) until the age of 2! How hard could it be? Babies are born to be breastfed right??

Well, yes....but it was not that easy. The thing was that I was so over confident that no one realized that I was doing it wrong. My latch was terrible and my son was losing weight, fussy and not thriving. My whole mothering concept was wrapped up in being able to nourish this baby from my breast. If I couldn't do it, then I was not a "real" mom.

I had to supplement for a while and donor milk was so under ground that I had no choice but to formula feed while I pumped day and night and took the maximum dosage of motilium just to get a supply back...and I did. When Keenan was 7 months we were able to do away with formula. He was on solids and my milk made up the rest. I was ecstatic...

BUT. I can see how damaging all that was to my self esteem...all the over obsessing and weighing and crying and thinking I was damaging my son...I went to a couple LLL meetings when I was in the midst of it all and found very supportive help. More help than that of the breastfeeding clinic who told me that I was causing brain damage by refusing to supplement.

I over heard many people talk disparagingly about other women in the LLL, saying that they were militant etc. etc. and my experience was not that way at all.

Fast forward to now. Having now breastfed 3 children, 2 to 2 years old, and the last one going strong at 10 months I bristle at the way that nursing moms talk about formula feeding moms. Online chat rooms, forums, facebook pages, blogs and twitter.

Calling them uneducated, or ignorant, or selfish for "choosing" formula over the better, more superior choice. Laughing and saying, "my breastmilk has no bugs in it!" after a woman found little bugs in her powdered formula. This lactivism that seems to be out of control in the social media world. It doesn't really stop there. Someone will step up and say, "hey, some of this is a little insulting" and then an onslaught of comments ranging from the woman's education to the way she is raising her own child come into question. The woman herself becomes a punching bag for those demonizing formula.

Don't get me wrong, I think breastfeeding is best, but I also think that there are other ways to get your message across than flaming mothers who use formula. Comments saying that because donated milk is readily available that other women can't use any excuse not to use breastmilk.....not taking into account that some women just don't want to use other women's milk. It's not helping. Demonizing Dr.Mercola for creating a more organic, natural formula...it's not helping.

I support breastfeeding moms. I have been to rallies, nurse in's and organized breastfeeding challenges. I nurse in public. I nurse toddlers in public. I smile and thank other women for nursing in public when I see them.

But I also do not walk up to a woman in the mall and tell her that her infant formula is going to cause all these issues with her baby in regards to health, that she is selfish, that she is a bad mom, that she made a horrible, disgusting, choice that her baby never going to forgive her...that isnt okay in real life. Why is that okay on Facebook?

Maybe I do get touchy because breastfeeding wasn't easy for me and that I felt guilty and sick every time I made up a 4 oz bottle of formula. I felt like a failure. I felt like I shouldn't have become a mother. The LAST thing I would have needed would be for some self righteous mom to tell me that I was damaging him. I *knew* that breast is best. But what choice did I really have? We only do as best as we can with the information given to us at the time.

I wish that lactivists would STOP flaming the moms and put your money where your mouth is. Do the research and find a formula company that you can't stand ethically (there are a lot) and boycott them. Write to them. Boycott companies that they support and visa versa. Money; (or lack there of) talks.

Sleep Training.

2011-01-31T23:17:00.001-07:00

My advice to a mom of a 8 month old that wakes up every two hours and is at the end of her rope..

The thing is that some babies can be "trained" by No-Cry, or Shush-Pat, or whatever...but some just can't. You either get a good sleeper or you don't. What is more important is for you to get some coping techniques.

My eldest STILL doesnt sleep though the night and he is 5. (he stopped napping at 15mos as well.)

I would suggest going to bed with him so that you get *some* sleep before that first wake up, and if you leave the lights off he may just dream feed and go back to sleep. I know, it sucks! But when we choose to parent the way that we do, alone/adult time becomes part of the sacrifice.

I also found that the *more* I stressed about sleep the *less* my kids will sleep. It's almost murphys law. If I took a couple days and said, I will just go with it, my kids would not *feel* me trying to pull away and they would become more secure and then let me have more freedom.

Does that make sense?

Our kids can feel when we want space, and feel resentment, and they get scared and insecure so they *latch on* (pun intended) even more.

Younger and Wiser?

2011-01-27T17:40:00.003-07:00

I was just looking at a bunch of my favourite Bloggers the other day PhD in Parenting, CodeName Mama, The Feminist Breeder and Christie Haskell on the Stir. All pretty much blog about my "type" of parenting. I think their blogs are wonderfully informative and I forward them often to friends on Facebook.

I was noticing today, as they have all posted about their own families recently, that not one of them has a child *over* 6. (PhD in Parenting's son is the oldest and born in 2004)

What is up with that?

It's a theme that has been following me for a while and just now rearing it's ugly head in my Blogreel. My child is older than the children of a lot of the parents that I go to for advice.

I really don;t think that this is intentional...I follow blogs because I am a techy. I have had this particular blog since I was pregnant with my first (way back in 2004/2005) because I was looking for somewhere that I could share the milestones of pregnancy with friends (since I was the first to get preggo - well... second).

Some would say that maybe it is because Blogging is so new. Well, that is kinda true but there are bloggers of teenagers out there..they just don't blog about "parenting" and more about "life" or school/food/crafts/cakes/etc. etc.

Others would say that it is because "Attachment Parenting" or "instinctual parenting" or what ever you want to call it, is new....and it really isnt. Dr.Sears came out with his first books in the late 70's early 80's...and my own mother breastfed and co-slept with ALL her kids until they were 2. (not to mention sharing feelings, gentle discipline...the whole deal (pssst. she was also a TEEN mom - does that shock you?! :P )

I feel that when I read these posts of my favourite bloggers I get more of a sense of validation...that yes, I have been saying that all along, or hey, I blogged about that 3 years ago, or just wait until your child is 4....

What I would love is to read a blog by a mother who parents like I do, but has children that are OLDER than mine. I want to see what she would have done *differently* so that I can maybe change some of the things that I do in my life.

When everyone is going through the same thing, it is great to commiserate, but you don't learn as much as listening to someone who has already *been* at that stage and survived to tell the tale.

What do you think? Do you follow any "AP" blogs that feature parents who have older kids????

Great Apps for Preschoolers

2011-01-24T13:27:00.001-07:00

While many parents will shy away from technology I have fully embraced it for me and my kids. We are all apple users. A year ago I got a MacBook Pro for Christmas from my hubby and with the purchase we got a free iPod Touch. It kind of sat dormant in the car until one day I was searching "Transformer" Apps out of curiosity and then both me and my 5 year old son have been hooked!

Many parents wonder what are some Apps that are appropriate for kids, so I have put together a list of all the Apps that my children (preschoolers) love!

Angry birds - Who doesn't love this App? It is incredibly easy to navigate and it teaches physics at the same time. While my son just loads the slingshot and fires without much thought...he loves to see the buildings crash to the ground. He also passes some levels that I get stuck on, because he just doesn't stop firing!

Animatch - A matching game. I am not a huge fan of the matching games but my kids love them. This one is more for the 5 year old and not the 3 year old as the little one just gets frustrated. The cool part about this App is that when you press on a tile it makes the sound that the animal makes so not only are you using visual learning, but audio as well. (and kinaesthetic if you attribute that to the tap screen.)

Glow free - These are kind of like old school "paint" for windows. You just pick a colour and drag it across the screen. Both boys like this App. Easy, easy to use.

Fire Lite - This is a really cool App. It is just like the "paint" above but it is with fire. The kids can make it glow and get hotter and change the direction of the flame. Even I like this one!

Zoola - This is a great App for the under 5 set. (yes I let my 3 year old play too!) This App. has 3 screens with 12 animals each. Farm, safari and forest. The child presses one of the animals and it lets you see/hear how to say it's name and what it sounds like (male, female and baby). I really like this one, and my 3 year old does too! It is a really easy to use App. and great for teaching the little ones how an iPod/iPhone works.

Planets - This App. isn't really for kids but it is a Free App. and you can't go wrong with Free! It actually shows you all the constellations and the way that the planets look in 3D. My kids don't understand this one as much but they like to look at Earth and Venus and se how alike they are and it leads to many different conversations about space!

Cute Math - Exactly like it says...cute! This is another Free App. so the quality isn't that great (picture wise) but the idea is there, and I don't think the kids notice that the graphics are not outstanding. Kids are told how many melons or apples they are supposed to collect and then drag them to the basket. They also do easy adding and subtracting. A little early for my particular kids, but you can never start math too early in my opinion. :)

Feed Me (french) - This is another great Free App. that teaches kids french. (Although I wish I understood it!) Oh, well....exposure to another language is good...right?

Lekar - This App. is made by IKEA, which I think is awesome. IKEA is known for being an innovative company and this App. is no exception. It's whole premise is to get you up and active with your kids, and I love that!!

Animals Lite - This is a letter/word recognition game where the child drags the letters into the right spots to make a word. Each letter says it's name and when they are strung together properly they hear what the word says. This one is more for 4-6year olds.

Tales 2 Go - I just downloaded this App. as they had a free trial. It is basically stories for different age groups. My kids don't love this one as much as Angry Birds or Make a Martian, but they do use it and sit quietly for the amount of time it takes for the story to finish...which is a win in my books!

Word Wiggler - What starts with this letter, etc. This App. is great for learning letter recognition. Both my boys love this App. and it is super easy to navigate for the 3 year old which is awesome. I like how they will play this one together, the older one telling the younger which is right!

Make A Martian - The kids LOVE this one, and who wouldn't? Super easy to use for both the kids and this is the one that they fight over... (need a new iPod it seems). The basic premise is that the kids click different eyes, ears and tentacles among other things! I really recommend this one.

And lastly, the App. that started it all.

Cybertoy Free - Or so it says! This App. is smart because each transformer costs .99c and of course the kids want everyone. I do like that they can transform the cars with a swipe of a finger and that there is an option for Bumblebee to bust a move, but otherwise this is the App. that I load when I need that 15 mins of peace.

Do you have any favourites? Leave your suggestions in comments.

Screw the Books

2011-01-21T21:36:00.004-07:00

As some of you may know I have been in this parenting journey for 5 years. Funny enough 5 years seems like a lifetime. Working with parents I am exposed to a lot of mommy judgement, not directed at me in particular but listening to moms conversations when I am setting up or taking down a class, trade fair, event etc.

And every single year new moms put their feet so far up their butts it is not even funny. They talk and gossip about how so-and -so and her kid is so this or so that. How the kid will be messed up, and how they will NEVER do that....

I know, I know! I did it too!! This is the sad part. We are so disconnected with our community that we don't even know it!! Imagine if you became friends with moms before you were pregnant...if we had an opportunity to learn rather than judge?

When I had my first son I had to run into a local baby store to grab a soother clip or something and left him in the car with my husband...he was 3 0r 4 months old. In the store there were these two moms having a conversation, one was holding her baby and the other had her (7 to 9 month old) baby sitting/crawling on the floor.

I can't tell you how disgusted I was. I mean that baby was on the dirty store floor!!! Gross.....laughable isnt it?!

My children would NEVER go on a gross floor like that....oh yes they would! And later when I had my third he would eat cheerios of said gross floor if it meant I could make a purchase with both hands!

The Feminist Breeder wrote a post recently about this phenomena. It's so true, each generation of mothers sits upon her high horse if only for a moment to be kicked off by her kid...maybe not kid #1, or #2 but at some point she will.

Reading every parenting book and following every class and doing everything that the "experts" say will NOT make your kids any less fucked up than they are going to be. It will just make you feel more depressed that you are doing it all *wrong*.

YOU ARE NOT DOING IT WRONG.

Impossible Passport Photos

2011-01-19T23:02:00.004-07:00

We would like to take a holiday into the states later this year to visit family. We thought that we would drive since we really don't want to have to deal with any of the TSA drama that has been unfolding in the last couple months.

We also thought that it may be a good experiment to either A. See how insane we really are. or B. See if we can make it as far as it will take us to the cottage in the summer, and C. If we can make it there without killing ourselves, the kids or eachother (all in the figurate sense of course!)

So the trip (driving) is going to take us a minimum of 3 days. We know that to be realistic that it will probably take closer to 4 because we have 3 small children and a dog that will probably need to pee just as mush as the children do...so maybe 4 days isn't even realistic....hmmmm......

Anyway, because we are leaving our beautiful but COLD country and decided to go down to the warmer parts of the U.S of A. we needed to get passports. However, getting passport photos for 3 children under the age of 5 is a journey all in itself.

First of all they want your children to look straight on into the camera so that they can see *both* of their ears. This is almost impossible as kids look everywhere BUT where you tell them to. Second their mouths must be shut...ummm...so after you spend YEARS trying to get them to smile at the camera you are now telling them NOT to.

My five year old would not look at the camera even with bribing him to. I tried to no avail to get him to look straight, no smile, chin up, look straight, chin up....straight!!!! It was so frustrating. So finally after we got his picture done and on to the next kid to do this all over, the photog told us...it's too dark!!!

We finally got all the pics done after 45 mins (no joke) of pleading, threatening, and bribing....and still have to see if the passport office will make us do it again.

Sigh.

What are your tips for getting passport pictures done with children?

Pass the Vegetables Please

2011-01-17T18:33:00.004-07:00

My son is a vegetarian. He refuses to eat anything that ever had a heart beat. The rest of our family is about 75 - 80% vegetarian depending on the week. Ever since I had my first son I have been trying to eat more local, sustainable and in season. I have many friends who are vegetarian, vegan and the like, but I have never been able to fully commit myself. (it's the sushi and the lamb).

At first I thought that my son was just an incredibly picky eater. He was only 3 years old. He just didn't like the way chicken tasted...or beef...or lamb...or fish....hmmm. I tried him on Tofu expecting him to turn his nose up at it, I mean even some grown ADULTS turn their nose up to tofu. But no, he gobbled up his whole plate and asked for seconds and thirds!!

I tried to bribe him with chicken nuggets and fish and chips. He wouldn't have any of it. More carrots he would ask, more sweet potatoes, more peas. I finally resigned myself to the fact that my 5 year old can make some decisions all by himself.

He loves Edaname. Can't get enough noodles and loves to eat gnocchi. Veggie Potstickers, spring rolls, and of course peanut butter sandwiches. There isn't too many veggies that he doesn't like apart from mushrooms and black beans.

I used to try and fight it, because lets face it, vegetarian is a better/healthier option...but for a busy mom of 3 sometimes it's easier to get drive thru Swiss Chalet.

Freak of Nature.

2011-01-16T11:18:00.005-07:00

When I would go out with my first I would secretly hope that people would look at me and think how cute my baby was. I really did. I loved getting those smiles that people give you when they see you with your first baby. Of course, they could have been secretly thinking, "hahaha! She doesn't know what she is in for!" But, I think for the most part people just like seeing babies.

After I became pregnant with my second, I would hope the same. I would hold my 2/3 year olds hand and then have the baby in my carrier of choice. We would walk and people would say, "oh, what sweet boys you have..." I really enjoyed just going out with the two of them and walking wherever we needed to go, taking our time and being our silly selves.

I didn't think that it would change. As my brood got bigger I thought that people would still give me that smile and say how precious my kids were. They didn't change, so why would I think that the interaction with people would?

But it did. I wrote about it in this post and this post. It were these outings that made me feel like a freak of nature with all of my kids. And the sad thing is that I only have 3. Many people I know have 4 or even more. I dread going out with them. I feel like everyone is looking at me, and maybe it is all in my head, but I can't handle the judgement. I just don't have the confidence to put up with it.

Sometimes I get the nerve to try go out again with all 3 because I need something that can't wait until the husband comes home. But inevitably every time that I do, fate steps in and shows me that I am a fool to think that anything should really go my way.

For example. We went to the grocery store (ahh the grocery store land of judgement galore) and I had both my kids in the "car cart" and the baby in the wrap (tied loosely because he was nursing). The 3 year old started acting out and standing on his seat, I warned him that I was going to buckle him in..he ignored me. So I calmly leaned over and put the strap on...the baby started fussing because he was being compressed by me bending over (but it would take a SECOND to snap the strap and we could go) and all of a sudden this old lady (70's) came over yelling, "HIS HEAD!! HIS HEAD!! YOU ARE SQUISHING THE BABY'S HEAD!!!" and I was...a bit...(it really wasnt that bad.)

Anyway, the WHOLE aisle then decided to look at this freak wearing this long piece of cloth tied to her squishing her baby, and her two other children crying and whining.....I wanted to crawl in a hole...I thanked the lady, said he was fine, and left.

I go to that particular store often, and feel sad that it's things like that which make me afraid to go out.

It's almost like I feel ashamed to have 3 children. When I am around my friends I don't as like I said, many of us have more than one...but when in public and I have one child holding my left hand, and one child holding my right, and then the baby on the front, it just makes me feel uncomfortable.

ps. the picture is from Demi Bella which I am totally ordering from!

Barely Making It? Change it up.

2011-01-15T17:01:00.003-07:00

I have talked before how it irritates me when people say "I don't know how you do it" in regards to single parenting 85% of the time. My response is always "Not well!" Today was sure one of those examples!

My lovely sister came over last night to watch my children for me so that I could go on a much needed Moms Night Out. (which I enjoyed immensely) When I came home we decided to stay up and have some girl time. I stayed up WAY too late! 2 am is not okay for moms of 3 kids. I felt sick in the morning. (and I didn't get my latte, so that makes me grouchy as well). She helped me put together some furniture (IKEA), and then went back to her life...and I back to mine.

There is something about lack of sleep and lack of latte that makes children's fighting and whining that much more hard to take, and makes me a much worse parent. I was yelling and screaming and sending kids to their rooms because *I* was having the tantrum.

It's interesting how just that little bit of extra sleep can really change the tone of the day. Also, how when I lose control it just reinforces the behaviours that I don't really like to see in them...but they are just copying the way that I react when I am having a tough go.

Weekends have always been the toughest in any case because being alone with no adult interaction really drains on me. But I have said this before. I really feel that being a parent that tries to be present and aware of my kids feelings etc, sets me up for a little bit more failure because the expectations of my self are much higher than they could be.

I try not to speed through the day because I don't want to rush through their childhood, so I decided instead to sign them both up for a class. It's a sports class right in the middle of the day. So we get out, change the routine and make the day better.

After our class we visited Starbucks and got hot chocolates, and my latte... we then came home and watched a movie together, dinner then bedtime....and the hope that tomorrow will be much better! :)

Confessions of a Lazy Mom

2011-01-13T11:18:00.010-07:00

As of late I have seen many different blog posts and Facebook statuses of moms telling WHY they choose to do something one way or the other way. A lot of these posts pertain to the AP or "attachment parenting" way, or as it is now being called "instinctual", "intuitive" or "natural" way of raising children.

What gets my goat up is when these mommy bloggers extoll the virtues of their way, or that it is the "best" way of raising children....not that it is just a different way. I don't understand why they have to "defend" their position.

So, I have decided to come out of the closet and tell you how I started to "AP". It's because I am the laziest parent you will ever meet.

Breastfeeding : Which is easier?

1. Popping a boob into the mouth of a hungry 4 month old and going back to sleep, or

2. going to the store, finding formula, buying the right bottles,

sterilizing said bottles, walking down the hallway at 4am to mix the formula, feed the

baby, burb the baby and then have to wash the bottles and start all over again?

Having said all that, I did have to use bottles and formula for my first born as we had an uphill battle with establishing nursing for the first 6 months, but I can tell you that while nursing my 2nd and 3rd with no issues Breastfeeding is the easier choice. Convenient, less work, and way way more sleep.

CoSleeping/Bed Sharing : Which is easier?

1. Laying down with the baby when you get tired and nursing them to sleep and falling asleep yourself, and when they wake up, pulling them close and popping said boob...or

2. Rocking, shushing, bouncing, nursing, to sleep, trying to transfer, having them wake up 20 mins later to start all over again, waking in the middle of the night, having to get out of bed and walk down the hallway to get the baby to sleep and then come back to your own bed exhaused to start all over again an hour later?

I absolutely started bedsharing with my kids because I did not want to have to walk down the hallway and go and get them. It was so much easier for me just to roll over, comfort them and go back to sleep. Sure there is a safe way of cosleeping and of course I need to highlight it, and funny enough people who do feed children formula should not...but for me and the fact that I was nursing through the night, it saved me HOURS of sleep. This was not at all about lowering the risk of SIDS, about regulating body temperature, or for bonding...it was all because I am way to lazy to get out of bed in the middle of the night.

Babywearing: Which is easier?

1. Having a baby content and sleeping on you or

2. Holding your baby all day until your arms feel like they are going to drop off, or trying to get the baby calm and then putting them down, only to have them cry and have to pick them up and do this over and over and over again, or have to buy so many batteries for all the devices that they now make to give us some reprieve for our sore arms?

I think I became a babywearer the first time I tried to pee while holding my son. It's true. He had fallen asleep while nursing and I didnt want him to wake up when I tried to transfer him so I thought, how hard can it be to pee holding something that weighs 10lbs? HARD. Getting my pants around my ankles wasn't the hard part, it was pulling them back up...with one hand...and dont even get me started on the button. I know, I know, too much information...but seriously, it was the hardest thing ever. Put that baby in a wrap however (mind the tails) and you can do ANYTHING! Anything. With two hands the possibilities are endless!! You can eat steak!! You can cut it yourself!! (I also babywear with wraps because they are cute...but that is another blog post.)

There are many more things that I do because of my laziness...but that is for another day. (the kids are bugging me to play!!) :)

A New Year - A New Outlook

2011-01-12T11:41:00.005-07:00

I have been feeling extremely burnt out with the husband being away so often that it is spilling into all aspects of my life. I feel that I am a grouchy friend, a grouchy mom, and just pessimistic in general.

I have decided that every time that I feel the urge to post a whiny status update on Facebook I will write about something that I feel grateful for instead. It will be a stretch but I am sure that I will be able to turn my pessimistic attitude around.

For the most part it comes from having to be a single parent for more than half of the year with little to no support. I find it interesting that people always wonder "How do I do it" and the sad truth is that I don't have a choice...what else are we going to do? This recession has hit us just as hard as it has hit anyone else...so we truck on.

It's not the taking care of the kids that puts me in a bad mood, because for the most part my kids are pretty awesome. They like each other and play really nicely, they listen and are a joy to be around...we have our moments, but what parent doesn't?

It's AFTER the kids go to bed. When I am all alone with no one to talk to about my day. I came from a family of 6, there was always someone around to just BE around. To talk to, or not talk to...but they were there. Now my family is Facebook or A&E.

It's so easy to get sucked into the computer and chat with people but I am feeling a massive lack of community. Maybe I am the type of person who just needs more - who knows? But I am going to try and look on the bright side, do more things than the computer and TV....and get a life.

An Activist

2010-12-12T19:33:00.002-07:00

*Warning Rant to Come*

I have a love/hate relationship with Facebook. While I love to see what my friends are doing and like to read interesting articles that they share, and connect with clients for business...I can not stand all the so called "activism". Especially when it comes from the AP/Natural Parenting Camp. Do these moms have nothing better to do with their time then to make other moms feel like crap.

One mom went as far to say that it wasn't her that was making people feel guilty for whatever (carseats/breastfeeding/circumcision) because she could not *make* anyone have feelings that they don't already have.

Give me a break!!

Of course you can make people feel bad when you get on the "I am a better parent than you because I birthed my babies in a tub with dolphins, breastfed and coslept until 6 and am still re-facing at age 10." Oh, I didn't include the "I love my son more because I didn't mutilate him" comment.

Get off your high horse.

I actually did have a homebirth, breastfed, and have un-circ'ed boys....but I didn't do it so that I could use them as some sort of trophy in the mommy war. I did it because *I* wanted to.

All I want for women is to feel supported in their choices and to feel empowered when they make a choice. If that choice is to have an elective C-section, to buy formula from Mercola, or to choose to circumcise her OWN son so be it.

Thank goodness that we live in a country where we have the opportunities to make these decisions ourselves. Imagine if we didn't. Or imagine that instead of Car Seat Techs arguing about how long a child needs to rear face, if they got OFF the computer and went down to the hospital or birthing center or MALL in their area and did car seat checks to make sure that they were all installed correctly.

The last point I have to make is that when you become a "fan" on Facebook, it means that you "like" something enough to take the time to click on whatever it is...this doesn't mean that you need to be exposed to doctrine every single day about this cause.

Take breastfeeding for example. Yes, I "like" it...but don't you think I know already about the benefits? I already said that I liked it.

I have to say that I am really grumpy, but I am so tired of the same posts being shared over and over again, by people who have never been on the other side, or who don't really want to.

Do you think that mom who posted about not being able to make people "feel" guilty has ever felt guilty? Or perhaps we should find something that she does feel guilty about and then fill her inbox with those posts over and over and over.

Have some compassion and meet people where they ARE.

The Thyroid

2010-12-07T22:23:00.002-07:00

Sucks.

I went to get my thyroid tested again as I am feeling tired, and insomniac, and grumpy and all other symptoms that are related to being Hyperthyroid.

And yes...my levels are off. In order for the doctor to figure if it is Graves or a nodule, I have to do the iodine in the blood thing so that they can see if it affects the whole thyroid or just a part of it. This would only take a day to do, and then I would have a definitive answer....but it also means that I can't nurse for 2-5 days. I could still be home with E but not able to nurse....what the heck am I supposed to do? How could I explain to a 10 month old that I have no interest in stopping nursing but that we need to take a break for 5 days for *his* own good.

If I hadn't had such issues with keenan maybe i wouldn't feel so against stopping. It's not the nutrition for me. It's totally the bonding, and being able to comfort at my own breast.

I had hoped that perhaps being 5 years older and wiser and meeting all different types of people and so many different ways of parenting that I would know that it isn't that big of a deal.

But it is. To *ME*.

I just don't want to stop. I feel so torn. Selfish and Stupid.

How can I comfort my baby without my breasts? It seems impossible to me.

I hate this.

Hate it.

Sucks.

A Conundrum

2010-11-30T23:49:00.003-07:00

When I was first a new parent 5.5years ago, I parented with my gut and agonized over the "type" of parent that I wanted to be. I had been given Babywise as a gift while pregnant and the whole book rubbed me the wrong way. I happened to stumble upon an ad for a online parenting group that called themselves "Attachment Parents" but really thought nothing of the term, because I thought that all parents were "attachment parents"...didn't we all want to be attached to our kids?

And really, all that I was looking for were people to connect with because as a 24 year old University student I had absolutley NO friends with kids....ok not entirely true because my best friend had a baby just out of highschool but she lives in another province.

So there I was looking for people to go on playdates with. So I joined this group and started asking questions and posting, and finding myself pretty mainstream and not entirely supported by this group. They had their ways and apparently I was not crunchy enough. I made some good connections and the women were really nice people, just a lot of them were at least 5 to 10 years my senior and were pretty black and white when it came to what was acceptable and what wasn't.

So I joined another local pay for service forum to find more people to bond with, meanwhile I was still having issues breastfeeding and finding no support what so ever, other than the LLL. So I joined this other group and it was way more mainstream, but the parents were even older and the kids were all older too, and I felt like an even bigger outsider.

A couple moms posted asking questions about Crying-It-Out and I posted links to articles and blogs that I had gotten...but really I had no idea because who would really leave their child to cry? I mean really? My baby was a great sleeper and I could sleep with him and he could breastfeed while I was sleeping so really, what was wrong with them.

I would be lying if I said that I didn't get flamed. At the time it pissed me off so badly because all these women got so much support for CIO or ignoring their babies and I was the one being told that I lived in fairy tale land.

I left that group, and coincidentally met a really good friend of mine at a LLL meeting. I gave the AP group a second chance and started recruiting. I have met many many inspiring women throughout my time with them...I have also met women that make me want to put my head through the wall...but that is life!

I became a really strong advocate for cosleeping, and/or responding to your baby...but more importantly *listening to your own gut*.

Sure mother to mother support is paramount, and we need tribes to keep us sane, but at the same time we have to be aware of the decisions that we make and how they affect us and own own families. Cosleeping doesn't work for everyone. It works for me, but I am one person in a city of one million.

I have found often in my years of being a "attachment parent" that this type of parent is too smart.

Let me try to explain...it's like smart and neurotic, but somewhat insecure. I am not excluding myself from this evaluation. I came to this conclusion when I was picking my oldest up from school and was explaining to one of the moms how much I loved Alfie Kohn. She did not have a clue who I was talking about. She said that she wasn't really into parenting books and did most of her parenting by instinct.

This is exactly my point. I was the moderator of the AP group of my city for 3.5 years and in that time I read every single questionnaire. "What is Attachment Parenting to you?" and almost every single answer was "I didn't know that what I was doing had a name until I *read* about it somewhere."

So back to being way too smart and neurotic...Attachment Parents are researchers. They research the hell out of something to find the appropriate answer. Textbooks, parenting books, expert advice, emails, forums and websites, blogs, all searching for what an "AP" parent would do in that particular situation....but the kicker is that no one actually knows because AP is not something you do, it is something you are.

Most people follow Dr. Sears Baby B's...but I have said before and I will say it again...do you really think he did all those? He was on tour making money. Bottom line. He had 8 kids to feed. It was Martha who really knows...but then she only knows how to parent *her* own kids.

So back to the CIO and the rest of the rules etc. We as "AP'ers" try to hold ourselves to some higher standard that our "mainstream" counterparts. I was right to get flamed by all those women. They were older and wiser and had learned more about parenting than I had in the 18 mos that I was a parent of one pretty easy boy.

But what happens in the AP community, I am noticing is that new moms come in trying to find out what constitutes AP and how to assimilate into the community but only have parents of children that are maybe 2 to 4 years older than their own children to gather information from. And you have your die hards that live on another level, or your super "natural/green" parents that follow another sect, and so the new mommies think that this is the norm that these are the parents that they have to look up to...when really in real life they are nothing like the posts and chats that they answer.

Really. Who is going to actually say that they did something that is not AP on an AP forum. NO ONE. Because people are so afraid of losing their community or tribe or what have you.

So they form little separate groups with other moms of kids the same age and get together in real life and find out that it's okay to dislike your child somedays, and that makes you human.

But this doesn't help the community as a whole because those secret conversations are not shared with all the new mommies that are looking for support.

It seems to me to be a real conundrum.

People are not completely honest for fear of being judged by those who are afraid of being judged themselves. All because some "expert" wants to make money by selling a book, and tours and an endorsed "arms reach cosleeper."

So, in closing to this incredibly long winded blog post...I am going to post the things that I hate about myself and how I parent...a confessions post (which we used to do in the AP group long ago) to let others see just how human I am.

Is Santa Real?

2010-11-29T18:11:00.004-07:00

Every year there are a slurry of posts about whether or not to "do" Santa. Lots of parents feel like it is lying to their kids and do not feel comfortable with it.

This post of Code Name Mama really breaks it down on why that particular blogger doesn't engage in the Santification of Christmas.

I get it. I really do. Of course we don't want to lie to our kids about anything, but you are lying to yourself if you think that you will never stretch the truth with regards to your kids.

I hate the commercialization of Christmas. There is nothing that I hate more than having to think of some gift that you know is just going to get re-gifted or returned or the like. Wasting money. I would rather give homemade items or things that I know will get used.

I personally think that Christmas is only for children, and because of that we "do" Santa every year. For me it's not lying. I don't tell my kids that there is a Santa. I ask them what they think, and they think that he is real.

Who am I to tell them that he isn't? Just because I personally don't believe in something doesn't mean that it ceases to exist for anyone else.

Also, because St. Nick was a real person, (as far as anyone knows) then why can't we still celebrate the idea?

Really.... I am finding it harder to explain to my son the story of Jesus. And you know what? I use the exact same wording when it comes to Jesus and God as I do for Santa.

Some people believe in Santa. Do you Keenan? How do you think he gets from house to house, etc etc. Some people believe in Jesus. Do you Keenan? Do you think there were angels at his birth? And you know what...he does.

Is it lying that I don't tell him MY belief on God or Jesus or angels, or fairies etc.

I want my kids to question the world and question my beliefs and my parent's beliefs and my husband's beliefs and on and on...because they are human, and we have the ability to think and learn for ourselves.

So I will provide information, and let my kids believe in what they want to believe and support that decision and play along....because really I have never stopped believing.

Santa, in my opinion is the spirit of giving.

Time Marches On

2010-11-22T09:14:00.002-07:00

As everyday goes by I think that I want to update my blog but never seem to have the time. I started this blog to keep my musings as I am a journaling type of person and enjoy writing for leisure. With the kids being sick non-stop these last two weeks any type of "leisure" seems to be a pipe dream, but isn't that just the way? The kids take priority.

Getting sick this week myself showed me what awesome supports I have in this city of mine. We had a massive dump of snow and yet my friend still came to my house with a bottle of gingerale, and my parents drove to come and collect my whole family so that my mom could take care of us.

While being taken care of, instead of being the one taking care of, it really hit me how in denial of my hyperthyroidism I am.

Last year while pregnant with Ewan I was diagnosed with Graves disease and at the time I was devastated. No, it's not cancer, but it is a major lifestyle change, diet change, daily medication and the like. Stuff that until this week I was just not interested in even thinking about.....but as the post says "Time marches on" and I really need to get it under control.

Not only because I am hungry all the time, and yet do not have an appetite, but also because I am so tired, and weak and insomniatic.

I need to get it together for the sake of my kids. I bet that I would be a way better mom without these incredible mood swings and anger outbursts...all related to hormones.

I am just so tired of being tired.

Re:I feel like such a terrible mother :-(

2010-11-13T12:18:00.002-07:00

This blog post is an answer to a post on feeling overwhelmed and such with your first child when pregnant...I wanted to keep this to remind myself.

I have been trying different ways to post this and sounding supportive.
Please read this with love and understanding as that is what I am trying to convey, and WISH that someone had posted this for me when I was feeling the same way...

#1 - you are hormonal as many people have said which causes you to lose your temper faster or be irritated by things that may not have irritated you in the past.
#2 - you are tired which is more of the same above
#3 - you are wrapping your head around having another one and all the psychological stuff that comes with that...and believe me that in itself is a huge point.

But, #4 - your daughter doesn't know any of that, and to her they are just empty excuses.

When I was pregnant with my second, and after he was born my first (keenan's) whole world fell apart. I *used* to listen to his needs, wants, demands etc as much as I could, I researched, posted and listened to so many people, but it turned to all about ME because *I* was grumpy, *I* was tired, *I* was sick etc....so really *I* ceased to be the mom that he was used to the mom that he knew, I was some stranger that puked all the time and yelled.

After coming out of it at 6mos post partum (and dealing with some PPD), I realized that I HATED myself for being that mom, and that I couldn't be AP if I had broken his little spirit so badly...and so became the anger to myself, which still eaked out towards keenan until he was 3.5-4.
And then I got pregnant with Ewan and realized that these kids didnt ask for this.
They don't ask for us as parents and they certainly do not ask for a sibling....so you know what, I stopped.
I stopped yelling, and cursing and the like because *I* did this to *myself*. *I* was the one who was pregnant and if I wanted to get mad at anyone it needed to be at the man who made me that way and not the child who was just wanting a cuddle, a glass of milk or the like.
We can not change their behaviour but we can change how WE react to it.

I know you are sick, and tired and scared of not having enough love or that you won't be a "good" parent or an "AP" parent....but that doesn't really matter. Your daughter loves you NO MATTER WHAT!

And if you feel bad now you can change the way that you are reacting so that you don't have the same regret that I have and feel bad for every. single. day.

You are a GOOD MOM! You CARE! This shows that you are the best kind of mom.

Stop beating yourself up, go into her room and tell her that you love her, that you are grumpy because you feel sick and remember she isn't doing any of that on purpose...she just needs you.

So be there.

And when you get so mad that you want to yell and scream and say how much you dislike your child at that moment for doing X, come on here, vent, blog, or call me (number left out for the world wide web)...
because I have BEEN there and will never ever judge you.

Embracing ADHD

2010-10-23T19:49:00.002-07:00

When my oldest son started Kindy earlier this year he was "flagged" for his intensity. The teacher (who I love) asked me if I wanted to pursue testing and coding. In this province if your child is diagnosed with a learning disability or condition such as ADD or ADHD then the school gets more money to use to help facilitate his learning.

I don't really want to code him as this would follow him around forever, and I also have no desire to medicate him.

I am trying so hard to just accept him as he is. He is a bright, extremely bright, well spoken, imaginative, sensitive, empathetic, curious, excited, active little boy. While some of his behaviours bother me, such as the growling and the intensity..I am trying to see them not as problems, but as personality.

I read this book "Raising the Spirited Chid" and it said, to get a child to stop a behviour such as intensity would be like asking him to stop breathing. It's pretty impossible. It's how he is hard wired.

So instead it is working on myself.

Right now I am finding it more difficult because my husband is away so often and the littlest one demands SO much of my attention. (read that - he can never be put down without screaming like his hands and feet have been cut right off!)

I know that all of this is just a phase in life and that I have to be more flexible and more understanding. I try very hard not to fly off the handle when the behaviours are manifesting. I take deep breaths and look at my children as they are - children.

Not little robots that I can control but people who are just learning and expressing themselves.

Tonight I had a "conversation" with my eldest son after the little boys went to bed.

It amazes me just how intelligent he is and how he holds things deep inside. The little things that bother him (like the baby crying) it makes me proud that he is the way he is.

The label of ADHD is really just a list of characteristics that I am happy that my son has. (and I also think a symptom of the society that they live in).

So I will embrace it, and welcome it, and live with it, and learn from it.

And love him more each day.

The Mommy Wars - a rant.

2010-10-20T09:32:00.002-07:00

I have been in the parenting game for 5 years. I have many friends that are Stay at Home moms, Work at Home moms, Work out of Home moms - both full time, part time and some time.. Moms that are single parents, Moms that are sometimes single parents, and widow Moms. I know moms with one kid, two kids, three kids, 4 kids, 5 kids, 6 to 9 kids. Step moms, IVF moms, adopted moms.

I know moms that are in poly amorous relationships, moms that swing and moms that only have sex to get pregnant.

I know Gay moms, Straight moms, Bi moms and moms that havent decided. I know moms of just boys, of just girls or of both.

I know moms that homeschool. I know moms that just use public school, or private school or unschool.

The thing is that I know ALOT of moms and I feel that each and everyone of them is doing the best possible job that they can do with the resources that are given to them. We ALL love our kids so why do we continue to judge what each one of us does?

For me I feel that this mom vs. mom war tends to lessen as our children get older, but is then brought back into the limelight when a "new mommy" enters the club.

So what is the solution?

Perhaps by telling her that everything changes and the stuff that you think is so important at THIS stage won't matter in 5 years and to listen with an open heart to EVERYONES struggles and SOLUTIONS and that you will learn from it and change. And change. And change.

Being a mom is hard work.

Pat your self on the back.

Halloween Planning

2010-10-16T16:16:00.003-07:00

Here are just a couple ideas that I am playing around with for halloween!

http://www.familycorner.com/family/kids/recipes/frankenstein-marshmallow-halloween-treats.shtml

http://www.amandascookin.com/2010/09/monster-brownies.html

Gory Hand - Presentation is everything.
This is both a yummy treat and a great decoration to scare your friends. Use a clean rubber glove. Make a strong cherry or other red jello by using 3/4 of the recommended amount of water. Hang the glove over the sink by using clothes pins attached to thin strips of wood. When the jello has cooled pour into glove and place in the deep freeze. Be careful not to have the hand pressing against anything or it will ruin the shape. When the jello is frozen cut the glove off using small scissors. Keep your masterpiece in the fridge until ready to display.

alternate Gory Hand tip:
Take a clean rubber glove and fill it with water, tie it and put it in the deep freeze. Keep it in there until your party. When you're ready take it out of the glove and put it in the punchbowl instead of ice!

http://www.halloweenishere.com/recipes.html

The Polite Thing

2010-09-30T17:53:00.002-07:00

Picture this...you saved up all your money to buy a nice fancy car you have always wanted. You love the feel of the seats, the smell of the upholstery, the way that the engine purrs. You love it so much that you take it with you everywhere, and why wouldn't you? It's your favourite car.

One day you drive it to your mom's house for a dinner party. All your mom's friends are there and they gush about how cute you look in your new car. Your mom's best friend's daughter enters the room and tells you how much she would love a car like that.

You take people out to show it to them. You rev the engine. People love how shiny it is, and they comment on how great it is for you to have gotten it. You spend almost as much time in the party as you do outside admiring your new car.

Later in the evening you notice that your mom's friend's daughter has taken your keys and is attempting to drive away. You panic and run out side to stop her. Your mom grabs your arm and says, "Why not let Jenny have a turn? You have to share."

You get visibly upset. It is YOUR car! Why do you have to share it with anyone? You yell at your mom and say no! But, instead of your mom taking your side she tells you that you are not being a very nice child and that you have to learn how to share your things.

You are outraged! You kick and scream! You are so mad at Jenny for taking your car. No one is taking your side, and worse yet you are being punished for it.

You don't understand. You are so sad.

People laugh it off and say, "Ah that is life...everyone has to learn how to share."

But do we? Would you share your car if someone asked you to? Or how about if someone just came and took it....and maybe if you would, what if it was the one thing that meant the world to you...would you then?

Think about it for a second, and then ask your self why we expect our children to share if we as adults don't....

They Grow Up So Fast

2010-09-20T18:20:00.002-07:00

It's true you know; that old saying that kids grow up so fast. While we are in he trenches some days just seem to go on and on and on, and you can't wait until bedtime so you can get your adult time (even if that just involves a pee by yourself).

The last couple of weeks has really shown me just how quickly children do grow. My eldest is in Kindergarten. I knew that by being 5 he was in the last year of babyhood, but now watching him run happily into in the school, not paying any attention to the fact that his mom stands there looking longingly at the little boy who is quickly morphing into a bigger boy.

And yes, the fart and pooping jokes are becoming more frequent, but it's not just that. It's this responsibility and this willingness to help and to take care of his brothers. It's when he notices that something is unjust and I have to try and explain why.

It's the level of understanding that he has, but with the sensitivity of the younger boy still in there.

I really feel like he is growing too fast. That these years just whipped by. All those days spent indoors watching treehouse because I was tired or sick or pregnant or just bored. Wasted.

As I look at this littlest one who can even roll over I think of just how much a person grows in 5 years, it's phenomenal really.

And I start asking myself if I did all I could do, and if I have no regrets and if I did everything that I wanted too...and I know I didn't, and I do have regrets, but there is nothing I can do except try harder now. Get more involved now.

Ignore the stuff that doesn't matter. It only takes a second to go and look at a picture or a craft or a playroom. Get down to his level and play. I say this over and over.

Honestly I think it's because I don't like "boy" play. It's way too rough. Dragons, dino's, cars and transformers....what about house, and store and family?

I have started to put reminder notes around the house to calm down, to breathe and to take time for my kids, and time for myself...which will give more time to my kids.

In 5 more years my eldest will be 10 and in grade 5.

I want him and I to look back and say, wow. That was a great childhood.

Boy! You look like you've got your hands full!

2010-08-23T21:14:00.003-07:00

No Kidding.

I am not sure why people continue to say this to mothers of more than one child. Is it perhaps because we look like we do not have it together in any way shape or form? I wonder this because I hear this from strangers seconds before my head explodes and rolls down the pavement....

I guess I shouldn't complain. At least they are not commenting on my age, or the fact that I (and not my husband) am a rampant breeder.

I was thinking about this the other day, the having my hands full part....I have begun to ask myself WHY.

WHY do I have my hands full? Why is it so stressful to leave my house? Why do I get caught in incredible situations like the Shoppers incident?

Perhaps it's because I don't listen to myself.

I am so stressed out with all these other little things that really don't mean anything in the long run that I ignore my gut and take tired, hungry, grouchy kids out...without the diaper bag.

So really I am doing it to myself.

Of course a tonne of this comes from the fact that I live at home with my parents. 9 more days, 9 more days, 9 more days.

I am not complaining by the way, my mom kicks ass, and i have been pampered with the meals and cleaning...but there is something about not having your own space for 2 months that makes you go a little mental.

I think what I was trying to say before I got on this tangent, is that I really need to be more organized and take things slower. I have my hands full, yes. But that doesnt mean I have to be out of control.

Balancing Act

2010-08-05T15:16:00.000-07:00

I am in the process of moving house and have moved in with my parents for the time being...one month...one long long month.

It's not my parents and I that have a difference of opinion, well that is not entirely true...

The main thing that I notice is that my siblings and my parents (to a lesser exent) get super irritated at my children. Mostly when they are acting like, well, children.

Kids are loud. My kids are incredibly loud. There are 3 of them all under 5. The 5 year old is talking non-stop, the 2 year old is making animal sounds, and the baby...well, he cries. :)

I just get this pressure to make them conform and I am just not that type of person. I want my kids to be kids. They are little. They shouldn't have to sit and eat all their dinner or stop running around or being absolutely quiet until 10am.

I feel incredible pressure that I am not doing it right, and I sometimes wonder about when we were in tribal setting how the village that raised the child didn't have these crazy expectations placed on the children.

I bet it was way less stressful.

Now don't get me wrong, I completely appreciate that my parents have opened their house to a family of 5 for 5 weeks...and yes, it is hard on everyone, and yes people have to make sacrifices for family...I get all of that. I just really feel like a huge outsider even when in my family of origin, and I never thought that I would feel that way. Not in a million years.

Yes, I am more laid back than my siblings. Yes, I let things slide. Yes, I am lazy at times. But I like the way that I am raising my kids, and I like that they don't have many expectations....does this mean that I am setting them up for failure?

Who knew moving back home would zap my self confidence?

A Spectacle

2010-08-03T19:20:00.002-07:00

If Shoppers could have charged for the hilarity that was my life today at their store they would have made some serious cash.

I knew that I shouldn't have taken my brood out today. I could tell this morning when they were all acting out; yelling and screaming and fighting with each other. Of course I understand why they are hard to handle...we are in the middle of moving, we are living with my mom (the grandparents) for a month, they have no schedule, their dad is working so much, it's the summer...I could go on and on.

But just because I understand where the behaviour is coming from doesn't mean that I have to accept it or enjoy it.

So back to Shoppers. I had to get my mail changed over because we are no longer in the townhouse. Of course I had to take ALL 3 kids with me so it was fun for the whole family.

The cash line was going incredibly slow and I had the bigger two strapped into the stroller. The baby was sleeping peacefully in the wrap.

The two bigger boys started to hit each other enough that another mom stopped and asked them to stop fighting with each other. She tried to explain to my sons that they should be nice to each other and they responded by hitting and yelling louder.

I decided to pick up the middle child and hold his hand and leave the biggest one in the chariot with the brakes on. The middle screamed to be let go and the bigger one rocked the chariot trying to kick over the display. (and cue the baby in the wrap needing to feed.)

I just wanted to get out of there, as fast as I possibly could.

Finally at the point of meltdown I threw my kids into the stroller and attempted to leave...and then the peanut gallery really showed its face.

I squeezed my double chariot through the first set of doors and then tried to push it through the second....and got stuck.

Somehow the doors of Shoppers are big enough to accommodate a double Chariot to get in...but not out.

I felt like I was going to cry. I had 3 children melting and I was stuck in the vestibule of Shoppers with many many people watching...some laughing, some staring, and some shifting uncomfortably.

I ended up taking the kids out, taking the wheels off and SHOVING it out of the doors.

Goodness!!!

How Old Are You?!?

2010-07-25T22:50:00.003-07:00

It's really none of your business is it? This question keeps coming up again and again, and it is really starting to tick me right off. I have noticed that it is more frequently asked since I have had the 3rd boy child.

Not that it didn't happen before, but it's happening more and more and more.

I took my kids to the doctor and while trying to wrestle my 2 year old into submission while my 5 year old sat on the bed and my 3 month old cried in the sling, the doctor asked, "Can I ask you how old you are?" I was taken aback...was my loss of control at that moment related to *my* age, or more the age of my squirmy two year old? (I would put my money on the 2 year old!)

Or the random woman on the street who demanded to know if in fact all 3 boys were mine, how old they were, and how old I was... Who comes up to someone and demands to know their age? What gave her the idea that it was okay to come up to me and ask me that?

I honestly do not understand why people feel that it is appropriate to come up to me and ask me how old I am...some how insinuating that perhaps I am too young to have one child, let alone 3. My husband says that I should take it as a compliment, but I don't. It really ticks me off.

Just because someone decides to start with the career and not the family as I have chosen does not make them *more* qualified to have children, or more able to pass judgement.

If a 45 year old woman was walking around with 2 or 3 small kids, would random strangers and doctors ask *her* how old she was?

NO. BECAUSE IT IS RUDE.

I decided to have my kids young because honestly, I feel like I can handle them better when I am young. I wanted to have more than a few kids and I wanted them close together. I wanted to be done having babies by 30. I wanted to be able to stay home and not worry about the career that I was leaving or hoping was staying on hold for me.

Because my mom had her kids young.

Because my grandma had her kids young.

Because I *wanted* to.

Thats right. Not only am I young (which is B.S because I was 8 years older than my mom when she had me, when I started) I planned them. Each and every one.

So stop asking me, because I am going to start asking it right back. Why? Why does it matter to people?

Age is just a number...and in 20 years from now when my kids are all in college, (or whatever they want to do) I will only be in my late 40's and free from diapers, and kid drama...and then the table will turn, and I wont be judged anymore.

Someone must be listening.

2010-07-11T16:33:00.001-07:00

I wrote my last post talking about the discrimination against boys and one of my fav Bloggers did the same here.

Here is my response to that blog post.

I am glad to see this post Annie, as I have been feeling this backlash for over 5 years. I am the mother of only boys, 3 of them to be exact…5yrs, 2yrs and an infant. I am really starting to resent people when I am out in public and get insensitive comments directed at me and my boys. (Are you going for a girl? Did you want a girl? Hopefully one of your sons will be gay…and so on. Do people not think that perhaps I am happy with my boys?!)
I want to preface by saying that I was in woman’s studies in university and considered myself to be a feminist…now, I am just getting tired of the reverse discrimination against my kids and feel resentful towards the woman that try so hard to make everything “equal”.
I really feel that my little boys get discriminated against because they are not girls, or should I say that they do not act like girls…you said it yourself “how can parents help their boys to be better citizens and people?” Who says that the are not already? Who says that the way a “girl” acts is the proper way to act? She may act like a girl stereotypically does, quiet, shy, listens, sits, etc…but that doesn’t mean that WE as Women/ Mothers need to enforce these codes of behaviour on our boys. I followed the link above provided by a commenter and it explained how to stop the gender gap…I want to ask all of you, WHY? Why do we have to act the same? Why can’t we embrace our femininity and let the boys embrace their masculinity? Why do we try and make our sons more empathetic, or sensitive or whatever emotion you wish to “create”? What gives us the right as WOMEN to try and TELL a man or in this case our son how he “should” act?
Is my brain wired the same way as his, science would tell me no. So why would he want to think like me, or is he even capable?
I think in our society we are trying to feminize boys and we don’t respect them enough to know that they will be who they are biologically.
Why is it that it is okay that a girl have Girl Scouts that are just for girls, but the boys are expected to share? Why can’t they learn just boy things?
I could go on forever on this topic, as I have started already, but I urge any woman with sons to read “The Wonder of Boys” by Michael Gurian. It explains that what boys really need is a tribe of their own, a place where they can just be “a guy” and they need a MALE mentor, and HE will show them the proper way to “act” like a “man”.

Reverse Discrimination

2010-07-07T21:39:00.002-07:00

I run in many activist circles. I have friends that fight for the rights of animals, for the right to breastfeed wherever and whenever (including a swimming pool), for the right to allow women the choice to keep their child or to abort, for the right of the newborn male to keep his foreskin...but above all else these friends fight for the rights of women. It's safe to say that the majority of my friends are feminists. I get it, I am right there with them, I think women should have the same opportunities as men. I think that women should get to choose what is right and okay for their bodies and themselves. I think women should be valued for their intellect rather than their T and A. I took many a women's studies course in University...so why is it now that I have sons that I feel like I may be on an island all by myself?

The thing is that I notice that there is a lot of reverse discrimination when it comes to boys. Girls can pretty much play both gender roles with not much of a comment, but boys on the other hand are encouraged to be gender neutral to a point, but once they pass that point people get uncomfortable. A boy can have long hair, until he is school-aged and even then he will be called a girl many many times before he reaches that age. He can wear pink, but will get commented on for it. He can play with dolls etc, but he must also suck it up when he is upset, brush it off when he is hurt and pretend that he is fine when he gets insulted.

There was a recent post about what to say if a girl is wearing a bikini top, as if it some how makes her listen to "the man"...but what if a boy wore a bikini top....not so comfortable now is it?

And then there is the stuff that makes me personally irritated with society. We can have all of these classes and clubs that are co-ed. But, we cant have just boys clubs because women fought so hard to get acceptance into them...but on the other hand we have "women only" clubs that boys can not attend. (the biggest one being Boy Scouts Vs. Girl Scouts). When I brought this up to a couple friends about wanting my boys to have their own club, it was like I had spat in the face of feminism...when really I just wanted my boys to be able to do boy stuff....

Because really we ARE different. I feel like we are oppressing little boys for the sake of our feminism.

Breastfeeding and Divorce

2010-07-04T12:57:00.003-07:00

This is a response to this horrible post.

Disclaimer : This is my blog so these are my opinions, just putting it out there.

I get so tired of women blaming children for their lack luster lives. I get it, we all have those days when we just want everyone to go away so that we can do some sort of activity that is just for us. But to blame children for the fall out of a marriage is just cowardly in my opinion, and furthermore to blame breastfeeding is just incredulous.

The thing is unless you were raped you had some say in whether you were going to get pregnant. And guess what, you knew fully well that this wasnt some 5 year gig. Parenting is for life! Get over yourselves. If you didnt want strechmarks, your "fun bags" to sag, the C-section scar or for your va-jay-jay to be disfigured then you should have kept your legs closed. (or gotten you or your partner fixed.) It is you people that make the No Kids people so crazy. Fuel to the fire.

Let me tell you something that may shock you...Breasts are for feeding. *gasp* I could honestly care less if you want to do it under a blanket, in a bathroom or out there for the world to see. Babies tummies are made for breastmilk. Instead of formula we should have milk banks!! It is insane that women feel burdened by society or judged that they are guilted into breastfeeding....they are for feeding!! Why on earth does milk squirt out of them if not for a child to get some comfort and sustenance? (and formula feeding moms dont start harping on me...if you couldnt nurse it was because you were abandoned by society, and were not given the right tools to nurse. I KNOW I have been there!) And if you don't want to nurse, DONT. Why the heck would a baby want you to resent him everytime you have to feed him? But OWN it and say, it's because *I* didnt want to...and then get on with your life. Stop trying to persuade others to follow suit.

But to say that Breastfeeding is Creepy, or to say that it destroyed a marriage is a piece of crap. Breastfeeding is NORMAL. Whats creepy is that a man would be placed in front of his children. That HIS needs are more important than that of a helpless newborn.

Let me tell you something ladies...there is this thing called a Gigi. Get one for him. He can use his hands and a tissue. And another thing, if a man thinks that his needs should be placed before his baby's maybe, just maybe this man isnt worth the ring? Just a thought....

There are all these articles going around about how children, and breastfeeding are oppressing women and that we can have it all. I am just gonna say it. We CAN'T. Or as a wise wise woman said to me, "We *can* have it all, just not all at once." What causes divorce rates in this country is the thought that we shouldnt have to compromise. Guess what? You do. You can not have your cake and eat it too.

We ALL make decisions that forever change the course of our lives. There are some of us that say, yes. I made that decision and so now I am paying for it, but it isnt the child's fault....it's yours. So grow up.

No regrets ladies...live your life with no regrets.

The Other Side of the Face(book)

2010-06-21T21:40:00.002-07:00

I am a big fan of Facebook. I like to look at other peoples profiles, yes creep, and love to see pictures and videos of people that I can't see in real life. I have over 300 "friends" and have joined many a group and a fan page over the last year. I like to chat, as other people seem to choose that over the phone, and I just like to feel connected.

My DH is out of town alot so FB becomes a little like going out on a Friday night to me. Socializing, laughing, commenting on pictures and posts etc....but in the last couple weeks I have become a little disillusioned by the glorious Facebook.

The thing is that nothing is private anymore. Nothing is new news. If I do end up talking on the phone with someone I already know what they are going to say. I already saw their status update, pics from the zoo, and the video of the birthday party. So what do you talk about? Other peoples walls..."so did you see what suzie did yesterday?" "yea that video was funny".

It kinda gets old...and a wee bit boring.

The worst part that has happened just recently was that I was party to a "discussion" between a couple of my friends...in the old way (like 5 years ago) they would have picked up the phone or met for coffee to discuss their disagreement, and I would not have had any idea that they were having an issue. They may or may not have included me, and even then I would have had to take their word for it....now I saw the whole thing; and BOTH sides were not very nice to eachother. I kind of feel like the kid whose parents want to get divorced and they are arguing and the kid is sitting there with her ears covered, but she still knows what they are saying.

It was just bad.

I really did not want to see that side of my friends, especially directed at eachother. It makes me that much more uncomfortable.

So for me that was kind of the end of Facebook as I know it.

Dont get me wrong, I will still post and check it etc, but I need to get off of it and make an effort to see people in real life where words do not get confused in tone.

Over Protection

2010-06-20T20:56:00.002-07:00

It's no secret that I sometimes lose it when the kids are driving me bonkers. I raise my voice and say things that I shouldn't say.

It's funny that I can let myself get away with this bad behaviour but can't allow anyone else to; especially my husband.

It's not really fair. I am not sure why I hold him to a higher standard than myself. He has just as much of the stresses that I do, he works just as hard and he has just as many issues with the boys, but when he reacts just as I would I hold him more accountable.

Sometimes I feel that it may be because he is a man, and yes I know that is a total cop out...but I mean it in the way that he may be harder on his boys because society wants us to toughen them up. Meanwhile I am searching for why the child is acting out and making excuses for it.

*sigh*

Attachment Parenting - The Fallacy

2010-06-09T08:52:00.005-07:00

We have all heard the term "Attachment Parenting." It was coined by paediatrician Dr.William Sears after reading a book called "The Continum Concept" by Jane Leidloff. Combining her ideas with the work of Dr. John Bowbly he introduced AP to the world. He wrote many books and articles in magazines such as Mothering to outline the 7 Baby B's that one must follow to "be" an "Attachment Parent."

As a new mom trying to find her sea legs 6 years ago I read everything from Baby Wise to The Baby Book and what he was saying in those 900 pages really resonated with me. I followed those Baby B's exclusively. Now as a mom of 3 young boys I want to let you know that the Baby B's and "Attachment Parenting" is a crock.

You can Breastfeed that baby until he is 10 and he will still say that he hates you. You can bed-share until she is 15 and she will still defy you. You can wear that baby in a baby carrier until your heart is content and he will still look you in the face and lie to you about something.

The Baby B's and the term "Attachment Parenting" just give women more tools to oppose eachother, to continue with the mommy wars and judge eachother more harshly.

In my opinion you could do every single one of the Baby B's and still NOT be an "Attachment Parent". You could also not do any of them and have the most well adjusted and attached children ever.

I like to think of it as who a person IS as a parent and not what they DO.

The Baby B's are like a loose list of things that you can do with an *infant* to foster attachment, and all of these become obsolete for most of us once our children are around 3 or so. (there is of course the stray person who continues to co-sleep and breastfeed until 10, but there are not many here in North America.)

So after 3 years do we just cease to be an "Attachment Parent"? I think that instead of focusing on the list of things that make you AP we stop putting all our efforts into judging those that feed with formula, wear a bjorn or push a stroller and focus more on how to foster attachment with the preschooler, young child, tween, teenager and young adult.

How to instill confidence, self esteem, and self worth. To foster empathy and sympathy but also assertiveness.

We need to ignore the claims made by other moms saying that "I AP my kids and they turned out so right" because her kids have just as many off days as yours do, and she loses her temper or takes the easy way out sometimes too.

So stop believing people when they say AP is the BEST way, it may be for some people, but I think what the best way is LISTENING to your OWN gut and doing what is BEST for YOUR family. If that means following 2 or 1 or none of the Baby B's so be it.

Parent your children with love, with respect, with kindness, empathy and compassion. Have no regrets, and be kind to yourself in the process and you will be even better than a so called "Attachment Parent". And as a bonus your kids will be better off as well when these unattainable expectations are released from your psyche.

I am no longer an "Attachment Parent". I cast that label from myself. I am my kids' mom AKA a parent and the BEST one that my kids deserve.

Differences

2010-06-08T21:56:00.004-07:00

When my first was just a little baby I would get so caught up in the *shoulds* of life. He *should* be eating this much, pooping this much, crying that much etc. I would get such anxiety if he wasnt meeting these arbitrary milestones. Who exactly created these milestones? Who was I putting him up against? I constantly went on all sorts of message boards to try and measure him up against someone. I had NO confidence.

Why? It's not like I didn't understand babies. I have 3 younger siblings. Not only that but I babysat and nannied all through my youth. So you would think that I would have known and understood that babies are all made differently and there are NO *shoulds*.

I look back at his little life and think of all the times that I got so frustrated about when he should sleep. I would try to put him down at 7pm, (because I wanted to watch survivor) I thought that he should be asleep so that I could have my "adult time".

It's laughable. I shake my head.

As I type this it's 11pm and my littlest (8 weeks) is lying here sleeping on the couch beside me. I watched the whole season finale of Glee with no problem, nursing and patting him down while enjoying my program.

No *shoulds*. I don't expect anything from him. Ever. I just take him one day at a time.

This comes with experience, confidence and age. I know that times will be tough and then they wont.

I just accept that he is a baby and babies are unpredictable at the best of times and just roll with it.

Now, if only I could use the same techniques with the oldest...........

Bad Behaviour.

2010-05-22T16:39:00.005-07:00

I went to the Canmore Children's Festival today with my 3 kids, hubby and my kids Granny. It was a beautiful day for it and there were many things for the kids to do. Face painting, bouncy castle, concerts, magicians and the like.
I was nervous to take the kids because I was afraid that they would act out as there has been many transitions in our household and they are not coping as well as I had hoped...but I understand why they are.
To my glorious surprise my kids were excellent. They listened and followed me, they came when called, they had a general great time. The other kids were for the most part pretty well behaved as well...of course there were a couple kids that were acting out, but nothing that you wouldnt expect from 2-10year olds.
What surprised me was the behaviour of the other PARENTS that were there. Now, I was in Canmore, so maybe some of it may have to do with people on vacation, or maybe because they expected that somehow they should have gotten everything they wanted or needed...
Whatever the case these parents were the poster children for snot-nosed brats.
I waited in line for 30 mins for the Bobs and Lolo concert and got front row seats because of it...now the organizer said that children (older) could sit at the front on the floor in order to leave more room for more adults...so when hordes of children started rushing the stage I wasn't too surprised...but when I noticed that they were 2 year olds I was. I HAVE a two year old and I would not let him rush the stage and LEAVE him there un-supervised. It was like these parents thought that it was the job of the people in front (ie ME and MY family) or the organizers or the talent to watch their children....ummmmm....no.
These little guys walked all over the stage and no one was watching them, the tech guys looked petrified....not to mention parents then decided to sit in front of us because they wanted to "make sure" that their two year old was having a good time, meanwhile blocking the view of my 5 year old who HAD a seat...
Self Righteous. They KNEW that I was irritated about it as well, because they kept looking at me. So when this one mom sat right in front of my 2 year old I just let him kick her in the back until she moved.
I just couldnt believe that all these parents were so laissez faire when it came to their kids...total disregard for the performers and the other kids and parents...and these are my peers!!
To top it off we went to the bouncy tent and this one little boy (3) was attacking other children kicking them and hitting them, littler kids than him, and this dad yelled at him to stop hurting his daughter and pulled him out...only for the rest of us parents to realize that his mom had left him there! WTF?
I get the whole "free range children" thing, but give me a break...there is free range and then there is negligence. (or laziness)

Trying to Understand

2010-05-17T21:37:00.002-07:00

I have been at my parents for a couple days while trying to keep my house clean. I am finding the boys incredibly hard to handle, the bigger one more than the little ones.

My parents commented that perhaps he has ADHD. Just because he doesnt respond to regular discipline. I started researching it and he hits a whole bunch of markers. He also gets super intense the more that he is stimulated.

I have always noticed this intensity that he has just under the surface and it's something that I really have a hard time dealing with. Looking at these websites and books tho, it shows that perhaps this intensity is just a part of him...and maybe he does have ADHD....at least I have something to start looking at...

It makes me think that maybe I should look into it more because maybe it will help me understand him more....and deal with him better.

A Handful

2010-05-16T21:05:00.002-07:00

So after listing my house and hiring a cleaning company to come to clean it so you could eat off the floor, I decided that perhaps living there would not be the best idea.

I moved in temporarily with my mom, just so that the realtor could show it easier, without toys and crap around. Also, so that showings could be at any time without me having to run around and try to fix any chaos that happened in between showings.

Keeping the kids out of the house has not been easy. We are home bodies so we are completely out of our elements. We don't have much of a routine on a regular day...but now it is completely non-existant.

So my kids are a little hard to handle to say the least.

Certifiably

2010-05-07T20:11:00.002-07:00

I am insane. I have decided that it is time to move. I have a 3 week old baby and I am packing up my house, de-cluttering it and listing it on Wednesday. Let me tell you, I think I may have lost my mind.
It is a huge job, even though we live in a small townhouse. The amount of clutter/ garbage and crap that this house has is just incredible. We ( my mom, sister, husband and myself) have been working non- stop to get it ready to list this week.
My realtor said that it needed a serious declutter, and he wasnt joking. I am sure he felt like he stepped into an episode of the horders. We have made some progress, it kinda echoes in places.
I am confident with the $600 I am going to be spending on cleaning that it will be ready to list and show...but not confident on how long I can keep it that way.

Hitting the Wall

2010-05-03T15:14:00.004-07:00

So it was bound to happen sooner or later...the dreaded grocery shop. I had gotten enough food to last me until my husband got home but late last night I remembered that my son's birthday party is on Wednesday and I still do not have a cake for him. So off to the grocery store we went.

It wasn't a total disaster, they were pretty well behaved...that is until I let them get a cookie from the bakery...then it wasnt so pretty.

They were fighting and trying to climb out of the cart. I know that I must have looked like a real mess. Asking them again and again, and getting more and more frustrated as they fooled around. I finally buckled them both in (which I should have done in the first place). They whined and cried and screamed as I was at the checkout and the baby started as well. I was feeling really overwhelmed and tired, and just wanted to get home.

Once we got to our car they would not cooperate and get in their car seats and so I had to climb up and put them in the seats. They cried and whined and screamed...meanwhile the baby was crying too. I just wanted to get home as soon as possible.
I drove home as fast as I could. (just 5 mins away)
I pushed the garage door opener to get to my sanity and promptly hit the side of the door frame with my van.
So the door frame is not damaged, but my beautiful van has a wee bit of a scratch....I think I lost my mind at that point.
I really did hit the wall.
sheesh

And The Saga Continues

2010-05-01T08:06:00.001-07:00

So a couple days ago when I was just about at my wits end, my children decided that they didnt need any sleep. So at 3 am boy child two woke up, and then at 4 am boy child three woke up. Now this would not have been such an issue IF they had both decided to go back to sleep...however, that didnt happen...and it also didnt help that I have been trying to get "me" time in the evening, which meant that I did not go to sleep myself until after 1am.

So after all this being sleep deprived and grumpy my good friend asked me if she could take my kids for the afternoon so that I could just have a nap with the little one. I took her up on her offer immediately, as I was so tired. Knowing that this was going to happen in the afternoon made the morning a much nicer time. We got ready for 1 pm and we all packed up and went to the van.

As soon as I pulled on my automatic sliding doors I knew something was wrong...they were not so "automatic"...I thought to myself, "Did K leave the lights on?" > even though I told him not to touch the interior lights...

I put my keys in and tried to turn it over. Dead.

I started to panic. Not only was I going to miss my nap, but my husband was not going to be home for 5 days. I thought 5 days without escape would be way too much for me. I told K that the van was dead and had the biggest temper tantrum ever. I was weirdly calm...which is probably because this was just too much. If anything could have happened it kept happening. It was like Karma was coming and kicking my butt.

I called my friend in a panic, telling her that we couldnt come, that I was mourning my nap and that I was going to lose it. (which I did, but having said this it was the first time that I cried since having the baby)...she calmed me down and asked if I had AMA. Which I did.

It was like a light at the end of the tunnel. I had forgotten that I had AMA because I dont drive POS cars anymore, so I have not had to use it. ;P

They came in 40 mins and boosted my van, which made me so relieved as I thought that I would have to go get my second car (which is for sale) drive it to the garage, and then put the van in neutral and try to push it out of the garage and boost my van....with 3 kids....

I drove to my friends house and she watched my kids for 2 hrs, I went right home and napped. I was woken at 4pm by the phone ringing, I thought it was my friend calling so I answered it.

No, it was my Mother In Law, who my husband had told me we had re-scheduled, telling me that she would be arriving momentarily.

Now, this wasnt the issue, the issue was that IF I had known that they would be visiting I would have cleaned instead of napping...so I put the baby gates up and kept them in my living room...

When it rains it pours. :)

ps. Did you know that Graves Disease is caused by Stress??? NO KIDDING

An Attempt to Move

2010-04-30T09:32:00.003-07:00

When my oldest was just a wee one, before I learned of slings and things. My husband and I bought a house. The house was a 3 bedroom condo, about 1200 sq ft. in a very family oriented community. We thought that it would be a great house to raise a family. Now 5 years later and 2 more kids and a dog, it's a little cramped.

Now, I don't *need* a new house. I like the idea of keeping your foot print small, but and I don't know if this is the Jones in me talking, I just feel like it's too small. I like the layout upstairs, and the kitchen is not bad..but my living room and dining area make me insane. There is no real space for the boys to spread out and do their thing. So they end up ripping apart my living room to jump on, or bring all their toys onto the landing, which is another "bigger" space.

I really only want a unfinished or partially finished basement and some semblance to a backyard and I would be happy for a while (5 more years??)

I really want to be able to open the back door and allow the boys to play on the back deck while I put the baby to sleep. I can join them after the baby is sleeping.

Now, its hard for other children to nap, because we are so on top of each other.

I also think the dog needs her own space too, and I want the crate out of my living room.

The issue I am running into now is that I have to move this summer for everything to work out the way that we want it to.

That means, cleaning, de-cluttering and listing my house (and keeping it clean) while my husband is away for days on end and I have a new born...this is gonna be tough.

But worth it I hope.

Maybe I should just go on vacation....

The Maiden Voyage

2010-04-28T09:16:00.003-07:00

Imagine if you will, a newly minted mom of three decides to enroll her eldest son in soccer. The first game is the second day that she is single parenting for eight days. She has most of her routine figured out at home, but she is still trying to figure out how to juggle three children outside of the house.

So picture this, a Van pulls up to a soccer field and the doors open. A mom jumps out and runs to the other side of the vehicle to pick up a screaming baby that looks to be 2 weeks old. He is starving and all he wants is to be comforted and to get a little milk. She holds him in one hand as she unbuckles a 2 year old. Once the 2 year old is free he bee-lines it out of the van and runs into the field. The mother grabs the two year old and goes back to unbuckle the 4 year old.

The 4 year old decided that before he went to soccer that he wanted to wear his rubber boots, but upon arriving and noticing that none of the other children are wearing boots he decides that he wants to wear his shoes.

So he sits on the sidewalk and asks his mom to put them on. She tries to with little success as the baby is still crying and the 2 year old keeps trying to escape.

Another mom with older kids approaches the mom and asks if she can help, "because I have three and know what it is like." The newly minted mom gives the more experienced mom the newborn and says "He is just really hungry, as soon as I get this one to practice I can feed the baby."

The 4 year olds shoes are put on and the mom takes the baby in one hand, and carries her bag, and a long piece of fabric in the other hand. She orders the older children to follow her....the wrong way.

Once the mom has realized she has gone the wrong way, she quickly changes course. She has now decided to just undo her tank and start nursing while walking as the baby was becoming frantic.

They finally make it to the right field, once they get there the coach throws a shirt and pair of socks at the 4 year old and says, "get your mom to help put those on." The mom looks at the socks and shirt, and digs out the shin pads from her bag. She attempts to put them on but she only has one free hand and her 2 year old keeps running away. She puts her leg over the 2 year old so he cannot run anymore and tries in vain to put the socks and shoes on. Another mom shows up (happens to be a friend) and the mom BEGS her to put the shoes and socks on the child. She does. She then asks the mom to hold the infant as she wraps the long piece of fabric around her, as it is cold the mom does a crappy tie and shoves the infant in and latches him on. She then runs after the two year old for a whole hour. The fabric keeps coming undone and she gets stares and comments from those around her about coldness, activity level of the two year old, and comments about the fabric.

Once the game is done the mom gives the kids a snack and while the two year old is occupied with eating she re-ties the fabric properly.

They pack up and start for the van. She now has a soccer ball in one hand, and a bag and a water bottle in the other. The baby is close to her chest and she looks confident. She tells the two boys to run to the van and as the two year old gets to the cement he trips and eats cement. His front lip is cut open and he is hysterical. He goes blue and passes out, the mom doesnt look too concerned, and if you asked her what she was thinking she would reply, "Can it get any worse?!" The mom drops everything in her hands and picks up the lifeless body of the two year old to the van. She squishes the baby in the wrap in the process who then starts to cry. The four year old starts crying as well as he is scared that his brother passed out.

The mom places the child on the front seat and blows in his face and flicks his ears to wake him up. He takes a huge breath and starts to scream unconsolable. The mom then hugs and kisses the two year old until he calms down.

She puts the 4 year old in his carseat, buckles him in and re-assures him that everything is okay. Buckles in the 2 year old and promises a popsicle for his lip when they get home. Buckles in the 2 week old and caresses his head. She then climbs into the drivers seat, takes a deep breath and starts the van, and closes the doors.

The Birth Story - Part Four

2010-04-18T13:08:00.002-07:00

With my previous deliveries the pushing part was the best part. No pain. So when my midwife told me that I was fully dilated I was excited to start pushing. I had gotten out of the tub because I didn't really feel like I had the leverage that I needed to effectively push out the baby, and in hindsight I had probably decided to go on the bed as that is what I was used to. (muscle memory).

Pushing wasn't painless this time, however, and that really surprised me.

With every push I could still feel my lower back spasm, and so instead of letting go completely between each push, I held it and kept the tension until the next.

I pushed hard and could feel movement. My midwives commented on how I had my bag of waters bulging before the baby's head. Suddenly with a loud *pop* the waters exploded and hit my head midwife full in the face! I could hear the others joking about having a shower and how much water had come away. I kept my focus however, thinking about my walls and carpet, and continued to push.

The next push and I was crowning, the next came his head. Shoulders with the next push and he appeared at 9:52pm, after 4 or 5 pushes.

The relief that I experienced once he came out was immense. I had never felt anything like it and my back stopped hurting immediately.

I held him close and kissed his little head. We hung out for 30 mins waiting for the placenta and he started showing signs of wanting to nurse.

I wanted to see if he could self latch, as in the breast crawl video, and was delighted when he did.

My placenta was birthed shortly after and we skyped with my husbands mother as she was in the U.S. and unable to attend. (my mother and sister were present).

After everyone had gone home my sister sent me a copy of my birth story from her perspective, and it is the most powerful thing I have ever read. She talks about how inspiring it was for her, and how she wants to birth naturally. She talks about the power of the female body and how birth is a process and not a medical procedure.

So while I felt that this birth was my toughest, my little sister put it all in perspective for me.

Pain with Purpose; with a wonderful gift at the end.

The Birth Story - Part Three

2010-04-18T12:20:00.004-07:00

I had gone to the Birth Breastfeeding and Bonding conference and had met Barbara Harper while pregnant with E. I had heard of the benefits of labouring in water since my first pregnancy, and had used the water with K until my water had broken. I had read all about water birth and all of the positives that came associated with it, "natures epidural" and the like. I was still pleasantly surprised when I got into the water and my contractions seemed to disappear.

I was worried that the contractions would stop all together and then I would have to get out of the tub. I sat pensively and waited for the next contraction to come. When it did it was still intense but bearable. I was so happy that I had this relief, as the contractions out of the water were the most painful of all my births.

Its not that I have had orgasmic births or anything, just that with both K and R the really intense contractions were at the end, and I had very few of them before pushing. I wasn't prepared to experience those types of contractions from the middle of labour on. These particular contractions were much different than that of my other births. They started in my sacrum and flowed into my uterus, down my thighs and into my calves. I could not walk through any of them, and if this had been a first birth I can honestly say that I would have probably asked to be transported to the hospital for some pain relief.

I had absolutely no idea how to cope and was saved by the water. If I had not had the water I am honestly not sure what I would have done.

I rocked through each contraction on my knees in the warm pool. My midwives, knowing my wish for a peaceful and less chaotic birth than that of my first and second, spent the majority of the time chatting with eachother at the kitchen table. Every 15 mins or so they would come up to check to see how I was coping, do a fetal assessment and then leave.

After about an hour of being in the water my contractions ramped up and they started feeling like they had when I was out of the water. I was so happy that my husband was there as he sat vigilantly by the pool side (he refused to get in :P ) holding my hand. I was having a really hard time trying to cope and so I grabbed my husbands hand and squeezed with all of my might. I could tell that it hurt him as well.

As the contractions increased I tried as best as I could to breathe through each one, finding it more difficult as they started to come one on top of eachother. I kept thinking that if they were to continue with such ferocity that I would not be able to cope at all. I remembered reading that one has to open and let go to make labour less painful so I kept repeating "open, open, open, open" through each one, hoping that they would give me some reprieve.

As the last couple went through my body I told my midwives (who had all appeared at the same time) that I did not think that I could do it anymore. My midwives and my husband reassured me that it was almost over.

I kept looking at the bed, thinking that it would help if I just got on it. I desperately wanted to be checked again just so I could know how much longer I would have to endure. I got out of the tub and had the most powerful contraction that I had ever had. I tried to breathe through it, and when it was over I quickly got on may back and demanded to be checked by my midwives.

She quickly checked me and told me that I was fully dilated and that there was just a little lip of a cervix left and if I wanted to push through it, or if I wanted her to move it for me. I told her to move it, and asked if I could start pushing. She laughed and said, whenever you feel like it.

The Birth Story - Part Two

2010-04-17T16:03:00.003-07:00

My labour started as the previous ones did. Braxton Hicks for days on end. I felt like I was constantly in a start, stop cycle of labour. It started 3 weeks before I actually went into labour. I had a wonderful Blessingway and three days later I had a period of strong Braxton Hicks that lasted 3 full days. I thought that these contractions that were consistently 7 mins apart were the real deal; unfortunately they were not.

My husband was set to go back to work on the monday and so on Saturday I started to panic that he may not be home to witness and support me during the birth. I had tried everything that I felt comfortable doing to bring on labour and was feeling very disheartened that it wasn't happening. I went for a massage and hoped that it would start on the Sunday. By Sunday I was having inconsistent contractions and we decided that we would just go for a really long walk. I had written a blog post about how frustrated I was and decided just to let go of all expectations. We walked for an hour and I got a Chai Latte and we headed for home.

Once I got home my contractions were staying at 2 mins apart. They seemed pretty legitimate but I was worried that it was false labour so I didn't let anyone except my mom, my cousin and my good friend L in the loop.

I called my midwives, just because I thought that they could just check me and let me know if anything was happening. We decided that I would call back in an hour to re-assess.

I kept walking around and around and around my island just to make sure that the contractions continued as I really wanted my husband to be home. I plugged in my ipod and downloaded a contraction app just so I could keep an eye on them.

Another hour and a half went by and my contractions kept on coming, not only that but they were getting stronger and stronger.

I was excited and started thinking that it was the real thing.

I called my midwives again and the midwife said that she would be over in 30 mins. I couldnt wait, and hoped that the contractions kept coming.

When she arrived she brought in all of her supplies and I worried that we would have to help her load them all back into her car if I was actually experiencing false labour.

She asked me if I had gotten the tub ready and I told her that I had. I took her up to my room and the other midwife arrived.

We did my blood pressure and a fetal heart tone, and then she asked me if I wanted to be checked. I agreed.

I was 5cm and she said that I had lost my plug and that there was a lot of show. She told me that yes, I was in labour and that she expected me to have the baby in 6 hrs at the latest.

I called my mom to come and watch my other kids and went about getting the tub filled and finishing my laundry. The midwives joked about how they thought that it was funny that I was in active labour while folding laundry, I commented that you could not do laundry with one hand.

My mom came over and we had supper, we put the boys in a bath and then put the boys to bed.

An hour after the boys went to bed I started having contractions that were an 8/10 on the pain scale. I then asked to be checked again (now at a 7) and went into the tub.

The Birth Story - Part One

2010-04-17T14:25:00.003-07:00

When you become pregnant the first time you know that at some point you will have to give birth. You really have no idea what to expect, and have nothing to reference it to. You are basically blind to the experience, with some theoretical knowledge but not much else. Even if you take birthing classes you have ideas of how to cope with pain, but you really don't *know* what is coming.

For your second birth you have some idea of how the birth will go, generally. This is unless your first birth had complications and you hope to have a different experience. If you had an uncomplicated birth then you have an idea of what it will feel like and how it will go.

After having two, it seems like your birth will be old hat. Its not that you don't look forward to it, but you know what is coming.

Both of my previous births followed the same formula. Contractions for 7 - 10 hrs, active labour for 1-2 hrs of hard contractions followed by pushing. Pushing for me was the best part, no pain just progress.

So, following all that I thought that I knew what was coming. I was ready for birth, I wanted to meet my baby, I had prepared myself. All I had to do was wait...which was difficult for me.

So imagine my surprise when this labour and delivery was nothing like I had expected...

Trying to let go.

2010-04-11T07:57:00.003-07:00

I had hoped that I would have a new baby now, but it seems my girlfriend S is going to be right. (She always goes over her dates, and so thought that I was crazy to think I would go any earlier.) I just had the 10th in my mind for the last 9 months, so I am a little disappointed that he didn't come yesterday...and what is worse, it just seems like everything has slowed right down. I mean, yes, I still am having contractions all the time, but nothing regular. It makes me really tired. I have been sleeping a tonne. 2 hr naps and going to bed at 9pm.

I keep thinking of R's birth and thinking how I had to let go in order for him to come. I am trying to think of all the things that I need to get ready or to let go so that this little one can come. I keep coming up with dead-ends. I really feel like I am ready.

Well, as ready as one can be to go into labour. It's not like I *want* to go into labour...who really does? It's hard work, and as quick as it can be done, it's still like a massive workout. I sometimes think that my other two are holding me back as well. Like they need to be taken care of before I go into labour, but they have been sleeping pretty well for the last couple days so I am not sure what is up with that either.

All this wouldnt matter if I didnt have until tomorrow to figure it out. If I wasnt on a deadline this baby would have shot out 3 days ago...but no, it will just wait until the husband is on the plane.

Frustration and Too Much Information.

2010-04-09T08:08:00.002-07:00

My husband now works shift work, but the kind of shift work that takes him away for days on end....

I made the mistake of getting checked by my midwives at my last appointment, my husband is only home for 5 days and I wanted to see if I was at least starting labour. They checked me and the diagnosis was awesome. 3 cm dilated, fully effaced and engaged and a paper thin cervix. My midwife was convinced that it would be no more than 2 weeks. I was hopeful that it meant that my husband would not miss the birth.

So began a waiting game that is making me insane.

It's not like nothing is happening, I get contractions...every 7, 10, 5 or 2 mins apart, for days. I have other changes that I have noticed as well, I have a back ache, leg cramps, and am incredibly grumpy. (of course that could just be the fact that I have a cold at this time as well).

A couple nights ago I had contractions so strong that they caused me to have a cold sweat. Now, that is intense.

The issue I am having now is that he goes back in 3 days and we have to book the flight, I feel like I am on this horrible timeline and there is nothing I can do.

Now, dont get me wrong, I am a huge proponent of natural birth and do not want to force my body into doing anything that it isnt ready to do, but my biggest fear is that he will get on the plane and at that exact moment I go into labour.

It's just frustrating, that's all I am saying.

Come on Baby, gimme a sign.

Water Birth

2010-04-02T20:59:00.003-07:00

This post is purely to spite my husband. :P I told him I was going to write it, so here I am.

I am planning a water birth with this baby. I have borrowed a tub and set up my room to look like a birthing suite. The pool is on one side and the bed is on the other.

There is space for the midwives to work and we have set up a resuscitation station should anything go wrong (in or out of the water).

I am really excited about it. My last two births were incredibly fast and I felt completely out if control. I also experienced quite a bit of discomfort because when a woman goes through a fast labour she doesn't get the build up of hormones that one would get if their labours were a little slower.

Birthing in water may slow it down just a little and give me the pain relief that I am looking for.

Now for the spiting part....my husband doesnt like the idea of a water birth because he thinks that we are not water mammals so why would we birth in the water. (regardless of the fact that the baby is made in the water).

He also thinks that it brings up too many variables that can not be controlled. (because you can control birth).

And he thinks that I just want to do it because it is popular. (which isnt necessarily wrong....I mean if loads of people are having water births and say how great they are why WOULDNT you give it a go?)

I just want to try, make this experience less chaotic and more calm. (and I only have a couple weeks to go...if that.)

For more information on Water Birth check out HERE.

Toddler Property Laws

2010-04-01T19:46:00.002-07:00

I came across this today and laughed as I thought of my two year old.

Toddler Property Laws

If I like it, it's mine.

If it's in my hand, it's mine.

If I can take it away from you, it's mine.

If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.

If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.

If we are building something together, all of the pieces are mine.

If it looks like mine, it's mine.

If I think it's mine, it's mine.

If I give it to you, and change my mind later, it's mine.

If it's broken, it's yours!

~ Author Unknown.

We are definitely going through the "mine" stage right now as he is well aware that a baby is coming any day now. It's hard not to laugh at just how serious he gets when it comes to what is his and what isn't.

This kid is in for a wake-up call I think.... ;P

A Completely Superficial Post

2010-03-21T09:30:00.011-07:00

This post is just for me to compare all of the wraps that I am interested in for this new baby. :)

I have always defaulted to "boy" colours and my wraps are all very dark and subdued. I want a little more vibrance. :)

The one on the left is the Girasol Rainbow.

I like it because it has a lot of bright colours. The only downside is that I think my best friend owns this one, and I dont want to buy the same wrap as her. Another good friend of mine said that perhaps I should get the night Rainbow, but honestly, it looks dirty to me....

This one on the right is the Girasol Night Rainbow.

I am a fan of the Girasol's weave, it is lighter than a Didymos, but heavier than a Ellaroo. There is a Girasol that I seem to be drawn to, so maybe I will try and get one of these...

This is called the Girasol Symphuo (above). I really like the vibrance of the colours and the brown strips seem to pop right off the fabric. I think this one *may* be my favorite so far. I would actually sell two of mine to get one of these. (A ring sling, and a Ellaroo.)

There is also this one on the left, which is just named #26 which is kinda funny. It reminds me of the Rainbow, but I would like to see the two of them side by side to truly see what the difference is... (in real life.) I think that the Rainbow is block colours and this one is more striped.

So next to the Neobulles, which I am unsure of because I have never felt one to know what the weave would feel like. The colours are really vibrant, and my girlfriend *may* be bringing them into her store....

Both of them seem to be pretty much the same. The one on the left is a softer looking wrap, colour-wise, with pink and turquoise as the main colours. The one on the right has much more red to it.

So dear friends, which one do you like better? Please leave your comments and help me to choose a new wrap for this little one. :)

Reality Check

2010-03-14T08:08:00.005-07:00

Did that make you cry? I know I did. With the last couple of weeks being

tougher, with a lack of a husband for the most part (our choice - work),

I have been counting down the hours until the kids go to bed. What this

video reminded me was that I CHOSE to stay at home with my kids to

WATCH them grow up. I only get them for so long before society takes

them away from me.

I sometimes need to be reminded of that fact when I am about to go crazy

over the constant demands of more this and that. It's not a picnic with two

preschool aged boys at home and another baby any day now, but this was

my choice, and I need to own it.

I decided to post this video on my blog so that I would always have it as a

reminder of how precious time is and to absolutely try to live life in the

fullest. Of course we get bogged down by adult responsibility, but

sometimes that phone call or email or facebook status doesn't need to be

answered right away, and so what if you don't answer it at all...they will

call back, email you back, and there is always another day for status

updates.

I want my boys to look back and really enjoy their childhood. They can

say to their spouse, "I had a pretty good childhood, I felt loved and

appreciated." Rather than, "my mom was counting down the hours until

we went to bed."

We just have to remember to take each day as that, a new day, and hug

our love ones close.

THAT Mom....

2010-03-06T13:38:00.002-07:00

I confess. I am one of those people that judged people who had kids harshly before I had my own. I used to work at a resturant as a hostess and saw many many families and unruly children. I promised myself I would never ever let my kids do any of the things that the kids were doing at the tables. (like dropping french fries!!! *gasp*)

When I got pregnant it got worse. I would notice parents yelling, grabbing, and children screaming in shopping carts and I would think these moms were the worst! Kids don't have to cry ever, I thought to myself, If you know what you are doing.

I became a nanny just before I got pregnant and thought of that time as my trial for having kids. Let me tell you, those kids that I watched had THE BEST nanny. I got down at their level, played, didnt need to discipline, they went to sleep easy! (of course I had the energy of a 23 year old!!)

So, now here we are at 33 weeks pregnant with a 2 year old boy and a 4 year old boy, both of who have energy coming out of the ying-yang. I can admit that perhaps I was a little quick to judge these past moms....

You see, I was THAT mom at the playground the other day. I had gotten maybe 4 hrs consecutive sleep the night before and my husband had been gone for 7 days. I was going just a little crazy with the continual need to separate my boys as they love to rough house. I decided that I would take a friends advice and take my kids to the playground. There is one rather close so I thought we could kill an hour or so before I had to start making dinner.

Once we got outside my kids bee-lined for "Summer Bucket"; which is full of all of our outdoor summer toys. K was ecstatic to find water guns and pistols. Of course he showed them to R and the two of them immediately started shooting eachother.

The kids BEGGED to take them to the park and I quickly looked over to see if there were any other kids or moms at the park. Noticing that there wasn't, I agreed.

They were in heaven and the best part was that I could sit my butt on the bench and just zone out.

We were there for less than 10 mins when the local school bus pulled up and children started appearing with their moms and siblings to the park.

My kids were super excited to now have real people to use for target practice. K and R started "piss-shoe-ing" every single mom and toddler. They were acting like crazed mad men!

K started saying how everyone was bad and he was going to kill them.

I felt so embarrassed. I tried, with little success to get them to just point at inanimate objects. When I tried to take the guns away I got massive temper tantrums...it was starting to go down-hill. I started to feel judged and watched by the other moms, and knew that when they went home that they were going to post about the frazzled mom with the 2 boys and the guns.

I became THAT mom in that moment, the one that people say, "I will never let my kids bring guns to the park and shoot people."

I do wish that perhaps they gave me some slack as you could tell that I was quite haggard, tired and 33 weeks pregnant.

Moral of the story. Don't judge moms, you have no idea what their day has been like.

No Ideas, Just Anger.

2010-03-02T18:01:00.001-07:00

I lost it today. Completely and totally. It could be that 9 days without a husband is my limit, or just that I am sick and tired of arguing with K for everything. (could be the 32 weeks preggo too). I am just at my limit, and this child and I are not going to have a very good relationship if it continues the way it has been going. I posted about "Listening" but really I should have said all out "Ignoring" or "Defiance". I have tried all of the gentle discipline I can, reasoned, negotiated, screamed, yelled, cried, stomped my own feet, shut my self in a room..it goes on and on. I am *trying* to respect him. To treat him like an adult, but I am slowly realizing that most of this is just BS and no amount of respect for him is going to make his reciprocate. Where is the respect for ME? I always said that my children would never yell or hit me, and guess what...they do. I spend all day long arguing with an almost 5 year old, and you know what I don't like him. I pretty much have hit rock bottom, and unless someone can show me the holy grail of this is what Attachment Parenting does when they are older, I am really falling from believing it. He is not respectful, he is un-grateful, rude, right now he is up stairs throwing his toys because I told him that he needs to start picking them up, he whines all day long, and picks on his brother and laughs about it. I follow every fricken tenet that Sears, Neufield, Kohn, and Faber and Malish talk about and it's not working. And I swear to god if the he needs to go outside and burn off energy for 90 mins a day comes up I will scream. You need to GET him to go outside before that happens. So, anyone want to just commiserate and say, Yea, my kid is like that?

It's the little things.

2010-02-18T22:37:00.003-07:00

I have been thinking a lot lately about others and the way that they choose to parent their children. When I was a new mom I was extremely passionate about how to parent, I saw a right way and a wrong way. I can admit it, I was pretty judgmental. I can say that now, and apologize to those who I probably insulted along the way. I can still get judgmental, when I see something that crosses the line towards neglect or harming a child, but for the most part I could really care less what others do with their kids.

So why the long disclaimer? I am going to post about how I put my kids to bed and why I do it.

Some would argue that one needs "mommy time" and that time starts once the kids are in bed preferably by 7pm. I don't work like that. I am on call 24/7. All the time. Am I tired? Hell yes. Do I get grumpy sometimes? Yes. Do I complain about it to my friends...yes, I am human after all. But for the most part, I cherish these moments that make me the most crazy.

I read my kids 6 stories. 2 for the little one and 4 for the big one. I answer all of the questions that are asked. I go to the potty again and again just to make sure that they are really ready for sleep. I get the teddy, and the baby and tuck them in as well. I then lay down and snuggle them. Each kid gets as much time as he needs.

Does this cut into the "mom time"? Yes. "Is it irritating some days when I have other things on my mind?" Yes. "Would I change it?" NO.

I love to snuggle them. I feel like I get to connect in these moments. My little one drifts off to sleep with no tears, patting my face and kissing me. I soak every moment up. How many times will he do this? Not many. Boys start to pull away by 7years.

The older one and I talk about his day, what bugged him, what made him happy, sad...what he wants to do the next day, etc. He loves to kiss my belly and say goodnight to the baby. I look at him and realize how big he is already, and how fast they grow.

I had my kids because I wanted to share my life, and experience life through the eyes of a child. I wanted to experience unconditional love.

Every moment I spend putting my kids down, I try to burn it into my brain for when they are older.

Life is so precious and so fleeting, I try to live my life with no regrets, and having my kids go to sleep, with no tears and snuggling their mom just makes ME feel better.

So back to the disclaimer. That is why I co-sleep sometimes, why I nurse until 2, and why I don't let my kids Cry It Out....because it feed *my* soul too.

The Spirited Child

2010-02-18T22:07:00.004-07:00

I went to a parent's group today just to learn more about my kids etc. We were talking about temperaments and how no matter what your parenting style is, how it will not affect the child's innate personality; no matter how hard you try.

We talked about labels and how we can say lots of negative labels when referring to our kids, but how we can change those labels into positive traits as well. For example, bossy could be self-assured, defiant could be independent, nosey could be seen as curious. When we look at these labels in a positive way we see that we actually want to cultivate them in our children. Self-assured, independent, curious adults are exactly what I want my sons to be.

We also talked about the label of the spirited child. We took a test to see if our children had any of the traits that a spirited child is supposed to have. I thought that between my two kids my younger one would be more spirited as he is the most vocal and active. That boy knows what he wants and will not rest until he gets it. What surprised me the most was that my older son ranked the highest on the spirited scale. It was shocking to me actually.

He does not do well in transitions, he is extremely sensitive and empathetic, he likes things just so, etc. I was wondering why I didnt notice any of this until I took this test and it occurred to me that I "over parent" him. I dont want the battle or the conflict so I head it off at the pass, I cut the crusts off his peanut butter sandwich and serve it on a green plate with a green cup....I read him 4 stories before bed, and get the water, and the snuggle, I make sure the labels are cut out of his shirts, he doesnt have to wear jeans, etc. Now I realize that the reason I don't see that "spirit" is because I have made his life easier, and he doesnt have many transitions....but is this doing him a dis-service? Should I be ignoring his quirks and making him see that it doesnt always go his way?

Am I coddling him? And what does that mean for kindergarten?

The Paramedic's Wife.

2010-02-16T21:58:00.005-07:00

My husband is a paramedic. He is not an "ambulance driver", he does not just do first aid or CPR. He doesn't just drive people to appointments or to the hospital. He is not a taxi service. He is not paid as a professional driver.

He wears a bullet proof vest to work because sometimes he needs to help people who have been in violent situations, and the person receiving the help may have their attacker near by, not wanting them to survive.

He can get attacked by dogs, wives and husbands who are angry and violent, by people so messed out of their minds that they don't know what they are doing.

He saves lives. He has saved many many lives. Sometimes I wonder if he should. (from an ethical and religious point of view...who is he to decide whether someone lives or dies?) He has saved the same people many times in a row because they want to die.

It frustrates me that he doesn't get the acknowledgement and respect that he deserves. It frustrates me that the unions can't band together like fire-fighters, cops, or nurses. It frustrates me that the wives and husbands of paramedics don't bond together and commiserate or build community.

It frustrates me that he has seen so many bad things done to people by other people so that he loses a little empathy for man kind. He has lost his feeling that people are inherently good.

It frustrates me that we spent 4 years to get his education, went over 20K in debt (just to survive while he got his education) and have burnout after 6 years to show for it. Also, that his education, while 4 years long does not count as a degree.

It frustrates me that paramedics are such a vital part of the health care system and never get a thank-you, a card or some flowers.

It frustrates me that he works long hours away from home dealing with people who abuse the system.

It frustrates me that people think that he is less than he is, or that he sits on his ass playing video games between calls and that is why he should have to try and raise a family on $14 -35 / hr....and not a penny more. EVER.

It frustrates me that this still bothers me after 6 years.

I hope that one day we can finally leave the field of EMS behind us forever.

Wanting a Break

2010-02-14T22:52:00.002-07:00

I realized the other day that I have not been without my children for more than 48hrs, and even then it wasn't in a row. My girlfriends have been getting together more recently, and I would really like to join them, but I feel like I should stay home, get organized, spend time with the husband and the children all before our lives take a huge turn to the right....

I would love to get a break however. A mom's retreat. Somewhere where I can read a book without any distractions, revitalize. Get a spa treatment. A hair cut. A Latte. Just have some more time to myself before I give birth and this little one inside becomes all encompassing.

I know that in two years from now, I will not have left any of them for long periods of time as a baby really keeps me housebound. (I am not complaining, I do not feel comfortable leaving a newborn - two year old.)

My youngest son is weaned. He sleeps in his own bed (most of the time), sleeps through the night (some of the time) and is pretty independent. My older son is completely emotionally ready to be left with dad for 2 days....

I just need to figure out when, where and how.

Making the Best Decisions.

2010-02-11T22:25:00.002-07:00

I recently posted about how I found my dream home. We found out that we could afford it, it would just put us at the top of our borrowing bracket. So now we are faced with the emotional decision of wanting our dream home, and waiting for it.

It's kind of interesting, before my husband and I would have jumped on it because we live by our guts and emotions, but we want to make the best decisions that we can for our future.

So, we will wait.

I am dying for a new house. Especially one with a backyard, especially as my husband goes away for work...but we want to have ourselves in a situation where we are comfortable, can save up some savings, and be able to pay for some of our 3 children's schooling.

I think the right decision will be to buy one that we can really afford with lots of wiggle room so that we can go on vacation twice a year. (once in the summer and once in the winter). We can renovate as we see fit, as we like to reno...and we will make sure that it is near to a park or a green space, but not necessarily on one.

Of course it could all change in time....I guess we will see in 3 or so months. :)

Dr.Jack aka The Man

2010-02-07T21:25:00.003-07:00

Thank god for Dr.Jack Newman. I emailed him after I had my meltdown yesterday. He replied as only Dr.Jack can and assured me that I could nurse and that the radiation treatment was not even an option if you had a little one.

So, radiation is off the list for the time being.

He also recommended some different medications and told me to ask my doctor about them. I was so relived to hear that women can successfully nurse with Graves. Not that I actually doubted it because I have been having symptoms for quite a while. Like read: years.

I was also concerned about passing it on to the new baby as a couple of people had told me that this might be the case. He assured me that it could not cross in milk but may cross through the placenta and to let my midwives know in case the baby needed treatment in the first 3 months.

If I have any extra money laying around this year I am going to donate it to his clinic, as he alone is one of the best resources for breastfeeding in the whole of Canada.

(I would urge you to do the same. :) )

Pity Post - pay no mind...

2010-02-07T01:17:00.004-07:00

I am awake at 1:16am due to hunger and pregnancy induced insomnia...

Today was a interesting day, mood wise.

We went and saw a show home that we can now afford because of my husbands new job. It was lovely. I fell in love with it immediately. You know when you have your list in your head of every little thing that you may want one day...this was my forever house. I could live there NO problem for years. The only thing is that my husband would have to stay a rig worker for 10 years to pay off the mortgage.

Also, I am starting to get nervous about the 8 day away thing. Supper and bedtime are the hardest parts of the day for me and I will really miss my hubby, but I have to keep looking at the bigger picture. I know we can do this...and if I lived in that house it would be even more do-able...lol.

All this is exacerbated by this damn Graves bullshit. It's really hitting home for me today, and probably the actual reason why I am awake. I mean no one is actually "normal" but to actually know that you have a disease that affects your quality of life is really daunting. And the treatments scare the shit out of me. (this is my blog I can swear if I want). I mean, cutting your neck!! Your NECK. Good lord. I can't even take pre-natals because they make me gag, but I am supposed to go on meds for my whole life? Every day? And radiation...radiation?! I can't even go into that one, as I will just get more upset.

I haven't been googling Graves a lot because I don't want to hear horror stories, or get myself too worked up with mis-information...but I did join a support group on Facebook, and while the stories are uplifting and people are getting treatment, I keep noticing that they all have my symptoms. Some of these symptoms are ones that I didn't even know WERE symptoms....like my eye twitch, and watering. I thought that it was just stress from my husband. I got it after having Ryan...now apparently it is one of the first signs.

I keep hoping, and praying that this is just some mistake. I mean they haven't *actually* diagnosed me yet. I haven't had the antibody test to make sure that it is, as it is super hard to figure that out in pregnancy...so they will have to wait until I give birth and the hormones all fix themselves.. THEN we can go get tested.

I just really hope it isn't. (and that it isnt cancer either.)

This really really sucks.

Still Processing

2010-02-05T22:27:00.003-07:00

We have had many big things happen this week and I am still processing them but am feeling that we may be getting back to normal. My husband gave his 2 weeks from a job that he has worked at for 6 years to work up north for an 8 on shift...which will be a big change..

I will post more about it once we get closer as stuff is still being worked out.

I am having tones of Braxton Hicks which is normal for me to start getting at this stage of the game (28weeks). Just more tiring than anything.

And as for a follow-up from my last post...I am feeling so grateful for all the wonderful support and advice that people are giving me. I really feel like I have a strong network of friends and family to draw on in the next couple years while I figure all this stuff out.

I am def. leaning towards another baby tho...just to delay deciding anything at this moment at time. :)

My oldest will be starting soccer in March...I will then be a soccer mom...so why not add another boy to the mix....

(I dont think my husband reads this....)

Life

2010-02-03T21:40:00.004-07:00

This is a harder post than I thought it would be. I have been trying to write it since yesterday, but the words are not as available as I would have hoped, which means that I am still processing.

I was diagnosed with an auto immune disorder yesterday. Graves disease. The reason why I have been a toothpick for over 6 years.

See, I started at about 120 lbs before having my kids, and my last weight was just over 90 lbs, on a 5'6" frame...needless to say I look pretty emaciated.

But, still able to get pregnant, and gain weight while pregnant; so kinda confusing.

When I was pregnant with my last child the midwives noticed that my thyroid levels were low, and we got them retested but they normalized so we stopped investigating. This time they were even lower, almost non-existent. So they kept testing and a specialist finally decided that Graves is what I have had since my early 20's.

I have very conflicting feelings about getting the diagnosis. On the one hand I feel relieved that it isnt cancer, or something worse. I am also surprised to find out that all of the weird things that I thought were just quirks of myself, are actually symptoms...like tingly fingers, and insomnia.

I am also freaking out about the treatments that are available.

Basically there are 3.

1) Radiation - my least favourite but most effective treatment. While I don't get the willies from radiation itself, I am nervous to either a) have to wean my child prematurely, and b) not be around them for at least 4 days after treatment. I have not ever been away from my kids for 48hrs, let alone 4 days....and my oldest is almost 5.

2) Surgery - again, the need for weaning, and not being there for my children. Not to mention a huge scar across my neck...partial decapitation is not something one would look forward to.

3) Medication - 30% effective...not really good odds. Again the weaning, the doctor did say that I could nurse while on medication...but at the same time, what would this medication do to my new little buddy.

So, the neat thing is that pregnancy actually inhibits this disorder, but I can't be pregnant forever. Although this may cause me to try for #4 in a year or two....if only to delay these choices. The worse part is that I am an attachment parent that *wants* to nurse for as long as mutually agreeable, and *wants* to wear my baby close, and not leave my kids for long periods of time.

C-Sections vs. The Zodiac

2010-02-02T15:49:00.003-07:00

I am the Vice President of a Birthing Advocacy group and so I have some strong opinions on the way that women are treated in the birthing room.

I have many issues with the way that women are induced, and how interventionist our society has become when it comes to a birth. Women are not machines, and birth is not a formula, it's different for everyone....

Anyway, this post is not to go on and on about my beliefs that are backed by science, this post is to talk about why (in my nut bar way) I am opposed to elective c-sections.

The bottom line for me is that we humans don't get to choose everything about our babies...we don't get to choose the gender, we don't get to choose the colour of hair, skin, or eyes, we don't get to choose the weight, the child's personality, intelligence and the like....so why do we get to choose a birthday?

I am one of those freaks that believes in the zodiac. I am a Gemini through and through. So it bothers me when doctors want to induce a woman, or schedule a c-section before the baby is ready...now don't start flaming me about the necessity of c-sections. I absolutely believe that there is a time and a place for them, and my dislike for the choice of date really doesnt matter if they are before or after the mid-month (when the sign changes). However, if your doctor says, I have an opening on the 20th or the 23rd...do they or you really have a choice to what sign your child is born under? Do you even think about that? I don't think many people do.

Maybe I am a complete freak for even thinking about it, but I do....I would hope that when at all possible that a woman be allowed to START her labour and then if a C-section is needed we already know what sign the child was to be born under. I mean, does it really matter if she has a couple contractions? (if anything those contractions will help with milk production later).

A Rut.

2010-02-01T07:42:00.002-07:00

You know when you can see the end goal and know how to get there, but just can't seem to make it in a timely manner? That is how I feel at this moment...I am stuck in this rut.

Now, I warn you that I am going to bitch about finances for a moment, which is probably faux-pas but that is all I think about at the moment...or at least it is at the forefront of my mind.

I used to go to school, and I couldnt afford this school, so I got my mommy to co-sign a loan for me so I could go. I, in the meantime (last year of school) got preggo (totally planned) and stopped going to school full time. So, said loan, came into repayment.

Not a bad thing entirely. We also got the Child Tax Benefit and that was automatically placed into the account paying the loan.

Fast forward to last year, and for some reason the govt started sending cheques rather than putting it into said acct. So the loan goes into arrears, by quite a bit, before we are any the wiser that this has happened.

Now, to today. We are still in arrears about $200. Not a lot of money I know, but to just throw $200 at a loan when you are living off of one income and trying to pay for food is just not happening. Of course the bank doesnt care that we pay them $400 a month to try get caught up to this stupid loan.

I wish that everything wasnt so black and white and that they would just back off a little because we do pay every single month. The min. payment is $140 and we pay $400...and yes, it is still in arrears, but come on...we pay in good faith.

My dream will be realized when I can move this loan out of the institution it is in and put it somewhere else, close all my accounts and never ever use them again.

The Same, not Different

2010-01-29T20:50:00.000-07:00

I have been listening to some of my friends and aquantinces about how difficult it is to raise boys, and all of the challenges that they face with their sons.

At first people suggest that it could be a variety of things, as kids are usually affected by many different environmental factors.

Food. The types, organic or non, dairy, food colouring, gluten, frequency of eating, or not eating for that matter.

Potty. Whether they go potty really affects the mood of kids. I know that mine get aggressive when they need to pee.

Energy. Too much sleep, not enough sleep, exercise, how much running do they need? The more energy they burn off the better it is for everyone involved. (hard in the winter)

There can also be many more things that we just don't know that affect boys and girls equally, development, environment, brain...etc.

I started thinking that perhaps that it may be because some of these moms have girls as well...

Let me explain. It's no secret that I believe that girls and boys are hardwired differently...so perhaps the mom expects her son to act a certain way and that he is such a handful because her daughter isn't?

I think this could be a real answer for some of these moms...I see them with both of their children, or all three, and see that the girls are talked to in a different manner. For example, "Hunny, can you please get your boots on" vs. "(Child's name) put your boots on."

It could be that the boy is harder to deal with and that he needs that direct-ness, but I dont think so.

I think that I have the benefit of seeing that both of my boys are equally challenging in their own ways and am better to just go with the flow than try to understand what is causing it. Just by listening to them and giving the opportunity to get angry and frustrated without me coming down on them allows them more time to process and then we get on with our day!

A Post on Haiti.

2010-01-23T22:40:00.003-07:00

I couldn't continue to watch the coverage about Haiti on the news and the telethon without commenting for a moment.

There are a couple things that I want to mull over...I do want to preface by saying that a good friend of mine's husband is from Haiti and I hope and wish for all of his family to be safe and healthy.

I wanted to talk about the orphans, children and the newborns. This was a country that already had it's share of children that needed adoption, and the disaster just added to that toll. It makes me frustrated that the media thinks that if Canadians adopt these children then their nightmare will end. That is complete ludicrous. These poor children will have post traumatic stress syndrome...and most of them are old enough that this disaster will haunt them forever. Some children saw their parents die in front of them, siblings, friends, loved ones...how is going on an airplane across the world going to help? I mean really, I am not saying that if we adopt these kids that it wont have an impact, far from it...I am just trying to say that they will need major attachment parenting, and psychological help. Imagine being 5 and losing your mom, and then just being flown to another country where you dont speak the language and some stranger trying to "save" you and assimilate you into the culture...it just worries me...for the kids.

I think that the parents that were in the process of adopting will have a better handle on things because they understand why they were adopting in the first place. We all want to help, and I am trying to be as politically correct when I post this, but not ALL people are meant to be adoptive parents, and I question some of the motives of the people wanting to.

My husband and I have always talked about adopting or fostering to adopt, but we want to do it to give another child a step up in life that they may not have had the opportunity to, I wouldnt want to adopt just to be one of the ones that "saved" the children....

The next thing I wanted to rant about was the backlash that aid organizations have been getting when sending formula to newborns in Haiti. Yes, there is not very much clean drinking water. Yes, we need to educate women on breastfeeding and encourage it....but at the same time, sending donated milk seems like a big production. Every child deserves breastmilk, (hopefully their own mothers). Let's just say that the mother passed away, or she is too injured to nurse...perhaps we can take off our Lactivist hats for just a minute and realize that while corrupt (now) formula was created for a reason, and that we should accept the donation from any company (even Nestle) if they are willing to give it. Formula could mean life and death for some of these infants, and to get caught up in semantics at this time of crisis I feel is in poor taste.

I am as much of a breastfeeding promoter as the next person, but I do see the inherent need of formula. Especially in places where it is low income and lack of resources. The cost alone to send pumped milk itself would be outrageous....storage, transit, pasteurization, re-fridgeration...Perhaps this money or milk could be put to better uses. (at this moment).

I just feel that the west is trying to make this better by throwing money at it, by holding up a badge that says "I donated to Haiti" like it is some fad or something, using this horrific crisis as a soap box for some other agenda. We need to help them get on their feet, help with aid, find some of the children's parents, and help them re-build.

Day 20 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-22T12:51:00.002-07:00

Picking up speed.

96 - Book on Cats.

97 - Mosquito Net for a baby stroller.

98 - 2 Childrens Books.

99 - Cat's harness and Lead.

100 - Pillow Case!!

Great 100 items done! Just 50 to go and I have 1 week to go!!

Day 19 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-21T17:52:00.002-07:00

And the list continues...

91 - Another Playtex Drop In

92 - A bunch of operating CD's for a Window's machine

93 - Mop / Broom hangers x 2

94 - Toy Police Badges

95 - A big bag of clothing (adult)

95/ 150 done...looking good!

Day 18 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-21T16:56:00.002-07:00

I am still working away at my clutter challenge, but doing a horrible job at writing it down and keeping track, but my house continues to look fabulous.

So the list.

86 - Paper Bags from Planet Organic

87 - A Diego Game.

88 - A Santa Teddy

89 - Palmers Bottom Butter

90 - Drop in for Playtex Nursing System.

Not bad, more to come...hopefully today!

The End of a Chapter

2010-01-18T22:40:00.001-07:00

I have a habit for doing thing for free for the benefit of others. I guess I just have a philantropic nature. I really enjoy helping people, even if it is to my detriment.

I have been actively involved in a parenting group (grassroots) in my city for the last 6 years, I have attended countless meetings, been to many many a potluck and a playgroup, and moderated the forum for 3.5years.

I am not sure why I kept on doing it. The bickering, drama and stress alone that I showcased in this blog, should have been enough to get me to stop. For some reason I felt obligated to stay. To stay for friends, because of the time and effort put in, for my own need of acceptance, to show that I can make a difference? I am not sure. I just know that as of yesterday, I just couldnt.

The group has been taken over by a new board of directors and the transition has not been an easy one. I am friends with all of those on the board, but one should not mix business and pleasure. I am really happy not to have to be the "devil's advocate" for all those members that emailed me quietly offlist because they did not want to stir the pot, and knew that I had no problems in doing so.

Now, I can just participate. I dont have to watch my tone, or make sure that I am showing a good face for the parenting group. I can do whatever I please, accountable to no one but myself.

In reality, I will probably just fill up this new free time with something else....PTA anyone....

Day 17 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-15T10:43:00.002-07:00

This day will be full of posts for the clutter challenge! (just to catch up!)

81 - Kid's Book - Zip

82 - Kid's Book - Fiddle I Fee

83 - Kid's Book - Old MacDonald Had a Farm

84 - Kid's Book - It's Silly Time

85 - Vanilla Scented Candle

I could use all the books as one, but books are hard for us to give away so I am going to count each and every one. :)

Day 16 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-15T10:34:00.002-07:00

I have kind of fallen off the bandwagon as my kids are making me crazy, and the house is looking worse for it.

I do have some stuff however,

76 - A Spice Jar

77 - A Bag of Magnets and Buttons

78 - 4 Little Einstein CD's

79 - A Blood Pressure Cuff (toy)

80 - Kids Book - Plop

80!!! Woot!

Disciplining the Parents

2010-01-14T17:05:00.002-07:00

What a concept.

My mom actually brought this lightbulb moment for me. Let me explain what it means and where I am coming from.

So today at playgroup things were a little more chaotic than I would have liked. Many of the moms had already left the room to go to see the parent educator and I was left to watch the children with the other volunteers. Needless to say, on the first day back, many of the kids did not have good listening skills. There was blatant disrespect and behaviour issues.

I listened to the facilitator ask the children time and time again to "please stop the behaviour" but they didnt. I started to get frustrated and asked the facilitator what course of action were we going to follow, and that my child would have been removed from the situation LONG ago. She replied that "We don't do time-out" and then continued to plead with the child to stop...

So, feeling that I had lost my power I decided to leave, as I was leaving a little girl (3.5yrs) looked me straight in the eyes with a "look at what I am going to do" and pushed my 2 year old to the ground, and gave me a smirk.

I was not going to let this child think that she could disrespect me or my 2 year old son, so I exclaimed. "(child's name) we do not push little children. You need to apologize to him." She looked so taken aback that *someone* was holding her accountable that she ran SCREAMING to her dad.

He promptly picked her up and asked her what the problem was, and what was wrong. I went right up to him and said, "She pushed my son, on purpose, I expect her to apologize."

Now, I know forcing children to apologize is just dumb. They are going to dig their heels, but for some reason, losing my authority in the playroom made me NEED to get it back from this child and her dad....and you know what, it took 15 mins of her crying and making excuses, but she finally apologized.

Did I handle that one wrong....probably. So while recanting the story to my mom she said, "why would you think that the children would care what you think? You need to hold their parents accountable."

She continued to explain that when a child is in school and skips or whatever, the parents are called and chastised by the principal, and then they put pressure on their child not to do the offending behaviour again.

So her solution for my issue would have been to go up to the parents and say, "Don't you teach (child's name) not to push younger children? That type of behaviour is not acceptable in my house." By shaming the parents they may think that perhaps instead of coddling their child they should step up and actually parent.

Hey, like I have said time and time again, I am all for gentle discipline and attachment parenting to a point; but some behaviours are just not okay. Period.

Hitting, Slapping, Fighting, Choking, Scratching, Spitting, Hair Pulling, Toy Throwing, Hitting Parents, Hurting Animals, Hurting Babies etc. No amount of talking and distraction is going to put a stop to these behaviours. The child needs to know that this type of behaviour is NOT acceptable in the least bit, and that their are consequences to those behaviours. Immediate consequences.

Thats my rant....

Another Crying Post

2010-01-13T11:51:00.002-07:00

A good friend of mine just decided to Cry It Out with her child last night. I know this because she posted it on Facebook. I don't really understand why people post that stuff on their Facebook profiles...maybe to get support or to support others I would assume. What basically starts happening is a mommy war right on her wall. Pro - CIO vs. Against.

This is one of the BIGGEST issues that splits parents down the middle, so I was surprised that she actually did post it, as she is a business owner as well, and mom's are incredibly fickle. I never post that I don't vaccinate, co-sleep, or whatever, because I don't think my clients need to know...and if they want to know they can ask me to my face.

The thing with Crying It Out is that everyone has a different opinion on what Crying It Out actually entails...some would say *any* type of uncomforted crying, other would say *any* type of crying period, another would define it as crying for 10 - 15 min intervals, some say leaving a child for 12 hrs in their crib and not going in..for anything.

I am more of the latter. I understand why parents use crying it out. I truly do. I completely sympathize with moms feeling so helpless and sleep deprived that they hope that anything will work. And it does work. Science supports it. Of course psychologists refer to it as the extinction method, or learned helplessness, but those words are not really as marketable.

It really comes down to a child's temperament and personality, and my issue is with the "experts" that think that one size fits all and even if your child pukes not to go in, and they will learn in 3 days! (or asphyxiate on their own vomit and die...but that isnt in the talk either).

I think a mom that is sleep deprived should try anything that she can to get some sleep, but she MUST listen to her instincts. If she feels sick, or sad or whatever, STOP. If she thinks in the bottom of her gut that maybe, just maybe this may be hurting her baby...STOP. If she feels okay letting her child cry for 10 mins and then the child falls asleep and she goes in to check on them and all is fine...so be it. What she does in her house does not affect me or the relationship that I have with my children, and honestly I would probably be jealous that she got more sleep than me the night before.

The bottom line is that we have lost our ability to just listen to ourselves and our children. We have instincts for a reason, we need to listen to them.

A Really Good Day

2010-01-12T18:53:00.002-07:00

I had an incredibly awesome day with my boys today. Does that mean that I usually don't? Well to be honest a 4 and a 2 year old can be trying at the best of times and that just gets worse when you get more pregnant. ;P But, one of my intentions is to spend more time with my family and so today I decided to take the boys to the zoo.

We had our regular class that we go to on Tuesdays, which was WONDERFUL to get back into our regular routine after the holidays, and then we went straight to the zoo.

We got there at 11:30am, and then decided we would get lunch. I was to meet up with some friends at 1:30pm, so I knew that I had plenty time to get the kids fed and watered.

We got lunch and then just walked around the zoo for a couple hours. Had some snacks and walked around some more.

It was not stressful in the least bit. This is a huge turning point for me as taking them anywhere would cause me to have a meltdown by the end of the trip.

I think a lot of it was because I had no expectations. No one to really meet, I mean my friends were going to be there, but it was a large group, so I wasnt expected to stay with them.

We were able just to do the zoo at our own pace, just for us.

I think I may do this more often.

The Breakdown - Cross Post

2010-01-11T15:34:00.001-07:00

This is a Cross Post from my Homeschooling Blog. Can you tell what I am thinking about all the time?

I had a complete mental breakdown last night. Today my son was registered for Kindergarden. My mom says that it's something about mothers and sons, that the mothers get over emotional about sending their children into the world, and I wondered why is that? Or at least, why is that for me?

I think for me, and I have stated it time and time again, that I feel that our Western society breaks boys. It squashes their empathy, sympathy, and sensitivity. Boys are told to "harden up" as soon as they are in a peer environment.

When I have my boys at home or near me, as I would with homeschooling, I can be there to help them through the trials and tribulations of these outside forces. I can tell them that they don't need to listen to what others say, that they are confident, and that family is most important. When they are in the public realm I lose all of that control.

My husband says that I can't shelter him and keep him in a bubble forever, as that doesn't give him a fighting chance. I understand that. I am still saddened however that it is almost inevitable and the only way that society can ever not have that impact is if we (my family) leaves North American culture, and while I am up for that my husband is not.

I know that one must learn how to deal with others and move away from their parents...but at 5? What purpose is it really to have children away from their mothers for hours on end, when the mom is able to be home? Who does that serve? The Child? The mother? or the government?

I guess I am still a little skeptical, as what do they really learn in Kindergarden, Grade 1 and Grade 2?

Day 15 - Clutter Challenge

2010-01-10T13:39:00.002-07:00

The kitchen cupboards...I am still sneezing 2 hours later from all that loose spice! I found many things to get rid of, and cleaned the cupboards at the same time....win, win!!

The List

71 - 2 cans of Lemon Flavoured Nestea

72 - 2 extra jars for spices

73 - 6 jars of baby food (expired)

74 - Crayola Ta - Doodles (these things make me mental so messy)

75 - 2 more bags of pregnancy tests...they will expire before I use them again...

And on to the next post...to catch up. :)